out of tune, out of mind

[simmeringllama2]

(Note: written age 12-13)

Away in a manger, a naked boy sleeps

He is really famous, so everyone peeps

Everyone is rejoycing, the new king is vorn

but they stay at home to look at some porn

the mountains of homework pile up on their desks

while studying tirelessly for multiple tests

the teachers are evil, they give so much work

the homework is so great, the kids go bezerk

[simmeringllama2]

(Note: written age 12-13)

Whatever I save, you kill

Whatever I won’t you will

But I’ll stay with you until

You’ve finally had your fill

Whenever you leave, I stay

When you lose all hope, I pray

But I’ll be there until the day

When you say to stop the [unreadable]

[simmeringllama2]

(Note: written age 12)

To The Tune Of Love Will Find A Way:

Though I do my best / Though I always try / I will always fail / Cause I will always cry

“Give it all you’ve got” / that is what they say / But I wish I knew / the things they think

Is this just some / big game they play

I just / want to run / away;

Everywhere I go, / I’m cold.

With no one there beside me

[simmeringllama2]

(Note: written age 12-13)

What’s this insane world we’ve created?

Seems like only yesterday

When I looked out the window

and saw nothing but

roses

What is this place we’ve made to live in?

What is this crazy place we call home?

Time

Swirling around us

never stopping

never ceasing

[simmeringllama2]

(Note: written age 13)

I wish my mom would crawl up in a hole and die. Every day I come home and she ruins it! no matter now happy I am! It’s like she has this super power that drains happiness! I would not be unhappy if she just crawled into a hole and died

[simmeringllama2]

breathe the spectacular macadamia nut

[simmeringllama2]

as soon as the last word scraped his throat

shot through his teeth

and pierced through her eardrum

 he fell to his knees 

and began to cry

[simmeringllama2]

sometimes I dream about watching my sister die

sometimes I dream about standing to the side and watching

sometimes I dream about reaching as she walks away

sometimes my sister dreams of taking the biggest kitchen knife and dragging it across my throat

[simmeringllama2]

A: There are two things I regret.

B: Yeah? Care to enlighten me?

A: Well, for starters, being your friend.

B: Fuck you, shut up. Tell me.

A: Can't shut up /and/ tell you.

B: So go fuck yourself.

A: Nah, still tired from this morning.

B: You're a cunt, you know that?

A: Ooh, breaking out the big guns.

B: You gonna tell me or not?

A: Tell you?

B: Your regrets.

A: Oh. Right.

B: So?

A: Nah.

B: Seriously?

A: Yeah.

B: Fucker.

A: Language.

B: You know what I regret? Not a god damn thing. If I could do it all over again, I would. Just the same. Tsch, regrets are for pussies.

A: Man, sure you got regrets. Shit you said you wish you could take back, people you wish you'd never met. Shit like that.

B: Nah, man. I'm good.

A: Yeah. Guess I'm good, too.

B: Bullshit, you said you had regrets.

A: Oh. Yeah, right. Those.

B: So, you gonna tell me?

A: Man, tell you what?

B: Your regrets, you fucking dumbass.

A: Oh, right. Nah, man.

B: Didn't think you would.

A: There's one.

B: Yeah?

A: Dying.

B: Huh.

A: Dying sucked.

[simmeringllama2]

the sad part of the story is never the death

it's never the mourning

it’s the music that wraps around me like a blanket, like an embrace, like a reassurance

it's the arms wrapped around and the whispered words it’s okay, I’ve got you, everything’s going to be okay

and I didn’t know why 

until I looked at myself and realized 

that the only person who’d ever said that to me before

was me

[simmeringllama2]

as i stand behind the closet door

hands pressed to the wood

it creaks

reminding me that it is only a door

and not a wall

[simmeringllama2]

one night I spend crouched inside my sister's closet in fear of my father mom's already left

my sister takes me to her friend's house and we almost spend the night but we don't

at home

i lay on my side and freeze when the door opens

i take a slow breath, let it out slowly- i have mastered how to appear asleep

when the door closes i still dont move

because it could open again at any moment

and he'd see me on my other side and know I was awake

the next day is his birthday

i wrap his present and buy a card

happy birthday, dad

love you

i write

I seal it up and stash it into the bag

i ignore it for as long as i can

[simmeringllama2]

why do cats

make me so sad