The Cult of the Mouth

My name is Simon and I know which one of you puts out the sticky traps.

[mouthfulofrot]

NOOOO I DON’T WANT YOU TO SUMMON ONE I’D WANT ONE THAT WAS ALREADY ON THIS PLANE

I’M NOT EXPECTING YOU TO JUST COUGH SOME UP, ALRIGHT. I WAS COMPLAINING CUZ I WANT SOMETHING I CAN’T REALLY GET

I’M JUST GETTING TO THE SIZE WHERE IT WOULD BE GENERALLY EXPECTED OF ME TO BE EATING UP LESSER COMPETITORS AND I HAVE CRAAAAVINGS

BEING GLUTTONY MAKES IT A BILLION TIMES WORSE TOO

EATING IS WHAT WE’RE SUPPOSED TO DO. IT’S OUR THING

[simon-femshep]

I'm

very

very

VERY aware that it's our thing, your majesty. Hence the need for a cheese demon.

You're a big boy. You can go out and hunt for yourself. It's not like we're any help against huge horrible things that eat little mortals/baby demons like us.

[mouthfulofrot]

WHY ASK IF YOU’RE JUST GONNA GIVE ME SHIT FOR IT

I KNOW IT’S NOT REALLY PRACTICAL THAT’S WHY I’M SAD

I DON’T WANT A VAMPIRE. I ALREADY ATE A VAMPIRE. I WANT DEMONS

THERE’S 9 CIRCLES IN HELL BUT NO CHEESE WHEELS SORRY

[simon-femshep]

Where am I supposed to get you a demon, your majesty? >0n0< 

I can't summon one just for you to eat. That would probably get us in trouble. 

Just order a few pizzas and get them delivered to the motel 6 across the street. 

[mouthfulofrot]

MFFF…

I WANT TO EAT A

SMALLER DEMON(S)

I TOLD YOU IT WAS SOMETHING HARD TO GET

[simon-femshep]

We're fresh out of stock. 

I have to take care of Val. Maybe put out a personal ad on Craigslist looking for a vampire lover.

Why don't youuuuu bring me some kind of

cheese demon

[mouthfulofrot]

simon-femshep replied to your post:I’M HAVING A VERY STRONG CRAVING FOR A FOOD ITEM…

>8n8<

SIMON

I’M TOO 80’S TO KNOW WHAT THE HELL THAT FACE IS SUPPOSED TO BE

I’M ASSUMING IT’S A FACE???

[simon-femshep]

it's me

it's me right now

what is it that you want

[bluevinegaroon]

Oh.

I guess you should just keep surrounding him with familiar stuff? Shit, I don’t even know if that’s accurate, but they say it on the soaps. Shows. Not soaps.

[simon-femshep]

I guess

I'm going to make a spell circle and see if it works.

I really hope so. 

I really really hope so.

[simon-femshep]

bluevinegaroon replied to your post:My best friend?? Val come back i’m really...

Uhh the….a pal got spooked??

he's

he's amnesia

He doesn't remember anything

not me not any of us not really simple stuff and

he's like a blank slate 

[simon-femshep]

My best friend??

Val come back

i'm really scared

at least he's not scared of us

he's just

val but not

[simon-femshep]

Oh christ did I really fucking cry that much

aaaaaaaaaaaaa

Boots I'm sorry I'm really really sorry you had to put up with that i'm trash i'm shit please give me some poisoned peanut butter and a nice humane shock trap to nap in

[simon-femshep]

i wish that people's stuff went away when they died.

[simon-femshep]

mouthfulofrot replied to your post:mouthfulofrot replied to your post:wow  a healthy...

WE CAN EXPAND. WE CAN BECOME GREAT. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO, SIMON? AND WHAT WOULD YOU BEING DOING INSTEAD. YOU WEREN’T HAPPY BEFORE. YOU WERE TRAPPED

i don't know i dont know i dont know

i'd be

poor andgoing nowhere i know

I'm just in a really tight spot here Your Majesty boots is sick val is ??? felix is in a fucking pact with candy i just want to

start over and do it differently and I can't do that.

I've fucked myself over here

i really think someone else should be leading us

[simon-femshep]

I'm gonna give myself something real to feel emo about

if i dont post in the morning i'm probably in some kind of wretched state or dead

you only conjure Old Magic once

[simon-femshep]

mouthfulofrot replied to your post:wow  a healthy balanced individual...

…DON’T RUN OFF AND ABANDON ME TO ROT, SIMON

fuck noooo hhhh

i'm not running off anywhere no i've told you a million times

i' m just starting to fee l a  little trapped

what am i supposed to do now your majesty

[simon-femshep]

wow

a healthy balanced individual wouldn't eat human bones like pixie sticks

im really scared because 

i just want to run off

with val and

be wild

he wants me to stay awake and be stable

he wants me to be human

he wants to let go and be wild and free

i dont think i can take being human much longer

i dont have hands

i stopped thinking in english weeks ago

why do i have to have all of the burden

and none of the perks

of being human

i hate it

[simon-femshep]

nothing says mental health quite like staying up two nights in a row playing civ 5

[simon-femshep]

mouthfulofrot replied to your post:i think i’m just gonna go to bed

COME ON SIMON I JUST GOT US A BUNCHA MONEY!

Make it rain thennnn

just

not on my bed 

do we even have anyone who can look human long enough to go get groceries???

[simon-femshep]

i think i'm just gonna go to bed

[simon-femshep]

caesar-king replied to your post:caesar-king replied to your post:Afternoon,...

Is that some kind of insult to you? Really, demonizing the old days for a laugh. You hooligan.

haha ok

bye