mena

delicate point of view 🔍 21

[sincerely-mena]

ive always felt alone. even in groups of friends out and about, i still feel like the odd one out. everyone has this innate ability to connect with people and not feel things so deeply. did i miss the class in social interactions?

[sincerely-mena]

there’s something so painful in seeing in real time how you aren’t someone’s first choice.

[sincerely-mena]

“mena why can’t you just think that someone might possibly like you and be into you” well because i have 3 years worth of no romantic endeavors to show for it. it always feels like i have to defend myself for thinking that i’m undesirable. if three years of no dates, no genuine compliments, and no substantial relationships doesn’t prove that, then idk man.

[sincerely-mena]

carrie’s hair constantly being stuck on her partner’s clothes or on their hair

[sincerely-mena]

i hope you’re having a wonderful day. if not, you can sit here with me for a while. tell me everything.

[sincerely-mena]

maybe i do take up too much space. maybe i am overbearing and clingy. maybe being alone for the rest of my life is what i deserve. all i ask is what i did to deserve this?

[sincerely-mena]

i doubt anyone seriously reads my thoughts, but it’s comforting to know that maybe someone is glancing over them like a pastry in a cafe. like here i am!! pick me!!! please!!!

maybe we’re all just pastries in a glass display case waiting for our turn to be picked.

[sincerely-mena]

sometimes i wonder if people just choose to be my friend to make themselves feel better. in comparison they’re smaller, skinner, prettier, funnier, etc. i thought i was pretty and witty in my own way but now i’m not so sure. what if i do act like i know everything? what if something is wrong with me?

[sincerely-mena]

it’s late and i know that this thought is fleeting but it’s stuck. sometimes i’m worried that no matter how hard i try, i’m cursed to never find someone who truly loves me. i feel desperate begging for attention or love but it feels like the only way to be taken half seriously. in a pathetic way, ill take an inch for a mile.

and i’m afraid i’m being shallow or my standards are too high, and maybe i’m not holding myself to realistic standards either. i’m not skinny and i’m not super interesting. not everyone wants a heavy girl. i know that, but it still hurts whenever people try to act like they do. why bother going through all the trouble of chasing me if you don’t even want me? or why bother starting a conversation or talking to me if you have no intention of following through the premise of going on dates and such?

i’ve gotten over my fear of a new relationship, now it’s more so that i’m afraid i won’t get into one at all; i mean, it’s been almost 3 years of not going out on a single date. i told one guy that i thought was into me that i liked him last year and he just straight up ghosted me. dating apps are just depressing.

sometimes, it feels like everyone is on in some cruel inside joke that i’m not. like everyone else is thinking how fat and ugly i am but me. i always feel stupid standing next to my friends, i always feel like the awkward DUFF or some overbearing shadow they can’t get rid of. i take up too much space and yet not enough. i feel big and small simultaneously.

i need to sleep, i know i do. but how can i when tomorrow brings the same feelings? all i’ve ever wanted is to be loved how i love. is that so much to ask for?

[sincerely-mena]

oh and classes start monday

[sincerely-mena]

it’s late and i know that this thought is fleeting but it’s stuck. sometimes i’m worried that no matter how hard i try, i’m cursed to never find someone who truly loves me. i feel desperate begging for attention or love but it feels like the only way to be taken half seriously. in a pathetic way, ill take an inch for a mile.

and i’m afraid i’m being shallow or my standards are too high, and maybe i’m not holding myself to realistic standards either. i’m not skinny and i’m not super interesting. not everyone wants a heavy girl. i know that, but it still hurts whenever people try to act like they do. why bother going through all the trouble of chasing me if you don’t even want me? or why bother starting a conversation or talking to me if you have no intention of following through the premise of going on dates and such?

i’ve gotten over my fear of a new relationship, now it’s more so that i’m afraid i won’t get into one at all; i mean, it’s been almost 3 years of not going out on a single date. i told one guy that i thought was into me that i liked him last year and he just straight up ghosted me. dating apps are just depressing.

sometimes, it feels like everyone is on in some cruel inside joke that i’m not. like everyone else is thinking how fat and ugly i am but me. i always feel stupid standing next to my friends, i always feel like the awkward DUFF or some overbearing shadow they can’t get rid of. i take up too much space and yet not enough. i feel big and small simultaneously.

i need to sleep, i know i do. but how can i when tomorrow brings the same feelings? all i’ve ever wanted is to be loved how i love. is that so much to ask for?

[sincerely-mena]

i don’t think i’m anyone’s type, per se. no one comes up to me with the thought of being my partner, only to find out if they can sleep with me or not. and the risks i have taken have all ended in rejection. people that aren’t my friends don’t come up to me and tell me i’m pretty or that they think i’m attractive.

how can i still believe in love if love might not be for me?

[sincerely-mena]

unfortunately i do think my life would be easier if i was just skinnier

[sincerely-mena]

why would you ignore a beautiful kind loving kind graceful lady such as myself? i am wasting away without you

[sincerely-mena]

“where the hoes at” you’re asking me? i, who has yearned for the same man for months? this lady in question who has purposefully crafted instagram stories for said man? no i do not know where the hoes are at.

[sincerely-mena]

i never understand how my feelings are always unrequited. what is a soulmate if not a friend you come to know and forge into someone you want to spend the rest of your life loving? why is everyone hung up on finding their perfect match? no one out there is exactly your missing piece. your missing piece is someone who needs you to build themselves into a soulmate.

[sincerely-mena]

i wanna show him all the things that make me, well, me. all the films that make me cry, laugh, smile, and think deeply. all the music i like to dance to, sing to, slow dance to. all the photos i take; random ones, portraits, stupid candids. just so he can get a glimpse into who i am.

[sincerely-mena]

i just, i really like how his smile reaches his eyes and how his nose scrunches up the slightest bit. he’s so pretty i’m gonna throw up