Sincerely, Miri @sincerelymiri - Tumblr Blog

You are one of the strongest people I know, I genuinely don't know how you've managed to come this far considering the amount of hurt you've had to go through just to get here. I don't even know the half of it but I can only imagine the turmoil you had to go through to get to where you are right now. You should know that you are going to be okay, the intrusive thoughts caused by anxiety and depression are lying to you when you say that you're going to fail. If anyone can do it, it's you. You deserve so much goodness in your life, you deserve so much happiness and love in your life. You are a literal ray of sunshine, a shining light at the end of the tunnel for so many that it pains me to see you struggling. You are one of the strongest people I know but with that comes many difficulties, you don't get this far without going through some traumatic shit. If only I could do more, if only I could take all of this away and make it so that it never happened in the first place but if I do that then you wouldn't be who you are now. That is the bittersweet truth about it, people are built into these fiercely determined warriors because they had no other choice but to be. It's honourable even though it doesn't need to be like this, it can be really hard and sometimes it is easier to mask your mental health than to wear it on your sleeve like your heart because most people tend to react badly when they come across somebody dealing with mental illness. It does get better, you don't need to hide the way you're feeling. Speak your truth, embrace it. Embody it.

A little while ago there was a trend going around on social media in light of SA survivors, whether or not they were going to out their abusers or take it to the grave. I wasn't going to participate in this trend because I just wasn't too sure if I should or not but eventually I did, I noted that I just know I'd ruin multiple families with my story and that I would be one of the many survivors who'd take this secret with them to the grave. I was thinking about this earlier, it didn't really hit me until I sat and thought about it for a while... As terrifying as it is, I know a lot of lives would be ruined if I so much as whispered about this chapter in my life. I'm in a very good place in life right now and I am very happy with the way things are going for me, I know that I'm as over it as I can be but it will stay with me forever which is to be expected, something like this doesn't just go away. I find it sad too, very sad that many of us have decided to bury these secrets in order to protect whoever it may be that we are protecting. Personally, I see my abuser every day; which is so ridiculous it's almost funny. I've got nothing to do with them, they've got nothing to do with me and I wouldn't even be able to tell you the last time we spoke to each other but I know if I were to out all of the things that they did, it would bring more harm than anything else that it wouldn't even be worth it and I think that's why it's easier to stay quite. It's easier this way and to seek help if I feel that I'm in need of it than to out what really happened, so I guess this is why I'm taking my experience to my grave. To anyone else who is in a similar position as I am, please know that it's okay and I get it. I understand, not everyone else might but I understand why this is the best, safest and easiest option for you. It's okay, you don't have anything to feel bad for. It wasn't your fault then and it isn't your fault now but it is your choice and I support any decision you make. You're going to be okay.

Feeling this way feels very foreign to me, I genuinely don't know how to explain it. All I can say is that I am so grateful for the blessings in my life, I am so thankful for the people in my life. I'm so happy and I feel so much joy in the way that my life looks right now, I feel like I'm heading in the right direction and that makes me really happy. I'm proud of myself, how could I not be? I'm really fucking proud of myself, feeling this way just makes me want to push forward even more. I know I have a long way to go but for right now, I'm really happy with the journey of getting to my end goal. It hasn't been easy, I've gone through some of the worst experiences in my life over the last few years but I'm still here. I don't always wake up happy to start the day but I do wake up happy that I'm still here, thankful that I have what I have and grateful that I didn't let the bad thoughts define who I became. I'm in a place in my life right now where I feel like I can relax, I feel like I'm working very hard to get to where I want to be but I can also relax and trust the process and just know that I'm moving in the right direction. It makes me feel very lightweight, it makes me feel like everything is going to be okay. Feeling this way feels very foreign to me, I genuinely don't know how to explain it but what I can say is that I am so happy to be here for the ride of my life.

Crescent moons and oceans, Earthy best friends Women stronger than most, in love She keeps me close, holds me closer Skies will never be our limit, worlds apart Crescent moons and oceans separate us Seeing the same sun, hating the same son If he hurts you I'll kill him Floppy ears and a furry smile Sharing pictures of him all the time My son, our sun If angels were real then you would be one I don't even think God deserves you You were made for women, written by women The best, best friend we could ask for You remind me of dark night skies Lots of stars that make it bright Sadness doesn't exist on the beach at night Waves pull me in then back out You keep me close, hold me closer Let's watch the crescent moons, you're in the mood Worlds apart, I feel better when you hold me I can't exist without you You can't exist without me

I'm still learning, still healing and still growing. Still focusing on accepting change, focusing on who truly matters and not who doesn't. Putting myself first, allowing myself the room and space to be who I am and accepting every version of her. Building strength in my mind and in the gym, being able to love myself in all shapes and forms. Focusing on becoming the person I know I am and the woman I know I can be, getting to know myself as each day passes. Accepting who I am, learning to show forgiveness to who I was and who I am becoming. I've still got a long way to go but I'm more so just happy to be on this journey in the first place, I'm taking it all in. Soaking it up and I'm embracing each day as it comes. I'm still learning, healing and growing but I am so happy to be here.

Find a routine, this will add structure to your life. If you're anything like me, I find it impossible to function without a steady routine to guide me throughout the day. I think it's extremely important to have a routine that works for you, something that makes you happy as well as keeping your life organised and put together. When I don't have a good routine or schedule going, I start to feel as if I'm lost and it is really hard for me to pull myself out of this feeling without a structured routine. I recommend it to anyone, everyone, finding a routine that works for you might just be the best thing you can do for yourself. I feel lost, depressed and stuck without a routine. I feel like I'm not moving, as if I'm going nowhere fast and that I'm missing out on life without a routine to guide me. This is your sign to find a routine that adds structure to your life, it might just be the best thing you could ever do for yourself.

My time is expensive, so is yours. Don’t let someone waste your time, every moment you have on this earth needs to be treasured and spent accordingly.

What would you do if you couldn’t get me back? If I left, if I disappeared and never reappeared. Not even in your dreams. What if I was gone forever? Never to return to you or this earth. What would you do? What would go through your mind or would it run on empty thoughts of me, slow memories that mean nothing to you anymore but I am curious, what would you do if you couldn’t get me back? If after everything you’ve said and done, finally caught up to you. What would you do? Would tears form waves of an ocean and finally fall from your eyes the way they have from mine for all these years. Would it finally hit you the way that you made me feel for doing everything “too right” that it was just “not good enough.” I just hope that if one day, I do go; I just want you to feel all of the things that I felt. Even when I do go, I want you to feel me everywhere you go. Everywhere.

You know what hurts the most? The fact that I trusted you after all the pain I had been through in the past, the shitty thing about it is that you knew every detail about what I had dealt with in the past. You knew everything because I made sure to tell you everything, I put it all out on the table because I made a promise to you that if I was going to do this then I was going to do it right and you agreed to sit at the table with me. You stayed, even after I gave you an opportunity to be honest with me and leave but you still chose to stay. And it sucks because I really thought that we had something special, I really thought that you and I could have been something legitimate but I guess you decided against it. Someone from your past who had treated you badly, was far more important than someone who was treating you right. Maybe it scared you but I was scared too, I thought we were in this together like you promised. I was wrong about you and deep down I knew I was from the beginning but people around me swore that you were a good person, they convinced me to let you in and give you a chance so that’s exactly what I did and now it’s exactly what I regret doing the most.

I wonder what it feels like To be noticed by you Even though we’re living Under the same roof It still seems like You look right past me You don’t even see me I wonder what it feels like To be noticed like you You don’t even see me You don’t even see me...

I wish I could tell you In my own words Just how much you mean To me but every time I try The words that I am looking for I’m never able to find and I can’t describe any of it I am speechless In love with you

Dear Past Me, You’ve been through a lot, we can tell. If I could go back and take all the pain off your shoulders, I would but then you wouldn’t be who you are and where you are now. I know sometimes you feel your life would be easier and less messy if you didn’t have to go through everything you did and that’s true but you also wouldn’t have been able to learn from these things. When you start seeing the darkness as an opportunity to find the light within yourself, is when you learn to allow for self-growth and self-love. There have been times when you’ve known better than to allow for certain things to happen to you, when you’ve allowed people into your heart who didn’t deserve a place there but life is all about learning and you are doing perfectly fine. You’ve seen a lot of things, felt a lot of things but haven’t ever given yourself enough time to fully heal and recover from these things. You have a lot of arrows in your heart that need to be pulled and released, you’ve let people walk in and out of your life as they please and never said a thing about it. You’re still learning to find love for yourself without the love of someone else but you will soon learn that they were never able to give you real love, you have been used and bruised but you can and will come back from this. Better than the last time and stronger than ever, all in due time. Stop worrying about the things you’ve said and done that have hurt others, you did what you did regardless and you’ve always found a way to learn from the mistakes you’ve made.

To make a relationship work, you have to put in the work. Read that again.

It’s so easy to get caught up in what other people think of us and what other people will say about us but it doesn’t ever matter because everyone has their own truth and if your truth is good enough for you then anyone who has a problem with it does not deserve a place in your life. We so easily give the best parts of ourselves away to those who don’t deserve them, to people who don’t deserve us. We need to stop doing that, the right person for us will show themselves. The right people for us, will show themselves. They always do.

I do not want to be ashamed anymore, I don’t want to feel fearful of what people are going to say or think about the way I am or the way I look. I don’t want to be afraid to go out of the house without makeup because I’m scared of people judging what I look like bare faced, I’m so tired of covering up who I am and yet I still do it. Why? Because I can’t bring myself to overcome the fear of judgement from others. It isn’t something that’s ‘all in my head’ either so don’t tell me it is, so many people are quick to judge a woman based on the way she is dressed or what she’s wearing or even the way she talks. It’s scary to put yourself out there when majority of the time, there is always at least one person who has something to say about you and it fucking sucks. And it hurts. Hearing someone else’s opinion of you even if it doesn’t matter and even if you don’t care about what they think, it just makes you feel so violated and an open target for everyone else. I just don’t want to be afraid anymore, I don’t want to feel ashamed or embarrassed of the way I am anymore. I’m a woman and I deserve respect and I deserve to leave my house without a fear in the world but unfortunately we live in a society where it isn’t as safe for a woman as it would be for a man. This needs to change, it has to change because women are the future and there is no argument against this that would ever change my mind. Women are the future and I would believe in this even if I wasn’t a feminist. Women. Are. The. Future.

Dear Past Me, Thank you. I have so much to be thankful for when it comes to you, it is a long list of things I am thankful for but most of all; I’m thankful that you got me here. I’m thankful that you didn’t give up the fight, I’m thankful that you kept going and that you didn’t let anybody stand in your way. I’m so thankful that because of you, we made it. I’m here because of you and for that I am so thankful, I don’t think I’d have made it if you had given up. Regardless of what was going on, you found a way to manage and you found a way to keep going. You went through so much and I’m so sorry that you had to just so we could get here but at the same time, I’m glad that it went down the way that it did because it made you a stronger person and it made you who I am today. I wouldn’t have made it if it weren’t for you, you carried us here. Thank you for everything, thank you for all of it. Thank you and now, you can finally rest. You can rest knowing that you’re in good hands, that I will continue thriving and that everything that happened will have happened for a reason. So thank you, Past Me for getting me where I am now. I wouldn’t have been able to do it without you.

Blocking, muting, unfollowing, unfriending or whatever it is that brings you peace of mind from somebody who consistently disrupts the peace that you fight so fiercely to keep counts as self-care and should be treated as such. Don’t even think twice or hesitate, just block and delete. No one is worth risking your peace and your mental health over, especially if you just need to hit a few buttons to get some quiet back into your life. If they’re not in your real life then block them, I have never understood when people say that they’re done with somebody but still follow them all over social media. That is bewildering to me, if I’m done then I’m done with you both in real life and over social media. I don’t get it, it’s easier to block somebody who triggers you constantly than to keep them around just because there’s a little bit of history there. It is not worth it, they are not worth it. Practice some self-care, block, delete, unfollow and unfriend today.

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Sincerely, Miri