Sincerely Yours, Holly

Writing letters that will never be sent.

[sincerelyyoursholly]

Dear Sadness,

There is something about you that attracts me.

You make my heart feel funny but, I sometimes I like it.

Everyone tells me to stay away from you...especially because of our past and the things you’ve done to me and the ways you’ve treated me.

I cannot help but be draw to you. You fascinate me in the most dangerous way possible.

[sincerelyyoursholly]

Dear Change,

I hate you sometimes.

I've lost all my friends and its YOUR fault. 

So here I am, with my depression the worst it has been in years and I'm alone because you had to come and mess everything up.

I had plans but you came and started hanging out with my 'friends' and now all of my plans are ruined.

They don't even care about me now because they have you!

I can't even think straight right now. I just hate you so much.

Please. Please. Please stop. Please. 

I want my friends back. I want help. I want someone to care. I want to stop crying every night. 

Why did you have to ruin everything!

Sincerely Not Yours,

H

[sincerelyyoursholly]

Dear Sleep,

Where have  you gone?

I miss you.

I feel so weak and lonely when you're gone.

I don't know what to do with myself. I've feel like I've tried everything to get you back but all it seems to do is push you away. I need you. I literally can't live without you. I'm sorry if I ever took you for granted. I realise now how vital you are for me. 

Please come back.

My bed isn't the same without you. 

Sincerely Yours,

Holly

[sincerelyyoursholly]

Dear Lucky,

Man, I am really bad at expressing my thoughts in writing form but we’ll see how this goes.The best way for me to do this is probably if I do like an essay outline type things so lets see...

Introduction: You’re just really fantastic.

Thesis: I’m really encouraged by you pursuing your dreams, the way you interact with your followers impresses me and you just seem so genuine.

Body 1: I’m encouraged by you pursuing your dreams

I can honestly say that there isn’t someone in my life that I can think of that is more passionate and driven as you. As someone who is constantly unsure of what I want from life and what I want to do, I love looking at you and seeing that it doesn’t matter what I want but that I go for it zealously. I see you making huge strides to accomplishing your dreams and goals and it inspires me to be confident in myself and my plans. I’m someone who tends to think a lot and not necessarily take action for fear of failure; then, I see you and I see someone who really thought about what they were passionate about and then began to take whatever steps were needed in order to work towards that goal. It is truly amazing to witness you going full force into your life. I will continue to support you in anything you do, whether it is monetarily through Patreon or by coming to live shows and tweeting things out because I really have faith in you and your dreams.

Body 2: The way you interact with your followers impresses me.

You are so unbelievably active with your followers on Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram, Snapblat, Soundcloud and of course YouNow that it blows me away. The time you take to talk with and interact with the whole AyyTeam is astounding on its own but one of my favourite things about you is the things you remember. One of my favourite qualities in friends is when they remember little things I’ve said or random facts about me. I love it because it shows that they care enough about me and my life that they are willing to fill their brain with semi useless information. I cannot believe how many times in live shows you have mentioned things about me or other AyyTeam members that were said in passing. The way that you have thoughtful conversations with your followers is so cool. You don’t just talk during live shows as if you were talking to a crowd of fans but like you’re just hanging out with some friends. I know for a fact through conversations with several people from your shows that many of us consider you a friend, not just a YouTuber or YouNower that we watch. You’ve made so many of us feel loved and cared for. You’ve said that you want to affect lives and I know that throughout the time I’ve known you, the way you’ve treated me and talked to me, has made me more positive and believing that people are actually really great. You’ve affected me.

Body 3: You are just so genuine.

Through this venture of everyday live shows I have learned so much about you. I wasn’t always able to come but when I did, I continued to find out new things about you. You don’t try to put on a front for your viewers and I really think that is one of the reasons that the AyyTeam is so close. When the person that connects us all it being so real and so raw, it is hard for the rest of us not to take on that trait. You’ve been vulnerable with all of us and you’ve spoken honestly and truthfully from your heart. You don’t try to be a better person in front of the camera, you just are who you are. I absolutely love that when I watch your show or listen to your podcast I know that I am getting the real you; I never think that you are saying things just for views or likes. So many people today try so hard to be what they think others like but you’re just you. You won’t let others force their ideals on you and you won’t bend and meld to the ages but rather you will determine your own and, while you will openly listen to what others have to say, you will drive your own life. It is amazing how genuine and present you are all the time.

Conclusion: Thank you.

I guess I am just trying to say that I am really grateful for being a part of everything you have created. I never would have met some really great people if it weren’t for you. On top of that, you just remind me that people can be really fantastic and that I can never judge people because I don’t know what anyone is going through. You done amazing things to live your dream and it really makes me smile. I love talking to you because you are always so caring and thoughtful and you are just so real with everyone. Lucky, I’m so glad that I can see you grow and be a part of the AyyTeam. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for everything you have done for me and thank you for just being you. That is so cheesy but whatever. You’re just really great.

Sincerely Yours,

AyyHollyRae

[sincerelyyoursholly]

Dear You,

It is really painful not talking to you.

I read our Facebook friendship and it breaks my heart watching it slowly stop.

One time you said you missed me.

One time you said you were sorry for not texting me back faster.

One time you said you were excited to see me.

I don't understand what happened but it really does pain me that when something cool happens to me and I go to text you, I stop and delete the message because what is the point in sending a message that will never be received. 

I'm sorry if I am not good enough for you.

I'm sorry if you thought I ever stopped loving you.

I never did and never will.

I love you so immensely.

Sincerely Yours,

hollyRae

[sincerelyyoursholly]

Dear Lovebug,

I have been thinking about you a lot lately.

I am glad that you are my best friend.

It is funny because we don't actually talk that often but when we do I feel a peace come over my entire being. 

I love how absolutely ridiculous half the things that come out of your mouth are.

I also love how absolutely spirit-lead the other half of the things are.

You always seem to know when to listen to me rant and when I need someone to just shoot me straight. 

I remember when we first met and how awkward you were.

I also remember how often you wink at me from across a crowded room and how awkward you still are.

You are such an inspiration to me because you truly live as a disciple. No one could ever mistake you as anything less than a follower of Jesus Christ.

I love you so much and I miss being able to see your beautiful face every week.

But I like knowing that you are doing great things in College Station. I like knowing that you are making such an impact. It is exciting for me to have such an awesome best friend.

Sincerely Yours,

Holly

[sincerelyyoursholly]

Dear Brother (Basically) Part iii,

I love you so deeply.

I am so sad right now and all I want is for you to stay. All I want is to hug you and never let go. 

But I see how perfect this is for you and so I want you to leave and excel.

I can't even think of words to write except I love you I love you I love you.

I really mean it. 

Sincerely YOURS,

Holly

[sincerelyyoursholly]

Dear Tears,

You won't stop flooding my life and it is annoying me.

I am not even sure why you keep showing up.

Please only come when you're invited.

Thanks.

Sincerely Yours,

Holly

[sincerelyyoursholly]

Dear Regret,

You've been hanging over my head for the past 3 years now.

I am finally strong enough now though to tell you to leave me alone!

You can't force yourself into my life.

I don't need or want you.

I never did anything wrong and I stand by all my decisions so you don't need to hang around me.

Please leave. 

You are not welcome here.

Sincerely Yours,

Holly

[sincerelyyoursholly]

Dear Brother(Basically) part ii,

I don't know how you expected me to react but, I am really angry with you right now.

I am angry that you are leaving.

I am angry that I had to hear about it from someone else.

I am angry that we still haven't talked face-to-face about this.

I am angry that you've been planning this an never told me.

I am angry that you are leaving and...

I don't know how you expected me to react but, I am really proud of you.

I am proud of you because you have earned this job.

I am proud of you because I know you are scared to leave home but, you are doing it because it is for the best.

I am proud of you because you are taking advantage of an amazing opportunity that you've been given.

I am proud of you because I have seen you work so hard.

I am proud of you because you have earned this job and...

I don't know how you expected me to react but, I am really sad.

I am sad that you are leaving.

I am sad that I won't see you 4 times a week.

I am sad that you won't be able to watch me grow up anymore.

I am sad that you won't be able to hug me when I am sad or when I accomplish something.

I am sad that you are leaving and...

I don't know how you expected me to react but, I am so excited for you.

I am excited to hear about all the good works you are going to do for God.

I am excited to hear about the impact you make there.

I am excited that you are fulfilling your dream.

I am excited that you are going to be leading people in a powerful and courageous way.

I am excited to hear about all the good works you are going to do for God and...

I am angry, I am proud of you, I am sad, and I am excited for you and ultimately...

I love you. 

Good Luck.

Sincerely Yours,

Holly

[sincerelyyoursholly]

Dear Tomorrow,

I am kind of scared of what you might hold.

Not even anxious, just...just scared. 

If I stay awake tonight, will you not come?

Can I put this off just a little longer. 

Don't make me go through this. 

Please...I'm just so scared. 

Sincerely Yours, Holly

[sincerelyyoursholly]

Dear Former Friend,

We went through so much together and I don't understand how so much can change in the span of a year. I don't understand how you can forget everything.

I barely recognise you now.

I remember when you first texted me and how after that we talked literally every single day for the next year and almost every day the year after that. 

I remember when I was sick and you mailed me vitamins and medicine.

I remember when I mailed you a fake love letter and you kept it under your pillow.

I remember one night when we stayed up on the phone still like 3 in the morning just talking about our relationship with God and with each other and it was beautiful. I had snuck outside because you were also outside and we could look at the stars together and even if we were 3,000 miles apart the stars connected us.

I remember when we both fell asleep on the phone and the call only ended because my phone died 8 hours later.

I remember holding your hand as we prayed.

I remember when I went to the hospital and they took my phone away and for the next week I wanted nothing more than to talk to my best friend.

I remember when you would tell me all your cheesy pick up lines and I would pretend like I wasn't impressed. 

I remember how all of our friends and family thought that we would get married one day and we denied it because, we both knew each other too well to ever admit that we both loved each other deeply.

I remember when we stopped talking and how I never understood why.

I remember how you stopped texting me back.

I remember how I stopped loving you.

I remember how I stopped trying to talk to you.

I'm sorry that all this happened. Even if I don't know what happened.

Sincerely Yours,

HollyRae

[sincerelyyoursholly]

Dear Crush part ii,

Wow.

I thought I was over you.

GUESS NOT.

It had been a little over 2 months since I saw you last and little has changed.

You still shine so brightly when you sing.

You still give me awkward hugs because you're awkward all over (I love them though)

You still constantly compliment me in the cutest ways.

I just really like you and knowing that I might be seeing you this weekend makes me really excited. 

I have no idea what I am doing but you're really great.

Gosh, I like you a lot.

Sincerely Yours,

Holly:)

[sincerelyyoursholly]

Dear Brother(Basically),

I have told you things that literally no one knows.

You know who I voted for in the 2012 Presidential Election.

You know why I dropped out of University.

You know why I went to the hospital in 2011.

You know why my dad is the way he is.

You know that my mom wants us to get married (sorry mom, never gonna happen)

You know why I am the way I am.

I don't know why I've told you so much,

but I don't regret it at all.

Sincerely Yours, Holly

[sincerelyyoursholly]

Dear Crush,

We went on a date.

You asked me on a date and I had to suppress my overly giddy smile because I didn't want to look like I had been waiting for that moment for months(I totally had though). 

The entire day when people asked me if I had plans I got to say "Yeah, I have a date with --- later." 

And that is now probably my favourite sentence ever.

I want to say it more. I want it to be a reoccurring sentence in my life.

But anyways,

That date. Oh man, that date.

I never want to forget a single thing you said because you mean so much to me. If it is important to you, I want it to be important to me. I am determined to remember every little thing about you.

The way you talked about your relationship with God was inspiring.  You wanted to do such great things for Him. You were honest with were you were at and how you wanted to improve. You asked me how my relationship with God was and I loved how you cared. You genuinely wanted to know how I became a disciple. (Thank you for caring, by the way)

The way you talked about music was beautiful. You are so sure of yourself and your love for it. You said you'd even give up school to pursue a music career. You want to take lessons and learn as much as you can about it. I hope one day you'll talk about me like that; with such love and adoration.

The way you continued to compliment me was adorable. You never for a second wanted me to believe that I wasn't wonderful. You even said my terribly deformed balloon animal was amazing and that I was so smart for figuring out how to make it (honestly, it was atrocious).

The way you taught me how to make a paper airplane was endearing. You handled the paper with such care. You explained each step carefully and gave every fold meaning and importance. It was only a paper airplane but you made it seem so vital. 

[sincerelyyoursholly]

Dear God,

Good morning, Father!

Lord, I am so unbelievably grateful for the friends you have given me. Honestly, I can't imagine ever being friends with woman as great as Lexxy and Andrea without you. It is comforting knowing that I really can trust them and that I can have fun with them, as well as, goof off. Your love really shines through them and it is beautiful to see. 

As I sit here in the dark, typing quietly in a sleeping house, all I can think about is how powerful you are, Lord. I will never be able to understand or comprehend the vastness of your power. You control it all. Everything around me is because of you and I apologize for ever taking advantage of it. It is really amazing how much you have done.

Thank you for forgiving me. God, I really don't know why you do, but you forgive me after everything I have done to you and for that, I am eternally grateful. Lord, I pray you can continue to forgive me. Forgive me for all the immoral thoughts and actions, forgive me for all the bitterness and resentment in my heart and forgive me for my incessant unloving nature. 

Lord, I pray for this upcoming day. I pray that I can do you willing whole heartedly and undeniably for you Lord. I pray that I can give myself to you so that I no longer am myself but a servant to you. I pray that you give me all the strength I will need to overcome challenges today and that you take any bitterness and unwillingness to obey out of my heart and mind so that I can stand strong against Satan, 

Lord, you are so powerful, and wonderful and I stand in awe of your glory. I will never be able to all that you deserve but I will die trying.

I love you, God and I can't wait to spend today with you and the rest of my life. 

Sincerely Yours, Holly

[sincerelyyoursholly]

Dear Ada,

You're just like the loveliest person. 

I enjoy being angry with you.

I enjoy saying your name over and over again when you do something dumb.

I can't wait for Vlog Circus.

You are a super talented writer and I can confidently say that you're better than me.

When you tweet, I read it in your voice.

You have such a loving spirit and it makes you so fun to talk to.

I'm constantly overjoyed when I talk to you and it makes me delighted to be your friend.

Gosh, Ada, you really are just fantastic.

Thats all.

Sincerely Yours, Holly