i’ve been overly emotional about everything these last few weeks and even cried over a wow ad i saw so the only explanation for this is that i saw ethan in a video and basically started tearing up i’m nothing but an emotional mess of a person
Ethan’s never really been an inherently emotional person in his life. He’s cried at true tear-jerking games and movies and those donations ads for the less-fortunate because he can be weak when he wants to. But he’s not one to get overly emotional at many things.
The first few months in LA definitely felt like a blur to Ethan. He was whisked away to different streets and places all at once that it’s hard to think how he was still awake at the end of each day. He’d settled in well and had his computer setup ready within the first three days of it being delivered.
Mark was fun to hang out with. Tyler was too. They both were so easy to crack jokes with and poking fun at each other quickly became a natural and harmless part of their friendship. If Ethan’s honest, he can’t imagine how he would have survived in LA and gotten used to its lifestyle without either of them.
More often than not, Ethan has late nights when he overexerts himself on work. It’s not that big of a deal that he balances his own channel and doing a bit of editing for Mark. He doesn’t want the opportunity he’s gotten to disappear if it looks like he can’t keep up with it. He can.
Tyler, usually, insists he go to bed or that he finish what he’s working on in the morning. But it’s always ‘something doesn’t look right’ or ‘a couple shots are giving me trouble’ as an excuse to make sure the editing is basically flawless.
When it’s not Tyler telling him to leave it for the morning, it’s Mark. He’s much more stubborn and can get flustered if Ethan begins to argue that ‘it’s fine, I’m not tired, I don’t want you to have to put out sloppy work’. He remembers one night Mark had made him listen about how he knew Ethan’s doing his best, how his editing is fantastic and that overworking himself won’t do him any favours. Ethan didn’t really take any of it onboard until he was lying awake that night and fretting over the possible graphics he could add that might be forgotten by morning.
Ethan realises the reason to his occasional migraines and aches in his wrist or lower back. The next morning, he promises Mark that he won’t overwork himself.
It’s also how Ethan realises, months later, how much of an impact Mark’s had on his life. He’s helped with numerous projects, edited more videos than his past-self would ever imagine, gained priceless memories with the people he calls his best friends.
He thanks Mark for it one day, when they’re both left alone together during a break in the project they’re working on, while the others go out to to find a donut place open so late. Ethan wanted it to sound like ‘hey, thanks for changing my life in such a good way, you’re a pretty good friend’. It came out more like ‘you’re one of the best things that’s ever happened to me and I don’t think a lifetime could repay you for the happiness you’ve brought me’ and he ends up sobbing in Mark’s arms when the other tears up and pulls him into a hug.
After that, the platform their friendship stands on is tilted. Ethan finds himself stumbling over it when Mark’s smiles aimed at him are more constant, his touches linger, his eyes are softer whenever Ethan catches him looking. It leaves his skin tingling and mind numb and his stomach is full of a warm fuzziness for even hours after he’s gone home, left to think about how Mark had gently patted his shoulder and praised his work on editing a short so well.
Ethan can be awkward sometimes so his brain presents him with two way he can act. Either act like nothing’s changed (which he would definitely prefer) or become a mess and cause all of his friends, Mark included, to become worried. He wants to kick himself when he ends up making excuses and saying he has other plans as to not to hang out with Mark.
He didn’t mean to at all and there’s been a few times where he’s almost spilled out all the things he wants to say. Ethan’s stopped himself every time because feelings are hard and he doesn’t want to think about what sort of stuff he would say when emotionally vulnerable.
Mark ends up talking for him instead. “Have I done anything wrong?” He had asked and Ethan instantly felt a drop in his stomach because yeah, this is gonna happen now apparently. “I noticed you’ve been distant and avoiding me and-and I don’t want you to feel like you should deal with it because you work with me, Ethan, please be honest with me.”
It sucks because his first reaction was to start crying and soon he’s gathered up in Mark’s arms again while he tries to mumble out the mess of words through his running nose and heavy tears. Ethan feels embarrassed and gross, his skin is too sticky and had grimaced when he took and offered tissue to wipe his nose.
He talks about how he didn’t know if the change between them was something good or bad, or if Mark was even aware he had been doing it. He explained the way his skin tingled and stomach went fuzzy over the those praise and small amount of affection. It’s tough to explain that maybe he does feel something more than friendliness towards Mark and maybe he kind of felt guilty over it more than once; the guilt that made him awkward and caused the avoidance.
Mark reassured him on it and admits that yeah, maybe that feeling was mutual and those short touches were half-intentional and half-accidental. They end up laughing about it because of how ridiculously alike they sound to a dumb rom-com movie.
He’s cried at one of Mark’s live shows, cried when his career and videos took off, he cried when he was contacted about working with Mark, sobbed his eyes out when he left his hometown in Maine to move out to LA for Mark. He kind of hates how easily he gives into his emotions now, after meeting and getting to know Mark, but he guesses he can deal with it when they both get sappy enough to embarrass Tyler.
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