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@sircuitgirl
26 F, getting a PhD in electrical engineering, multi-instrumentalist and composer
When I post my music it will be under the tag #my composition
Some of my interests are hiking, rock climbing, boxing, lifting, classical music, road trips, neuroscience, drawing, baking, reading and writing
Iām going on my week-long southwest trip tomorrow š
I got my title IX accommodations. He wonāt be in the room while Iām presenting
I still need to figure out if I will ask/how I will ask to safely participate in the cohort we were both part of. This feels so childish but maybe I can ask to attend during odd months (like January, March, etc.) or just see if we can informally arrange to not be in the room at the same time.
It fucking broke my heart when my useless advocate was like ājust leave the group ā¤ļøā meanwhile this community was a source of support, I had friends there, they offered professional development, they had regular free food and we are PAID to be part of it. So yeah itās not fucking fair I got pushed out. The lady who didnāt believe me (not the title IX lady, the one who said I was āprojectingā) quit and the remaining staff member is younger and a lot less pick-me.
I got my title IX accommodations. He wonāt be in the room while Iām presenting
My request for title IX support has gone out. If it works I will be able to do my presentations/seminars again without him attending
Can you believe not all that long ago I was homelessposting? and now look at all this space I have
Dinner party š
Actually pretty happy and content rn
Mom called me up to tell me about another sex abuse scandal that she discovered my school tried to cover up. Truly sick culture in academia.
I do appreciate that peopleās first impulse when they discover these types of things is to bring it to my attention though. They know Iām invested in fighting this shit and calling out the bullshit and abuse when I see it.
I think Iāve said it before, but Iāll say it again. I really think I didnāt meet this many weirdos in undergrad. Graduate students are simply the worst people on Godās green Earth.
More positive news socially is I had a great day a few days ago with a different friend. I vented about her previously (sheās the one I called an armchair quarterback) but honestly I was kinda overreacting about that. She is slightly a-know-it-all in my opinion still, but sheās overall a good person and a solid friend. Not going to cut someone off for having one quality I donāt like if itās something minor.
Truly bizarre social situation tonight. Trying to figure out if I click with this girl. I donāt think we mesh well, but sheās in the friend group Iām trying to infiltrate and I have a micro-crush on a friend of hers so š¤·š»āāļø
Her āsocial batteryā seems to completely and utterly die every few hours, which I canāt entirely blame her for, but she becomes exceptionally unpleasant to be around when this happens, to a point that legitimately drags down the night and is so uncomfortable. Tired is one thing but she becomes grumpy and irate and just grunts at you with a blank face if you try and talk to her.
I drove her over an hour to an outing I had planned for me that would have been solo, except she invited herself. Didnāt offer to split gas. After a few hours, we got lunch and she was so short with the waitress it got embarrassing. Pitched a fit over a ten minute wait (it was literally nothing) and the waitress wanted to fix the āsituationā (there was no situation, my friend was just being obnoxious) so we got free drinks and cake. All the while still being grumpy to the waitress. And then she wanted to stiff the waitress on top of that. I had to strongarm her into giving a fifteen percent tip which pissed me off because since she was threatening to stiff her, I gave a huge tip to compensate, and had to sneak off to apologize to the waitress.
At the end of the night we ended up at a bar and this lady tried to steal our table. I said āno, we were here firstā so this crazy ass lady starts screaming BITCH at me and swings at me and tries to flip the table. I reported her to management and told them to keep her away from us, but they did nothing since her daughter was the DJ. She came back and kept screaming at me and harassing me so I called the cops. And my āfriendā told me I was a Karen for that. And I told my friend I wanted to leave after reporting the woman and she pitched a fit because she wanted more alcohol and the boys were supposedly cute at this bar. And then we had an hour long car ride home where she gave me the silent treatment. We were out for twelve hours straight at this point, I got home after 11 pm, and I still had to hear it about how she didnāt want to leave after I got assaulted and publicly humiliated. Itās not like I forced the night to end, I even offer to drive her to a different bar and she said NO.
Funny thing is, at the start of the night she told me, āpeople think Iām a bitch but Iām really super empathetic.ā I donāt think soā¦..
Maybe it seems I am using my blog to complain about people a lot, but I feel like Iām finally honing my social instincts and refusing to be a pushover. I simply donāt have to hang around people that make me feel like Iām not being treated well. This same girl was also late for me picking her up, forced me to end a previous night early because I was her ride and her social battery died at like 8pm, and messed up my last dinner party by arguing the whole time. I donāt have to get along with her and thatās okay, perfectly fine for me to want to be around people who I feel are politer.
I met her via a labmate, and while I wonāt burn the bridge, I can just not have one on ones with her. And as far and the lady who hit me, I donāt give a DAMN who has an issue with me reporting her, no one lays a hand on me. Been there, done that, never again. Iām finally learning boundaries after a lifetime of not having any.
Itās crazy because everyone keeps telling me that my labmate guy friend and her have super similar personalities, but I donāt see it at ALL. Heās SO nice to his friends, goes out of their way for them, compliments people, lightens the mood and I even found out he stuck up for me behind my back. Iām not getting the same vibe from this girl at all. And itās such a shame because my labmate and so many of his friends are truly amazing people. Like itās a 10/10 friend group except for her.
Truly bizarre social situation tonight. Trying to figure out if I click with this girl. I donāt think we mesh well, but sheās in the friend group Iām trying to infiltrate and I have a micro-crush on a friend of hers so š¤·š»āāļø
Her āsocial batteryā seems to completely and utterly die every few hours, which I canāt entirely blame her for, but she becomes exceptionally unpleasant to be around when this happens, to a point that legitimately drags down the night and is so uncomfortable. Tired is one thing but she becomes grumpy and irate and just grunts at you with a blank face if you try and talk to her.
I drove her over an hour to an outing I had planned for me that would have been solo, except she invited herself. Didnāt offer to split gas. After a few hours, we got lunch and she was so short with the waitress it got embarrassing. Pitched a fit over a ten minute wait (it was literally nothing) and the waitress wanted to fix the āsituationā (there was no situation, my friend was just being obnoxious) so we got free drinks and cake. All the while still being grumpy to the waitress. And then she wanted to stiff the waitress on top of that. I had to strongarm her into giving a fifteen percent tip which pissed me off because since she was threatening to stiff her, I gave a huge tip to compensate, and had to sneak off to apologize to the waitress.
At the end of the night we ended up at a bar and this lady tried to steal our table. I said āno, we were here firstā so this crazy ass lady starts screaming BITCH at me and swings at me and tries to flip the table. I reported her to management and told them to keep her away from us, but they did nothing since her daughter was the DJ. She came back and kept screaming at me and harassing me so I called the cops. And my āfriendā told me I was a Karen for that. And I told my friend I wanted to leave after reporting the woman and she pitched a fit because she wanted more alcohol and the boys were supposedly cute at this bar. And then we had an hour long car ride home where she gave me the silent treatment. We were out for twelve hours straight at this point, I got home after 11 pm, and I still had to hear it about how she didnāt want to leave after I got assaulted and publicly humiliated. Itās not like I forced the night to end, I even offer to drive her to a different bar and she said NO.
Funny thing is, at the start of the night she told me, āpeople think Iām a bitch but Iām really super empathetic.ā I donāt think soā¦..
Work is funny because the office is physically small and I see it as emotionally comfortable and I like all my lab mates so it just feels like chilling in my bedroom with siblings
blue sunset on Mars is a real phenomenon caused by the way Martian dust scatters sunlight.
Unlike Earth, where sunsets are red and orange due to the scattering of shorter blue wavelengths by our atmosphere, Mars has an extremely fine dust that scatters blue light more efficiently near the Sun.
So during sunset on Mars, the sky turns reddish-brown while the area around the Sun glows a soft blue. Itās the opposite of what we experience on Earth.
NASAās rovers have captured this eerie sight
The grief of it all really got to me today. Especially looking on my phone and seeing itās the one year anniversary of me going to California to visit Sean on his internship. A year ago I was about to go on what was supposed to be the trip of a lifetime. No one was assaulting me, threatening to rape me, I had a best friend, I was on top of my game research-wise, no PTSD, grandfather was alive, I loved my school because it hadnāt betrayed me yet, I felt safe going in to work and no one was spreading sexual rumors about me. Now Iām an emotional cripple with 2 hours max concentration per day, I cry myself to sleep every night, Iām miserable and afraid and lonely
Bawling in an Applebees and completely embarrassed myself
If there is a god I will never forgive him for letting me be truly happy for a few months before doing this to me. I got through the homelessness and the hitting and the hunger and the addiction and the working late struggle. Why did you let me think I was finally safe. Iām not invincible, why not just let me die. No one should get a second round of PTSD immediately upon the one-month remission of the first, thatās not fucking fair you canāt just do that to people
The grief of it all really got to me today. Especially looking on my phone and seeing itās the one year anniversary of me going to California to visit Sean on his internship. A year ago I was about to go on what was supposed to be the trip of a lifetime. No one was assaulting me, threatening to rape me, I had a best friend, I was on top of my game research-wise, no PTSD, grandfather was alive, I loved my school because it hadnāt betrayed me yet, I felt safe going in to work and no one was spreading sexual rumors about me. Now Iām an emotional cripple with 2 hours max concentration per day, I cry myself to sleep every night, Iām miserable and afraid and lonely
Bawling in an Applebees and completely embarrassed myself
