The College/Debt Plans of the Main Democratic Candidates
Klobuchar: No for free college. Fuck you poors! Community college and that’s it! You can refinance your debt, I guess.
Beto: No for free college. Let’s just increase the loan forgiveness problem but you will still have tons of debt and college will be really costly. But I’m hot check out my abs.
Joe Biden: Two years of FREE community college. There are a few other progressive ideas in my plan, but like Hillary Clinton if I get elected (but most likely lose to Trump) I won’t actually fight for these things. Do the poors love me yet? Ugh fuck Bernie.
Pete Buttiegieg: no to free college. More pell grants. We should look into student loan refinancing. I’m super smart. I know Norwegian… which I learned in college… Harvard.
Marianne Williamson: I will consult the leading astrologers when mercury is in retrograde and they along with my sentient crystals and my one extraterrestrial friend I made during my vacation at Roswell we will decide the best way to deal with this issues. Plans are for suckers. Plans don’t solve anything love does. Virgos, Capricorns, Aries, and Taurus’s get reduced college off the bat since the charts I consulted this morning said this is the best plan of action. I will also open up my chakras and radiate light from my kundalini and this will help us actuate peace on earth. ** starts singing** Ooh, my body’s sayin’ let’s go
Ooh, but my heart is sayin’ no. If you wanna be with me
Baby there’s a price to pay
I’m a genie in a bottle
You gotta rub me the right way! **turns into a cloud of loving mist**
Kamala Harris: Welcome young ones. You shall get a 23% reduction in debt if you play a little game. I have fifteen golden tickets distributed around the country, and if you find them you can sell them for $500 right off the bat or if you wish to go further in this journey you must then enter my Police Academy Narcotics Unit training program where the remaining contestants who didn’t sell their tickets will compete to become the next best cop! The winner gets a 34% reduction in student debt. OR if you are from a marginalized community and qualify for pell grants if you run a successful small business for three years we may look into reducing your debt.
Elizabeth Warren: We can do free public college. We should fund HBCU’s more. We have to eliminate a lot of student debt but not all.
Bernie Sanders: We will have all public colleges be tuition free. We should fund HBCU’s as well, and we will eliminate ALL student debt!
amandla
snowghoul
jacobvanloon
turnnoffyourmind
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