Charred Memories

[AU!Axel; having grown up in an Organization without Saix, Axel was not shielded from Xehanort's will. Not as cute and cuddly as his peers.] Player

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"The courtyard?"  That surprised Saix enough to turn his head completely back to facing Axel, eyebrows as high up as they could go. “Of course not. It was in the computer room. We snuck in, and we hid when we heard someone coming. We saw Xehanort cut down all of his comrades with a Keyblade, and when he found us, he turned that Keyblade on us, too. We were never attacked by Heartless at all, and the Gardens fell days, maybe hours later. You don’t remember this?” 

What kind of nonsense was Axel speaking? Xemnas had been the one to personally, deliberately take their hearts and turn them into Nobodies. It had been no accident; so how could Axel believe it had been? How could he believe it had been so long before the Gardens’ fall?

"Axel. Nothing you are saying makes a lick of sense. Xemnas made us Nobodies on purpose in a fit of madness. What you’re saying— that never happened.”

[sleepingassassin]

Axel's lips parted and then closed again, and that was the first time he doubted his own memories.  There were definitely things about the time he spent with Xemnas that he didn't want to remember--things he'd repressed--but everything about falling into Xemnas's hands in the first place had been crystal clear.  One of them had to be wrong.  So what was Xemnas's aim?

Since Axel couldn't accept Isa's version of events as the truth, he had to think of it as the lie.  But what was the purpose of it?  Obviously it took place long after Axel himself had been turned into a Nobody, but if Isa didn't believe they'd ever been apart, he must have fallen into Xemnas's clutches immediately.  Then again, he also seemed to think that he and Axel had been sharing missions and the like this whole time, so maybe the timing didn't matter.  If Isa believed that much, then he'd try to maintain the relationship his memories dictated.

And become a part of the plan that he'd already mentioned.

Was that Xemnas's goal?  Did he pull Isa out of the dungeons specifically to test Axel's loyalty?  It seemed like such a grand and risky gesture, best suited to a tool that had outlived its usefulness.

Axel cursed inwardly.  If Axel proved totally loyal, Xemnas might have no further use for Isa and dispose of him.  If Axel proved disloyal, they'd both be killed.  So playing it safe meant leading Isa on.

"...Maybe we should take this up with the Superior, after all."

It couldn't possibly be something Xemnas wasn't expecting, and this way Axel got to test his conclusions before he made a critical mistake.

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Saix snorted softly.

"You could have fooled me," he said quietly to himself, and then turned back to Axel, eyes narrowed in a deep scowl that wrinkled the scar on his ruined face.

"I was 'around.' We lost our hearts together, Axel, in that computer room in the castle. We awoke together. We were recruited together. We ate together, slept together, we cut our teeth on our first missions together, and yet now you believe—”

Saix snorted again, shaking his head.

"It was bad enough when your playing house with the Keybearers started taking priority over our plans. But this…”

The Diviner trailed off, scowling off into the middle distance.

"You’re right. Something does stink. But it’s not me who has the problem.”

[sleepingassassin]

He thought he saw Saix's lips move in something he didn't quite catch, but Axel quickly realized it wasn't meant for his ears and narrowed his eyes.  Still, they widened once Saix went off like that, and he started to interrupt with a hasty "But--!" that he didn't follow through with.  He'd already stopped listening by the time Saix finished, and only got jarred out of his stare by the tone of Saix's voice.

"But...it wasn't the computer room.  It was the courtyard."

Even as a Nobody, Axel didn't like going back over those memories.  They were too dark and Lea's suffering still lashed out at him across the years.  But that made them unmistakable--he'd seen a Replica and a Somebody both torn apart by memories that had been fabricated.  Sora had seen through them in the end, because the memories Namine tried to change penetrated him straight to the core.  And Axel didn't have to like it, but losing his heart was one such memory.

"The Heartless attacked us there, but you made it out.  I was so sure you made it out.  And then Xemnas..."  He shuddered.  "I was away for a while.  Year or so later, the garden was toast."

The expression he cast at Saix in turn wasn't entirely friendly, but he was more interested in answers now.  "You're tellin' me that's not what you remember?"

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A comment like the one Axel made about his ‘fondness' for Xemnas was one of the few things that could draw a reaction from the normally-stoic Diviner. His lips drew back from his own teeth, and he loomed forward, eyes narrowed into a vicious glare.

"Don’t you dare." he snapped, jabbing a finger towards the redhead. "Don’t you dare imply anything like that again. Everything I have done has been for us, Axel. All the bowing and scraping and boot-licking to spare your tongue the indignity. Do you think I like the idea that you’ve forgotten all of that, forgotten our plan? You think I would do any of this for him, after what he did to us? After he took our humanity from us? No.”

Saix let out a short sound, like a growl, and then he let go of his false anger. He let his expression settle back into that cold, empty mask, and he leaned back into his usual stance.

"Likely our enemies didn’t bother trying to use me as leverage because you’ve done too good a job acting like I mean nothing to you anymore. I’m sure they thought it would be simple enough, to cut that thread."

[sleepingassassin]

Oh they were in the shit now.  Isa was mad, and Axel remembered that as a thing that always meant bloodshed.  Well bring it on.  It would be cathartic to make this come to blows, and Axel didn't expect either one of them would be aiming to kill.

But Isa just shifted right back under that mask, and Axel was aware of a funny internal question mark that he finally identified as disappointment.

The realization that Isa was also a Nobody hit him so suddenly and horribly that he didn't have anything else to say.

It should have been obvious, maybe.  But he didn't expect to have to grapple with that idea.  He couldn't get his head around it.  Isa was too...Isa for that, and it left Axel with an impotent feeling that should have been rage.

"How can you even think that?!" he shouted back, throwing himself into it.  His emotions were just the flickering shadows left by the fire, but he could make them look just as bright.  "If we'd--if you'd been around, that's not how I would have acted!  Heart or no heart," he added, putting a hand to his chest.  "Of course you still mean something to me, Isa, that's--but you weren't there!  I thought you were gone, I thought you'd never have to see me like..."

He ran a hand through his hair, sucking in a rustling inhale.  "It's not right.  Somethin' stinks."

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Saix raised his eyebrows at Axel’s question. It was so obvious Saix hardly saw the point in answering. But Axel’s mind was addled, and Saix could not expect him to be as sharp as he usually was, so the Diviner decided to indulge him.

"Well. For the first point, you seemed to believe I ought to be dead, and I am quite clearly not, so there’s a point in my favor,” he said, waving one hand in a dismissive gesture. “For another, you are the caretaker of both Keybearers, who, I will remind you, our enemies would love to get their hands on in order to awaken Sora. And for the third, you are close enough to Sora for Namine to tamper with your memories, and I am not. So therefore, it stands to reason that if anyone’s memories can’t be trusted, they are yours.” 

If Namine could convince Axel to leave, he would certainly take the Keyblades with him, and be easy pickings for DiZ. The logic was so clear to Saix that he was baffled that Axel couldn’t immediately see it himself. Still, he supposed Namine wouldn’t want him to realize, and might be preventing it somehow, so Saix got down to the heart of it.

"Of course, the easiest solution would be for both of us to simply go ask the Superior which of us is correct. Don’t you think?"

[sleepingassassin]

Both Keybearers?  So that Xion was supposed to be the other one.  It struck a chord, like he'd heard it in a dream somewhere, but it only sounded familiar enough to be deja vu.

He almost wanted to believe this crock of shit.  Growing up in the Organization together?  How awesome would that have been?  At least compared to what Axel dealt with on his own.  But he couldn't remember that.  He couldn't remember it at all, and nothing about this even felt right, to whatever infinitesimal degree Axel could actually feel.

The last suggestion made his lips peel back into a snarl, but he also didn't keep eye contact.  "Man.  You sure got a boner for that guy."  Stalking past Saix, he fixed his gaze somewhere in the depths of the ever-watchful orb nearby.  "Here's the thing.  You show up out of nowhere after eleven friggin' years and act like we've been best buds the whole time, like we got a Keybearer to spare, and like Xemnas is the greatest thing since fried Oreos.  I'd say you got a point with the Namine thing, but I don't buy that.  Erasing you hasn't got the first thing to do with Sora, and even if you were a member of the Organization--ol' buddy ol' pal--then why wouldn't the other side use that?  Come be Sora's footrest, oh and we'll get Isa outta there too?  It doesn't make any sense.  They couldn't possibly make a clean job of it, and the minute I started talking like a nutbar would be the minute they lost."

He turned, but there was no malice in his gaze this time.  "It looks a helluva lot more to me like he's had you in the dungeons.  But why's he got you believing all this?  Loyalty...?"  His tone devolved into a murmur as Axel turned this over in his mind, still studying Saix.  "And can I risk taking him to Xemnas if this isn't part of his plan..."

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Saix raised an eyebrow at that suspicious set to Axel’s jaw. What in the world had Namine convinced him of? But he shrugged again; who went in what order didn’t matter to Saix.

"You’re slightly older than me, remember? So you would be going first either way," he jabbed. "But very well." With that, Saix turned his back on Axel without the slightest hesitation, and stepped through into white hallways. Once on the other side, he turned to wait for Axel to come through as well.

[sleepingassassin]

The jab completely threw Axel off his game and he stared, feeling a cold spike down his spine.  Sai--Isa--whoever he was said it with such conviction, and it was a detail Axel himself had nearly forgotten.  Just when he thought it couldn't possibly be Isa back from the dead, something like that came out of the guy's mouth and sent Axel's whole world rattling again.

Realizing that the portal would close soon if he didn't stop cursing his afterwit, Axel strode on through.

"So what makes you so sure I'm the one having his memories screwed with?  Cuz the way I see it, yours are just as suspect."

[sleepingassassin]

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“Me,” Axel repeated in mingled relief and annoyance; “What about you, what happened to your…”  His throat didn’t close up then but his eyes stung, and Axel didn’t know what to make of that.  It had been so long that he didn’t remember anymore what that was supposed to mean.

Belatedly, he took a step back from Isa’s steps forward and tried to get his grip on his weapon back.  This didn’t make any sense.  Why was Isa here?  Why was Isa alive?  And in the Organization cloak, and scarred up, and golden-eyed just like Axel was…

Had he been the only test subject confined to Radiant Garden’s dungeons?

"H…hang on.  How can you be here, how can you…but the Garden fell.  I thought you died, Isa, I thought—!”

How had he overlooked this?!

[saipunzel-blog]

Axel’s shift backwards jolted Saix enough to snap him out of his near trance, and his arm fell back to his side. It took him a few seconds to actually grasp the meaning of Axel’s questions, but when he did a new sinking sensation took hold of him. Had - Axel forgotten everything? It was possible, especially if the change was recent. He could not remember experiencing such a side effect, but then he could not remember much of anything surrounding the event. For a moment confusion nearly overpowered horror, and he took a step back just to look the redhead up and down.

Despite the sick feeling still settled in the pit of his stomach, a vague sense of relief washed over him at Axel’s relatively normal appearance; the absence of a scar anywhere calmed him a great deal. Save for those horrible, horrible eyes, Axel looked exactly as he should.

"I - is that what they’ve told you? That Isa is dead?" The words came out a bit uncertainly. Had they brainwashed him then? He would not put it past Xemnas for a second considering the treatment he had received at his hands. He forced the thought from his mind, not sure he could bear to think of the ;ikely circumstances surrounding Lea’s change. "You can see I am hardly that at the least, though I am not certain I have a right to the name any longer." He almost managed to force a half smirk, but it was more of a mournful smile than anything else.

"Lea, When - when did they take your eyes?" He was trembling down to his fingertips. The impulse to snatch the redhead and drag him away, far away from Xemnas, from Xehanort, from that bitter, suffocating castle was almost overpowering. It was all he could do to stay still and resist the desire to blurt out the truth of the situation all at once. "Do you remember nothing past the Garden’s destruction?"

[sleepingassassin]

Everything about this was so strange.  Axel realized he was used to seeing Isa taller than him, back when they used to swap growth spurts--and now it looked like Axel had won that particular race, but there was no joy in it.  There was no relief or even amazement.

There was nothing at all.

"Of course I remember," he snapped, trying to tear his eyes from Isa's and failing.  "And what do you mean by that?  Who's 'they'?"  Uncertain fingertips wandered up to rest just under one of Axel's eyes, in spite of his confident tone.  "This happened months ago, it's nothing.  My eyes're just fine, I don't know what's wrong with yours..."

Isa couldn't very well be staring at him like this if Isa couldn't see him, so Axel knew there had to be something worse.  There had to be something darker.  But he didn't want to face it just yet, why did Isa of all people have to bring him down just when they'd reunited?

Axel couldn't even seem to process what Isa's questions seemed to mean.  He was focused only on the fact that it wasn't true, that he'd been lied to, and that meant...

"Where were you, all this time...?"

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Axel crossed his arms, standing pointedly out of arm’s reach.  He briefly assessed Saix’s build, and asserted that even if he went to overwhelm Axel with force, Axel could retaliate with enough fire to be untouchable, so the danger of being alone together was on par with being alone with any other member of the Organization and an acceptable risk.

The Superior, on the other hand…

"A chat’s fine by me, but I don’t see any reason to bring Xemnas into this.”  Despite his position, Axel made an attempt at flippancy that would fool anyone who didn’t know him well.  ”What’s he gonna care?”

Then his eyes narrowed.  ”Hold on…did you just call him Lord Xemnas?”

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The flippancy didn’t fool Saix for an instant; he’d known Axel far too long for that. Clearly he was still uncomfortable having the Superior interfering in the matter, and Saix didn’t blame him. He wondered what Axel was convinced of regarding him, if he didn’t even recall Saix being in the Organization with him. He also raised a brow at Axel’s reaction to the honorific.

"Yes, I did," he said. "That is not a conversation for here.

Saix raised one hand and formed a portal - He wasn’t strictly authorized to leave the world, but Xemnas probably wouldn’t have a problem with him popping over to Castle Oblivion. This was a unique situation, and it would be easy to spin it to protect his own rear.

"After you, then."

[sleepingassassin]

Axel shifted his jaw into a suspicious expression.  It wasn't that the appearance of being close to the Superior made him react with jealousy or ire, he just didn't trust anyone that Xemnas put above him in the hierarchy.  They knew the game just as well as he did, if not better, and that gave Axel more boots to lick in the event of an unfortunate misunderstanding.

So when Saix gestured him forward, Axel shook his head with an obnoxiously waggled finger.  "Ohhhh no no no.  Age before beauty.  I insist," he added, bowing mockingly but never lowering his eyes from Saix's face.

The portal probably wasn't to anywhere particularly dangerous, that would be too obvious.  Axel just didn't like the idea of having this ghostly impossibility at his rear.

[sleepingassassin]

wanderingrecusant replied to your post: [K BACK who missed me better be all ya’ll but...

{{I missed you~~ FOR ELEVEN FUCKING YEARS, JERK.}}

[AND WHOSE FAULT IS THAT BITCH]

[sleepingassassin]

[K BACK

who missed me

better be all ya'll

but yeah sorry for disappearing, shit happens, let's boogie]

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Saix raised both eyebrows at how dramatic Axel was being about Saix touching him. If Axel couldn’t trust Saix, who could he trust? Still, he shrugged.

"Suit yourself. But you and I need to have a little ‘chat.’ Somewhere more private than this," he said. "Or, if you prefer, I can take you to Lord Xemnas right now and have the Superior clear up this little misunderstanding, since evidently you trust his word more than mine now." Saix gave Axel a very pointed look, one eyebrow raised.

[sleepingassassin]

Axel crossed his arms, standing pointedly out of arm's reach.  He briefly assessed Saix's build, and asserted that even if he went to overwhelm Axel with force, Axel could retaliate with enough fire to be untouchable, so the danger of being alone together was on par with being alone with any other member of the Organization and an acceptable risk.

The Superior, on the other hand...

"A chat's fine by me, but I don't see any reason to bring Xemnas into this."  Despite his position, Axel made an attempt at flippancy that would fool anyone who didn't know him well.  "What's he gonna care?"

Then his eyes narrowed.  "Hold on...did you just call him Lord Xemnas?"

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Saix rolled his eyes very pointedly. It wasn’t Axel’s fault he didn’t recall, he’d clearly had his brain scrambled, but even so, Axel should be able to connect the dots.

"How do you think I know him? I was the one who assigned you to be his babysitter in the first place. I pick his missions.” The fact that he didn’t remember the puppet either just confirmed it for Saix; Namine must be working with their enemies to get both Roxas and Xion back to Sora.

"Xion is Roxas’s little duplicate; Number XIV. You’ve become almost as attached to it as to him. Namine must be involved if you’ve forgotten it, too.”

Saix’s eyes darted around the room, making sure no one was listening. Then he grabbed Axel by the bicep and pulled him close enough for Saix to whisper right in his ear.

"…And erasing Xemnas would do little good when neither of our loyalties lie with him. Remember our plan," he whispered sternly.

[sleepingassassin]

Axel shook his head with an impatient noise, but didn't openly contest that.  If Is--Saix was trying to carve a niche for himself in the Organization, then he was going about it completely the wrong way, but as long as he was spouting insanity then maybe there was still something Axel could use.  Especially if it turned out he was in another weird time warp, because Axel had to fight tooth and nail to get Roxas for a charge to begin with.

Still, he couldn't help snorting at the sheer ridiculousness.  "Fourteen?  We're still looking for a thirteenth, why would--!"

And then he was too busy struggling out of Saix's hold like a startled cat to think.  Getting touched in the Organization was bad, never good, and the only person Axel had ever trusted to do that was a lot shorter than Saix.

"Don't.  Or next time I'm giving you chicken fingers."

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Saix’s face twitched at the mention of his true name - as good as a flinch for the stoic Diviner.

“Saix,”  he corrected Axel. “The Luna Diviner. Number VII, and second in command.” All according to the plan they’d built together. It was inconceivable that Axel could have forgotten, completely impossible-

-Unless.

“Namine,” Saix almost growled. “This must be her doing, somehow. You have a close enough connection to the Keyblade that she must have been able to tamper with your memories.”  But to what end? Why would she wipe Saix alone from Axel’s memories? To try and sway him to Sora’s side, perhaps?

"What else do you recall?" Saix crossed his arms over his chest, the fingers of one hand pressing over his mouth. "Do you recall Roxas at all? Or the puppet— Xion," he corrected himself. If Axel’s memories had been toyed with, he may not know who Saix was referring to unless Saix used its proper name.

[sleepingassassin]

He remembered fear.  It used to be dark and cold, like a shadow passing over his heart.  But Axel knew he wasn't feeling it now.  He should be, if only because people like Isa didn't deserve to be wiped from his memories.

But this person was not Isa, just like Axel was not Lea.  Even if he had no memory of a title like that, Axel knew what it meant.

"I'm Number VII," he countered sourly.  "Twit.  And of course I remember Roxas, but how the hell do you know him?"  Still, the thought of Namine made ice shards trickle down his spine.  It wasn't like she'd wasted any love on him.  "Besides, what's the point of erasing you?  If you're second in command, that doesn't help!  She should go erasing Xemnas if she wants me AWOL."

Then again...

"...Xion?  Xion who?"

[king-xemnas]

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[divinerxeclipsed]

Saix gave Axel an incredulous look. Dead? What on earth was he talking about? Why would he think Saix was dead,when Saix rarely even set foot outside the Castle anymore?

"…Axel," he said slowly, as if he were talking to an especially dim-witted child - or Roxas, for that matter, "We joined the Organization together, ten years ago. Except for when you or I have been on extended missions, we have seen one another every day for the past ten years. We shared a room before I was promoted to second in command. The fact that you seem to have not gotten that memorized,” Saix mockingly tapped his temple as he said that, “seems to indicate whatever changed your eye color has also done something to your mind. 

[sleepingassassin]

Axel's fists and position stayed clenched and blood rushed against his ears, but he gritted his teeth against a response.  It suddenly seemed possible for a shining instant.  Maybe he was wrong, and Isa had never left his side, and they were still in a terrible position for a pair of best friends but at least he wasn't...

But no, it was wrong.  Not a single memory belonging to Axel contained any concept of Isa as a Nobody, much less one who bore a scar like that and eyes just as gold as Axel's.  That was a development he still had no intel about, but Axel knew it couldn't mean anything good.

"No, that's..."  He started to shake his head and closed his eyes against a tense inhale instead.  "It was a year ago, Isa.  My eyes have been this way for months, so nothing screwed with my memory overnight."  Fixing a frown back on Isa, Axel let it soften under the sight.  "You're just not in it anywhere."

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Saix let Axel strike his hands away without retribution, and without his expression changing from a vaguely concerned scowl. That changed quickly, as Axel started speaking total nonsense. Both of Saix’s eyebrows went up towards his hairline.

"—No mission for you today. You need your head inspected. Something is very wrong with your memory."

Had…whatever had turned Axel’s eyes that color done something to his mind? Saix didn’t think his own memory had been affected by it, but he supposed the only one who might be able to confirm that was Axel, and he seemed to have his own concerns at the moment.

"I’d like you to think back very carefully. Do you recall anything happening during the night that might have caused this?" Then again, if he couldn’t remember that Saix was the second in command, the Diviner was not confident in anything Axel remembered.

[sleepingassassin]

"Nothing's wrong with me!" Axel shot back heatedly, angular limbs akimbo and clenched.  The very idea of something screwing with his memory had him on the defensive before he bothered to consider any merit to the suggestion.  "You're the one who's not..."

The question about the other night, though, sank in.  Because Axel remembered very suddenly that he'd been having a dream, another nightmare just like all the others, only Isa had been grown and slashed with scars and untouched by gold.

Believe me...

"I still..."  Making an impatient noise, Axel shook his head.  "I still can't figure out how you're not dead, just to begin with!  And if you're a member of the Organization, then why the hell haven't I seen you before now?!"  Exactly how much had Xemnas lied to him, after all?

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Saix tilted his head slightly, one eyebrow coming up in an incredulous look.

"Did you just call me-" Axel never called Saix by his original name anymore, ever. That would have been odd enough, but coupled with his reaction and the eyes, it was obvious something very bizarre was going on.

Saix tossed his clipboard onto the couch beside the redhead. Without asking if it was alright, Saix leaned forward and seized Axel by the face. He leaned in uncomfortable close to inspect him, gold eyes boring into gold as if they could give Saix the answers he wanted.

"Your eyes were not like this yesterday," he said. "What happened?

[sleepingassassin]

Axel stood this level of closeness for all of two startled seconds before twisting away and smacking Saix's hand free, likely catching him in the face with a couple fingers in the process.  "Cut it out!  What're you talking about, yesterday?  Of course they were, and you had a problem with it then, too!"

Then again, he hadn't thought too intensely about how and when they changed.  It seemed like he'd woken up one day and just discovered them that way, but he knew that had been after the intensive experience at Castle Oblivion, as well as an even more intense interview with Xemnas (which the Superior had spent resting his mouth on his steepled fingers with an unsettling smile).

"Besides, what're you doing here?!  And who knows you're here?  Are you supposed to be?" he asked in a panic, rising and checking the Gray Area for eavesdroppers.  From the sound of it, Saix seemed to think so, but Axel didn't expect Xemnas had hidden Saix's existence for this long just to have him waltz in and give Axel a briefing like he'd been doing it for years.

[sleepingassassin]

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[lunasprout-blog]

Isa couldn’t know the depths of Axel’s thoughts, but it was clear he was worried, and Isa wanted to put that to rest. He couldn’t even imagine spending so long bereft of Lea, and the thought of Lea alone for so long was hardly better. Isa would have to make sure that fate didn’t befall either one of them.

But right here and right now, he offered ‘Older Lea’ a cocky smirk, drawing his eyebrows up in false insult.

"I’d hope so! Can’t forget about your best friend, can you?” His smirk twisted slightly around the edges, softened towards the older man.

"…I’ll remember this. I’ll get me and Lea out safe. Don’t worry about us."

[sleepingassassin]

Axel had almost forgotten just how much playful sarcasm hid sincerity, even for Somebodies.  Isa had reminded him of that and so much more in such a short time.  It seemed like he'd forgotten so much of himself, despite hanging on to as much of Lea as he could, and now...well.

Maybe now he was beyond saving.  But all that changed if he never got a chance to exist.

He nodded to Isa soberly.  "Don't forget."  And it might have meant not to forget him, either, if Axel hadn't given up on being worth remembering.  "You do that much, and I'll take care of the rest."

As the darkness opened invitingly behind him, Axel saluted.  "See ya when I see ya."