I just want to run away and start again

☯Lolly, Twenty~one;☯ To be part of this is really something. Photography My ugly self Facebook Inspire Yourself Random New Photography ~ "Let me tell you how the story ends, where the good guys die and the bad guys win. It doesn't matter how many friends you make, but the graffiti they write on your grave." —

[slendest]

I genuinely believe I've met my soulmate, I'm absolutely 100% the luckiest girl alive ❤️

[slendest]

I'm head over heels for the guy I'm seeing so not interested anyway but a guy subtweeting about me that I'm hot wtaf??? Like stuff like this never happens to me 😂

[slendest]

Why is everyone interested in me now I'm seeing someone, like what is this black magic 😂😂😂

[slendest]

If this is what I think it is and going where I think it's going, then every hardship, battle and lesson has been worth it 'cause it led to you

[slendest]

life after abuse is so weird, like I'm at a place where I know the things that were said to me were not true, and the things that were done to me were not my fault, and I 100% did not deserve any of it, and I'm sort of a peace with it, but it's sad looking back at ages 18-24/25 and thinking I spent so long believing I was unworthy of love/respect/safety, I just want to save younger me from all of it, to cocoon her and show her love and strength, and that we'll get out and shape a beautiful, fulfilling happy life for myself. I'm so proud of where I am now, of knowing who I am, sticking up for myself and believing in myself, but sometimes I feel quite sad at the fact I had to go through it at all.

[slendest]

staying on the phone for hours just before bed, laughing until we're nearly crying, god I haven't felt like this about someone in so long, I feel so smitten and lucky 🥰

[slendest]

anxiety or just being in touch with the vibes???

[slendest]

I've decided I'm gonna start matching energy/effort, I'm such a giving person and love seeing people happy but I think I give too much of myself for others at the expense of myself, it needs to stop

[slendest]

After everything I also deserve to be loved completely, I deserve something full of love, care and thoughtfulness, I wanna be the light at the end of each others day, as well as a rocks when it's bad, I want an adventure buddy to see the world with, and to surprise each other with little gifts 'just because it made me think of you' or, 'I know it's your favourite', I deserve a 100% commitment and I won't ever get that looking in the wrong places

[slendest]

I wish I'd felt the way I did now a few years ago, when they felt similarly too, but it's taken me this long (like 10 years) to deal with what happened before properly, and see the person as a separate entity from their actions, I feel like I've grown so much mentally and maybe that's why this time I felt so differently about the person, because I was in a better place to understand every aspect of it and see them fully as a multifaceted person, and I guess appreciate those facets. I'm accepting that nothing will happen, and maybe (probably) that's a good thing, maybe this is something my head needed to feel and work through before moving forward onto the next relationship. The universe is showing that's obviously not the path I'm meant to be on and that's okay. There's a comfortability that I can't explain. But I've had different variations of this with others so maybe I'm placing too much of a meaning on it. I guess all in all I'm just thankful to have these little magic feelings along the journey, even if they're not the final destination.

[slendest]

I'm just gonna give up on that person, it's for the best

[blackhoody]

[slendest]

if I'm being 100% honest I just really wish something would happen between us so I can see if the spark's still there, but at the same time I feel like it's stupid to even want that

[slendest]

Or is it just that my relationship that ended in Feb has well and truly fucked me up??? 😂

[slendest]

Having flashbacks of traumatic events your ex put you through at 16 is not the fucking one

[slendest]

Being on a calorie controlled diet after having eating disorders for most of my teenage and young adult years is terrifying, I'm in a place where I'm doing it healthily and properly, and the way I think about my body is so much better than it ever was, but certain situations are really triggering, weighed in today a week after loosing 4 ibs and I'd only lost 1 ibs despite working out the most I've ever done in my life and being in a deficit every single day, nearly made me spiral because my brain just wanted a bigger number, had a little cry and picked myself back up now but it was scary how quickly it could all turn dark again, I'm proud of that ib and it's a healthy weekly loss, I do not need big numbers

[slendest]

I genuinely just give up on dating forever, people are weird af man