Slytherin Things

|hp dump| incorrect quotes| 26| INTP| 5w6| coffee | avada kedavara these bitches knows I got answers| ◉‿◉ |

[slyterinthings]

Huffelpuff: *to Slytherin* you are the knife to my murder.

Slytherin:

Slytherin: first of all, I'm flattered, secondly what the actual f-?!

[slyterinthings]

Ravenclaw: You seem to be enjoying work.

Slytherin: nope, absolutely hate it there.

Ravenclaw:

Ravenclaw: you smile a lot for someone who hate their job...

Slytherin: Well, apparently telling people to fuck right off is considered "unprofessional" so this has to do.

[hxuse-xf-black]

16-year-old Tom Riddle: Do you know anything about horcruxes? Specifically, how to create them? Slughorn: Horcruxes? What is this for? Tom Riddle: Fun.

[slyterinthings]

*In an argument*

Slytherin: Where do you usually find it?

Griffindor:

Griffindor: What?

Slytherin: The audacity, you seem to have a lot of it.

Griffindor: ....I feel like I should be offended but I'm actually impressed.

[slyterinthings]

Slytherin: uughhhhh...

Ravenclaw:

Ravenclaw: What happened to you?

Slytherin: I got my periods and a cold at the same time and I feel like a fucking ketchup bottle everything i sneeze or cough...

Ravenclaw:Okay, too much information

Slytherin: so now I gotta clench extra hard everytime I-

Ravenclaw: Please stop talking.

[slyterinthings]

Ravenclaw: So what do you do when you really really desire something?

Slytherin: well... I work hard and be consistent towards whatever end result it is that I want.

Ravenclaw:

Ravenclaw: So you told me you really really desire a romantic relationship, am i right?

Slytherin: yes.

Ravenclaw: ...and how is that going?

Slytherin:....If the universe really wants me to find love it will just drop my soulmate on my lap. *shrugs*

Ravenclaw:

[slyterinthings]

Slytherin: how do you politely tell someone that they are retarded and a jellyfish probably has more brain cells than they do?

Ravenclaw: Since when do you do polite?

Slytherin:

Slytherin: Mum said I can only insult the relatives if I don't make it obvious enough...

Ravenclaw: Understandable.

[slyterinthings]

Hufflepuff: Don't you often feel like Slytherin and ravenclaw share a braincell ?

Griffindor: Now that you point it out...

Slytherin & Ravenclaw*in sync*: We do not!

Hufflepuff: yeepp they do.

Slytherin & Ravenclaw: You take that back!

Slytherin & Ravenclaw *to each other*: shut up!

[xinarii]

*over breakfast*

Evan: What are you reading?

Regulus*shows him*

Evan: that’s…p*rn

Regulus: it's called smut you uncultured swine.

Evan: ...

(I got this idea from: @slyterinthings)

[slyterinthings]

Slytherin dad: *regally* The consequence of my actions has finally arrived I see.

Slytherin kid: *sighs* A very good day to you too father.

[slyterinthings]

Slytherin: Rat bastard

Hufflepuff:

Slytherin: RRRaaat bastard.

Hufflepuff: EXCUSE ME?

Slytherin: oh you're excused darling.

Hufflepuff: asshole. That aside why are you calling me a rat bastard?

Slytherin: I'm not calling you anything, I just like the way it sounds.

Hufflepuff: what the fuck did I marry....

[slyterinthings]

Slytherin: Don't you just want to cuddle a toaster sometimes, in a bathtub, while it's plugged.

Ravenclaw:

Ravenclaw: do you need help bestie?

[slyterinthings]

Slytherin: Does your brain do this thing too where it plays your most embarrassing memories randomly or is it just me ?

Ravenclaw: nope, mine do that all the time too.

Slytherin:

Ravenclaw:

Slytherin:*in tears* please how do I make it stop?

Ravenclaw: *also in tears* I have no fucking clue, I've been trying for years.

[slyterinthings]

Hufflepuff *staring*

Slytherin:

Hufflepuff *staring intensifies*

Slytherin:...

Hufflepuff *stares some more*

Slytherin: what do you want?

Hufflepuff: so... there's this cult-

Slytherin: no.

Hufflepuff: buttt you didn't even let me finish.

Slytherin: yeah, NO.

[slyterinthings]

*Ravenclaw enters the room*

Slytherin: Bitch.

Ravenclaw:

Ravenclaw: Remind me, why am I friends with you again?

Slytherin: Because whenever you whip out questionable stuff, I never ask why you have them or where you get them from.

Ravenclaw: *sighs* ofcourse

[slyterinthings]

*over text*

Hufflepuff: asfehdjbdxjdk

Slytherin: ...

Hufflepuff: iluwgydybdu

Slytherin: ...

Slytherin: I love you too, baby.

Hufflepuff: ^.^

[hxuse-xf-black]

Blaise: Pansy showed feelings?

Draco: A feeling. Seemed like a human one. It's hard to tell.