my motivation as someone with a high sw and cw
~the thing that makes me most motivated is the fact that i am Fat, that’s a fact. it’s not just a “oh i look fat today” i am overweight. i have a belly and my bones don’t show, i can squish my thighs and my face is round.
after losing 15 pounds
i’ve gotten complements from my family like “you’ve lost weight i can see it in your face” “you look great! i need to do what you’re doing!” “your legs look slimmer”
my friend who is very honest about everything (and sometimes is too honest) grabbed around my wrist and he said “your wrists are so tiny!! you’re so small”
my collar bones are starting to peak through, i can’t stop feeling them and when i turn you can fully see them
i know this is a small victory but my fingers do not touch now, they don’t look as stubby. my fingers look longer (i’ve always wanted my fingers to look long bc i play piano and i want those pianist fingers)
my face just looks?? nicer?? when i walk by mirrors my double chin is so much less visible i feel prettier and it makes me smile
certain outfits look different on me, not baggy yet bc i have a LONG way to go but things just fit better and i don’t feel as repulsive
things that i look forward to
more defined collar bones. the fact that my collar bones will show without any effort is just! so motivating
my feet and hands to look slim and dainty rather than pudgey
for my sweatshirts to get even bigger on me
to be able to wear jeans again instead of leggings all the time, and actually like how i look
thigh highs to fit correctly and not roll down bc they’re too tight on my thighs
to not be scared during sex/ be able to do more doing sex because my size won’t limit or control me
to see how my bones look, i have always been on the larger side bc i am 4’11”. ive been in a vicious cycle of restricting and binging it all back since i was about 13 because i never had a scale and i would get frustrated after losing weight bc my dsymorphia just,, i never see change. but my scale is forcing me to see the change and i’m just so excited to see the bones in my hand without having to flex it
the bone in my wrist will jut out more
h i p b o n e s- i like to push through the fat and sort of feel them bc i’ve never seen how they look so when i drop more weight i’ll finally be able to feel them and see them!!!!!
thigh gap!! even if it’s not large just a little gap will make me so happy and it’s slowly starting to happen
because i am so short, once i get to my ugw or even a little before it i will look so little and dainty, my boyfriend already says i’m tiny regardless of my weight, so wait until i’m even smaller!!
these are just some of the motivations of a bigger girl, i know how hard it is to start at a high weight bc it’s so hard to see changes on other people and then look at yourself and see no change at all because it takes us so much more to see results. that’s why i’ve given up so many times, the most i’ve lost is thirty pounds but i gained it all back bc i didn’t look like a twig at that point but you know what? i’ve accepted that it’s going to take longer and it’s going to be hard and i think that it makes me or anyone going through a similar battle pretty bad ass. we will be skinny, it’s all about patience and hard work. be nice to yourself and take things slowly to avoid binges and it’s okay if you binge!! if you’re not in recovery please do not beat yourself up or throw all of your progress out the window okay? i know it’s frustrating and people make you feel like this is just a diet regardless of the fact that you are starving yourself but your ED is valid and if you feel like no one acknowledges or cares, i do. stay strong and safe and if you want recovery, PLEASE recover. this is more directed for the people who are past the point of recovery. thanks for listening to my little rantings ❤️
after losing 17 pounds
my grandmother said my legs looked thinner and my butt looks better and cuter
this 👇🏽
i’m gonna update this post from time to time with the amount of weight i’ve lost and how it’s affected my life
after losing 21 pounds
-my hands and wrists are so much smaller, i took a body check video and i can touch every finger to my thumb around my wrist except for almost my pinky
-my friends have started calling me pretty a lot more (and it seems genuine this time), my friend even started drawing me out of nowhere today bc he said i looked beautiful, i’ve never gotten this much attention from them ever
-my teachers have been treating me better?? i dropped 17 lbs during my school break and i was absent last week for medical stuff and a storm so i lost the remainder between now and then. when i went to school on monday my teachers just seemed nicer? not bc of the medical stuff bc i’m out all the time but just treating me better in general and actually including me in conversations and such
-when i went downstairs this morning my grandma told me we needed to buy me new leggings bc they were stretched out from “when you were bigger” and then she had me do a twirl and complimented me and said i was doing great
- my lower thigh is way smaller now!! my knees look so small now??
-my collarbones show on their own a lot of the time now, i don’t have to sit a certain way there just there
-my belly is starting to get smaller, i fit into a pleated skirt that didn’t fit when i bought it, it’s still a tiny bit snug but i can actually zip it!!
-i’m more flexible
-i barely get cravings which is so nice??
-i’m cold
after losing 26 pounds
these are some insta comments i’ve gotten in the last few days! i don’t know these people irl, both of them have followed me for about a year so! knowing that people see change is!! so nice
after losing 40 pounds
-getting tells from my ig followers commenting on my weight loss
-my friends commenting on how different i look in my face
-my guy friend kept calling me beautiful all night, and giving me a fuck ton of compliments about my body
-he also mentioned how small i’ve gotten
-collarbonessss
-my family commenting on my weight loss and congratulating me
-my friends telling me they are proud of me
-only getting diet cokes at dinner if i go out and no one says a word bc my body is changing for the better and they know it, it’s not alarming to them until i’m tiny
-i can see the bones in my hands clearly
-i can start to feel my ribs and hipbones (still under fat but very much there)
-people wrapping their arms further around me
-my shadow looking small!!!!!!!!!! wtf!!!
guys, i get so frustrated looking at myself but sometimes i’ll just stop and see how much things have changed, people treat me better???? i take more pictures of myself???? i’m getting smaller and this is real and it’s so crazy to think about. but it hurts, in no way is this glamorous. getting looks from waiters, your friends not caring bc you’re not underweight, passing out, feeling weak, being able to sleep all night and all day, it’s not a lifestyle to live. i just want to make that clear to anyone who hasn’t fallen down this hell hole. leave. because even the good things that come with this are so bitter sweet, and you’ll regret the day you started when you’re crying bc all you want is 100 extra cals but it’s too much for you.
this has so many notes bro what
