Slim Thick Sonnett

I am: in love with Emily Sonnett❤️

[smileysonny]

I’m going to bed now because tomorrow is my first day of my new job, but SO HELP ME GOD if I wake up to an ESPN alert saying “Portugal stuns USWNT, fails to make knockout round for the first time ever.”

Positive vibes to the brave warriors who will be staying up/waking up for this game

[that-soccer-guru]

get you a girl who looks at you the way sonnett looks at lindsey

Did this turn into a "how Sonny and Linds look at eachother" moment? Yes, yes I did.

Just, get you someone who thinks the sun shines out of your ass like these two.

[equal-pay]

The thumbs up. The confusion expression. This is very on brand Sonnett

Goteburg FC IG, 8.30.20

[equal-pay]

Smiley Sonnett making an appearance on Swedish TV 😍

8.23.20

[roselxvelle-deactivated20211214]

compare and contrast, laid ease

[sonnys-bun]

Jag älskar en kvinna

[ahhshhh]

[that-soccer-guru]

Look at Sonny go ❤️

[wntfootball]

Wallpapers || E. Sonnett || Requested

8.9.2020 (if saved please like and reblog)

Photos: gettyimages and Twitter (orlando pride)

[the-ghostcrew]

i love it when people document important moments of history

[equal-pay]

Kinda wanna enter just to see how she's planning on having Bagel sign the merchandise 😂

[chaoticsportsrecap]

in honor of whatever tf is about to happen with the challenge cup (lol omg), let’s look back at two chaotic outbursts in nwsl history that absolutely nobody ever thinks about:

it’s portland thorns vs seattle (rip) reign in a 2018 match that will decide who gets to host a semi-final (yes this is so random) and no one, literally no one is at this time more in love with lindsey horan than one emily sonnett

here she is celebrating lindsey’s goal during this game in a moment lindsey herself would later describe in a livestream as:

yes, this is lindsey’s favorite moment in a season where they made it to the playoffs… MA’AM (pause to appreciate the gay panic racing across sonnett’s face as she thinks, “you– you noticed my cheer? what else do you notice??”). sonnett’s favorite moment was the goal in question or as she so delicately phrased it: “when lindsey horan ripped the net off in our last game against seattle.” YEAH WE GET IT, YouAreInLove.mp3. now that there’s a baseline for where things were at ~*emotionally*~ during this game, moving on to some light rage on main:

first, start with a classic horan shove. despite soran being at its peak, lindsey can always find a little anger, as a treat. and if you shield her from a camera for .0005 seconds (thanks midge purce!) she will shove you off the face of the earth and make it look like stiff wind. the arm follow through here is… wow, pls choke me

then, invite a brawl onto the pitch. after three shoves, lindsey gets her 40th foul of the season. she is tied for first place in the category of Most Fouls Received In One Year Lindsey Please Seek Help because only the finest of honors for our gal!! this ref is a little too rambo-enthusiastic for my taste but do any of these people notice the ball slowly creeping away? whatever we are all used to seeing linessi summon her dragons

lastly, allow intervention from a trusted teammate. the real hero here is meghan klingenberg. first of all, she is beautiful. each and every one of you needs to get real enthusiastic about the understated beauty of kling and her majestic eyelashes. second, she is doing her life’s greatest work trying to keep the peace. not only does she get between lindsey and elizabeth addo but when she sees sonnett coming for chaos out of the corner of her eye she goes, “OH HELL NO,” and shuts that train right down. now let’s compare:

first, jump up and down like a cranky two year old at bedtime. the juxtaposition of christen westphal face first in the grass while dasani rails in the background and ON THE JUMBO TRON is, dramatics your honor. sonnett is very fired up about her innocence here and/or she is NOT going to sleep. either way, girl gets AIR on that jump

second, allow intervention while testing the patience of a teammate. somebody give meghan elizabeth klingenberg the noble peace prize, ffs. note the double fisted arm grab and the near boob hand graze. just soft thorny things that will never happen again thanks mark parsons!!!

then, argue relentlessly. bold of miss emily to challenge jess fishlock AND the ref at the same time because all the best arguments are won at a disadvantage of 2 to 1 with a finger wag. s/o to lindsey coming over to look on with the deepest of concern, she is a meme

finally, acceptance. lol @ aly wagner not mincing words from the commentator box. kling is pulling double duty here for not only standing guard (eavesdropping?) but also doing a lap to make sure sonnett behaves. meanwhile, sonnett saying, “right, right” with her hand on her hip has me so weak. it’s shit like this that makes me 1000 times more gay than yesterday. i want to say something cute like, “sonnett is me when the grocery clerk explains they are out of almond milk,” but really nothing about sonnett makes sense to me. i mean, here she is taking constructive criticism like an adult? when 30 seconds ago she almost pulled something from yelling? she is such an enigma. like, what does she wake up thinking about? why do i love her?

anyway!! i’m declaring sonnett the winner of this little rage match because while her initial outburst far surpassed the great horan’s, her growth is a beautiful thing! and don’t worry about lindsey, she will command a steady stream of anarchy until she’s 80 and delight as neighborhood kids run past her yard in fear.

(this post is dedicated to the memory of soran and all the times tobin heath will never be able to have one arm around sonnett and the other slapping lindsey’s ass while sonnett rubs her back like she’s washing a window and lindsey gives her an aggressive head pat… at least in a thorns jersey. no doubt the gay will continue apace at camp)

[roselxvelle-deactivated20211214]

emily sonnett #6 - orlando pride

📸: mark thor - isi photos

[equal-pay]

Sonnett in her new number 6!

📷 Here

[bagelandfergusonwashere-deactiv]

Lindsey said it all 😭

[smileysonny]

July 1st we finally get our Thorns v Pride show down.....

[reebasauerbrunn]

[chaoticsportsrecap]

it’s the culmination of the she believes cup (ikr) and our heroes are all lined up and ready to accept their prizes when out of nowhere one, no, two, chaotic little squirrels decide to join the party. yes, folks, this will be a very special chaotic celebration recap.

it should be pretty obvious who we are talking about here since everyone else has mastered the kindergarten-level feat of waiting in line. but if you look at the movement at the top of the screen, you’ll notice one kelley ‘i have never slept 8 hours in my life’ o’hara stretching for the 100 meter dash and her co-conspirator, emily ‘this is my final form’ sonnett, doing her own version of calisthenics because she’ll be moving some heavy furniture later and this is how to properly lift a vase. sorry in advance to anyone who is not kelley or sonnett.

first of all, look at the utter perfection that is kelly o’hara’s right leg asfkskds. okay, back to the chaos. what are they talking about that requires their WHOLE ASS BODIES??? the fact that miss kelley has enough raw energy surging through her veins that she cannot stand still for ten minutes is… fucking legendary. sonnett is taking careful notes, probably on smoothie recipes because look at how delighted she is by this information. poor lynn williams does not give af about a smoothie nor is she used to this type of disorder, it’s a queue ffs and she’s a courager. she legit does a full-body lean like, ‘someone PLEASE give out the damn trophy!’

just a squatting frat daddy jr waiting for her frat daddy sr before sitting for the class photo, nothing to see here! listen, the fact that sonnett held frog pose in the middle of a podium like her yoga instructor’s life depended on it just to make sure kelley indeed was going to sit next to her makes me want to scream. these soft bros deserve the world. bonus points to kelley for deciding mid-jump not to sit on sonnett’s lap and get her hand instead. love hurts, deal w/ it.

“come on girls, pinch in, let’s make some room!” - kelley, probably. one day keppey o’hara will be a soccer mom, directing traffic during her kid’s youth team photo just like she is here. can you see it? look at that hand clap. look at how she helps alyssa ‘i really don’t want to be here’ naeher into position. look at that “no hitting your brother!!!” scream. noww you see it. p.s.- soft sonny hovering her hand like she wants to touch the back of kelley’s hand with her palm but then changes her mind because?? call 911 every day about this!!!!

when you love your friends, you pose un-chaotically for a picture with them. when you’re kelley o’hara, you caress their knees lovingly with your freakishly strong thumbs until it turns into a death grip and the moment is over. alyssa is losing feeling in her toes yet smiles through the pain. sonnett could not be more pleased. her and pinoe are so in sync they slick their hair back at the same time. minus the double peace sign, this is turning into a gay masterclass and i am here for it.

*megan rapinoe has entered the chat* see that hand placement on sonnett’s thigh? see son’s hand pat reply? KELLEY O’HARA APPROVES OF THIS MESSAGE. in all seriousness, kelley has come up with a genius plan to put her arm around emily sonnett: she will also put her arm around alyssa. BRO. LOVE. this team is a family and the photographer has been patient enough to deserve at least one good picture so, look alive!

well, this escalated from hallmark moment to budweiser commercial quickly. the only thing missing from this frat pic are some snapbacks and cold ones. let me bring your attention to the right hand side of the screen where alyssa naeher and mallory pugh are not amused. it’s past their bedtime and they want to go home.

emily sonnett is doing her life’s greatest work screaming “THUMBS UP!!” to her fellow teammates. think they got the memo because uncle naeher, who has never been happy about a photo in her life, grudgingly holds up another fist and mal looks absolutely terrified.

the brothers o’sonnett have succeeded in hijacking what would otherwise have been a lovely family photo to commemorate a nice occasion. they are scaring the children (mal) and the elderly (naeher). people are getting their things and leaving. so let’s throw in some karate moves to remind everyone that kelley is a credible threat on land, air and sea.

in summation, the chaotic gay energy of kelley o’hara and emily sonnett celebrating their she believes cup victory while absolutely no one else cares or notices is the only thing holding me together rn i will not be taking questions at this time.