incorrect attack on titan

thank you for 420 followers lmao wish // they/he // bisexual thank you amiiraux for the picrew i used for my pfp! https://picrew.me/image_maker/102420

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psa: uhh so i have like completely abandoned this blog i’m not in the fandom anymore if someone wants to take it over just dm me i have no criteria other than delete this post after and no shipping p*dophilia or *ncest thanks

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Levi: People who say “go big or go home” seriously underestimate my willingness to go home. That’s my main goal for most of the day.

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Erwin: How was the honeymoon?

Levi: Hanji got drunk and tried to destroy our marriage certificate then said “good luck trying to return me without the receipt”

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Levi: We need to talk about your professionalism.

Eren, standing on a table: Those are some bold words for someone standing in lava.

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[IMPLIED NSFW]

Eren, laying in bed: Why don’t you come join me?

Armin: Eren, please put your shirt back on, we’re in an Ikea.

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Hanji: I’m telling you, molotov cocktails work. Any time I had a problem and I threw a molotov cocktail, boom! Right away I had a different problem.

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Erwin: Why are you smiling? Did something good happen?

Levi: Can’t I just smile because I’m happy?

Hanji: Zeke tripped and fell in the parking lot.

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Marco, internally: Wait, is he into me? Quick, tell a bad joke and see if he laughs.

Marco: How was the Roman empire cut in half? With a pair of Ceasars.

Jean, laughing: That’s really funny!

Marco, internally: Well that’s not a fair test, that joke’s hilarious.

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Hanji: You say “please” and “thank you” a thousand times and the cadets never repeat you.

Hanji: But you call someone an ass-faced motherfucker from the flaming shit dimension ONCE,

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Levi: What are you doing?

Hanji, spreading toothpaste on toast: Multitasking.

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[ACTOR AU]

Interviewer: How did you meet your friends from the show?

Zeke: I met Levi at an award show and we talked at the afterparty,

Zeke: I met Yelena on set,

Zeke: I met Pieck at a gucci store,

Zeke: and I met Eren when we were both thrown into the back of a garbage truck.

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[TW — KIDNAPPING, IMPLIED DEATH]

Kidnapper, over the phone: I have your boyfriend.

Armin: Eren! Don’t kill him!

Kidnapper: I won’t as long as you do everything I tell —

Armin: I wasn’t talking to you. EREN, DON’T KILL HIM!

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[TW — IMPLIED DEATH]

Eren: Hey, can I borrow some of your gardening tools?

Armin: Sure, what are you planting?

Eren: I don’t leave evidence so there’s no need to frame someone.

Armin: ?

Eren: We’re both talking about murder, right?

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[TW — IMPLIED DEATH]

Bertholdt: Treat spiders the way you want to be treated.

Reiner: Killed without hesitation.

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Hanji: I think turtles are a big threat to our national security.

Levi: May I ask why?

Hanji: No.

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TW — IMPLIED VIOLENCE

Eren: The eagles won last night

Armin: Oh, you watched the game?

Eren, covered in blood and scratches: What game

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Eren: I don’t have feelings for Armin.

Mikasa: Too bad, he just smiled at you.

Eren, turning around at full speed: What where