Thinking about how Simon Snow's journey in understanding love and sexual attraction is just so very interesting. It's obvious looking back how it's only ever been Baz for him, but it's also clear why there's so much confusion for him, even outside of the typical roles they were all playing (hero, damsel, enemies, etc). Just some of the points on my mind:
-When he first sees Agatha, he's stricken and drawn to her beauty (she's notably very traditionally beautiful, down to the blond hair). He imagines what it must be like to be that beautiful, and he links it to "being untouchable from things that can hurt you". She was kidnapped all the time, so clearly he doesn't mean physical things, it's about being loved and wanted: the opposite of how Simon feels. But he wants to feel like that too, he wants to be beautiful (even if it's just by asociation) so he wants to get closer to her–but it's notably superficial (sitting beside her), rather than emotional closeness or intimacy. Heteronormative brainwashing makes him mistakenly reframe this as feeling attraction and wanting to date her (this is why an aspec reading of Simon helps understanding him, he doesn't know how attraction looks like, he doesn't experience it like the "norm"–nothing about this scenario is "regular boy with a crush", the are some issues to process here folks!). Funnily enough, a boy with feelings of inadequacy wanting to "draw strenght" from the "desirability" of a conventionally pretty girl feels like a queer experience to me!
-Simon has very little to say about Agatha outside of her beauty. Little that's positive, that's it. Much of what he says about her reveals that he doesn't share her interests, and he doesn't truly understand her either. He doesn't really feel the inclination to change that either, he barely even thinks about her. He looks at her, but he doesn't really see her.
-It really stands out to me that one of the first things he says about Agatha is that she's a weak magician. Sure, that's just what it is, and he's just going to think about magic while on his way to a magical school. But there's something to kinda introducing someone with "here's something that's hard for them and they're not particularly fond of" y'know?
-It's the complete opposite with Baz. He can never stop thinking about Baz, even when he's convinced that he absolutely hates him. He can't stop following him everywhere, he always wants to know where he is, what he's doing, what he's thinking about. He never wants him out of his sight. He always wants to know if he's safe, that he isn't in trouble. He reframes it as "I absolutely have to know what he's plotting!! this is about life and death!!!" but this is actually about Simon wanting to know everything about Baz. He wants to be closer to Baz than anyone else, and this isn't superficial: he wants emotional closeness (and later, he wants the intimacy). It's why he gets so pissed at the insinuation that someone else who might know Baz better than him ("no one knows Baz better than him!!")
-Simon going to Baz's football matches and violin practices is totally about Simon wanting to be part of Baz's interests. He wants to see Baz doing things he likes and that he's good at. I mean, what kind of "plotting" would a little emo gay do while playing his little violin? you're not fooling anyone Simon!
-When Simon talks about Baz's physical attractiveness, it comes hand in hand with a comprehensive list of things he knows about him (once again I must bring up that aspec reading). Even when he doesn't have the full picture, even if he misunderstands him, he does know a lot of shit about Baz. And Baz's "beauty" (or rather, how dare he be so fit and so bloody perfect!!!) isn't made into a "thing" for Simon to project his insecurities and fears and wants into. It's just part of the package, of a whole person Simon is very interested in.
-A Simon in doubt is a Simon ready to stab. An emotional Simon is also a Simon ready to stab. Naturally, when attraction for Baz starts manifesting, he wants to jump him, he wants to fight him, he's ready to pull that sword out (i know we can come up with a double, perhaps even a triple meaning here).
-Following the line of some previous points, one of the things Simon finds attractive is how good Baz is at the things he does. Once he has this figured out, he's jumping him to make out with him because it's so hot that he can see Baz fight, and he didn't even have to pick a fight with him himself (implying one of the reasons Simon picked up fights it's because he thought Baz's hot when he fights) (related: Baz looking unimpressed with him in awtwb gets him hot and bothered)
-Many elements like a heteronormative mindset reinforced by his surroundings (he never really thought outside of this until he's literally kissing Baz, at which point he goes "i'm kissing a boy!!"), Simon not understanding attraction (aspec reading!) among other things makes it understandably very hard for Simon to figure out himself and how he feels. Hell, he's settled in a relationship with Baz 100% sure of his feelings for him, and he still has much to figure out.
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