♔ | — i'm sorry, sorry... psych!

don't be cautious, don't be kind. you committed, i'm your crime. push my button anytime, you got your finger on the trigger, but your trigger finger's m i n e. call me calloused, call me cold. you're italic, i'm in bold. call me cocky, watch your tone, you better love me 'cause you're just a clone. SANTANA LOPEZ 🍒 16, sophomore, cheerio. glee club if you're here, you're either a friend, someone who regularly reads JBI's hot and not list and wanted to see what all the hype was about, or someone who has my number and has resorted to social media stalking to see why i won't text them back. either way, you know all the info you're going to about me, so save us both the trouble and don't ask.

[sntana-blog]

quinniefab:

She’s already stated she wasn’t going, so I doubt they’d cast their vote for her. She’s definitely got mine though. I think it’s easy for someone to say relationships are pointless when no one wants to be with said someone. Wow, Santana, you’re so incredibly spot on with that little scenario that it’s almost scary; I wish you could see how hard I’m rolling my eyes right now. Alright, fine. You convince Puckerman to throw a party and Finn and I will make a short appearance. I think that’s a fair compromise. 

Pity, I’m sure her presence will be missed among the loser masses. What can I say? I have a gift for predicting those kind of things. There’s my girl. You know he’ll hardly need any convincing; that boy could turn a dog’s funeral into a kegger if given the chance.

[sntana-blog]

nycboundberry:

Oh, no. Of course there are people at school I’m attracted to. We’re teenagers, Santana. Even I’m allowed to experience attraction. It’s just always been people that are unattainable, yes. Or Broadway performers who I won’t be meeting any time soon. Thank you, I’ll definitely let you know when I become viral. We’ll make a great case of a girl getting relentlessly bullied in the process of trying to pursue her dreams. People love that these days. 

Quite frankly, I assumed you were made in a lab like a poorly-manufactured powerpuff girl and feeling wasn’t part of your programming, so, you’re right, it’s quite the surprise. Almost makes you seem human for a second. Aren’t most people on Broadway like, thirty? Oh, yeah, the public loves that, but only if the girl in question is actually likeable. Besides, as much as you hate to admit it, Rachel, you’re just as mean as I am. Only difference is I’m upfront about it and you try to deliver it all under the pretense of bettering your precious glee club.

[sntana-blog]

quinniefab:

I wish I were. God, I hope so. I’d love to know who’d be receiving the title for Bitterest Queen; I think we all know JBI would be able to pull off Bitterest King with no contest. You can’t even let them have their pathetic little crowns, Santana? Aren’t they suffering enough by never having someone love them? Besides, it’s not like anyone’s even trying anything with them anyway. Thanks for your support, I knew you’d pull through. As fun of an idea as that is, standing around and watching a bunch of idiots get trashed afterwards isn’t the ideal way to end my night, and Finn and I have plans anyway. 

Please, Berry’s got that one in the bag. Have you seen how red her face gets when she talks about how pointless relationships are? It’s like she could pop any moment. Right, Saturday night missionary sex with the lights off followed by a shared reading of the Wall Street Journal, how could I forget? C’mon, Q, it’d be a lot more fun if you didn’t just watch, when’s the last time you let that ponytail down?

[sntana-blog]

nycboundberry:

While I can admit that I don’t have nearly as many friends as the rest of you, my friends don’t attend McKinley. I’ve made friends with my classmates in dance classes and show rehearsals, as well as in temple. We’re all just very busy with our own talents and abilities. Also, their parents clearly have more sense and sent their kids to private school. Finn’s pretty talented at singing. Dancing, not so much..but he has room for growth, just like the rest of you do. I wouldn’t really believe that as we’re 15 and 16 years old..we don’t know what we’re going to want next year even. But if they do, that’s great for them. I don’t need a dating life to be happy, I guess that’s where I differ. There’s more important things in my life right now, although I suppose it’s my fault that all of the men and women I’ve been attracted to are so out of reach. I actually have about 50 subscribers at the present moment, Santana. And while I know that’s not a large amount, I’m very thankful for all of them and everyone who watches my videos. Even if a select few send me their meanest comments..they’re making my views go up so I’m thankful. 

Still picturing it, so suit yourself. Yes. I’m not dumb enough to believe I’m not the only talented person in the midwest.. our large span of states makes it impossible. But I have the drive, and the actual ability to get out of here, and I don’t need you or anyone else in this place to tell me I’m not capable of the one thing I know I am. 

You mean to say there’s no one at school you’re even a bit attracted to? Or do you mean out of reach in the sense that they’re unattainable? Well, in that case, you must be a huge success. Looking forward to the day you go viral. Suit yourself, hobbit. I’m sure New York will always need more waitresses.

[dailyladylyrics]

girls like girls like boys do nothing new

[dailysofiacarson]

[sntana-blog]

nycboundberry:

How chivalrous of you. I have enough social interaction outside of school, that I’m very much set, Santana. Frankly, I’d say about 97 percent of you aren’t even worth my time getting to know anyways, and I don’t think I need a romantic relationship to be happy, so I’m not exactly searching one out. There’s more to life than high school relationships, and I’m not sure why I have to keep standing on my soap box here. The mentality you all have with that is very unhealthy. JBI wanted to see my underwear the other day, so just another reason to turn him down, obviously. And I’ve already had my first kiss, so please don’t assume. Not everyone cares about labels and sexual experience like you do, especially not in New York where I’ll be. I’m fully prepared to get a part time job in the process of auditioning for roles after graduation..the price of living in NYC is expensive and I’ll have to have money. 

I can promise you that you’ll never see me again after graduation, Santana. I don’t intend to come back here unless It’s to visit my fathers, and they’ve already discussed retiring in NYC anyways. The fact that you actively sit and think about my future is honestly sort of touching, Santana! While I wouldn’t be caught dead participating in a Sweet Charity community revival, you’re welcome to come see me on stage in New York. I’ll send you tickets so you can come to the stagedoor and apologize for your actions. My life has meaning now, but I have to admit, I’m very excited to experience a life with so much more meaning once I get out of here. Are you seriously picturing me having sexual intercourse with inanimate objects? How lovely of you. I’m not sure if I should be secretly flattered that you care enough, or alarmed that you’re going out of your way to do such a thing. 

Really, now? Well, that’s a relief, considering most of the glee club’s been in an ongoing conversation about the fact that they can’t remember seeing you with a single friend. Tell me, who is it you spend all your time with? Please, with the exception of Quinn and Finn because, despite how mediocre he is at everything else, they’re pretty fuckin’ great together and will probably last until the grave, I don’t think any of us plan on ending up with the people we’re dating now, but y’know what, we’re still dating because it’s part of being a normal teenager. But, it’s okay, I know that’s a concept that probably goes way over your head, as you’re to busy catering towards your YouTube audience of nine to actually wake up and look around.

Wow, I never realized one person could be so disillusioned. You do realize that there’s a Rachel Berry at every single school in the midwest, right? A half-pint loudmouth whose parents have invested their retirement funds into lessons and contests, only to be ultimately disappointed when they realize there’s really nothing special about their kid. Picturing? Hardly. My stomach’s not strong enough; I’m just being friendly by painting you an image of your life to come. You’re welcome.

[sntana-blog]

quinniefab:

I know that attending dances is generally kind of lame, but I’m looking forward to the Valentine’s Day Dance next weekend anyway. Since prom isn’t an option, because both Finn and I are obviously sophomores and therefore unable to attend this year’s, it’s the closest I’m getting to one. I heard a rumor going around that there’s going to be a Bitter’s Ball (yeah, that’s actually what they’re calling it; I guess they have no shame in their bitterness that no one wants to date them, which is probably part of the problem) for all the single people who are too embarrassed to show up at the dance alone. Have fun with that idea, I’m sure it won’t be depressing at all. 

A Bitter’s Ball? You’re kidding. Do you think they’ll be doing kings and queens there, too? We should go ahead and replace their crowns with chastity belts. Where did you get yours, again? Maybe they’re doing a buy one-get one free special for V-Day. You’re right, dances are lame, but because your royal aspirations are on the line, I’ll make sure to stop by for long enough to vote for you, and then, to make sure we actually have some real fun this weekend, we can get Puck to throw an after party.

[nycboundberry-deactivated201802]

While the rest of you all grind up and slow dance against your high school partners who you are no doubt going to break up with before college this weekend, I’ll be at home going over the Glee Club’s current song choices so we don’t sound like dying whales at our next performance! You’d think my high level of talent would be able to help our overall sound somehow..but really, you all just some help with your pitch, breath control, and dance moves. And very soon. I too, was invited to the dance by the one and only Jacob Ben Israel, but obviously turned him down as I have a lot to do this weekend, and not enough time. Succeeding largely in the performing arts and winning several awards before the age of 7 will do that to you. Sometimes I truly feel so busy I could collapse, but then I remember it’s all perfect training. 

[sntana-blog]

Listen, Berry. Now that we’re teammates and all, I’ve decided it’s only fair of me to help you out. You see, we read this article in my psych class the other day and it really made me worried about you. Did you know a lack of regular social interaction can actually be incredibly harmful for your health? Studies found that teenagers who had trouble making friends and perusing romantic relationships could eventually go on to have an impaired immune system, boosted chance inflammation, and an increased risk at heart disease? Even worse, it can have a severe effect on how attractive you appear to others. Obviously, some of these side effects have clearly set in and seem to be irreversible, but I thought I’d let you know before it’s too late. In fact, maybe you should take the lovely JBI up on his offer. You’ll be seventeen this year, won’t you? So, your window for your first kiss is rapidly decreasing; if it doesn’t happen soon, you might just be shit out of luck. After all, no one in college is going to want to hook up with a lip-virgin, and post-grad, you’ll be too busy wiping tables to see anyone outside of your elderly cat and four roommates. Next thing you know, it’s fifteen years from now and you’ve moved back into parents’ house so you have somewhere to stay while appearing in community theater productions of Sweet Charity, in which you’re playing the showstopping role of taxi dancer number 3, and so you slap a condom on one of those trophies and fantasize about your high school show choir days when you actually thought your life had meaning.