my main account is @snwusberry if you wanna see my actual writing.
• here, i post unfinished, unofficial stuff (and maybe rewrites) that won't get to see the light of my main account, but i still thought they were cute enough to post regardless.
• still mainly ateez and p1harmony but i'm open to posting other groups (those groups being seventeen, the boyz, enhypen and txt) but they won't be featured here as much.
i'm trying to write something, guys. i really am, but i always get stuck and just stop. anyway, here's what i have:
the wind blows harshly causing a loud rustle of leaves as they dance around on their branches. the sun had just started to set behind the heavy dark gray clouds making it look darker than it is supposed to be on a 5pm autumn afternoon.
all you wanted to do was buy batteries for your tv remote. after moving into this side of the city, the quieter side, everything has gotten lighter. you managed to get a steady job, so you've been managing well finding your footing again.
but then you see him. you haven't seen him since that day yet there he is standing outside the little restaurant you frequent. he's gotten broader somehow, hair a little longer. the moment he lifts his head, your eyes meet. he still looks exactly the same. your mingyu. the man who held you too softly for someone with hands that big.
suddenly your breathing gets shallow. the heavy wind suddenly doesn't bother you anymore. your fingers tighten over the cuffs of your hoodie sleeves as if holding onto them will anchor you to the present and keep you from slipping back into everything you lost in the past. that familiar ache returns and for a second you wonder if he still recognises you. the girl he once loved. the girl who clung so tightly onto him everytime you watched horror movies together.
he doesn’t move. he just stares and something in his expression twists before it settles into guarded neutrality. nowhere close to the warm smile you were used to seeing from him. he's just... looking. observing. assessing maybe.
you want to turn around. walk away and disappear back into the crowd and pretend what you just saw was an illusion. a sick trick your brain was playing on you but you can't seem to move. your legs suddenly feel too heavy to move and it almost like they're nailed to the ground. maybe it's fear, maybe it's longing.
you remember the hands that once felt like hime everytime he touched you but very quickly, you also remember the hurt you caused. the years stolen by circumstances you couldn't fight at the time. you want to speak. you really do, but you also want to turn away. you want to do everything and nothing at the same time.
for now, you just stand there staring at him. for the briefest, cruelest moment, the last and present collide as the first clap of thunder sounds in the windy thursday afternoon.
i tried something new with the narration. i usually use the first person, so i switched it up. i'm not used to this kind of narration, but i've been reading more, so hopefully my writing gets better.
i was serious about wanting to writing for seventeen.
Warning | Cigarette smoking, kissing, pet names (baby, babydoll)
Rating | PG-13
Word count | 592
⛧°。 ⋆༺𐕣 𖤐 𐕣༻⋆。 °⛧⛧°。 ⋆༺𐕣 𖤐 𐕣༻⋆。 °⛧⛧°。 ⋆༺𐕣 𖤐 𐕣༻⋆。
Sat in the back of your sugar daddy's car you straddled his lap laying your head in the crook of his neck as he smoked a cigarette. He had just treated you to a shopping spree, letting you buy thing's from your favorite luxury brands; Chanel, Dior, Valentino. If there was something that Yunho loved was spoiling you. Sometimes you felt bad on how much he's spent on you but every time he reassures you that you shouldn't worry about it and his babydoll deserves it.
You sat there taking in the smell of his cologne and the cigarette smoke. Tame jazz music in the back ground.
He hums along quietly listening to the music with a soft smile on his face as his eyes dart between you and the road, admiringly looking at you. Every now and then you feel his caresses on your arms, shoulders and back and your face heats up, making you feel flustered
you buried your head into his neck further hiding your blush "Thank you for the clothes Mr. Jeong"
"Of course, Baby. Anything for you." He said before a hand landed on your head, lightly scratching your head as you laid in the crook of his neck. You could feel his warm smile as his gaze was still admiring you "You look gorgeous,"
He spoke in a voice thick with adoration
he took another inhale of the smoke before kissing your neck a bit letting the smoke pour from his mouth as he did so
The sudden sensation on your neck made you gasp, and your eyelids sagged shut as it startled you. You were frozen for a moment before he kissed you there, sending shivers down your spine. Your face blushed anew; "Sir.." you murmured breathlessly, trying to compose yourself.
you hated when he teased you, he knew how much neck kisses turned you on
As his lips continued up and down your neck you could feel your breathing become more rapid. Your body shuddered with the anticipation, making the hand under the crook of your neck hold you close. You could hear your heart rate begin accelerating and your face heating up once more. His breath on your neck made you want to melt away
"I think my babydoll might be enjoying this~" He spoke in a whisper tone
He chuckled lightly before shifting your head with his hand, lightly holding your chin in his hand as he turned your head to look at him.
"so adorable~" He spoke in that same low and deep voice of his but with the addition of a tone of affection. He smiled gently before his lips softly pressed against yours.
you gasped taken aback from the kiss, he rarely ever kissed you on the lips even when the two of you had sex he still always kissed your neck or jaw line never touching your lips. You slowly melted into his kiss slowly kissing him back
With a small kiss on your nose, Yunho had broken the silence in the car. His eyes were gazing at you adoringly. His breathing was still heavy as he took in the sight of you. His gaze had been soft and loving but there was something about it that was different, the way he was looking at you, the soft look in his eyes, etc., everything about it was different.
"Baby doll, have I told you that I love you?" He spoke as he looked at you, his voice quiet and loving
The next morning was expectantly strange. Although it felt like a weight was lifted off your shoulders, it also opened a new door of confusion. What now?
You knew it was wrong to just assume that he could still be yours but the thought of losing him made your stomach twist. Sometimes you would feel his hands wrapped around you at night, but they were always gone by the morning just as he was and you’d simply go to work.
Jeonghan felt the tension in the air. You were scared and he didn’t know how to deal with it. Truthfully he was scared as well.
What now?
Some mornings he would wake to find you in his arms. He’d take a moment to savor and reminisce before he let you go and got up to get ready for work.
‘Tomorrow’ you would both say to yourselves. Tomorrow would come tomorrow would go with still no resolve. Almost a month passed of living in limbo. Concerned friends would ask and Jeonghan would avoid the questions, albeit not as skillfully as he wanted.
“Why do you guys keep acting so strange? Either break up or stay together.” Your sister scolded you over the phone.
“It’s not that simple.” You whispered back.
Jeonghan wasn't home but you still felt nervous talking about the situation aloud.
“That’s where you’re wrong, it’s very simple.” Your sister said with a sigh of tired frustration having had this same conversation with you too many times already. “Do you love him?”
“Yes.” Your heart had answered before your brain could question.Your voice was shaky but you were certain.
“Then you have to at least try. I gotta go now but you better talk to him before the weekend’s up and you get busy again. And let me know how it goes.”
“Ok ok, I will. Love you.”
“Yeah yeah I love you too.”
Your big sister was your compass and you knew she was always right. You had to talk to him and it had to be tonight. The restlessness of wondering what he was thinking was suffocating you.
You cooked dinner while mulling over your predicament. You had to be the one to initiate the conversation. After all, you were the one who pushed him away. You chewed your lip as you mulled it over, the anxiety building up in you.
Cooking was a method of stress relief that you’d started up a few years ago. Your mother used to always cook such exquisite dishes for your family when you were younger. On the days you watched her cook saying that it was too much work for you she would tell you that it was therapeutic and to try it. Lung cancer took her from you when you were 15. It’s why you hated smoking so much. You missed her the most you’ve ever had while you were away. As you chopped and simmered you felt yourself calming a little, having chosen a simple pasta dish you readied dinner with ease.
*I made spaghetti for dinner.* You texted Jeonghan. *Are you coming back soon?*
*Sounds good 😊 I’ll probably be there in 30.*
You let out a breath glad that he agreed only to hold it again. You checked yourself over in the doorway mirror realizing that you’d better shower before he got here, after all the goal was to convince him that he still wanted to be with you.
Jeonghan was on his way to drink and de-stress with friends when he got your text. He quickly read it as his heart did acrobatics.
Tomorrow was finally here. No more dancing in the shadows.
He let out a breath of resolve before texting you back and then letting his friends know that he wasn’t coming tonight. He drove home slowly as he let possible scenarios play out in his thoughts. Parking outside the house he lit a cigarette to clear his mind. Once finished he took one more deep breath before heading in.
The door opened for him before he could unlock it. There you stood beautiful as ever. Your eyes sparkled and your face glowed with that smile he would never get enough of. One of his large shirts covered your body enticingly and when he walked past you into the house he smelled your heavenly scent.
Jeonghan smiled at you.
“Are you hungry?” You asked while helping him take off his jacket.
“I’m starved. Let me just wash up first.”
“Sounds good. I need to finish toasting the garlic bread.”
Jeonghan quickly washed and changed before heading to the kitchen. Everything smelled amazing and looked delicious. This was the first time you’d ever cooked for him, he didn’t even know you knew how to. Actually he distinctly remembered that you said you couldn’t.
“Everything looks amazing!” Jeonghan exclaimed as he sat at the seat you’d set for him across from you. “Since when were you a chef?”
“Lonely nights.” You said without thinking and then quickly regretted it. You bit your lip and scanned his face for a reaction. A flicker of sadness crossed his eyes and left as quickly as it came. You mentally kicked yourself.
“L-let’s eat. I hope you like it.” You said, drying your sweaty palms on your napkin for what felt like the hundredth time.
You watched as he took a bite and chewed before quickly looking up at you with a smile. “It’s delicious!”
You relaxed a little and began to eat glad that you at the very least didn’t screw up the dinner.
“Oh, I got you something!” You exclaimed suddenly before popping up and going to grab the necklace you’d bought him as a belated birthday present.
You handed it to him, bouncing on your feet in anticipation.
“Thank you.” He said softly without taking the box.
You stuffed the box in his hands, forcing him to take it. “I never got you a birthday gift.”
He had a soft look on his face as he quietly opened the box examining the contents inside.
“How did you know I wanted this!?” He said, a cute look of surprise on his face.
“Do you like it?” You ask as you watched him already struggling with the clasp.
You reached over, taking the necklace from him before helping him put it on. He held it in his hand looking down at it with joy. He thanked you again while you headed back to your seat to finish dinner feeling proud that he liked the gift.
You two had a simple conversation about work and the simple things in life as if there was nothing else to talk about. It felt nice.
“I’ll do the dishes since you worked so hard.” Jeonghan said as he collected the empty plates off the table. You got up to help him anyway. Now that dinner was finished you knew it was time for business. The only problem was that you still didn’t know what to say.
You two worked in silence creating a mini conveyor belt of washing and rinsing.
“Jeonghan?” Your tentative voice broke through the quiet tension.
“Yes.”
“I’m sorry… I-I know this is a poor excuse but these past few years have been tough for me. I’ve never felt so low and I pushed everyone away while searching for whatever it was I thought I needed.”
Tears began to well in your eyes as you continued unable to look at him afraid that you wouldn’t be able to hold back your sobs.
“I-I lost myself and instead of taking responsibility I blamed you for not being there. I blamed you for being so far away while I pushed you even farther. Honestly I was a mess until my sister came and shook me out of it. When I was transferred back I was so happy but I didn’t know what to do. I knew I hurt you but I was too embarrassed. You tried time and time again but I ruined it all…”
You cursed yourself for crying, it felt manipulative but you just couldn’t hold back all the emotions that you’d packed down over these years.
Jeonghan knew it all already. He’d heard about it from your sister when you first came back. She’d come over and asked him to be patient with you. His vision blurred as you poured your heart out to him, tears falling down his own cheeks as they fell down yours. When the tears wouldn’t let you say anything else he pulled you into his embrace.
“I know, I know. I’m sorry too. I should've done more for you, for us.”
Jeonghan held you close and you clung to him with all your might. When you’d calmed down some he stepped back and took a look at you. With his index finger he lifted your eyes to his and his thumb tenderly wiping away the tears that rolled down your face. He held your eyes in his until your breathing steadied.
“Is it okay if I kiss you?” Jeonghan asked so gently you thought yourself to be daydreaming.
You nodded quickly and he took a moment longer to look at you before you felt his warm lips against yours.
The salt of your tears that sparked on Jeonghan's tongue was slowly washed away by the sweetness of your taste. My goodness he thought, you were as delectable as ever. He tried not to swallow you whole as he craved to deepen the kiss. The plush of your lips was heavenly and the way your tongue danced across his was hypnotic.
He felt your fingers against his chest as you played with his buttons desperate to undo them. Jeonghan held your hands before reluctantly tearing himself from your kiss so that he could pull you to the bedroom.
The moment you entered the room Jeonghan’s lips were hot against your skin, his hands venturing from squeezing your hips to sliding beneath your shirt. The way his breath tickled your ear sent shivers to your core as he asked you to raise your arms. You feverishly undid the buttons of his shirt, pulling it off and moving on the top button of his jeans.
You eventually found yourselves on the bed, you atop him as you hurriedly unclasped your bra while he finished kicking off his pants. Too hot and bothered to do anything properly you moved your hips, pressing your clothes heat against his. Jeonghan groaned into your mouth, his hands squeezing your ass to press you closer. Frustration building he flipped you over on the bed, head spinning at the way your panties stuck to you before he hungrily pulled them off.
You sat up meeting him halfway, too needy to wait for him to come back. When you reached his lips you swallowed his kisses as if they were your oxygen. To your dismay you were once again separated while he removed his underwear. You whined at the unfairness of it all and Jeonghan laughed at your pouting face, finding you unbearably adorable.
With his return your bodies pressed together sending your mind into a frenzy, the cold metal pendant of his necklace buzzing gentle chills where it touched. Jeonghan littered your skin with sloppy kisses as he fought himself to take his time and slowly push into your entrancing heat. He groaned into your neck as you squeezed around him. He was stretching you perfectly and the sound of your breathy moans intoxicated him.
Everything was so perfectly familiar. Jeonghan fell right into a rhythm instantly finding your sweet spot. How could he forget when the face you made was so gorgeously lustful. How could he forget when the noises you made were so breathtakingly sinful.
It’d been so long that he already felt you fluttering around him, telling him you were close.
Jeonghan continued rolling his hips into you at a pace you’d never been able to replicate with any toy. Oh how you craved him. Your body reacted methodically to his touches.
Previously you could only recall the way his tongue felt against your nipples, the way he would kiss and nibble on your ears, the way he would suck and mark your collarbone, the way he would rest his forehead against yours and whisper sweet nothing to you. Now that you were experiencing it all again he was even better than you could’ve imagined.
He had memorized your everything and you had memorized his. You squeezed around him the way you knew drove him mad, his moans pleasing to your ears.
Your hands tracked Jeonghan's body not wanting to miss even the smallest detail of this moment. Your thoughts began to fade and all that was left were the echoes of your love. He lifted your leg around him to go deeper and soon after you were crying out as pleasures shook through your body.
The pulsations of your orgasm was just what it took to send Jeonghan over the edge. He quickly pulled out and felt your hands wrapping around him, stroking until his hot seed splattered between the both of you.
He collapsed against you and you felt the warmth spread against your skin. Never growing tired of his lips, you held his face kissing him more. Your movements were lazy and tired but to him they couldn't have been sweeter.
You got started on the shower while Jeonghan freshened the sheets before joining you. You both washed quickly as the exhaustion of it all overtook. You felt light as a feather but beyond sleepy. Still you took a gentle moment to help him dry his hair which took longer than necessary due to him finding your lips so distracting. Without bothering to dress you both laid in bed snuggling together.
Jeonghans voice broke the silence. “Promise me you won’t shut me out like that again. Promise me you’ll talk to me. I’m here for you okay.”
“I promise.” You whispered.
Although sleep was already taking you away you still meant it with your all. “I love you.”
He kissed the top of your head and squeezed you closer. “I love you too.”
You woke up to an empty bed. As quickly as you could in your half awake state your eyes searched for Jeonghan, catching sight of him on the balcony.
The wind softly blew through his hair as he took a drag from the cigarette that gently rested between his delicate fingers. He had the robe you gifted him birthdays ago tied loosely around him. You quietly slipped out of bed, throwing your own robe over you before tiptoeing to him. You slipped your hands around his waist and felt him slightly startle.
“You're awake?” He asked relaxing in your embrace, his free hand slipping into one of yours.
“It was cold without you.” You replied, laying your head against his back.
“Sorry, I just came out here to think.”
“About what?”
“…Us.”
“Yeah?”
He tenderly rubbed your hand with his thumb as he spoke.
“Yeah. I’m…glad I have you back. I’m not sure what I’d do without you.”
His breathing sounds and heart beats calmed your ever buzzing mind, his back shielding you from the chill of the wind.
“It’s me who needs you.” You said holding him tighter.
Jeonghan was quiet for a moment before he responded.
“We need each other.”
He put out his cigarette and turned around to face you with one of his charming smiles.
“Bout time I quit smoking huh?”
You looked at him with wide eyes.
“Really!? You mean it?”
“That was my last one.” He said, chuckling at the look of surprise on your beautiful face.
Your expression blossomed into one of joy and you laid your face against his chest, hugging him to you.
“Thank you.” You whispered.
“I suppose then I’ll need something else to occupy my mouth with.”
You looked up at him catching his mischievous glint and the moonlight twinkle in his eyes. Chuckling you caressed his face, your thumb brushing over his lips.
Your sweet scent lingers in his nose. Your laughter played in his memory. His skin always craved your touch. You are an addiction that he can’t cut any more than the cigarettes you hated that he smoked.
You would always say “you know those are bad for you” and he would simply nod before taking another drag. He thought of the way you would gently take the cigarette out of his hand before filling the lingering emptiness with you. The way you would lower yourself onto him, your hands caressing his face as your body wrapped around his and your decadent taste filled his mouth.
“Why would you smoke when you could just kiss me?” You’d asked once.
Your question was silly. You knew it was and so did he. He had to laugh at your adorableness before he could answer.
“You’ve got a point.” he said before squeezing you against him. “I also wish I could kiss you every time I needed a cigarette.”
“Whenever you’re with me you can.” You said softly before lifting his lips to you and blessing them once again.
Now he took a drag of his cigarette while he looked over the city. He smoked a lot more these days but cigarettes didn’t relax him, even so the chilly autumn air on the balcony was sobering. You were only asleep on the bed yet you still felt so very far away.
You hadn’t said much to him recently. You haven’t even looked at him. Simple words we’re only hummed as you brushed past each other like ghosts.
Everyone talked about how hard long distance relationships are but nothing could’ve prepared you for how hard it could be when the person you love starts to feel like a stranger. Missing each other wasn't something new. Ever since missed calls and forgotten promises you’ve been like passing ships in the night.
Now that you’re finally back together you weren’t even sure that you knew the person that laid next to you every night.
Well not every night. Sometimes Jeonghan would crash at a friend’s, sometimes he would fall asleep in his chair. His neck would ache in the morning but Jeonghan thought staring at your silent back was more painful. You even used a separate blanket. In the morning he would try to rub away the pain and you felt strange for wanting to help.
You came in late again, showered, and went straight to bed. You didn’t even eat.
You had been so happy when you finally got transferred back to Korea that you didn’t even think about how much you had missed. You didn’t even use the brand of shampoo that was still left in the shower from your last time here. When was that? You couldn’t even remember what was more important than the flights you kept missing.
Work had been stressful for Jeonghan. He still wished he could kiss you. A strange craving, a familiar craving, one that was distant as it was violent. Instead he took another drag, the warmth of the cigarette filling his lungs, instead of you.
Waking to the scent of a freshly lit cigarette was nothing foreign to you. You rolled over and looked at the man sitting in your balcony chair, the cigarette he had just taken a drag from now resting delicately between his slender fingers. Has he lost weight?
You’d be lying if you said you didn’t miss the feeling of his body against you, the taste of his mouth, his warm scent that always smelled of soft cotton and something sweet like vanilla or cinnamon.
That and his favorite brand of cigarettes.
You were so exhausted and achy you winced when you rolled over. Work was still hard here, an excuse you told yourself when you buried deep in it and came home later and later. You blinked back the stinging in your eyes ready to sleep again.
That is until you heard something that sounded of the faintest sniff.
Was he crying? Now more awake than ever, you strained your ears and listened again. You heard another sniff and this time you sat up.
You squint to see him in the faint glow of city lights.
He startled when he noticed you awake, quickly wiping his face.
“I’m sorry.” Was the first thing that rolled off his tongue. In the ten years you knew him you’d seen him cry a handful of times.
“Did I wake you?” He asked in a low voice.
He’d definitely been crying.
You shook your head no. A simple lie. You were afraid to sadden him anymore then he already was. “I had a bad dream.” You continued, the last part feeling less like a lie.
Slowly you stood, pushing aside the way pain shot through your feet and rested in your lower back. You only thought of the way your heart now ached from his dimmed eyes looking at you with longing.
You sat across from him and he quickly avoided your gaze.
Tentatively you brought your hand to his face feeling his damp cheek against your shaking fingers. You weren’t sure if it was okay but your hand acted on its own.
Jeonghan didn’t stop you. He leaned his face into your warm hand.
“Hannie?” You said softly, your mouth moving naturally to pronounce the endearing name it missed. “What’s the matter?”
He brought his cigarette to his lips and you intercepted it, acting again on instinct, sliding it between your fingers and placing it on the tray. Now he looked at you, his eyes catching the light from the moon.
“It’s hard to say.” He answered quietly.
“What is?” You asked, knowing the answer that you also fought to deny.
“Nothing. I don’t know. But… it’s all… it’s all hard.”
He paused to take a breath before continuing. ”Just… this.”
“Happy birthday.” Was all you could whisper, tears catching in your throat.
It had only just occurred to you what today was. You’d missed it. You’d never done that before. God, what was wrong with you? What happened to you?
He looked into your eyes, surprise mixed on his face with heartache.
“I’m sorry, I forgot. I didn’t get you a present.” Tears fell down your face. You felt awful for crying.
Jeonghan caught your tears with gentle fingers. Suddenly he grabbed your hand and softly pulled you towards him. You fell into his lap just as you always did. Even this simple motion was comforting. Your body remembered what you had stupidly forgotten.
Jeonghan had been holding his breath. Hearing you say the words that he's quietly been wishing for all day was like the breath of air you’d take when you thought you’d never again. A hopeful resuscitation. The tears that fell down your face gave him courage. You remembered.
“I don’t want to lose you.” He whispered softly. The tears that you had wiped away moments before spilled once more.
“Tell me that you still love me.” He spoke before he could bite his tongue again.
“I love you.” Your heart answered for you and quickly you voiced it before you couldn’t. You buried your face into his shirt as another sob shook you.
“I miss you.” Jeonghan whispered softly, afraid to break the moment.
The gates were open and for once it wasn’t just sadness, there was also relief.
And regret.
And even disappointment.
These were things you never let yourself feel before because they made it hard to breathe. Now they calmed you. You both knew there was more to mend but now it no longer felt daunting.
The cigarette had burnt out like incense.
The bed was warm to Jeonghan tonight because he could see your face, it was warm to you because he held your hand.
synopsis ; you’re convinced yoon jeonghan is the worst neighbor you’ve ever had…until a couple drinks help you realize he isn’t.
pairing ; yoon jeonghan + fem!reader featuring yunjin from lesserafim
notes ; non idol au, frenemies to lovers, neighbors to lovers, fluff, harmless and cute arguing, sort of very suggestive towards the end, reader is in denial, reader gets really drunk, jeonghan makes like two sex jokes because he’s a little shit, small mentions of eating. idk if this is a weird concept but whatever. anyways this is my first svt fic lets goo (and first fic of 2023 yay happy new years guys)
word count ; 2.6k
You have never seen Yoon Jeonghan’s face, yet you know him well enough to consider him the worst neighbor you’ve ever had.
Does seeing his face really matter to you, though? He’s the worst, and that’s all you need to know.
