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Don't Get Cocky, Pitch

Won't lie, sometimes cracking a liner off the face of the opposing pitcher makes me feel bad, you know. Figure the guy is just trying to get outs for his squad and look good in front of elite league scouts and here he has me staring back at him through some mirrored Oakleys needing a base knock for the cycle. That's intimidating enough to make him toss me a meatball and then, boom, he gets his nose busted.

Part of the game, I suppose.

But then sometimes there are situations where I don't feel bad at all when I leave an imprint of a softball in a pitchers forehead...

If that was me at the plate, not sure that pitcher would be making the second game of the double-header

Let it be known that if you walk into my dugout sporting shorts and tennis shoes like this slug, I'm turning you around and telling you to head home and finish up that game of Scrabble.

Can't tell if he's trying to break up a double play or if he's freaked out by the bumble bee he just caught a glimpse of.

Most of the times I toss a video up here, it's me teaching you clowns how its done on the diamond. This time I figure you'd want to see what it's like when a real elite level player gets a hold of one.

Let's just say if you're going to live near an adult men's softball field that I'm playing on, you'd better get yourself a big time insurance policy. You never know when the sky is going to start raining bullets.

At first this lady was totally pissed at me. Then she realized that she'd rubbed shoulders with greatness and became a fan. Can't blame her.

How do you feel about batters that take strikes?

I only respect ballplayers who rake strikes. The only time a pitcher gets ahead in a count against me is if the 425 foot piss rocket I torched lands a few inches foul.

what is the most intimidating softball facial hair and why? a top 5 would be great.

5.) No facial hair - I've been more scared of girls who play co-ed than guys who don't have facial hair. Grow up, pansy.

4.) Blonde mustaches - looks like beer froth that they forget to lick off their upper lip. Rooks

3.) Anyone who looks like Goose Gossage

2.) Mine

1.) Mike Macenko's when he played for Steele's

Softball guy, I am a lead-off hitter. I hit line-drives and get on base at a tremendous rate. I do have to ask, what importance do the men have who bat in front of you?

If you want to touch home that night, get on base in front of me. And in case it wasn't clear, I mean "home" both literally and figuratively.

Don't get on base in front of me and I might clock you and leave you in an alley. I need RBIs

how much you bench?

Zero innings a game.

Is wearing a facemask as a pitcher the move of a savvy veteran, or a pussy with slow reflexes? Have you ever hit a pitcher in the grill with one of your, um... "piss rockets"?

Many pitcher's faces have felt my wrath, either from a line drive or with me bouncing a few right hands off their forehead after they intentionally walk me.

I can see a pitcher wearing some armor when facing a stick like mine, especially if they also have a brand new pair of Oakleys on. Can't fault someone for protecting his Blades.

Now, if this chump ever intentionally walked me while wearing a face mask, then it might be his final days playing softball. I've got that kind of clout in this game. Try me.

If your were a Gameday Tycoon, what sports teams would you snatch up and disband because you could?

First off, if you're saying I'm not already a gameday tycoon then you haven't seen me swing lumber. What comes off my bat is considered illegal in six states.

As for my favorite disband - I'd probably go with The Scorpions although Ratt had a few good "on deck circle" songs.

People want to know what kind of glove I'm using to swallow as many groundballs as I do cans of Busch in a game and so here it is. Not exactly what most of you chumps would have guessed I'm wearing out there.

Just take note - when it comes to being far better than you or anyone you know at softball, I'm willing to try something a little bit different if it gives me even more of an advantage. Even if that means wearing baseball equipment.

Although, let's be honest, I don't really need any more advantage when you consider the rockets that explode off my bat everytime I swing.

What kind of leather does a legend like you flash in the field? Gotta be something that has a beer can holder on the back, right?

Going to have to go into more detail on this one. Maybe even pull out the camera to show you clowns how a star like me can eat up anything you hit to him.

People keep asking me what I think of "sabermetrics" that they use in the ninny version of softball - aka baseball. Apparently these people suggest that there are numbers that are more important to keep track of than bombs, frozen ropes, piss rockets, demoralized pitchers and the other ones in my box score.

We'll see how these new stats will play in my world, baby.

#sabermetrics #piss rockets #frozen ropes #VORP

What is your favorite pre-game meal before a double-header?

Well, my in-game meal is normally slug pitchers who lob balls right into my wheelhouse. I'll chow on them all day long.

Before the games I normally down a homemade protein shake. That's got some "whey" protein, 24 ounces of Busch, three slices of bacon and then a can of Kodiak for flavor. Blend it up and you'll be crushing bombs in no time.

I'm not really into other sports besides the one I was put on this earth to dominate in, but even I know that this BCS sport that is run by computer nerds blows.

I got a few suggestions how I'd treat it if they ever tried to bring this BCS guy into elite slow-pitch

#BCS #I crush

I shave off my lip duster for this "Movember" thing everyone's talking about and within about 8 hours that puppy was on its way back.

I guess that just proves that I'm more masculine than you. And probably everyone in your "rec" league. Unless you play co-ed, there are some masculine broads in those dugouts. They can't hit on my level, but they can slam a 24 oz can of Busch like a man.

#movember #mustaches are for real men #chicks who can slam beer #halloween costumes

Not a shock that back in '09 when the chumps at EA Sports wanted to make a video game about pure greatness on the softball field, they called me up.

Apparently in their world, they can recreate a dominant player by filming me in a black unitard with balls strapped to my chest, head and legs. I needed a few bottles of beer to get loosened up, but pretty sure I put on a show those geeks have never seen.

#EA Sports #motion capture of awesomeness

Everyone was always hounding me about whether I take any "performance enhancing drugs" to become as dominant as I am week-in, week-out.

I decided it was time to come clean.

#zima #Mike Macenko #sleeves are for pansies

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