elli

i try to put all my big emotions into little words and dedicate them to the moon🌕

[softminded-wannabepoet]

starcrossed forevermore

A gleaming presence always bright and glowing but everybody fails to see Her essence

Everybody but the girl with silvery hair, misunderstood by most, She doesn’t squint when looking at Her

They admire each other day and night if only they weren’t intimidated by the others light

She loves Her, and though unexpected the feelings aren’t rejected

Once a month they get to meet, when She is full and the world’s asleep

They spend this time intertwined as close as they can as to not waste this precious time

A concoction of ultramarine and brilliant gold an unlikely pairing, so their story is told

But at dawn they have to part both going back to creating their own art

In times like this, love can seem lost but one must understand, the singular moments are worth the cost

despite, their love can never be undermined for every night, She lets stars fly across the sky and in the morning, Her light, shining over the fields of rye, paints the clouds as a reply

-e.t.

[softminded-wannabepoet]

Golden cuts/gilded scars

In the Japanese culture broken objects are repaired with gold; cracks are something art can be made of, something unique; imperfections are not just accepted but celebrated and ornated

I look at people that way; in my eyes people are not broken or lost causes, they are perfectly imperfect

For me, this comes naturally. I have always been this way; I appreciate the beauty of flaws

So, when I love someone, I love them whole, I kiss their scars and caress their wounds, all the things they deem unworthy of affection

The thought of someone feeling this way about me however seems wholly unnatural. I cannot imagine someone looking at me, seeing all the broken parts, all my scars, everything I cry about and loving them so dearly

I don’t understand how they might see golden cuts and gilded scars instead of mistakes and unworthy flaws. loving someone makes sense to me being loved feels fake and dangerous and wrong

But he showed me otherwise he said that my scarred parts are to be loved like every other he kissed what I thought was too ugly and broken, never to see the light of day

So now, I try to remember that every tear I cry makes its way in a golden stream into the deep dark cracks that have been damned and hated way too long and they repair them, step by step creating not a perfectly smooth surface but a unique and beautiful work of art a work of art I call “myself”

-e.t.

[softminded-wannabepoet]

I always forget to bring my umbrella

I always forget to bring my umbrella even though I studied the weather forecast, even though my mum reminds me, even though it’s laying on the kitchen table, ready for me to grab; I leave the house and it behind.

Every time I forget it, it rains. I feel the first droplets hit my skin, hear thunder growling in the distance, I look up at the heavy clouds and remember my lonesome umbrella on the kitchen table; I sigh and keep walking.

It starts with a slow drizzle. I think of the clouds, how relieved they must be to finally let go of the weight, how excited to leave behind their darkness.

The heavy drops paint the street a dark grey. I think of the plants in our garden, yearning for the water. I hope that the wind won’t act up, after all, the tulips are so delicate.

The cold creeps in under my layers. I hug my arms around me tighter and think of the book in my bag. The book I bring everywhere and never read. I would be sad if it got wet.

The streams make their way down my cheeks. I think of how jealous I am of the clouds and the plants, they get to let go, to start anew after the storm, fresh and plump with life - but this reminds me, reminds me of how there’s always sunshine after rain.

Sometimes the clouds in my head get a bit too heavy. They fill with water, and it rains. Sometimes it rains for days on end. I have to remind myself then, that rain makes room for clear skies. I have to be careful not to forget about the sun because even though she is hidden behind dark clouds, the sun will rise again.

-e.t.

[softminded-wannabepoet]

first snow

I watched the snow today, it was the first snow of the year. I know it’s a little cliché but I couldn’t stop wishing for you to be here.

I watched the snow today and had to think of you, of us and all that we still wanted to do. We dreamed so big but were so small, now all I can do is watch the snowflakes fall.

I came home and curled up in bed. Lying there, next to your shadow, I realised, I would never get you out of my head. I could not erase the warm moments we spent here long ago.

They would simply start fading; now, earl grey might remind me of you as well as listening to fly me to the moon, but soon it would stop aching.

There will always be a part of me that belongs to you, the part that remembers your smile and how your arms felt like home. The part that is secretly terrified of being alone. But you’ve plainly shown me these past days, your love was never true.

I watched the snow today and had to think of you, of salty tears and how shouting was your favourite thing to do. I screamed so loud, but you never listened, now all I can do is sit there alone and watch the ice glisten.

I watched the snow today, it was the first snow of the year. I breathed in the cold winter air and finally, my sight was clear.   -e.t.

[softminded-wannabepoet]

i'm scared that i will always be too much or not enough, i'm scared that you will soon realise that i'm not as good as you think, i'm scared that you will see me like he did, i'm scared that i will ruin things because i think too much, i always ruin things, i don't want to ruin you, you're good - but i'm not, i'm not good, i don't think i deserve you

[softminded-wannabepoet]

i really just need to be held and told that it's all gonna be okay for like a month or so

i think that would help with this whole human condition/existential dread thing

[softminded-wannabepoet]

do you remember?

do you remember a simpler time a time when sunny days meant ice cream and joyous laughter a time when we were free when you were kind and sought after a time when my save haven was your arms when I was so incredibly charmed

can you recall the moment your smile was replaced with an aggressive face? can you recall the moment my eyes grew tired? can you recall the moment I lost myself and you your disguise?

I used to remember our happy days but now I think I have to rephrase we were never happy we were never free in fact, it was all just a dream

-e.t.

[softminded-wannabepoet]

walking the line

stolen glances eyes meeting across the room unnoticed romantic advances will this be our doom?

A hand stroking a thigh carefully walking the line the line between friends and something more you are all I have ever looked for

Now that I’ve found you I don’t want to let go immersed in the feeling of the afterglow I bury my face in the sweater you borrowed telling my heart it mustn’t explode

Because we cannot be shall not exist so each time you look at me I get pulled deeper into the abyss

Still I lie awake at night imagining your lips on mine our hands intertwined as I breathe kisses down your spine

Your body moves under my touch sighs and gasps disrupting the silence let’s never come out of hiding but don’t worry, this is just a little crush

-e.t.