Hadassah.

• kaiviti, 25, sexy n sad

[auxcayes]

Photography by Alex Webb

[deliriumclub]

photography from abalone shells exhibition

[someoneoutoftown]

Back in 2021, I’d spent several months on this painting only to crash out one night and cover everything up with white paint. Yes, I was very regretful at first bc of how my impatience and instabilities got me to impulsively scrap a project that I’d devoted so much time and hard work to….but I was young n dumb. Picture 20 y.o me, super stoned and prob starving bc she was living paycheck to paycheck. At least she was free to do whatever she wanted, try whatever she wanted. Make mistakes and fuck up. Learn from those mistakes and fuck up again.

Once the paint dried, I tried using spray paints for the first time (The man I was interested in at the time was a stupidly good tagger and I wanted his attention. *Note to self* don’t ever do shit for a man’s attention). After that layer dried, I went over it with heavy-body acrylic pain; another moment where I’d just let my hands move the paint with no direction in mind. The intention was only to flow and that’s when the final painting came to life. With a bit of gold paint and gold foil mixed in here and there :) No brushes used, just my hands and a plastic paint spatula.

I was inspired by the several layers hidden beneath and the hard truths that I was learning to accept within myself. Though many scars aren’t visible to the eye, there’s a quiet strength in that which is as beautiful as it is painful.

At this time, I was also coming to terms with the traumatic experiences my body had carried and the heavy emotions that went unfelt for years. I was both proud of myself for acknowledging what happened, but also deeply sad for what my child self endured. This painting marked a point of liberation for me that I think was so crucial for a young 20 y.o young woman that was trying to parent herself and heal her inner child, while navigating Big Girl problems like paying bills and maintaining a steady job. I was and am still learning to love myself at every point, through every struggle, instead of giving up like my mind screams at me to. I think this is a practice I’ll have to keep at for the rest of my life, but that’s okay! In the meantime, I’m still painting and rambling and rolling along.

If you want to see what it looked like pre-crash out:

Post by @someoneoutoftown · 1 image

💬 0  🔁 0  ❤️ 11 · Current progress of an acrylic painting that’s been in the works for three long months. Who knows when I’ll finish it, pro

Post by @someoneoutoftown · 4 images

💬 0  🔁 1  ❤️ 0 · Some of the initial layers of the painting I posted in 2021. These layers were painted first between my friends and I over

[someoneoutoftown]

Some of the initial layers of the painting I posted in 2021. These layers were painted first between my friends and I over many nights of getting drunk in my apartment - our den, our safe haven, the creative space for a while (until it wasn’t). Over the years, those friends and I have drifted n grown apart. As sad as it was at the time, I’ve come to accept that is the beauty of human connections. However long or short a connection may last, it’s the memories and feelings cultivated n co-created between our souls that leaves a mark. I was so blessed to have connected with creative and kind souls.

[someoneoutoftown]

Side quest complete n new smoke spot unlocked! 📍Goat Rock, located along the Saratoga Ridge Trail in the Santa Cruz mtns :)

[milkandvoid]

[someoneoutoftown]

I started this painting in late 2024 and finished it in July of 2025. It’s probably one of my favorites of all time because I poured my all into it. It was a time when I felt like I’d given up but I couldn’t stop creating, and I was going to finish this painting even if it was the last thing I did.

Fortunately, it wasn’t. And I finished two other paintings after this… Shit kinda got me thinking that creating Art is my life’s purpose wooooooo crazzzzzy :)

Everything else might be crumbling, but my will to create something beautiful? Nevah!

[someoneoutoftown]

Let my nephew play around with an old painting and decided to play around with it even more. This is oil and acrylic on 19”x14” canvas

[someoneoutoftown]

3am: hunched over a canvas on the floor and letting my feelings have free reign over the brush.

fueled by: Chardonnay and sad music

[someoneoutoftown]

So… there was a couple of months towards the end of 2025, where I was going through multiple bottles of tequila or wine within a week (not an exaggeration unfort). Amidst that tumultuous period, I worked on a few new paintings and this is one of them. I’m not sure exactly where I was planning to go with this one… I think I just wanted to push myself to experiment with a new style, so I first went over the original layer with acrylic paint and incorporated oil paint over time on the fish and turt :))

Still a work in progress, but she’s not half bad!

Pbbbt :P

[webdiggerxxx]

palestine, 2012

[someoneoutoftown]

3am: hunched over a canvas on the floor and letting my feelings have free reign over the brush.

fueled by: Chardonnay and sad music

[icecreamwithjackdaniels]

Han Meilin (Chinese, b. 1936), "Bear"

[xanaxfarts]

Tentoku-in (also known as the Bellflower Temple) 天徳院 Töfuku-ji Complex, Rinzai Zen Buddhism Kyoto, Japan Late Momoyama/Edo Period Mumu Issei, mid-14th century, restored 1615, Edo Period

[someoneoutoftown]

reconnecting to roots in Suva (June-August 2024)

[someoneoutoftown]

Current progress of an acrylic painting that’s been in the works for three long months. Who knows when I’ll finish it, probably months from now but it’s okay. Patience is my best friend right now, second to my Self! Learning to be my own best friend is maybe one of the biggest challenges I’m overcoming in this life as of yet, but it’s alright. I’m alright. I’m preserving my own peace of mind.

I falsely thought I’d be able to overcome depression smoothly- but I am still a lost human being on my life path. Every morning I lie awake wondering where I will go today, what I will pour my energy into, and the answers seldom come to me. So I go forth into each day, trusting that things will enter and unfold in my life as they should. To a mind that runs endlessly, creating and deconstructing scenarios, memories, thoughts that come to life in my head and move within their own accord, it is frightening. I want to prepare for the worst case scenario. I want to be sure and prepared for everything that comes my way. But is that impossible in a world of uncertainty? I don’t know what exactly awaits me. But I do know that I am trying my best to cultivate self-control and self-determination. That’s enough for me to know that I’ll get myself through anything.

[caitstadler]

[timbllr]

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