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Difficult decisions in cloudy weather

Even when Bishkek is sunny, the mood always feels grey to me. I can’t quite explain why.

Could it be the architecture?

I have been here for about a month and a half now. Upon arriving, I had so many plans of what I would do here. I anticipated that it would be a fulfilling semester that would bring me worlds of knowledge, present me with challenges and allow myself to be immersed in a new culture. So far, I have experienced many things; food, language, culture. I have been presented with the opportunity to take classes that are deeply of interest to me and pursue an internship with an organization that does the most inspiring work I have ever known. I have gone skiing and hiking in the mountains, taken brief trips to the bazaar, managed to find coffee shops that feel like home. I’ve had miscommunication due to language barriers, I’ve been ripped off by taxi drivers, and I’ve affirmed my vegetarianism for good now.  

I still eat fish though

Sometimes I even roamed the streets and people watched. However something began to shift in my thinking early on that has caused me to be really unhappy here. People watching turned into paranoia, loud noises caused me to feel unsafe, and my imagination went from productive idea building to expecting the worst possible scenarios. The idea of culture shock swallowed me and made me disillusioned. I started building my own reality of what things are like here based off of cultural biases and what is fed to me (or perhaps what I obsessively though unwantingly sought out) in the news-media. My open-mindedness that I brought along with me became more and more closed. I stopped going to classes and wanting to socialize. I spent my weekends binge watching RuPaul’s Drag Race and lost my appetite. I’ve never felt so separated from myself in my 22 years of life and let me tell you that having to go through all of this abroad was so terrifying.

This negativity took me by surprise-- you would think that being in a new place one would be full of curiosity and want to get out and do things in hopes of getting the most out of the experience. This is what I truly wanted for myself and was my sole purpose of coming here. Not to mention that I invested a lot of time, energy and money to come and do school work at AUCA. But unfortunately, any sort of break in one’s well-being is unpredictable and often arrive ill-timed. Coming halfway across the world and suddenly feeling low is a very, very inconvenient moment. So this is one of those moments where I’ve had to ask myself if it is worth it to stay here and suffer through 3 months of not feeling myself and slacking off,  or if I should be seeking the support that I truly need in an environment that feels calm and comfortable. I had to ask myself what I am willing to sacrifice. And the truth is I am simply not willing to let my well-being dwindle especially when I am so far away from home.

I have written the highlights of my time here on this blog, and now I am speaking to a more vulnerable experience that is challenging to share publicly. The last time I experienced a similar intensity of feelings, I did not reach out for the help and support that truly needed. The consequence of that time was I didn’t develop tactics that would allow me to deal with these things in the long run. While it is easy to dwell on what I didn’t do to make myself feel better four years ago, I am also grateful to be able to recognize what I can do differently this time. It is an opportunity to learn, not a failure to myself.

So, to cut to the chase, I am coming home to Canada. Of course I am going to have regrets about leaving; there are many things I did not get to see or experience while I was in Kyrgyzstan. I am going to miss my host parents so very deeply, they are truly my second set of parents. I was so sad to say goodbye to my internship also, that was actually one thing that was holding me back the most. I met some really really awesome people who I connected with and wish I could have shown them a better side of me. They have all been SO incredibly supportive and understanding. And overall, I will most likely feel sometimes that I ‘gave up’ an amazing opportunity. I have come to believe though that this is not giving up, it is really just understanding what experiences are necessary to actually point you in the right direction. Intuitively I felt like I needed to go to Kyrgyzstan for some reason. At first the reason for going there seemed like it was to do a school exchange in a neat place. But really the reason turned into realizing that there is a greater path or opportunity for healing that I was ready to be met with.

Cholpon and Beckbolot, I love you Mom and Dad #2 !

My anxious brain is both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, I can create, imagine and explore new worlds that might not be possible. I can visually produce things that are extraordinary or exhaust myself through brainstorming. While on the other hand it stretches to corners of my brain that I would rather not like to go to. The next step for me is understanding when the positive or negative parts will be useful in certain situations or not.

While I am back home, I am committed to finding the outlets I need to help ground myself again. AND luckily I still get to work on my courses at AUCA through distance learning which will move me closer to graduating :) Also while I am home, if anyone wants to talk, hangout, go on some walks in the forest, maybe take a trip or two somewhere, please hit me up. And don’t feel shy to ask me about my experience because talking about mental health is important and I am committed to finding ways to decreasing stigma around this topic. I like to be open because it helps me to feel better and I hope that sharing your stories with me will also help you to feel a sense of release.

On my last day at my internship I got to try on some clothes that one of my co-workers made. They were inspired by traditional Kyrgyz clothing, I am so impressed by her work!

Sending love and wonderful vibes to everyone back at AUCA and in Bishkek. Can’t wait to see folks from home real soon. Thank you for reading and if anyone wants to buy this domain name from me for $19.99 I accept cash or credit card only.

Peace y’all!

One last Slav Squat

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Digital quilt #2

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At my internship, I don’t fetch coffee. Instead I:

a) Watch Youtube videos about interior design. Why? I don’t know.

b) Learn how to do felting. I will show pictures of this when my creations actually look good.

c) Avoid going to the same cafeteria around the corner from the office for lunch everyday 

-->The cafeteria is called Tamsha and it is this Soviet-style cafeteria that I call the ‘Ikea Restaurant of Bishkek’ since we have to slide plastic trays across metal bars and ask the lunch ladies to microwave potatoes that have been sitting in steam dishes since 10:00 am. It is very orderly and sometimes they have samples of fermented horse milk called ‘humas’ which I am sure would be substituted at Ikea for their infamous meatballs. --> Also one time my friend and I tried to order hummus** not ‘humas’ at a restaurant here and we received this horse milk and were severely disappointed.It tastes like sour cream microwaved until curdled, mixed with water and then refrigerated for 20 minutes. Be forewarned if you come to Kyrgyzstan that if you are presented with ‘humas’ that you should definitely try it but it is an acquired taste. It is possible to get used to it but your taste buds will not be quote on quote “buddy buddy” with this milk of horse from the get go. End tangent. 

Me drinking humas straight out’ the bottle! Just kidding! Its wine! Emma had some white cheddar cheese mailed to her so we made a wine, cheese, peanut butter and apple night out of it.

So as for my internship and not for food discrepencies. It is shaping up to be the best part of my time here. I am working for B’Art Contemporary which is the only art organization of its kind in Central Asia, if not in the world. My boss, Shaarbek, has willingly taken me in as an intern and I could not be more grateful for the experience. B’Art was established 10 years ago as an organization which emphasizes social art practice. One of the main goals of the organization is to create projects that narrow in on social, environmental, cultural, political and economic issues facing Kyrgyz society. Art is therefore the platform for these issues to be voiced and to spark dialogue among viewers, artists and project participants. B’Art has implemented arts initiatives in a variety of settings, both in Kyrgyzstan and internationally. They do a lot of work with children as well, seeing as art is not a focus within many of the school curriculum’s here. Not only do they provide workshops and programming in schools, they also introduce art practice to children from disadvantaged backgrounds as an outlet for personal growth and development. B’Art is known for their annual Nomadic Art Camp which brings artists together from around the world in a two-week artistic retreat. This camp experience looks specifically at ‘bio-cultural heritage’ meaning how rural communities interact with the natural environment as part of cultural traditions, and how these interactions have shifted within a changing climate. I wish I could be a part of the camp one day. Here is their website for more browsing: www.bishkekart.kg

My desk chair is broken so I am always tempted to grab one of these. 

My internship is really flexible which is very nice for my schedule and my interests. I have been doing some English editing, design for an upcoming book of the past 10 years of projects, and I have been going into a school to start helping with some art lessons each Friday. Next I will help to create some ideas for projects coming up this year and set up a series of art classes for international children in Bishkek. 

Storage Wars: A Kyrgyz Epic Part 1

Storage Wars: A Kyrgyz Epic Part 2

One day at work I got to look around a bit at the complex where the office is. The B’Art office is in an area called the ‘Artist’s City.’ Usually when people ask where my work is and I tell them it is in Artist’s City, they have no idea what I am talking about. It is too bad, because I think it is the best spot in Bishkek so I will keep it secret for now. I got to see a sculptor’s studio as well as what Shaarbek calls “the catacombs” which are really just storage spaces in a musty, dark and damp basement of one of the buildings. I literally had to use a flashlight to find my way around the space, and had several moments of feeling like the roof was going to cave in. Regardless, I will consider this experience part of my job description, only because it would sound good on a resume and I don’t know of many interns who get to do that type of shit. 

The one photo I was allowed to take inside the sculptor’s studio

In the Artist’s City there are about 50 artist’s studios which are situated within 3 old Soviet buildings. These buildings were actually used in Soviet times for artists, most of whom worked for the government. These artists, mainly sculptors, were ‘commissioned’ to make big ass statues of all the prominent communist leaders and heroes at the time, as well as some other works of art which I have yet to encounter. Supposedly the government used art as a means of propaganda to instill nationalist mindsets and alliance with the communist regime. Hmm, never heard of that happening before? 

Emerging from the catacombs 

After the Soviet collapse, there was no longer a government which pushed for the arts as a way to politically align the public. This meant some artists did not have specific work to complete, which contributed to a pause in art practice altogether. Some continued their own practice for pleasure, while others sought out new means of making and displaying art. Slowly, contemporary art practices introduced themselves in Central Asia and Kyrgyzstan in particular. That is when Shaarbek decided that a formalized organization that promotes the arts, and specifically contemporary arts, would do the people some good as Kyrgyzstan continued to evolve into the democratic society it aims to be today. 

Back entrance to one of the bldgs

Thank you for bearing with me through this short history lesson. For the record, I am hoping to write one of my papers on Post-Soviet art practice in Kyrgyzstan. I find it fascinating to see how art practice can shadow political and social changes, and bring people together through times of transition. 

I am looking forward to more work with B’Art, and if anyone has suggestions for art projects I can do with kiddos, send them my way!

Oh yeah, and PLEASE don’t forget people that Valentines Day is RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER! That is why I took this photo in front of a banner to remind you all. It’s the Territory of Love and it is coming your way. 

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Digital Quilting? A new idea I am going to start messing around with, wonder if anyone has thought of this before? I love looking at textiles and so I took some photos of garments at the thrift store I found in Bishkek, as well as some fabric my host family has in the living room. Tell me what you think!

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New Crew lives in Kyrgyzstan... ;)

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Bus Vibes

Construction Flow

Burning Trash

Transported Memory of Youth

The “River”

Curtain

Chai

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Finding Solace in Post-Soviet Wonderland

 It has been three weeks to the day since I’ve been here. It is going by quickly so far and to be honest I am kind of glad for that (see next post). 

You might be wondering what the heck kind of activities I have been doing in Kyrgyzstan. Bishkek is a quiet city and not super, super interesting (at least from what I can tell so far). I am really enjoying establishing a daily routine and getting a hang of the language, hopefully soon I will hit the karaoke bars and start making more art. I don’t have many supplies here to do art, so I have had to get a bit creative...see below;

My host mom makes amazing blackberry jam that I put on bread to eat every morning. I noticed that there was some excess juice in the jam dish so one night after dinner I collected it and mixed it with a bit of water. I wanted to dye some paper to use for collaging and to also cover my notebooks with, which currently all 6 have the exact same cover and I end up writing notes for my classes in the wrong book. I will continue making use of my resources and exploring new ways of doing art.

I have been skiing twice at a ski resort just 45 minutes outside of Bishkek. It is called Chungkurchak, a relatively easy mountain with beautiful views, slow charlifts and weird snow. I enjoy myself there partly because a) skiing is great and helps me let go and b) people here don’t know how to ski to the caliber I am used to seeing back at Whistler. It is really quite entertaining. (#jerryoftheday this is a good place to collect content..) One of my favourite parts of skiing here is that the lift operators always shout things to me in Russian (probably about safety precautions) but I rarely understand them. They probably know me as the reckless Canadian who tries to ski past the resort boundary (don’t worry, I really am safe about it). The last time I was there I met a new friend who makes delicious hot chocolate out of the back of a mobile cafe. We also met a family who offered us a bowl of meat and tea, and some Uzbeks who were super stoked to talk about Trump and hockey. 

Here is where I scout out (harder) places to ski. This lift also takes 10 minutes, ah!

I admit, I got a goggle tan.. omg how embarrassing haha. 

I have never eaten so many types of meat in one lunch holy boy mama! Kyrgyz BBQ is so good (but I am still a vegetarian I think?). 

I also got to go up to Ala Aarcha which is a national park an hour away (opposite direction from skiing). We walked around for a few hours and had not one, but two picnics. I am hoping to go back there and climb up some mountains when the ice starts to melt a bit. 

Smog or fog? Still don’t know, but I like the dreamy haze in Ala Aarcha. 

Sometimes for fun I go to this supermarket called Globus and I look around at the products. I have done this before in other foreign countries and I can’t quite pin point why I get so much amusement out of it. It must be because it is fun to compare what the food is like back home, and to be surprised in that the store sells things I am used to-- like the vodka and coke combo pack pictured below?! The other day I found frozen raspberries and couldn’t pass them up. But I did pass up ‘X-Mas Turkey’ flavoured Pringles, which are actually called (I kid you not) ‘Kracks’ here. 

Really?

Oh yeah, and of course there is my coursework. That is why I came here after all! So I am taking 6 classes;

-Beginner Russian

-Central Asian Politics

-Sociology of Development, Change and Transformation in Central Asia (this is actually a Master’s course!)

-Visual Anthropology

-How Art Made the World

-Relational Theory: Gender, Sexuality and Feminisms (an Independent Study I set up with a really rad professor, it happened very last minute but I am so grateful that it did!)

For any Questies reading this-- man does the Block Program screw you over when you switch to a multiple course schedule system! I have lots of readings which can be a nice break to not have to focus on the same subject all of the time. But it is also so overwhelming to meet so many people throughout 6 different classes and have to create multiple different class environments. That being said, I am missing how engaged students are at Quest as it can be very quiet during class discussions. Weirdly, I am feeling more productive academically here, it feels like there is more time to actually work through my readings and put quality into my assignments. This is something we lack a bit back at Quest (depending on the class of course). These are all just circumstances of different types of schedules, learning environments, curriculum content, expectations, and so on.

I wonder if red tables were chosen to help me to concentrate or become blinded by it’s hue?

I also have an internship while I am here. Hopefully I can write a longer post about it soon, but it is with an amazing organization called B’Art Contemporary. Their work is closely linked with my academic AND my personal interests. I am super grateful for the opportunity and I will continue to update about my work with them. It is nice to have something to stimulate my interests outside of school. So far I have been helping to create content for their 10th Year Anniversary book, and hopefully I will be going into some schools soon to teach some art workshops. One of my co-workers has been showing me how to do felting which is a traditional Kyrgyz art technique. I am looking forward to making some cool designs to potentially bring home. 

Well, that is all for now!

Poka-poka (bye-bye in Russian)!

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PLAYLIST NUMERO UNO

The music that gets played on the radio here is an uncanny mix of American, Russian and Italian pop. At least from the radio stations that I have listened to, this has been the trend. I will try to put up a playlist at the end of each month comprised mostly of songs I hear on the radio as well as a few other tracks I am enjoying right now. I’ll let you distinguish between radio track and my personal picks. 

P.S. You can use this for a dance party (?) Depending on what kind of party you are having (?) Might create just the vibe you are looking for (?) Or not (?)

SEE TRACK LIST BELOW

Mndsgn- Guess it’s All Over

Eve ft. Gwen Stefani- Let Me Blow Ya Mind

R.E.M.- Everybody Hurts

Mylene Farmer- Sans Contrefacon

Nina- The Reason is You

Mustafa Sandal- All My Life

Chace & Moksi- For a Day

Sugarman 3- Got to Get Back to My Baby

Maggie Rogers- On + Off

Calvin Harris & Disciples- How Deep is Your Love

Bruno Mars- 24K Magic

Austra- Future Politics

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Getting a kick out of restaurant names- PART 1

Found in Berlin-- what exactly did Papa do?

Just when I thought I got as far away from the Yukon as I possibly could... 

I was not aware that Canada had a burger club or that it had international branches for that matter

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Fifth Floor theme/Eating thus far

It has been about two weeks since I’ve been here. We got into MAHAC (Manas) Airport at around 4 pm on a Wednesday. We squeezed our way through city rush-hour for about two hours until we arrived at the university’s dorms and were told we had to carry our bags up five flights of stairs. Not the most fun thing to do after hours of travel and no sleep. Regardless, we lugged our luggage up and into our temporary dorm room situation. 

We were brought shortly afterwards to a very fancy restaurant, a restaurant so big it had a children’s play area complete with people dressed in mascot costumes and equipped with microphones to keep the children entertained. It was like a McDonald’s Play Place on steroids. This was our first night in Bishkek, and more or less our first impression of the city. 

The first few days consisted of city tours and orientation, which was pretty straightforward but there was a lot of information to take in all at once. We had a tour of AUCA (the university I am attending), an impressive building which my friend Emma described as “so extra.” It is true, the campus has literally everything you could ever need. If the world was ending I would make AUCA my hideout. They have a bank, a lawyer’s office, dance studios, 4 coffee shops, a recording studio, several media labs, a gym, a stage complete with high-tech lights and sound and department offices to cover anything and everything. It blows my mind. That being said, the building was opened in 2015  so I guess it wouldn’t really make sense in this day and age to build something without all of the swanky additions. 

There are a few of us here on exchange this semester. Emma and Devin are from Bard College in NY State, and Henri studies at University of Montreal. The four of us met up one of the first few nights and sought out some ‘North American’ food; pizza. Conveniently located just down the street from the dormitory, we found our way to Imperial Pizza which felt more like a club inside than a restaurant. Strobe lights so blue, music so loud, and beer SO cheap (it is $1.50 for a pint here). The pizza, though mediocre, eased our cravings for home. Shisha is also very easy to come by in Bishkek, so obviously when we saw it on the menu we ordered one. We looked like noobs trying to smoke out of the damn thing and realized that this shisha experience was much stronger than what we had tried before. At a certain point we were all totally buzzed and needed to leave to avoid further embarrassment. We  returned back to the dorms to face the stairs in this state. 

View from the fifth floor of the dorms. The mountains can be seen most days when you are south facing at any point in the city. Sometimes there is a lot of smog which blocks the view, but these dudes were super impressive on this day. 

We were brought to a restaurant called Navat for lunch on one of the first few days. All the restaurants here are very large, this one included. They all have multiple rooms with different vibes and are equipped to host large groups no matter how busy the rest of the place is. We got a booth with at least 24 pillows to decorate the bench seats. One thing that I realized over this lunch was that it is impossible to order food in Kyrgyzstan without meat or dairy in it. This is a challenge for someone such as myself who already has a very particular palette when it comes to meat and dairy. I will eat chicken and fish with the occasional exception of beef and pork if it comes in the right form. I try avoid milk products too because I am technically lactose intolerant (though I tend to ignore this sometimes..). Regardless, the diet here is going to take a lot to get used to. Just like how when I saw ‘pumpkin dumplings’ on the menu at Navat I was excited that there was a vegetarian option, and was equally disappointed that when they arrived in front of me they were full of beef. Can’t trust nobody! Any way, I will try not to let my pickiness get in the way of my experience.

Navat was decked out in some amazing textiles and patterns. I also took advantage of the pillows and napped in the booth for a hot sec. Oh yeah, and this was the day that one of my feet fell into a hidden sewer hole and I had to sit in this restaurant with a naked foot while my boot/ sock dried. Seriously, you have to be careful in this city of these hidden holes.

On one of our first nights we went out to a great place called ‘Chicken Star’ where a lot of ex-pats like to hangout. This place serves Korean food, caters to English speakers (their menu is in English at least) and then hosts Latin music and dance nights each week. They also have an art studio in the back room. It is a cultural hub to say the least. I can predict that I will spend many hours here in the next few months. It is also the only place in Bishkek as far as I know to buy Reese’s Pieces...praise!

Our tour guide “volunteer” Rhys at Navat. He had never experienced the wonders of Reese’s Pieces so I bought him a pack at Chicken Star to thank him for helping us around the city.

Following dinner, we went to a micro-brewery which was started by two women. If you are ever in Bishkek, it is called ‘Save the Ales’ and you should definitely make an effort to go. It is a neat little space, it feels like you are hanging out in a comfortable basement with friends. And god damn the beer is good! Some of the best I’ve ever tried. I can’t wait to go back. 

The next bar we went to was called ‘Pub Daddy’ which I spent most of the evening laughing at the name (see photo). It was like any sports bar you could find in Canada or the States; jerseys framed on the walls, a dozen TV screens broadcasting sports games, loud top 40 music. It felt all too familiar until then of course we got invited to play a game of beer pong. Being ‘American’ we figured we could beat the very drunk Kyrgyzstani boys who wanted to play against us. Because, you know, Americans are known for their beer pong skills developed in fraternities and depicted in every single film about college life. I was the only woman to join in on the game. After two rounds, things weren’t looking so good for the Americans. It was a close game but we had to hand it to the Kyrgyzstani boys. At least we got free beer, and more free beer because the winners wanted to share their beer prize with us. At one point, I popped out a piece of gum from my Trident pack. I thought it was really funny how excited one of the guys was that I had ‘gum from Canada.’ I let him keep the empty package as a souvenir.

$100 for the person who can write a convincing essay about the significance of the name ‘Pub Daddy’ in 2016. 

Celebrating beer pong losses/wins. 

Emma, Devin and I returned home to the dorm on this night and trudged up the five flights of stairs once again. We took note of the fact that not one stair was the same height as the other which can be difficult with alcohol in the system. At least we burned off a smidgen of the mass amounts of food we ate in the first few days. 

As you can tell, I have been finding lots of places to eat, and indeed eating at them. It has been a good introduction to life in Bishkek so far. To know that good food (and drink for that matter) are available is a blessing. And to know that my apartment I have moved into is also on the fifth floor and any future culinary experiences in Bishkek will always be followed with a walk up a few flights of stairs. 

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Yes, typical plane photo! On the way to Bishkek.

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Have fun in...something-stan...?

I am currently  9,617 km away. At least that is what the online distance calculator is telling me. I am not sure if that is by air or by foot/boat. I don’t know and I don’t really care because I know that regardless of method of transportation, I know that I am really, really far from home. 

This blog is about my time studying abroad in Kyrgyzstan. That’s right, Kyrgyzstan. Before leaving for this semester abroad, some of the responses I received when I told people where I would be going were things like;

 “Where is that?”

“I didn’t even know that was a place.”

“How do you pronounce that again?”

I realize that where I am currently is pretty damn remote and not heard of or talked about very much in the Western world. I think that is partly what drew me here in the first place. In fact, you are probably wondering what exactly made me decide to come to Central Asia. Let me tell you, it was not a random decision. 

Coming to Central Asia has been dragged out for quite some time now. For about four years, I have been researching programs in Central Asia. My interest in this region all began with a paper assigned to me in a Human Geography course back at University of Guelph where I was to research hydro power potential in Tajikistan. 

In writing this paper, I was exposed to the landscapes and resources that the Central Asian region provides for its’ people. I also began to draw upon some of the prominent cultural groups both in Tajikistan and the surrounding five nations. I learned in this process that the Soviet Union held long-term control over these nations until it’s collapse in the 90′s. Subsequently, this separation had significant economic, social and political implications for Kyrgyzstan, Tajikistan, Kazakhstan, Uzbekistan and Turkmenistan. All of this information was, and rightfully still is, fascinating to me. So,  what began as a dreadful assignment actually sparked my desire to know and understand more about Central Asian geographies and cultures. 

To get to here, it made sense to kill two birds with one stone by travelling and studying simultaneously. I found a study abroad program through Bard College which has an exchange partner with the American University in Central Asia, located in Bishkek, Kyrgyzstan. It was more or less one of the only established study abroad programs in Central Asia with courses that connected to my academic interests, and with enough accommodation so that I would not flounder in a predominantly Russian/Kyrgyz speaking nation without a lick of either language. Over 300 e-mails were written back and forth, countless hours spent on applications, and voila! I am here, in Central Asia.  

With that, I should probably give a big shout out (s/o) to the profs from my Human Geography course back in 2014. So, s/o to Richard and Lorne; you have no clue who I am, but thank you for indirectly pointing me to pursue this opportunity. Also, s/o to Bard for taking great care and communication in our year and a half long correspondence. S/o to Quest for actually giving me permission to be here! And a big old s/o to my parents, family and friends for being so supportive and bearing with me through all of this. 

As for you, the reader, if it is any consolation I can guarantee that reading this blog will decrease your level of embarrassment for your lack of inability to geographically locate or properly spell ‘Kyrgyzstan.’  Most of all,  I hope you will find as much intrigue for this part of the world as I do through reading my posts. Perhaps it will inspire you to travel here one day. Enjoy!