Doing What I Can and Making It Work @somewaywellstillbedancing - Tumblr Blog

Call Your Boyfriend, It’s Time You Have A Talk.

I need to get something off my chest. This has been something that has been bothering me for awhile, but now it needs to be out in the open so it doesn’t happen to other people. I used to have this friend who was extremely complacent, didn’t have an opinion on anything, didn’t vote, indecisive, essentially let the people around her mold her into anything they wanted out of her. I used to feel bad for her. Unfortunately with the way the world is going right now we can’t afford to be complacent and sit idly by while shitty things happen just because they don’t affect us directly. That goes for everyday life as well.

I used to feel bad for her because people would use her. Especially when she got a new boyfriend. I found myself saying over and over again:

“Don’t let him treat you like that.”

“The way he is acting is not ok.”

The issue is that her boyfriend is emotionally manipulative and is now getting into gas lighting territory. I saw the red flags from about week 2 and have been voicing my concerns since then to what seems like a brick wall. Which was ok because coming from a person who never liked him (to be fair he was never nice to me and never tried) who would listen. I was fine with that, but wary enough to still keep an eye on him and an ear to the ground.

The first sign that our friendship was on the rocks was when she constantly told me she didn’t want to be in the middle or be forced to take sides in a different disagreement between another former friend. I agreed and tried my best to distance her from the issue, then I started to see her less and less and she was with this other person more and more.

The second sign which officially forced me to write her off was when her boyfriend started to contact me. It started with a message through snapchat (red flag number 1 only shady things happen in snapchat messages because you have no evidence that the conversation occurred) it went a little something like “Hey I want to ask you a question about something, but never mind I shouldn’t sorry for bothering you.”

I responded with a simple ok, I knew that wouldn’t be the end of it because he kept messaging me. He had to explain that he’s worried about his privacy and he’s not sure if he should ask me this blah blah blah. For me, I hate being pulled into someone else’s relationship bullshit so I didn’t care what it was about. Finally he spit it out and let me tell you my jaw was on the floor in disbelief.

He wanted to know my opinion on open relationships (red flag number 2) because I seem like I would have experience because I’m so “open and friendly.” I don’t know about you but it sounds like it was just inferred that I sleep around a lot, I don’t know how else to take “ friendly” and “open.” So I had to say that sorry you assumed wrong because no I do not have experience in that area already deeply offended by the way this conversation was going. I hate when people who don’t know me assume something about my life. Eventually the conversation got even worse by him asking me if I would ever consider being in an open relationship with him and my former friend. I know, words cannot express the amount of disgust I feel over this.

I gave him a hard no and he had the audacity to ask WHY NOT. Why not right? Because I’m so “open” why wouldn’t I consider the great gift of being attached to him and his presence? Where I politely explained that I would never be with someone like him for fundamental reasons, like that I actually have self respect. Then he followed up with that he and my former friend bet on what my response would be. So I’m being told that this former friend knew he was going to have this discussion with me and did nothing to stop or clue me in.

That’s when my anger shifted. Of course I’m pissed off at this disgusting boy for slut shaming me and following it up for me to either have a threesome with him or be in an open relationship (it still is not clear what he was getting at). But you have this person who is supposed to be my friend who let this whole situation happen with her excuse being that she didn’t want to get into the middle of it (hello complacency we meet again). Which left me so speechless at her total disregard for my feelings. I had to explain that it was her relationship so it was actually me that was in the middle, and she had total control in stopping this whole situation from snowballing but chose not to. Which she followed up with it was my problem if I took this as her boyfriend trying to fuck me. He will NEVER comment on my appearance ever again. Oh and that he could never call anyone a slut because he has a “dark past.”

Let me let you in on a little secret you don’t have to call someone a slut to slut shame, slut shaming is a form of social stigma applied to people, especially women and girls, who are perceived to violate traditional expectations for sexual behaviors (note to readers I currently live in a very religiously conservative area). And dark past my ass, just because you have a dark past doesn’t mean you’re incapable of being a dick. There is a special place in hell for anyone who thinks that complimenting a girl’s or women’s appearance, especially when unsolicited, means they should automatically be thankful.

So yes, I used to feel bad because this former friend was complacent. Now not so much. When you’re 23 and can’t formulate your own opinion, tell someone how you feel or say no that is no ones fault but your own. As much as it pained me to end that friendship because I still am genuinely concerned about her emotional health and the effect her boyfriend is having on it; I was so worried about her well being I didn’t even realized she didn’t care about me at all.

So lesson learned it’s ok to look out for someone, but make sure they have your back too. Life is too short to continue with toxic friendships that bring you down. Especially when that friend is trying to invalidate your feelings, gaslight you into thinking that what their boyfriend said to you was misinterpreted, and threaten to end your friendship if you “tarnish” his reputation. My feelings are valid. I have every right to be pissed off and if you wanted this to be kept private maybe you should have thought about that before you fucked with me.

#words #toxic #relationships #feminism #blog

beeslikehoney

deathsxdaughter

one-and-only-beauty

The Mono Diaries

Captain’s Log Day 4:

Slept through the last 3 days don’t know what day of the week it is. Still cannot sleep on left side due to enlarged spleen. Watched an entire show on Netflix and running out of things to keep busy in bed. Hoping to make contact and interact with humans soon.

#words

The Mono Diaries

Captain’s Log Day 1:

I have bought vitamin c and B12 supplements and a shit ton of fruit. Today we begin our quest to boost my immune system. Now I just have to find the energy to get out of bed to actually eat it all.

Will keep updated.

#words

How to Deal (with a shitty immune system)

January 11, 2017

It always bites me in the ass when I say my life has been boring recently. In the most ironic way possible I have been incredibly sick for the past four or five months. I say ironic because I’m a medical professional aka I’m not supposed to be the sick one. I started out having a nasty case of pneumonia in September and an ever exciting trip to the ER, now I was just diagnosed with mono and I can’t decide what is worse. All I know is that my immune system has tried and failed hard.

I’ve gotta say being sick never comes at a convenient time especially because there is no time to be sick in grad school, especially in a medical field. I’m supposed to go to class in the morning and the do 30-40hrs of clinical work weekly. Here I am on my deathbed after sleeping my entire winter break (the only break I get thanks to a year round program) still feeling like death with an inflamed liver and spleen 3x larger than it’s supposed to be. So all I have to say about that is this new year thing doesn’t count until I’m healthy right? All I can hope for is a speedy recovery and not to fail this semester of grad school!

Now to get into the drama that is occasionally my life. I’ve begun to noticed that since beginning my grad program not many people outside the world of sports and athletes know what athletic training is. Then as I summarize the very basics of what I do I get this response: “Oh wow you work with a lot of male athletes? That must be a great way to meet boys!” *wink wink nudge nudge*

Why does this bother me you ask? Well as a woman it’s already hard to be taken seriously in the sports/athletic industry. Also you know I’m not really getting my masters and over 100k in student debt all to meet my future hubby. If I’d have to go to that extreme to find someone willing to date me I’m pretty sure I’d be ok being single forever. So let me break it down: it’s sexist and insensitive to suggest those things and you undermine my intelligence, ok? Got it? Cool.

Also suggesting that I should date one of my athletes is equivalent to suggesting that a teacher should date their student. See, the more you know! Now when any female tells you about her cool job your response can be: “Wow, that’s so cool you get to do what you love!” instead of “Wow the only reason a girl would do this job is to hook up with hot guys”

And to round all of this out with some humor! My roommate tried to set me up with a guy her friend worked with. He texted me incessantly for a good two weeks and me being me just assumed he was working up to asking me out on a date (why else would a complete stranger who kissed you once try to get to know you). Come to find out that he up and moved from the east coast ALL THE WAY TO NEVADA. So goes to show I can really scare em away ;)

Now this sick little puppy needs to get some rest hopefully when I wake up the world will be less sexist and more inclusive yay!

#words #writing

louvurs

Week ? of Grad School

18 September 2016

Time has flown by since beginning grad school in May, I’m still in disbelief that graduation was five months ago. In quiet possibly the most out of character summer of my life I got by without embarrassing myself and no drama. I’m going to chalk that up to the whole grad school thing, I did get to have a nice visit home with family and friends for a week before my clinical rotation began. Now all I do is live, breathe, and eat football. I can’t even complain because I love it so much, I’m happier than I could have possibly imagined with this career choice. It’s all the action I could have hoped for medically and all the fun that sports teams bring.

I don’t even have anything fun or quirky to say because my life has been so consumed with college football practice and games, except that I was asked out by a 28-29 year old guy and realized that technically that’s not “old” for me anymore. Talk about mini life crisis. I mean I would characterize that as old for myself as a 22 year old who is still in school and barely has her life together, so I don’t really see the appeal in myself. My reaction was pretty priceless though because I forgot that dating was a thing since I’ve been so preoccupied. If you couldn’t tell I politely declined.

One of these days my life will be exciting. Maybe in 2 years when I’m finally done with school and have an actual job... I’ll make sure to check in then.

#words #blog #me #life