Loz - she/her. Adult. Queer. Melbourne, Australia. Multi-fandom. Darren Criss, the Untamed/MDZS, TGCF, c-ent and c-pop, Our Flag Means Death. Here for The Return to Tumblr(TM) from Twitterlon takeover
My prompt for @mdzsrbb 2024. Many thanks to @ashayatreldai for bringing this scene to life with your beautiful words.
The Choice I Make With Unclouded Eyes (7.5K | Reverse Golden Core Reveal) by AshayaTReldai
There is a cost to every decision, every path taken. And there is nothing Lan Wangji would not do in order to spare Wei Wuxian from pain and suffering.
Confront yourself with the uncomfortable reality that gender, sex, and sexuality are all fuzzier than you want them to be.
You cannot hold the idea that gender is a social construct while also holding the idea that sex and sexuality are rigid, unchanging boxes. It's all just words and definitions we created to try to explain human experience and guess what! Human experience is messy and complex and not beholden to a dictionary!
Just like gender, sex and sexuality are also more complicated and complex than any lines you attempt to draw in sand around them. Do what you want forever.
Ineffable Husbands really is that ship that has it all. They’re married. They’re divorced. They’ve never been together at all. They’ve been pining for 6000 years. They’re gay except they’re also not at all. They’re technically enemies to lovers but they’ve never been enemies nor lovers. Name any fanfic trope, they’ve probably been there, done that and they were entirely oblivious about it. Incredible ship.
Tumblr added a bunch of tracking shit to share urls, so now ill teach you how to get rid of them
if you copy a url by sharing on the website, the link will look like this
getting rid of tracking in these is easy, just delete everything after the question mark and you are golden
in the case for the app, its slightly more complicated
first you have to delete at. that appears before tumblr(.)com the other tracking shit on this one has a lot more info, so please, clean app urls. after the first set of numbers, there's a / you have to delete everything after it
Well, here we go again, a mere 8 years after the prior section was posted, a mere 11 years after I started writing it. A lot of water has passed under the bridge since then, some really wonderful, some absolutely torturous, but this story has stayed in my head for all that time, through all that, and I just had to finish it. I couldn't bear to leave my boys like that. They have at least one more episode to finish this story; this isn't the end.
As ever, this is with Lex's help. He egged me on while I plotted this whole thing out in 2012, and he's still the only person in the world aside from me who knows how the last scene goes.
And for Axe, always.
And for somewhereonlyino, because I still remember she asked me about this years ago and I never forgot that and I still appreciate her support and her patience.
un-beta'd, yet hopefully correctly transcribed from my notebook scribblings
Previous parts can be found here
**
″And what I am going to do?″
″You— you’re going to talk to Kurt. You’re going to tell him how you feel. You’re going to kiss him and hold him and–″
″Katie?″ Blaine’s voice was suddenly small, and broken.
″I’m here, Blaine,″ she slid down onto her back and he rolled into her arms.
″What if he’s not– what if he doesn’t– what am I supposed to do then?″
″He is, and he does and you’ll cross that bridge if you get to it, love.″
″I’m scared, Katie.″
″I’ve never heard you say that before. All this test piloting and facing the jaws of death– I’ve never heard you say that.″
″I don’t think I ever have been, before.″
″That’s a good thing, Blaine. Being scared means knowing you finally have something to lose.″
...
Blaine drove Kate to the tiny airport and waited as she got her ticket checked. Before she got on the plane, she hugged him fiercely.
″Go talk to him. Today. Now. Before you lose your nerve.″
″I can’t – he’s so busy today and I–″
″Blaine Anderson, you do it today. Don’t put off being happy for one more minute.″
***
Blaine stands dumbly in the front hallway, his mouth suddenly desert dry, his hands unbearably cold.
“No, no, I — uhh, just…..no.” he stammers.
“Control just called, I need to head into the office,” Kurt straightens his tie as he rushes down the hall. “There are candles in the kitchen, if the power goes out.”
“Yeah, I’ll…”Blaine like his lips, can’t put words together as he makes his way slowly down towards the kitchen. Kurt buzzes back down the hall towards him - there is barely enough room for one person and Blaine is still stunned, still unable to formulate what– how he should be moving right now.
Kurt smiles, grabbing Blaine by the the shoulders to teasingly turn him out of the way so he can pass– and pauses, his face growing serious.
The hallway is windowless, cool and dark with the smell of salt from the ocean and a faint whiff of coconut sun lotion – a respite from the rising winds and rain beginning outside. Kurt sucks in a breath, his hands suddenly hot through Blaine’s shirt, and Blaine cannot tear his eyes away from Kurt’s mouth.
“We should–” Blaine stops.
“I want to… We should, yes, but I have to go right now; this weather coming in tonight, I have to be there for storm prep and evac.
Blaine nods. He can’t think of how to begin anyway.
“They aren’t sure if this hurricane will turn at the last minute and nail us, or if we’ll just get the edge of rain, but– I’ll be back as soon as I can and then we can…” Kurt’s hands release and as he turns, they brush across Blaine’s chest in a way that can't be anything but deliberate. Blaine’s skin is on fire
“I’ll be back as soon as I can,” Kurt says quietly. As he opens the door and heads for his car, thunder crashes and the rain slams down in a wall around him.
***
Blaine doesn’t hear Kurt’s car leave, but another blast of thunder and he finally snaps into actions. Were there towels still on the laundry line outside? And better bring in the barbecue and deck chairs, just in case. Rummaging to find candles and matches in the drawer in the kitchen and reaching down to get the aptly named hurricane lamps down from the top of the cabinets.
The wind is really picking up, a dull road outside. Every now and then a gust will slam the windows and Blaine flinches – he’s never been anywhere near a hurricane before and already this is the worst rain and wind he’s ever seen. He feels slightly anxious when he realizes it’ll only get worse. This is something he hasn’t trained for, there’s no manual to study or simulator to run.
He’s just decided to read, tucked up on the couch, a perfectly normal idea, further away from the seaside windows than may be strictly necessary– he may be a fighter pilot/astronaut, but he’s no fool. This is strictly about mitigating risk.
The roaring is getting louder and he notices there is a lot less beach between the house and the ocean now. He wonders uneasily if he should have gone to base– but he hadn’t been called in and..
He thinks maybe he hears a warning siren now, but it’s awful hard to hear anything about the wind and the rain pelting the roof and windows. This house is one NASA requisitioned - just took over when they built the rest of the base - it stands further out on the key all alone at the end and there is really nothing nearby, which is likely how Kurt wound up with it as his billet.
The lights abruptly go out and frankly he’s surprised the lines didn’t go down sooner. He’s just got a candle lit when the front door blows open, Kurt drenched and panting, slamming it shut behind him.
“The storm is headed right for us. We need to go now. The storm surge is calculated to..it’s going to be massive and we need to not be here when this thing hits. Grab whatever you can’t live without and we should get in the car ASAP.”
Blaine doesn’t really have much in the way of personal effects here – his civilian clothes fit in his duffel, his uniforms in a suitbag, and his few framed photos don’t fill up the cardboard box he’d kept stashed in his closet, so he drops the few books from his shelf.
Kurt is similarly quick to pack, his duffel and boxes already by the door. He snaps the covers over his record player and box of records. “We might as well bring them, we’ve got the room.”
They throw together a box of food - anything that will keep without being refrigerated, canteens of water, some cans of beer.
Less than 10 minutes as passed, but on their dashes out to pack Kurt’s car, Blaine feels like the wind is sucking the air out of his lungs. They jump in the car and set off slowly, the windshield wipers barely able to keep up with the rain, until they reach the end of the beach road.
To the right is towards the base – where they know they probably should go – too many people, too little space, safety and warmth and many distractions.
To the left is – no where in particular, except away from the storm.
Kurt hesitates, chewing on his bottom lip as he looks carefully at Blaine. That breathless feeling is back in Blaine’s lungs – he can’t stop looking at Kurt, his lips, his soaked shirt, so perfectly mussed against the fogging windows behind him.
“Where to, Flyboy? The base…” Kurt cocks his head to the right, then the left. “Or…”
“Or.” Blaine’s voice is hoarse. “Definitely or.”
Blaine gulps as Kurt wrinkles his nose in a quiet smile and turns to the left.
***
It’s still slow going, a line of other cars evacuating inland, but at least there’s a paved road. There are patches where it seems the wind is less but the rain is more, and vice versa. Blaine thinks they are outrunning the storm.
“For now,” Kurt cautions. “This one is pretty massive, so unless we drive all night, we’re going to get at least a hell of a storm.
Eventually, Kurt turns off the main highway and makes their way to a lowslung concrete motel at the edge of a small town.
“It’s not going to be great but it’s where I rode out the hurricane three years ago and that one was a more direct hit than this one and it’s likely to still have rooms available because it’s….well.” Kurt pulls in to a parking spot and puts on the hand brake. “Honestly, they usually rent rooms by the hour, but its clean and…it’s clean. That’s about all.”
Blaine licks his lips and makes the split second decision -not- to ask Kurt how he knows about it. Kurt throws his raincoat over his head and dashes to the office, returning in moments.
“We got the last room available. It’s around back.” he dangles the garishly coloured plastic keychain for Blaine to catch before starting the car and easing it around the parking lot.
Blaine grabs his bag and unlocks the door. The room is on the end of the building and “clean” seems to be about the only thing going for it. Tiny, with lurid red carpet and bedspread– and only one bed. Blaine wonders if the bathtub is an option and realizes he doesn’t want to ask because he…wants to be in the bed. And he wants Kurt there too.
Kurt stops in the doorway, rain beginning to pour. “We can…I can… the floor?”
“There’s no room on the floor. It’s really not a big deal – it’ll be like camping!” Blaine has no idea why he said that but Kurt seems to think it makes sense as he kicks the door closed behind him.
It’s getting darker by the second, it seems and Kurt announces he’d like to get out of his wet clothes, rummages in his bag and heads to the tiny bathroom to change before quickly turning around. “I’ll wind up putting my elbow through the door or out the window changing in there.”
They both quickly change out of their clothes, Blaine resolutely not looking at Kurt’s turned back – much. A few glances, that’s it, just to check– he doens’t know what he’s checking but he is noticing Kurt’s muscled back, his broad shoulders and fine line of hair dipping down from his chest to the waistband of his–
Blaine closes his eyes and breathes deeply, steadying himself. When he opens them again, Kurt is sitting with his back against the headboard, shuffling a deck of cards. Blaine piles the pillows behind him and sits down as Kurt deals a hand.
They are halfway through the first game when they begin to hear noises from the room next door.
Whomever it is is having an extremely satisfying, extremely vocal experience on the other side of the wall.
After they both pointedly ignore it for the next few minutes, pretending to be absolutely engrossed in their cards, Blaine decides he’ll take the plunge and be the first to comment.
“Did he just say ‘Oh, Barbara’?”
“Hmmm.” Kurt presses his lips together, amused. “I’m sorry, did you say something? I can’t hear a thing.”
A particularly loud and extended howl of pleasure has them both frozen in place, both grinning & embarrassed, just waiting until the silence returns.
“Oh well done, Barbara,” Blaine murmurs as he plays his next card.
“Indeed,” Kurt says gravely, and draws another card.
The wind and rain have been steadily increasing. Kurt gets up and pulls the curtains closed. They start another round of cards.
Barbara and her gentleman caller seem to have started another round as well, her voice, this time, rising and falling in pleasure. Blaine begins to giggle, and Kurt does his best to keep a straight face.
Blaine can’t pretend that he is not acutely aware of Kurt’s every breath and movement, shift of body and sigh. He feels his own breath coming a little faster.
Barbara moans loudly.
“Kenneth? Did she say “Kenneth”?” Kurt whispers.
“I think so,” Blaine studies the cards in his trembling hands.
It’s at that point that the lights go out, Barbara shrieks and Kurt begins to laugh. The room is absolutely and entirely pitch black.
“Well, I guess cards is over,” Blaine sighs. Their fingers brush a few times as they both try to gather the deck back together. The cards thump to the floor as Blaine tries to place them on the nightstand and misses.
They lie down, ramrod straight, next to each other, not touching at all and listen to the rain and the wind howling outside.
Kurt clears his throat and says “it’s lucky Kate’s plane took off when it did – she’s home already by now, right?”
Blaine nods, then realizes it’s so dark, Kurt can’t possibly have seen. “She’s…home now, with her parents for a few days.”
One of the very last things on earth Blaine wants to talk about right now is his wife – though her acceptance and understanding and insight does give him strength. If only he could be as sure of Kurt’s feelings – and his own – as she had been.
Something smashes into the side of the building outside and they both startle, hands flying out towards each other. Kurt grabs Blaine’s fingers and holds them. Blaine doesn’t let go. Blind in the total darkness, wind like he’s never heard before, holding Kurt’s hand – he’s determined not to let go - not unless Kurt lets go first.
“She’s– ummm, Kate, she’s going to Paris soon,” he starts. “She’s always wanted to go and…” he trails off.
“That sounds lovely,” Kurt doesn’t let go of his fingers.
“She has…she says she has some things to figure out – we both do.”
“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”
Blaine sighs. “A good thing, I think.” He takes a chance and strokes his thumb on the back of Kurt’s hand. “I hope–”
The bed shifts as Kurt rolls on his side, now facing Blaine, still holding his hands. “Blaine, I–”
A loud moan from the other room, and Kurt stops to chuckle.
“Oh well done, Kenneth,” Blaine murmurs and they both dissolve into giggles.
Blaine rolls to face Kurt. Kurt’s thumb gently rubs against his.
Barbara and Kenneth’s growing passion blends in with the storm. Blaine is certain he will happily lie here for days, holding Kurt’s hand.
Barbara is getting louder now, clearly very much enjoying herself and Blaine can’t help but begin to imagine flushed skin and mounting tension, red lips and eyes hazy with desire. Kurt’s eyes.
He’s not certain of moving, or of Kurt moving either, but suddenly he can feel Kurt’s breath on his face and his whole body feels like he’s going to vibrate away, every atom in his skin alive and trembling at the nearness of Kurt. He wants to reach out his other hand to touch to feel to know.
Kurt huffs a quick laugh. “Well, now, that’s intriguing.” and Blaine is about to ask when he hears another, different voice in the other room, low and rumbling.
A slow thud against the wall begins and Blaine feels Kurt’s gentle fingertips slip up to find his neck, trace down to his collar bone, leaving a trail of want heat desire and Blaine thinks he has never been so turned on his life, just from the brush of Kurt’s fingers.
Maybe Blaine moved, maybe it was Kurt but suddenly, Blaine feels the heat of Kurt’s face near his and is about to close the distance to bring their lips together when three things happen in quick succession.
1 - the thumping of the headboard increases in intensity
2 - the voice they knew as Kenneth moaned “oh god, yes, George” and
3 a low and breathy moan from Kurt went straight down through Blaine all the way down to his toes.
Kurt has surged forward, his cheek just lightly rubbing against Blaine.
“Please,” he whispers. “Please tell me this is what you want.”
“You,” Blaine whispers back, bringing his hand up to cup the back of Kurt’s neck and crushing their mouths together. “You are what I want”
Blaine whimpers at the taste of him, at the heat and strength of Kurt’s body pressing him down into the pillows, down into the bed, with the sounds of the wind at the windows, the sounds of all three people next door, the sounds Kurt is making and the sounds Kurt is making -him- make – in the dark, Blaine’s world goes quiet, as every fiber in his being understands – this. This is how it’s supposed to feel. This is what is should be.
This.
Him.
***
Later, Blaine doesn’t know what time it is, but the wind has quieted, the rain dimmed to a hard patter and a slash of lightening sky through the break in the curtains illuminates Kurt’s face just enough for Blaine to be able to kiss him gently on the nose as he lies on Blaine’s chest, Kurt’s chin propped on his arm.
Kurt starts to say something, then pauses. Starts again. “Should we…do we need to talk about anything?”
Blaine licks his lips, clears his throat and tries to decide what words will make their way out of his blissed out mind. “I don’t know if I can currently find a coherent thought in my brain, but I’ll give my best shot to anything you want to talk about.”
Kurt chuckles. “Lack of bloodflow to the brain, pooling in the extremities.”
Blaine clenches all his muscles and releases them, several times over - the same procedure he has to make in order not to black out when he’s in a jet pulling a highspeed turn. He bounces Kurt gently with each contraction.
“Hmmm. We can discuss -that- in detail a bit later,” Kurt murmurs.
Kurt lays his hand on Blaine’s chest. “Will there be a later?”
Blaine’s eyes snap open. “Do you want there to be?”
Kurt smiles, a bit sadly. “I think I do. But I also….I also want to know what this– who you– how–”
Blaine curls to kiss Kurt’s forehead, and now suddenly he knows exactly what he wants to say.
“This is the first time my mind has slowed down, Kurt. The first time in my life, I have felt peaceful. I’m perfectly content to lie here with you until the cows come home. My mind isn’t rushing, or worrying, or tracking, or thinking seven jumps ahead. I’m here with you like this and maybe I’m supposed to be having a crisis, but I’m not. I just…-am-.”
“But you’re married,” Kurt blurts out.
“Katie is on her way to live in on another continent, and who knows if she’ll ever come back. I honestly hope, for her sake, that she doesn’t. She is meant for bigger things than being a shadow, being one step behind her husband, and that is all anyone has ever expected of her.”
He pauses. “Except me. It’s always been her and I against the world. I want her to have the life she deserves, and that is not back in Ohio with our families, kowtowing to her mother, yes mother no mother and drinking through garden parties and enduring the little ice pick stabs of genteel breeding.”
He swallows hard. “And it’s not here with me, waiting and waiting and shriveling away while she waits to see if I make it home or I wind up a burning smudge on a tarmac somewhere.”
Kurt closes his eyes and shakes his head, willing that awful picture away.
“Sorry,” Blaine shakes his head and takes a deep breath. “Kate’s the one who… she told me – she saw you and me together and she -knew-. She saw that I was happy in a way she’d never seen me happy before, and she told me I should–”
He breaks off and squirms
“You should what?” Kurt whispers
“Talk to you. And kiss you and–”
Kurt interrupts him with a gentle kiss.
“Will there be a later?” Blaine asks him, quietly.
“All the laters you want,” Kurt kisses him again and all serious conversation fades away to quiet laughter, murmured endearments, silly whispers, breathless mouths and gasping adoration.
Hello!!! Oh my gosh, I don't know where to start with this im so overcome with emotion!!
It brings me so much joy and fulfilment to read a continuance of this little fic that stayed on my mind for years and years and never really left. The way these two boys still fit in my head, and with the way your write them so perfectly in tune with their characteristics and expression and way of talking - I haven't read klaine fic for a few years now, though I will love them always, and this felt like coming home (or maybe like I never left). I've always been so invested in this little au and to see them take these small steps (and yet giant leaps) towards happiness brings ME so much happiness. A little part of me just bloomed like a garden soon complete. Thank you so much for sharing this! I'm so moved
baratheonpilled
stormborns
turnnoffyourmind
yousharknotpass
pixelskylines
kaledo-art
gummygunk
