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21119 : Let Its Volume Speak!
Hello there! It’s Monday and after slacking for half a day, I had this blog posted. The might be very a kind of metaphor or symbolistic for what I had to say or what I got realize about this style that I wore before the week ended last week.
Top from @surplus_ph ; Skirts from @sophiedanille ; Earrings from @f21philippines
See more of my daily ootds on Instagram, @itsmeyesha!
21019 : Sweaters Cuddle
Between January to December - the weather was really cool, makin you feel like you were this country was not a tropical country at all. And these days were not exception from my sweater style.
Growing up with unstable skin tone, ( yes, the upper part of my arms were whiter than the lower part, which was after the sleeve ), sweaters become my best clothes ever. Aside from it comes with any style - it always looked good for someone who also got unstable hormones as I would get fat for a season and would go back to my normal size the season after.
All tops from @surplus_ph ; Make up : @carelineph , @everbilenaofficial
See more of my daily ootds on Instagram, @itsmeyesha!
21019 : Jump in Suits
To be honest, I was anxioous these days because I was gaining weight, and I couldn’t control myself from eating! It felt like, somehow eating comforted me from the issues I had around me. And as I got fatter and fatter - the lesser dresses I could fit from my wardrobe! ( one of the frightening horror tale ever! )
But nevertheless, I got myself a little twist from my last week’s style. I wore jumpsuits which I seldomly do - and here was what I felt about it.
See more of my daily ootds on Instagram, @itsmeyesha!
Whenever you cheat, you steal me these things:
My self-confidence, knowing that I will be the only beautiful girl on your eyes. A kind of confidence which never requires me to wear any makeup to get a perfect picture of us together.
My inner peace, knowing that you can be faithful even I am not around, and will stay loyal when we are together. The calmness of the night which assures me that the next day after today - your feelings will never change as you promise me an eternity together.
My innocence behind those what-ifs. Innocence of my love that I can still trust you behind of those arguments and excuses which keep on bothering me that I can't discuss anymore with you because of the growing bush of hatred and hostile, seperating us together.
Courage and pride to stand alone without relying to you or to anyone as prey me with those sweet words that it is alright to be weak, because you got my back. My back which you just let go - and watch my pieces scattered away after breaking me.
This kind and understanding heart to be rationalize that not everyone will be like you, or not everything will end like this. How can I be that pure - when you proved to me why I shall avoid attachments.
Being contented from what I have and who I am. Choosing other girls over me when we supposed to save this dying relationship of ours made me realize how incompetent I am for myself is never been enough to make you stay. What I am supposed to do, or what change, how many changes or do I even need to change for you to realize my worth?
Self-respect and self-love which as I continue the fight from every cold wars we had, I am torn between choosing you or loving myself. I have to make a decision from who to save from these drowning waves of despair everytime we argue on even tiniest thing. Shall I save you even though you will not save me? Or myself in order to save you? When I actually choose to save you, who will save me?
Those are just few things that you steal from me. Not mentioning the smiles I gave you - when I received tears in return.
Tonight was just other fight for me. I lied on my bed to rest after a long day, but as soon as I closed my eyes - I felt like I was energized again. Too energetic that even my own body couldn’t handle it anymore - like I was here, but my mind was traveling. If I were a kid - this could be fascinating to think that I was still thinking of the happenings a month ago, and wish that the time would be back there for some minutes so that I could have reacted that way or I could have done it a way better - or should I know better, anyway. That could be amazing if I could see somehow the future so that I could have an assurance of the present time - or at least someone could let me know that all of these pain would worth living for. My thoughts shuffled from the moments I used to talk with you whenever I feel unease and uncomfortable over something I couldn’t figure out. Probably it were the lights and the shadows from a restaurant I was never been, or the silence of the which made me anxious because even I couldn’t see their lips moving, it felt like I could hear them whispering next to me. Remember the moment I was getting pale - and I told you how anxious I was - you hugged me, as if you told me that your demons would gonna take care them for me. I wanted to go back there, and these thoughts were moving like a time machine.
I was feelin’ down tonight, like the other nights I used to wrestle with these thoughts and feelings of mine - and they were undeniably getting stronger. I could feel a sudden pain on the left side of my heart, giving me short breaths - but I was fine. I wanted to unwind - to see the street lights and be embraced by the warmth of the bitter cold night breeze, but my body was too tired to move - and going out, didn’t feel as exciting as it used to be when I go out with you. I chatted few friends - but I didn’t feel like talking because they were not really interested, and I didn’t have any topic to bring up to keep the conversation going. And this was sad - these thoughts were scary, and I tired to shoo them away with the people I used to think would be there always - but these thoughts gave me a company - as they all go away.
The next thing I knew - I was crying, crying heavily. I felt the pressure inside - that I was worried over something which I really couldn’t tell what was it. I was getting scared from something I couldn’t figure out. These thoughts were like bees buzzing round and round - like I was the most beautiful flower even there was no garden around me. These bees kept from showing me these memories which I didn’t want to see anymore, and those words said kept echoing around like a broken tape. One, two, three - big sighs as I clutched my heart inside. I tried to stop thinking of it, but the more I stopped them the more they bugged me. So I went to the counter to get myself some food. I started to feel dumb and not to feel anything aside from the heavy pounds of my heart like a foot of a child throwing a tantrums. So I ate a lot - because everytime I munched it calms me down to the veins - not until I finished it and my mind goes running and running again.
Running from memories to memories - I laughed to myself - as I was making fun of me. Same phrases, synonimous words were used to replace other word - same words, same thoughts, same feelings, same promises - different people but same pain, same ending. Different people - but same pain and same ending... And here was the voice inside - how come you didn’t see that? Was my existence a joke that they wanted to keep repeating the same cycle over and over?
I cried again, trying to console my empty heart. I felt like I was exhausted and drained inside like every beat of my heart - I could feel nothing but pain. And these thoughts were still running, and running and running...
2319 // Welcoming February : Fruit Gal
Top from @surplusph ; Bottom from @velvetandlaces ; Earring from @clairsstore
What fruit always gets hurt?
Blue and black berries! ( as they looked like a bruise together )
This was not a really funny joke to start with but this one was really silly. Sweaters and skirts tandem was one of my top daily styles as this was how basics defined for me. But as I grew older - this style was more of my comfort zone, rather than a style everyday. Well, this style was the most convenient and comforting everyday styles - which could be dashing, elegant and most of the time - chic. Easy to match with anything and could come along with any foot wear with no complexity at all. Tho - simple and plain - this style definitely spoke a volume - the style which didn’t need you to be fair, tall, and skinny. The style where people would not judge.
This was nostalgic - as I regret wearing this kind of basic when I was younger as I wish to go back as a young girl again.
Please visit my Instagram account - @itsmeyesha, for daily style and looks.
20319 // Welcoming February : Where to Go?
Dress from @sophiedanielle ; Earrings from @forever21
This dress was absolutely my love from @sophiedanielle ‘s collection. From the colors of black and purple down to the slit and details - it was HEAVEN!
As a working girl - I became more particular on the details of my dress, as I used some of them to work. I paid more attention on the hems of the skirts - especially on the laces, the sleeves and the style. Cardigans and blazer were my best team buddies on violating the company’s protocol on wearing sleeves and offshoulder top and dresses - but I always make sure that it would suit me and the style. It was not just like - “Here’s a cardigan, and off I go” scenario everyday before I went to work.
If I was wearing laced and simpleskirts, I need to have a cardigan which was longer than the skirts. When it was sleeveless and the weather was hot - a blazer would do but considering that I was not on a laced skirts and I had knee sock worn.
And it was a good thing to have this dress in from my closet!
Please visit my Instagram account - @itsmeyesha, for daily style and looks. * hart, hart *
2319 // Welcoming February : Edgy Grid
This top was one of the offshoulders that I would never get tired wearing over and over again! ( Had it worn twice today! :D ) I was not a checkered girl - ever since - and I believed - the fact that the colors were black and white - had made me liked this top.
Loving the offshoulder styles - this one had the real buttons on the front with a ribbon tie on the lower part of the top. The top was a little tight on me - as the top went top a bit everytime I moved. ( Or I just got a little fatter? Hmm. ) Since the top was quite small - it gave highlight on my chest and shoulder, having a more sultry ambiance.
Chubby was the real sexy, right?
20319 : Welcoming February
January just had ended and it’s been three days now since February came ( but all the pain felt like it was just yesterday ) - and as an opening for this month, I dropped by to my favorite dress shop, just across the neighborhood. It was really fascinating that the shop already knew my “style preferences” and I couldn’t believe that I got most of my styles this week from them! I really missed going out to shop and unwind the stress in me - but I guessed I was not yet ready to go out alone again.
Please do visit @sophiedanille ‘s shop in Marketplace, 2nd floor, located In General Kalentong, Mandaluyong! If you were up for late trends and styles - this shop was meant for you!
Please visit my Instagram account - @itsmeyesha, for daily style and looks. * hart, hart *
When I thought this dragonfruit shrub as a big cactus on the yard 😅 And mr was like - "Does it throw flames too?" 🐉😂 #YeshaAtHome • dress from @velvetandlaces ; earrings from @wear.styleloft • #blog #instablog #travelblog #styleblog #fashionstyle #fashionph #bloggerlife #instablogger #styleblogger #lifestyleblogger #casualstyle #ootdph #weekendvibes https://www.instagram.com/p/BtZ7O_8Bue9/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=15c57j68bxzy0
12319 : From the Last Week
Hello there! Long time no blog! Hahahaha.
I was on my PTSD these past few days - as my infection went away, and this fight was actually the hardest battle I would face. With the thoughts on my head, it was hard to appoint my brain cells which I would take care first - please be understanding with my late reviews or posts.
But after of days of procastination, hesitation and inviisble battles inside - I was managed to post this blog from my last week styles. Please visit my Instagram account - @itsmeyesha, for daily style and looks. * hart, hart *
1/23/18 : Dear Future...
I'm a product of failure, disappointment, betrayal, lies, sorrow, grief, despair, regret and pain. Been taken for granted many times, and used just as a past time, in every relationship I used to be in. And to be honest, I feel cheaper and cheaper after a broken relationship.
If you still feel I'm worth keeping for - please understand where my anxieties, doubts, and traumas are coming from.
These are not because I don't trust, love or believe in you - these things are just few of the things that I can't help myself being worried about. The more I annoyed, bother you - the more I need assurance. The more needy I am - the more approval I am seeking for.
I'm tired of believing what my eyes can see, and my heart been fooled - and paralyzed - after of countless aches inside. Paranoia haunts me as I rest on your arms as the thoughts of the same phrases, same promises and same excuses tired me. I used to buy in those countless sorries and "I can't make it better" but none of those words stayed long. Hearing "You are mine." , " I'm yours." , doesn't warmth me but rather saddeneds me as those phrases are said before they left me hanging in the air.
I have fallen on the pit of our story publicize - as it confuses me why it has to end this way when you are so proud to have me. Why it has to end with shallow reasons when the whole world has its greatest lie on every truth. And I swear - this will not be marketable next time. I wanted to say sorry in advance - as my expectations and standards are like my own-built-wall - it goes higher and higher on every bent relationships I had. I'm sorry, so sorry that you suffer from a dose of someone's medicine.
I'm sorry if these things may hurt you, and I can't promises that this won't hurt all the way - but please stay. The longer you stay, the more attached I get. The more attached I get, the more monster I become inside. I'm a masterpiece in progress, and I need your patience and understanding that commitment and security are not something that can be displayed by merely actions alone, but it takes time and assurance on everything. I might be somebody's trash right now, and it may take time to fix every tiny pieces of myself, but with patience, time and understanding - I worth your time, effort and love. This is too much to ask, but I am worth it. With an intention to stay til the time runs out - I'll make it up to you. I'll return every pieces you give me, as it makes myself - as my given pieces to you makes up the pieces you lost for me. We'll make it working for us.
And by the moment - you are about to give up on me, please let me know. Let me know, so that this time, I will win you back. So that this time, it's my turn to return the favor back on you. I will make it worth you, I will make it us - every passing day.
121618 : S t r i p e s & S o l i d s
Hello! It was the season of giving ang every tomorrows were getting busier than yesterday! Thta was the spirit of the Yuletide seasons!
As the days got busier - bazaars and everyday’s sale were a thing that I loved the most. With that having said - I got literally obsessed with the collection from @stripesandsolids_bluse brand everytime I got to attend @manilasundance and @trensetterteam ( Xoxo )
120318 : #PaeteNow Art Exhibit on SM Megamall
Dress from @redgirlph ; Vest from @septelyn_rtw ; Bag from @smparisian ; Shoes from @shopee_ph
For daily looks and styles follow me on my Instagram account, @itsmeyesha
Actually we were just strolling around the Megamall after having our lunch, when we saw this exhibition on the third floor, I guess where the galleries lined side by side.
I was just amazed how fruitful our culture and art was - with this new era of new painters and sculptors. I was completely ware how things changed slowly - up to the point that we put into priority the language of other country than ours. How I wish that this amazing works would be put on priority for the cultivation and restoration of who we were.
“Heaven did not seem to be my home; and I broke my heart with weeping to come back to earth; and the angels were so angry that they flung me out into the middle of the heath on the top of Wuthering Heights; where I woke sobbing for joy.”
- Wuthering Heights, Emily Bronte
( https://www.bookstr.com/10-quotes-wuthering-heights-break-your-heart )
11/18/18 : P r e s e n t x P a s t
She thought before having a good past would bring a promising future. She thought, once the present was decided - future could me waving a hand on you. But she got it all wrong.
She thought before if she was able to make a good choice at the present, things would go smoothly as the future ahead was planned. She thought, future could be as marvelous as she dreamed. But she got it all wrong...
Sometimes, getting lost from the life you had planned was not really bad at all. Probably at this moment - there was no thing that could justify that as I was still yielding my farm of dreams - but the lesson I learned from it - you could learn a great ordeal from you experiences and faulties all along your journey to success - or to your dreams.
And that was I believed that matter...