@girlsaredreamers THANK U FOR TAGGING ME THIS IS SO FUN AS A BABY SHIFTER and ty for the format cause im coping and pasting ☺️
going HOME: which reality would you consider to be your main one ?
Probably my alternate highschool or my fame dr. They were the first ones I really put a lot of work into and they’re just my favorite
… where it all BEGAN: where was the first place you ever tried to shift ?
My first script was a joined heated rivalry children dr but when I truly got into it it was the Pitt
… new MOON: what reality have you most recently decided to experience ?
A BROADWAY DR AND I LOVE IT SO SO MUCH
… all the ATTENTION: which reality are you currently focused on ?
My criminal minds dr, broadway, alternate highschool, and prof dj…
… a breath of fresh AIR: which reality do you find the most relaxing ?
SNL but honestly none of my drs are super relaxing but that’s what I love
… thriving in CHAOS: which reality do you have the most going on in ?
All of them but obv peaky blinders prof dj and criminal minds
… safety FIRST: which reality do you feel the safest in ?
I probably feel the safest in my alternate highschool or SNL dr
… do it for the THRILL: what reality would you say is the most dangerous ?
Yeah well all of them but probably Yellowjackets and and Peaky blinders
… a long time COMING: what is a reality you have not yet reached ?
well so I’m very new to shifting and I’ve really just been in the scripting phase of mine. Im trying to really take my time with it all and not rush my thoughts.
… it’s NICHE: what is a unique or underrated reality you shift to ?
Definitely SNL I don’t think I’ve seen anyone else with one 🥲🥲
Summary: surprising Tucker on the No Place Like Tour.
Warnings: fluff, bad jokes, ooc maybe
Wordcount: 1.2k
Masterlist, Hollywood Masterlist
"I wish you were here," Tucker mumbled, half asleep but still looking at her through his phone screen. The sun was still up on her side.
"We'll be together sooner than you can blink," she assured him, packing up her stuff for what he thought was a small business trip. The phone propped up on her desk, leaning against her bright screen that she had checked her flight details on minutes prior to him calling. Since then, he'd just been watching her.
From the corner of her eye, she could see him blink and then look around the room. Blinking multiple times again to drag out the joke until it's death.
"I blinked, where are you? Have you become a ghost now?" he asked, angrily looking at the screen and her laughing figure on it.
"I will ghost you if you keep acting like this?"
"You can't ghost me, baby. I live with you, remember that?"
"I will find a way, don't worry," she threatened, smiling sickly at the offended look on his face.
"Mean," he mumbled, his face falling further into the pillow.
"I love you too," she laughed, taking the phone back into our hands to tell him the tragic news she received when looking at the clock. "I need to go now, or else I'll miss my flight."
"Miss it then, I don't care. Just talk a bit longer."
"I will, soon. I promise." Looking at his puppy eyes, she felt a pang of guilt sough through her. It will be worth it though, she reminded herself. "Try blinking a few more times, maybe I'll appear then."
Before she hung up, she watched Tucker furiously blink at the camera, trying to hypnotize her and teleport her over to him.
The flight was good, at least as good as a flight can be. The anticipation and adrenaline at the thought of seeing Tucker again made it more bearable. It made it almost exciting.
Having discussed this with his manager, it was easier to get him to where she wanted. A small cafe she'd been told about by friends, where she was now sat in one of the corners with the sunlight shining down on her. Warming her already hot skin.
A few moments later, Tucker walked in alone. Looking around the room.
They'd planned it all in detail a few weeks beforehand. They would come there together, his manager saying that there was someone for the to meet (a potential sally for the night) and when they'd be in front of it, she'd excuse herself, say someone important just called and leave him to his own devices.
The rest, she could only make it up in her mind.
He'd walk in, confused and tired. Shoulders slumped down, his head hanging low. Looking around the room he'd look for someone he only knew by bare description. Finding her. His eyes lighting up, his feet dashing through the place until he picked her up.
And when he did, wrapping his arms around her waist, his face buried in the crook of her neck, she only then noticed that she missed him more than she admitted before. Cause her heart had never been beating quicker and no amount of reassurance made the emotions in her eyes wash away.
"You're- Are you really here?" Tucker asked, not quite ready to pull away just yet.
"I guess you blinked hard enough," she finally said, pulling away and taking his head in her hands.
Sitting down to eat, she'd already ordered for both of them. The food standing on the table, ready to be gone.
She'd talked about work and what he hadn't been updated about because she forgot late at night and he told her about tour. How it was so far. What the fans were doing every night and how good it felt to be on stage.
The conversation drifted from their own, personal life to the occurring night. Something he'd thought about doing for the longest time.
"When is your soundcheck?" She asked after a break in conversation.
"In about 20 minutes," he said, looking down at his phone before going back to the sandwich in his hands.
"Well, we better head back then."
Arriving at the venue, people were already lining up. Waiting to be let in in a few hours. Keeping his head low, his hood over his head, the two of them walked on the other side of the road, hand in hand. No one faced by the couple passing by. It was nice like that, so quiet and private.
"Are you sure this is a good idea?" she asked as she waited for him to get ready.
"We don't have to do anything if you don't want to," he assured her, turning around, leaning against the table and pulling her closer. Holding her waist to keep her in place for him to look at her.
She could see the determination in his eyes. He wouldn't say anything if she didn't want to. They could still pick someone from the crowd.
"I think it's better for us if we just open up," she said, fingers tracing over the details in his face. "We don't have to scream everything into the open, we can still be private."
"Your wish is my command," he said, bowing before opening the door. Waiting for her to walk through before walking through herself.
With her arms propped up on the barricade, she watched as he went though the songs. Messing up some lyrics even after singing them almost every night for the past two months and before that. Laughing as he stumbled on stage or shamelessly flirted with her because everyone in the room knew.
"OK, next one," he said, looking down on the setlist that laid in front of his feet. Smirking as he saw the title. "I wanna dedicate this song to the pretty girl in the front." Pointing right at her, the only person in the pit, his band began to laugh, still they played. "Everyone look at that woman, please."
The start to 'Look At That Woman' began playing, and even when he should get ready for the song, he still talked.
"God, she's so hot," he said, dramatically fanning his face and acting like he might faint. "You think she'll go out with me?"
He was now looking directly at her, waiting for an answer.
"Not if you keep messing up your own lyrics," she said back.
Everyone around them laughed. Taking their interactions with humor and less distaste because they made them wait, making Tucker miss his entrance. But it didn't matter to him this time, because she was stood in the first row. Eyes only focused on him; every word he sung and every step he took being noticed by her.
𖤓°⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ tucker never thought he’d get here, but he loved living life with you, so why not make it for forever?
warning/contains. swearing
pairing. tucker pillsbury x fem!reader
was heavily inspired by claudia and finneas’ engagement :) enjoy!!!
Tucker stood in the ring shop, arms resting on the countertop as he looked over the rings placed in front of him. It had been on his mind recently, and Tucker couldn’t shake it from him. Marriage. He glanced at his phone as he did so, a picture of a ring he had gifted you years ago- one you loved so much and never took off. As he did so, he heard his voice singing in the background of the shop, he hoped nobody would say they saw him here. The surprise couldn’t get ruined, he was for once confident in keeping a secret, if someone ruined it he’d combust.
“Anything match what you’d want to get her?” The elder lady asked, walking over to him and at the counter. “She wants this cut, she said it’s her favorite. I don’t know if I should get a simple band or one with other gems.” He said, resting his chin on his palm. The lady smiled sweetly, “Can I see a picture of her?” She asked, making him smile at the question.
Of course he’d show her, he’d show you to anyone who asked, or didn’t ask, you were the most beautiful girl and he was lucky to be yours. Tucker zoomed out of the picture of you smiling at the camera, on vacation with him and standing in a bathing suit cover, the sun lighting up your eyes.
The lady looked over the picture, looking at the rings. “I think she needs just a simple band, she’s one in a million, I can tell. She needs an individual gem that shines like she does.” The lady said, making all the air in Tucker’s lungs escape from him.
“Yeah-yeah you’re right.” He said softly, smiling and nodding. The lady read you like a book, she took the bands with other gems and put them away, leaving him with an arrangement. His eyes flickered over one over and over, the lady noticed and took away the other rings. He chuckled when the one he had been staring at lingered in front of him.
It was so you, sparkly, beautiful, eye-catching. Everything.
And so he bought it, waited the extra hour as it got adjusted and properly fit. It sat in a ring box in your favorite color, and sat in his palm on the way home.
When he came home, and saw you were too, he panicked. “Fuck.” He whispered, looking around his car for anything to hide the box in. He sighed in relief when he saw a hoodie of his in the back, grabbing it and stuffing the box in it. He carried the hoodie inside and saw you at the couch, distracted with a work call. He walked over and kissed your head, making you blush as your boss could see, they laughed and waved at him through the zoom call before continuing to talk about the project you guys were working on.
Tucker escaped to your shared room, looking around for anywhere he could hide the box. However everywhere he looked was a place you’d rummaged through. He opened the closet door and saw his shoeboxes, putting it in a box that his winter boots sat in. You wouldn’t look there. He huffed out the last of his tension, standing in the closet space.
“How was the session?” You asked, making him jump and turn to you. You jumped also, “What was that for?” You asked, putting a hand to your heart before laughing. He laughed also, walking over and leaning down to kiss you, “Just didn’t hear you come up. Session went well, went over a song or two about you.” He murmured, placing another kiss on your lips. You smiled against his lips, “I’m flattered.” You said softly, he chuckled and hugged you. “Want some lunch?” He asked, walking out of the closet with you, arms around you still.
And so he made lunch for you both, pouring you another coffee as he did so, listening to you talk about your job and the upcoming projects you were making. Tucker placed your food in front of you, and smiled as you paused to thank him before getting more into your rant. He leaned back against the counter, watching you with a fond smile as your words blurred into one, thinking about how perfect that lady had described you.
Mid rant, you paused and raised an eyebrow, “What are you so smiley about? Dork.” You said, grinning at him. He shook his head, “Just how much I love you.” He said, grabbing your hand and kissing over the ring that was now several years old. You were skeptical, he nearly shit himself. But he relaxed when you pushed his seat beside you, patting it.
You two sat there, talking and eating until your phone rang again and this time your next call took place sitting in your backyard in the sun while he played the guitar softly nearby, the tune of the song he wrote about you. You hung up the phone and soaked up the sun, “We should get a dog.” You said, and Tucker looked at you with furrowed brows. You didn’t move, just sat there with your arms under your head as you turned your face up to the sky. Tucker let out a small confused laugh, “Why?” He asked, he got up and placed the guitar inside before walking to you.
He leaned down and blocked your sun, making you open your eyes and look at him. “So I could have a buddy to sit with here.” You said, and his jaw dropped in offense. “What am I to you? Chop liver?” He asked, getting a laugh he loved out of you. “No, no you’re not, you’re my lovely sweet boyfriend.” You said, grinning as your hands rested over his that rested on the chair’s armrests. “Mhm, totally buying it until we get a dog.” He murmured, kissing your lips and then your forehead.
“What kind?” He asked, lips ghosting your forehead as you smiled. “A lab. Some type of dog that likes the sun.” You stated, catching him off guard that you knew instantly. He chuckled and nodded, “A lab would be nice.” He agreed.
That evening, on the phone, Tucker paced the room while you were out with a friend who helped you pick out a nice dress for a big meeting you had later that week. He was glad you were gone for a second, so he could panic to his mother for a second.
“So did you get the ring?” His mom asked as she watched him pace on facetime. “Yes.” He said, walking upstairs and to the closet. He listened to his mom laugh as he rummaged through the shoebox and grabbed it. She grinned and turned the phone to his dad too, seeing how the box was your favorite color. He opened the box, holding his breath in case he breathed too loud and didn’t hear you enter the house. His mom beamed and brought the phone closer to her face, he heard his dad in the back go let me see I'm his parent too, “It’s gorgeous! When are you asking her?” His mother exclaimed as his dad gave him the proud smile and thumbs up of approval. Tucker stared at it himself.
“I don’t know actually, maybe in a few weeks when I’m done with shows and we have a calm few months ahead of us?” He said, looking at his mom for some advice. She smiled softly, “Good idea.” She said softly, he nodded and put the box back. “Any place in particular?” She asked as he went back to the living room, sitting down on the couch. “No, she doesn’t want it public which is great, but then like I want to do it in this garden but that’s public-ish. I was thinking about dinner then taking her there with Neema hiding so we could get pictures.” He said, laughing at what he thought was a dumb idea, but the grin on his mother’s face confirmed how perfect it was for you.
“Well we’ll be waiting for that call.” His mother said.
Later that night, Tucker sat with you on the couch, arm slung over your shoulders as you watched television and he scrolled on his phone- a usual routine with him. “I have to go on a business trip the week you fully come home from the festivals.” You said, making his smile fade and he looked down at you. “What?” He asked, pouting for dramatics, he felt his heart sink a bit- he planned to propose that week. “Hey now listen, it’s in Chicago, then we could go to Maine after.” You said. Your idea made him pause, a small smile turning into a huge grin as he listened to your idea.
“You’re smart, you know that?” He said, watching you grin now. He followed that with peppering you with kisses, his heart melting at how you wanted to bring him along and go visit his home.
He sent a text to his mother as you showered that night, needing a new idea instantly, deciding he’d propose in Maine. Soon his shows ended and he got home to you, doing heaps of laundry before packing once again while you were out getting your nails done to a nice nude color for your conferences and events. Tucker felt some relief in that, knowing you wouldn’t get mad at him for not giving you some warning about your nails.
He put the box under his clothes in the suitcase, watching as you went through your business clothes and then the casual clothes. He only packed one suitcase, while you packed one large and small one. He had his bags, but it didn’t stop you from complaining about being overpacked. Tucker chuckled as you put a pair of flats in your suitcase beside the beat up pair of shoes you always wore in Maine.
“Well you have weekdays of business, we leave for Maine during the weekend,” He stated, helping you lay out your business clothes, matching your stance of hands on hips and a thinking face. You grabbed articles of clothing, both of you deciding on outfits and keeping strict to a couple pairs of slacks and working weekday outfits around them. You packed a classy white dress with it, his heart skipped a beat as you stood in the mirror with it on, pairing heels with it. It was like you were onto him. “Should we get a dog in Maine?” You asked, hearing him laugh and watching him in the mirror as he threw his head back with a groan.
“You won’t drop this-” “I won’t drop this, I want a dog-” “Baby I have plans first.”
You turned your head to him fully, away from the mirror to truly look at him. Oh shit. “Like what?” You asked. He threw his hands in the air to disguise it while he internally panicked, he didn’t mean to say what he did, “Let me surprise you with a dog, okay?” He said, now getting a groan from you. He let out a breath as you believed him.
As you went to meetings that week, Tucker booked a reservation, gave his mother money to buy a few flower arrangements, and looked up shelters nearby his childhood home. Every night in Chicago, you two went to dinners hosted by people who wanted to work with you. You walked in in matching slacks, you wore a fitting shirt and he wore a button up, you two were a perfect pair. He watched as you socialized easily, shaking hands with the people who were trying to collaborate with your business. You hugged the lady who owned the business, she looked like a future version of you. “This is my boyfriend, Tucker,” You introduced with a smile. Tucker shook her hand as she grinned, “Husband, you said?” She asked, leaning into you to hear you better, you blushed as you corrected her kindly.
Tucker ran a hand over his mouth, looking up at the ceiling with a smile of disbelief like the man up there he hardly believed in was testing him.
The dinner went well, and before you both knew it, you were sitting in the airport. Tucker’s warm hand was in yours as you sat in his jean jacket and wore comfortable clothes you were dying to get into. He raised his eyebrow at your slipper shoes, you rolled your eyes, “After heels everyday, this is needed dude.” You said, laughing softly with him as he kissed your temple and slinging his arm around you. “Soon we’ll get to lay in a comfortable bed and relax all week.” He assured, his hand never left yours, never stopped fidgeting with the ring on your finger. Thinking and thinking of what he was going to do in two days.
The day in between passed quicker than days ever did.
Tucker woke up before you and kissed your shoulder before slipping out of bed, he grabbed the ring from his suitcase, going to the kitchen where his mom made her coffee and breakfast. She turned to him with a knowing smile, “Flowers will be picked up once you guys leave. I’m making a cake, so don’t get her dessert, and text me on the way back so I know if I need to toss it all out before- I’m joking Tucker don’t look scared.” She laughed at his reaction, he sighed and rolled his eyes, “I hope you didn’t jinx me.” He said, a little bit of an edge in his tone as a joke. His mother scoffed, “She’ll say yes, don’t worry.” She assured.
She admired the ring before Tucker hid it in a random cabinet as he heard you walk downstairs. He greeted you with a warm hug and big kiss, you talked with his mom as you shared coffee with her, and he went over the reservation with you. “And why is this?” You asked, sipping your coffee.
Tucker looked at you like you insulted him, “I’ve been gone for ages and we haven’t been on a date, we’re always plus ones with other people.” He said in a matter-of-fact tone, and you raised your hand in defense, “Never mind, I’ll let my boyfriend treat me with no question.” You returned his tone, hearing his mom chuckle in the living room. Tucker walked over, an arm hooking around your waist and a fond smile pointed down at you, Tucker kissed you softly- you tasted cigarettes and he tasted coffee, a familiar mix.
You noticed he was on edge for most of the day, he knew you noticed when your hand was in his more, or you did the usual silent things you did to calm him. This continued through the night, dinner went smooth, you didn’t even ask for dessert, and you played soft tunes you both loved as he drove home- really to the dock he kissed you on for the first time.
When he parked, you looked at him, confused. Tucker got out without a word, and something in your brain started to think harder than it already had been throughout the day. Your thoughts were cut short when he opened the door and held his hand out to yours, and you felt a slight tremble in them. He walked you to the dock, leaving then returning to join you as you stared out at the water and sunset. This wasn't any different, somedays you guys went here to talk, nothing felt different until you felt the tug on your hand as Tucker knelt down. Everything in your world stopped as you looked down at him with the box and gorgeous ring in his palm, both of you instantly in tears.
“Y/n-” “Yes-” “Y/n that’s great but please let me finish.”
So you did, but your hand was already going to adjust your ring off your finger but- “Baby please let me do it.” He laughed as you brought your hand to your side and he laughed out a thank you, composing himself before he said what he wanted to. The small speech that was on the spot, he had so much to say but didn’t know what was right until he opened his mouth.
“Y/n, ever since you moved into my apartment and then insisted we needed a house that was bigger than the both of us, claiming it would be filled with our life and interests, I knew then I wanted to be with you forever in that house or any house. Everything you do, everything we’ve built, I want forever. No matter where I am, as long as you’re with me I am home, and if you’re not, I’m counting down the minutes and seconds until you are. Will you marry me?”
You acted like you were thinking, making him laugh and shake his head, “You’re a dick.” He joked, smiling as your jaw dropped, “Maybe I’ll throw the ring in the water-” “Hey I was joking-!” “Put the ring on already-!” “You didn’t say yes-” “Oh my god, yes! Yes-YES!” You exclaimed, both of you laughing, he was glad he had put the phone at the start of the dock to record this. “Hey no need to beg.” He teased, raising his eyebrow a few times as you scoffed.
You both smiled as he took the one ring off, sliding it onto your bare pointer finger, and slid the engagement ring on your ring finger. He stood up and engulfed the sides of your face with his hands, kissing you with all the love he could possibly give you.
The night was filled with you both returning, you shocked by the flowers and cake, and a celebration over cake and the replay of the video. Friends were called, the news was kept quiet, and once you settled into your home back in Los Angeles- Tucker posted a picture with you and your puppy, the ring on your finger shining bright.
Went to Maine for a week, came home with some new additions in our life.
hello love!!!!!! this is desperate matters and you write the JUICIEST fics. i NEEEED NEEED NEEED more Vanessa Palmer fics from Yellowjackets rn there is a very sad amount of them of this app and im going crazy. You can make it alternate universe - no crash if you want but i rlly don’t care. Thank youuu
hello love!!!!!! this is desperate matters and you write the JUICIEST fics. i NEEEED NEEED NEEED more Vanessa Palmer fics from Yellowjackets rn there is a very sad amount of them of this app and im going crazy. You can make it alternate universe - no crash if you want but i rlly don’t care. Thank youuu
summary.✦ ݁˖ Vanessa and you have been in a realationship for quiet some time. Vanessa is perfect for you truly...but you in the other hand found yourself always insecure and hopeless that your depression isnt able to "cure" with a realtionship
warnings╰┈➤Emotional abuse(self-directed and implied relational dynamics)Self-harm (implied through vomiting and self-criticism) Mental health struggles (depression, panic attacks, self-loathing) Breakup/abandonment (unresolved emotional pain, silence as a weapon) Body image issues (focus on physical flaws, comparison to unrealistic standards)
wc....800 words
tags.Vannessa. P x Fem Reader
angels letter! IM VERY PROUD SHORT BUT SO FCK SAD
based on this request!
Everything was going fine. At least I thought I was in my bedroom with the warm breeze coast my rooms making the coolness of my room vanish, sitting on my bed flipping through the fashion magazines flipping through each page making me feel not noted on my flaws. I flip to the last page on the magazine were Cindy Crawford in a golden dress that creases her silhouette beaitful not a singel inch of fat was caught on camera.
I'm self-aware that I'm lucky to have people around me that tend to worship the floor I walk on, my girlfriend Vanessa one of the greatest things to ever happen to me, before her I struggled with y depression alone. Took over the blood in my veins, my mind like electricity, through my finger's tips where I felt every inch of fat and vein that made me look awful
Vannessa and I met in the beginning of last year school year. I was walking with Taissa in the hallway she showed me to my locker and then Vanessa ended up being right next to me. I call it fate really; she showed me colors that not rainbow could show me.
when things got difficult for me she knew what to do, each throw up pulled my hair back and told me how beautiful i was, each panic attack stayed with me breathed every breath that felt like the last.
She was coming over later but deep down I didn't want her to come in my room were my insecurities hang on the wall. I hear the front door open...I get up from my bed but on from pink shorts that don't quiet fit me
I open the door peaking my head, Vannessa walking Infront of the staircase where she looks around trying to find context clues of where I could be "Hey babes up here" I call, my voice cracking just enough to make my stomach twist.
She looks up, and her face lights up like the sun breaking through clouds. That smile. God, that smile. It’s the kind of thing that used to make my chest hurt in the best way. Like I’d swallowed sunlight and it was still burning inside me. Now, it just makes me want to crawl out of my skin
Vanessa takes the stairs two at a time, her boots thudding against the wood, and I step back, suddenly hyperaware of the pink shorts clinging to my hips, the way my stomach folds over the waistband. I smooth my hands over my thighs, trying to erase the evidence of my body’s betrayal.
She rounds the corner, and her eyes find mine. For a second, she just looks at me really looks and I swear I see her heart in her gaze. Then her smile softens, and she tilts her head, studying me like I’m a puzzle she’s trying to solve.
“You, okay?” she asked, her voice soft, like she was afraid the wrong word would shatter something.
I swallowed hard. “Yeah. Just tired.”
She didn’t believe me. I could see it in the way her eyes narrowed, in the way her lips pressed into a thin line. “You look like you’re about to bolt,” she said.
A laugh escaped me, sharp and bitter. “Maybe I am.”
Vanessa didn’t flinch. She stepped closer, close enough that I could smell her vanilla and something warm, like fresh laundry. My fingers twitched at my sides, itching to reach for her, to anchor myself to something real. But I didn’t.
“Talk to me,” she murmured, her voice steady, like she was trying to keep herself from shaking. “Please.”
I wanted to. God, I wanted to. But the words were stuck in my throat, tangled up with all the things I’d never been able to say. Instead, I turned my head, my gaze landing on the wall across from me. The collage of magazine cutouts stared back at me perfect bodies, flawless faces, everything I’d never be.
“Do you ever look at me and wonder what you’re doing with someone like me?” The question slipped out before I could stop it, raw and ugly and honest.
Vanessa’s breath hitched. “What?”
I forced myself to meet her eyes. They were dark, serious, and for the first time, I saw something flicker in them something like fear. “Like… do I make sense to you? Or am I just…” I gestured vaguely at myself, at the room, at the life I’d built that felt like a house of cards. “A project? Someone you feel sorry for?”
Her expression twisted, like I’d slapped her. “No,” she said, her voice firm, unshaken. “You’re not a project. You’re not someone I feel sorry for.” She stepped even closer, close enough that I could feel the heat radiating off her. “You’re the person who taught me what it feels like to be seen.” She swallowed. “You were the first person who ever looked at me. Really looked. Not just at my face, not just at the way I dress or the way I laugh, but inside.” She reached out, her fingers brushing my wrist. “And I see you too. All of you.”
My chest ached. “That’s not true.”
“It is.” Her thumb traced circles on my wrist, slow and deliberate. “I see you, and I love you. Not the version of you in magazines. Not the version of you that’s perfect. You. The one who’s messy and scared and beautiful in ways no camera could ever capture.”
I wanted to believe her. I did believe her. But belief didn’t erase the way my brain twisted her words into something ugly. “What if I don’t like what you see?” My voice cracked.
Vanessa’s free hand came up, her fingers cupping my jaw. Her touch was gentle, but her gaze was fierce. “Then I’ll love you anyway,” she whispered.
I closed my eyes, leaning into her touch despite myself. “You don’t have to say anything,” she murmured, her thumb brushing my cheekbone. “But don’t push me away. Not tonight.”
I stayed silent.
She waited, her breath steady, her grip on me unrelenting. But I couldn’t give her what she wanted. I couldn’t give myself what I wanted. The words lodged in my throat, choking me.
“I can’t do this anymore,” I finally said, my voice hollow.
Vanessa’s hand fell away from my face like she’d been burned. Her eyes searched mine, desperate for something—anything—that would make this okay. But I had nothing left to give.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
She didn’t say anything. She just stood there, her chest rising and falling like she was trying to keep herself from falling apart. Then, without another word, she turned and walked toward the stairs. I watched her go, my heart shattering with every step she took.
The front door clicked shut behind her.
I closed my bedroom door, covering my mouth with my hands to stifle the sob that clawed its way up my throat. Then I sank against the door, sliding to the floor, my knees pulled to my chest, my body shaking with the effort of keeping silent. The tears came hot and fast, and I let them, because there was no one left to see me break.
pairing: teen van x introverted fem reader
summary: falling for your best friend is totally fine… until you can’t contain your jealousy any longer
a/n: loosely inspired by this request
warnings: like the tiniest bit of angsty yearning but nothing really
song rec: cleats - finneas
word count: 2.4k
“Yes Van!” Your breath was visible as you cheered at a great save by the keeper, sitting on the bleachers in the cold morning air. It started off simple, going to watch your friend’s games as an excuse to get out of the house, something you didn’t do often enough. She liked having a ride there, and admittedly it was nice knowing someone was at the game for her.
So, you found yourself there week in and week out, sitting amongst the crowd watching her, cheering when her team had won, and smiling when she found you after the game. Though it became a little more difficult when you started smiling wider each time.
You made your way to the sideline, Van meeting you halfway, still in her gear.
“Good game, Palmer.” She punched your arm in response - softly, but it might as well have been with full force, feeling your skin burn at the contact.
“Thanks, give me a minute, then we’ll get out of here?” You nodded, watching her flash a toothy grin and turn away to head to the locker room. It had become tradition to get food afterwards, initially another reason to avoid your home lives, but it quickly turned into something you were excited for.
You couldn’t help but find her endearing, the way she talked about her favourite movies and laughed at the jokes that no one else seemed to get. You had begun to think about her more often than not.
“Hey, wake up! Someone’s gotta drive me around and it’s not going to be me.” You snapped out of your thoughts, finding Van standing in front of you, dressed in fresh clothes and staring at you expectantly. She could drive herself, she just didn’t have the car, aside from some junk of a truck she claimed to be working on.
You rolled your eyes, struggling to ignore the familiar flutter in your chest as you walked side by side through the carpark.
You tried not to laugh too hard as she pondered, in all seriousness, about where to get food, listing all the places she could “force” you to take her. You reached your car, putting her debate to an end with a sigh.
“Are you done? I’ve got a leftover pizza and an empty house, just come to mine.” She shrugged in approval, that option good as any - cheaper too.
You drove back to yours, focusing on the road in an attempt to ignore her gaze while she recounted the match, as if you hadn’t been there watching.
The reason your dynamic worked so well was partially due to how much she talked and how little you did. You could happily sit and listen to her speak all day, admiring the way she passionately lit up. That’s just the way you liked it.
“Then their winger, pretty girl with the ribbons, took a shot but obviously I saved it, and-“ your chest tightened at the word. Pretty. She was pretty, but hearing Van say it still made your grip on the steering wheel double. The worst part about crushing on your closest friend was when you were reminded of how that’s all you were.
She must have noticed a change in your demeanour, mumbling off until you were driving in silence.
*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:
“Cold? What am I, an animal?” Van feigned disapproval as you dropped the pizza box in between you two on your bed.
“Please, I’ve seen you eat worse.” She scoffed in agreement, a slice already half-eaten in her hand. You could still feel the tension lingering, somehow unable to let the jealousy go like you normally could.
God, all she did was call a girl pretty… and she was pretty! Your jaw clenched between bites, zoned out and staring at your crossed legs.
“Dude… are you good?”
Shit.
You flicked your eyes up at hers, a teasing yet concerned look on her face, snapping you out of it real quick.
You should just be grateful she’s your friend.
“Uh… yep all good, just remembered I have some English homework to finish.” It’s not a complete lie, you really did, but it was only an excuse to hide the fact you were feeling unreasonably jealous over the tiniest thing.
“Who cares about that?” She shrugged, her smirk increasing as she looked at you, “we have bigger problems, like who’s gonna eat the last slice.”
You rolled your eyes, relieved she dropped the topic - whether she believed you or not.
Smiling, you grabbed the pizza, “me, duh.”
Van gasped in offence, quickly leaning to grab it out of your hand, falling and pushing both of you backwards onto your mattress. She was practically on top of you, one hand on your wrist, the other next to your head as she stared down at you. You felt goosebumps travel up your sides, her legs on either side of your hips, trapping you.
She was too close, surely able to notice the redness growing on your cheeks, the way you instinctively licked your lips.
“Fine, just take it. I really should do that homework…” your words came out panicked, eyes wide before she rolled onto her back next to you.
“Geez, it’s not like I was going to kiss you.” She was trying to joke, you knew that, but her horrible misinterpretation of your panic only made you feel worse.
“Right.”
You settled at your desk, barely focusing on your homework as Van flipped through your collection of cds to fill the silence. You felt her staring at your back, fighting every urge to turn and look at her.
She finally settled on your bed again, remaining mostly quiet other than a couple murmured song lyrics.
By the time you were done, you found her asleep. Your cat - God knows when he got there, purring next to her.
Oh?
She’d only been at your house a handful of times, never long enough to take a nap. Sure, you two were close, but this was new.
You couldn’t wake her, not when she looked so peaceful. Instead, you put on a softer cd, grabbed a book, and sat carefully on your bed next to her. Deciding to distract yourself by reading instead of watching her like some creep.
*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:
You noticed her finally starting to stir from the corner of your eye, closing your book as she sat up. You couldn’t help the faint blush on your face as you watched her wake up, her eyes readjusting to the afternoon sun, brushing her hair out of her face.
She was pretty. The kind of boyish pretty that maybe made the feelings you had for her ok. But you knew that’s not how it worked; she was still your best friend.
You shook your head dismissively, you really didn’t mind, plus, it was better than the awkward tension from before.
Checking the time, her eyebrows furrowed as she cursed under her breath.
“I’ll drive you,” you offered like she had other options, and she thanked you as if she wasn’t going to force you anyway.
*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:
To your relief, the tension was forgotten as you drove, listening to her talk, this time about a party one of her teammates was hosting.
“You should come, it’ll be fun!”
Van was about ten times more extroverted than you, and you knew she had good intentions, but you weren’t sure you’d be up for it.
Parties were fine until Van was busy socialising with everyone she could, leaving you to awkwardly stand around and hope to run into another friend.
She could see your hesitation, pushing your arm gently as her voice turned more teasing, “come onnnnn, maybe you’ll meet someone.”
Your face flushed, that’s the opposite of what you wanted. You wouldn’t meet anyone you were interested in, instead, you were afraid she would.
She was often sought out by girls at parties, either as some demeaning experiment or just a good time. Meanwhile you were shrugging off anyone who tried to come near you, waiting for Van to reappear, pretending you didn’t know what she was doing for your own sake.
“No thanks.” You shook your head, dismissing the idea, the whole thing making you feel ill with jealousy again.
She sighed, unsure why you were acting so closed off.
And just like that, the tension had returned, creating a thick, uncomfortable silence until you pulled up to her house. You refused to look at her, sitting facing ahead, half expecting her to just get out and leave without a word.
“Ok seriously. What’s up with you? You’ve been acting weird all day, did I do something?”
No, she hadn’t done anything wrong, it was all you and your dumb brain. You had no right to be jealous, no excuse for the possessiveness you felt.
“I-“ you didn’t know what to say, turning your body to face hers but still avoiding her gaze.
“Did I make you uncomfortable before? I’m sorry if-“
“No. No, Van, not at all,” you didn’t want her to think that about herself, blushing at the memory, “it’s just… I hate the way you talk about pretty girls and how you run away at parties doing God knows what with God knows who. It shouldn’t, but it makes me feel like shit.”
You finally looked up at her, wishing your seat would swallow you whole after your nervous word vomit.
“What, you’re jealous?” She asked like it was unfathomable, still not quite getting the point. “You’ll meet someone, I’m telling you. You just have to go out and actually talk to people.”
Were you jealous of her? No. Were you jealous of the girls she got with? Yes… very much so.
“No, Van.”
There was no going back, feeling your heart pound as you spoke, watching her every expression.
“I don’t want to meet someone. I’m not jealous that you find pretty girls at parties and kiss them. I wish… just... I like you... why can't it be me with you?"
You’d done it now. Spilt your guts and probably lost the best friendship you’d ever had. You would’ve run if you weren’t in your own car, internally cringing as you watched the way Van seemed to process your words.
“Oh.”
“Never mind… I’m sorry,” you apologised before she could say anything else, offering to drive her home again. But she grabbed your wrist before you could turn back in your seat.
She leant over to reach you, her face close to yours. Her expression was unreadable, a mix of curiosity and something else you couldn’t quite decode.
“You want me to kiss you? That’s why you’ve been in a shitty mood?” Her voice was soft, inching closer to you without breaking eye contact.
Your eyes fluttered closed as her hand moved to hold your chin. “It’s stupid…” looking back up at her, hoping that if you dismissed it, it would all go away.
“Doesn’t sound stupid to me.” She was smiling again, that familiar smirk on her lips. “Now do you want me to or not?”
You paused, eyes wide with shock before softly nodding against her hand, of course you did. Your eyes flicked down to her mouth as you met her halfway, feeling her lips graze yours tentatively.
It was soft - better than you’d imagined, and you couldn’t stop a muffled sigh from escaping against her lips. Her hand moved up your face, settling on your cheek while the other rested gently on your knee.
Grabbing a fistful of her t-shirt, you readjusted yourself to move closer to her, overwhelmed by the way her tongue brushed against your lower lip.
She pulled back just enough to look at you, your heart nearly exploding in your chest as she tucked a stray piece of hair behind your ear.
“Happy now?”
You laughed but the blush on your face gave yourself away.
She could tell it was more than just simply wanting her to kiss you, the feelings going deeper than that.
Your skin felt a little colder as you lost her touch, the redhead dropping back into her seat.
“You could’ve just asked, you know?”
Still a flustered mess, you watched her sit back, that dumb smirk of hers returning.
You noticed her fiddling with her hands the way she did when she was nervous. “I didn’t think you liked girls like that… I didn’t think you liked me like that.” Her voice was quiet as she confessed, “I would’ve jumped at the chance earlier if I did.”
You blushed an even deeper red at her words.
“Well, I do like you like that.” It was her turn to blush and your heart ached at the way she looked at you.
“I think I’d like to kiss you again.”
“Really?” You barely believed her words, even as she leant over to your seat again.
She laughed at your disbelief, “yes, idiot.”
Her hand snaked around to rest at the back of your neck, pulling you closer, still searching for any sign of hesitation.
When she found none, her eyes dropped down to your lips, licking her own before she closed the distance between the two of you.
It was a little rougher the second time around, less uncertain as her other hand found your own, holding it tightly. You gasped into her mouth at the way she gripped your hair, allowing her to deepen the kiss.
You were a little dizzy when you pulled away, resting against her forehead, still processing how any of it was real.
“Let me take you out. I’m tired of dragging you to my games just as an excuse to see you.”
You nodded in agreement, and by that point, the blush on your face might as well have been permanent.
She let out a breath of relief, glad you were on the same page. You watched her as she shut her eyes, pressing against you before pulling away, squeezing your hand only to let go.
She hopped out of your car with a promise to call you.
You watched her walk off, lips burning and craving her. You didn’t miss the way she subtly turned to smile at you, she could clearly tell how insane she was driving you, but you wouldn’t have had it any other way.
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