MyNameIsMo0666 @soprano-maniac-blog - Tumblr Blog

apparently this isnt my primary blog

my primary blog is this inactive af one and i might change the name to my yt name there idk

nothing really interests me lately, a tiny zine

made this to finally get out of the "i can't create anything" mindset i was in, hopefully now that i've finally made something i can leave myself alone about it :,)

myfandomrealitea

I know there's a lot of advice for handling things like depression and its so fucking easy for people to say "just do this and you'll feel better!" and I hate that, I fucking despise it, but I'm also gonna throw in my two cents about what is personally helping me get out of bed some days and genuinely, not kill myself.

Its taking care of nature.

Seriously. It sounds stupid and some days it feels stupid, but I put up bird feeders because I live in a semi-rural area where human activity is decimating the local bird population and options for safe feeding. So I put up bird feeders. And now I have like 83 different birds flocking to my garden on the daily and screaming at my window if the feeders are empty. And I've seen generations of baby birds brought to my garden by their parents because this is where the food is.

And I researched what plants and flowers were native to my area and I spent like $5 on a few different seed packets and sprinkled them around the grass and the sad empty flowerbeds and the lawn because the bees have nothing to eat and that's awful and it turns out wildflowers will fucking GROW the moment you look away, but now every spring and summer my lawn is a pretty little multi-colored bug haven.

And I've even gotten the chance to save a few little bug lives because of it. I've taken in cold-shocked bees and given them a warm little tupperware to recover in. I've fed bugs sugar water to get their energy back to take their food home. I've given dying bugs a sheltered, safe place to spend their last moments.

I planted a veggie garden. And I know I'm very lucky in that I have the space to do that, but also, you can grow a lot of things indoors. My friend has literally the smallest apartment you can imagine but she grows chives in her bathroom and grows five radishes at a time in a pot in the kitchen. Literally five. But it makes her so happy every single time she pulls them up or trots off to the bathroom to snip some chives.

I pick trash up every two weeks. The pick stick was like $4 online and I just put the bag out with my bi-weekly trash pick-up and its disgusting but but nobody else is gonna do it and I've only got finite time on this earth. If nobody else is going to pick up that can, I will. Because some innocent wild animal doesn't deserve to get hurt by human ignorance, and I deserve to walk home and see pretty flourishing nature instead of depressing discarded trash like I feel like most days.

I've left water out for the wildlife and watched hedgehogs, local dogs on their walks, squirrels and all sorts stop by to take a drink, because humans are fucking selfish and we're making something as basic as water so hard to access for anyone but ourselves, but I can fix a little bit of that just by putting out a bowl. Sometimes I don't even have to remember to fill it because the rain will fill it for me, and its kind of like nature's way of saying "you're helping me so I'm going to help you out too." Which is neat.

Like most days I do not want to be living on this earth but my god earth did not get a choice about us living here, and we're ruining it, and it actually feels so good to help stop and un-do a little bit of that destruction.

And you don't even have to try everything I do. If the only thing you've got the spoons to do is buy one bird feeder and you only remember to fill it once a month, its still something. That once a month could mean the difference between starvation and a full belly to a bird.

Again, none of this is obligatory and I'm not saying at all this is some magical cure for depression, but personally these things are things which are helping me slowly find things to keep getting out of bed for and things to feel a sense of self worth and satisfaction over. I feel better both in and about myself when I feed the birds, when I see the bugs in the garden, when I pick up the trash.

If its something you haven't considered yet, it might be worth a try.

jaesig

Can we please make "I'm depressed" a valid reason to out-of-the-blue fall off the face of the earth?

I'm not busy.

I'm not tired.

My plate isn't full.

I'm not swamped with work.

I don't have a cold or flu.

I'm not laying awake at night. (But I am sleepy throughout the day.)

Nothing tragic or traumatic has happened.

I nor anyone I know or work with is going through anything.

You didn't do or say anything wrong.

But I'm not sad, either. I'm not homesick or in mourning. I'm not angry at anyone or anything.

Nothing is wrong...

I just woke up and suddenly being alive sucked, eating became a dumb idea and nothing mattered. I canceled training for the next two weeks, making up a lie, saying I'd be out of town on business.

And I have no other explanation for that, but I don't [can't] say anything because the word "depression" might as well be "itchy" to some people.

"Here, have a mango. You like mangos, right? This should cheer you up!" But I'm not sad.

"Just think happy things!" But I'm not sad.

"Did something happen? You know you can always talk to me!" About what? I'm not sad.

It'll go away just as it came: on its own.

How long it'll stay in my system this time is anyone's guess.

murraysiskind-deactivated202511

It’s so crazy that suicide prevention is just people going awwww don’t!! Awwww come on noooooooooo stopppppp

allhailklisz

yokelfelonking

One of the best ones I saw was a thing noting that every single one of the few survivors of suicide jumps off of the Golden Gate Bridge realized, on the way down, that the problems they were killing themselves over actually were fixable or could be worked through...except for the now - extremely unfixable - problem of gravity.

authortobenamedlater

Went to the Holocaust Museum in DC once. There was a video interview of an Auschwitz survivor who said he and some other prisoners stayed up all night with a man who wanted to kill himself. The man didn’t kill himself and survived to liberation.

In the video the survivor said “Never seek a permanent solution to a temporary problem. And they’re all temporary problems.”

Hearing that from a guy who survived the Holocaust rewired my brain a little bit.

drgrlfriend

I think something a lot of people don't understand is that depression is not suicidality, and suicidality is not depression. People can, and are, depressed without being suicidal, and sometimes suicidality peaks as people are emerging from depression. Suicidality is a wave, and the trick is to allow that wave to crest and subside WITHOUT acting on it. Whatever it takes to ride it out. For some people that's distraction, like watching television. For others it's calling a friend -- not to talk about the suicidality, but just to talk. For others it could be as simple as going to sit in a coffee shop or library, because the presence of other people is a huge diminisher of suicide risk. That's what suicide safety planning is about. It's like having any other type of emergency plan, like a plan for fire or evacuation. It's making a plan when you are in the frame of mind to do so, so that you can just DO the plan without having to think about it when the occasion arises. When you're in the midst of suicidal ideation, or even intent, you're not in a problem-solving mood. So knowing past!you, with the help of a therapist hopefully, came up with the plan and all you have to do is follow up until the wave crests and subsides, is what allows you to see another day.

ETA: Here's a link to a safety plan. https://www.samhsa.gov/sites/default/files/988-safety-plan.pdf

three--rings

I worked as a front line mental health crisis worker. I've talked with people who survived just about every suicide method you can name. I've talked with countless hundreds of people who took pills, at least one who hanged himself, one who shot herself, one who stabbed himself with a katana...etc.

The problem with suicide is that after you've done whatever, the likelihood is that you're back at the same place you started, except now you have new health problems from your attempt.

And yes if you can survive two weeks most people no longer wish to end their lives. By a vast majority.

consistantly-changing

[Image description: a tumblr reply by amaros-system which says "The best suicide prevention I ever saw was an exhaustive list of every way to commit suicide with pros and cons. It felt more like an academic paper than anything else. It concluded that there was no way to kill yourself that wasn't extraordinarily painful, incredibly unreliable, or both. If you kill yourself you, in all likelihood, will suffer immensely. That scared me straight for a while."]

guerrillatech

thoriumcoredaluminosilicate

Pretty sure I'd be more productive if I didn't have to fight to get out of bed

i-will-not-be-caged

I feel like we need to talk more about how fucking boring depression can be. I pick up a book and can’t read more than a few sentences, a chapter if I’m lucky, before I can’t focus. I knit two rows of something and then can’t continue. I scroll through all the different options of shows I haven’t watched without clicking on any of them. I hop from app to app looking for content that will spark literally any single emotion. It’s not even 10am and I already feel like I’m just waiting until it’s time to go back to bed.

I hate it I hate it I hate it

anneelliotscat

I have entire *years* I can't remember. I know I existed, and I lived in this apartment or that one, and this was my couch, but I don't remember what I watched, or read, or made.

yousaveeveryonebutwhosavesyou

Do people understand that when you say “I’m tired” it doesn’t mean “I didn’t get enough sleep last night” or “I need more physical energy”?

It means I am drained. I have been fighting through each day just to wake up and do it again. I am tired of existing in a world where everything feels like a struggle and nothing feels right. I am tired of fighting negative thoughts. I am tired of waking up.

feaftlikeabeaft

I wish depression were an emergency. I wish someone could take one look at how sick I am and go “oh my god, we need to get you to a hospital!” and then when we get there I get rushed into surgery and the surgeons say “it’s a good thing you brought her here when you did, this is a seriously advanced case” and then they put me under and spend the next ten hours pulling metres of long, sticky black strands of gunk out of my body, throwing it immediately into an incinerator so that it can’t infect anyone else. And then they could stitch me back up and I could rest a few days, and when I leave the hospital everyone can see how much better I am and they congratulate me saying “well done, you’ve been so brave, I’m so glad you’re ok. I love you.”