God really did a number on me these past couple weeks at work. Emotionally. I barely talk about the sad cases at work, because I always "leave work at work." But I guess there are cases you have a harder time disconnecting from. I had 2 patient's diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer with metastasis to the brain. They were both given a number. That number put a stamp on the rest of their lives. These 2 people, were from totally different walks of life, one a man, the other a woman. But they were both given this same curse. As I reflect on how differently they reacted, I am amazed. There was the woman in her late 50s. She has the loudest laugh, great sense of humor, and an honest way about her. I could tell that she tried her best to accept her reality and deal with it all while having a smile on her face. I got to start a new IV on her, she was a hard stick. She complimented me on that thing every night I took care of her. She had a craniotomy, and she joked about the hairstyles she would make of her new hair cut. But I also imagine that she had some fear in there. Having to fall asleep with that number in her mind. The country man with the swamp man beard, stubborn and rude. He's only 51. All he could talk about is how much he hated doctors and didn't trust them. He complained about everything we had to do for him... But he did everything we needed to get done. He cursed everyone to hell, but I knew that it was all a cover for his fear. He eventually opened up about how all he was worried about was getting back home so he could take care of his wife and family. That eventually brought him to tears. I then got to meet 2 sisters of his, who drove from out of state to be with their brother. What some would say if they looked at this family is, "They're nothing but trailer park country trash." If I hadn't taken the time to genuinely listen and give him a chance to talk, I would have probably thought that. But these people are just like you and me. They love each other and care for each other. In this horrible time of their life, they are there for each other. It inspired me. The moment they were diagnosed, their lives changed forever. I had the opportunity to be there to assist with their care, even if it was just the beginning. For this I wish we had less nurse to patient ratio... So that we could have more time to be there for patients in this type of situation. I am thankful to meet these people, and help in what little ways I can. This is why I am a nurse.
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