Soul Mushrooms

If I gave you a goat, would you ask for a reason? twitter.com/soulmushrooms

[soulmushrooms]

"WHERE CAN I BUY A TRENCHCOAT?" Jason burst into the house, steaming profusely. His face was contorted in such a way that it was impossible to tell if he even had eyes.

"There's that old store, down the street?" Jess offered.

Jason nodded his head curtly, slammed the door and presumably made his way towards the trenchcoat-selling store. 

Hannah turned towards Jess, the two girls nodded in unison, and shot out the door after him.

[soulmushrooms]

"What do you mean, you don't sell hotdogs," Will said in a completely calm manner.

The hotdog vendor looked very confused. "Son, why would we sell hotdogs?"

"Because… it's a hotdog cart?" Hannah mentioned.

"So?" the hotdog vendor was still confused.

Jason's eyes darted towards the sports store. "Be right back, guys."

He returned minutes later with a newly 'purchased' baseball bat. The owner of the store was screaming at him to come back with his bat, and the hotdog vendor looked like he feared for his life )and the life of his cart).

Jess looked at the chaos, and muttered to the side, "I don't even like hotdogs… "

[soulmushrooms]

"Is Will supposed to be hanging from the ceiling?" asked Jess.

Hannah looked over the paper she was holding, "um… I think so… "

Jason studied the other boy very carefully, standing up on his tip toes. "Well, we managed to get him here anyways, so maybe he'll tell us what he's doing 24/7 that's more important than us!"

"Leave me alone," moaned Okinawa. 

Jess tickled him with a feather duster.

[soulmushrooms]

"…and help me not to kill them. Amen." Nic had just finished a two hour long pre-dinner prayer, covering a wide range of topics including vacations, ladders, and Will's stubbed toe.

The younger teens had been staring gluttonously at the pizza Nic had brought home the entire time. As soon as she uttered the words 'amen', at least seven hands shot out to claim their share of the pizza (even though it was cold by now.)

Nic sighed, and made a sign up list for the toaster oven.

[soulmushrooms]

"WE'RE GOING TO CAPTURE SANTA AND YOU CAN'T STOP US!" breathed Hannah enthusiastically.

"You see," explained Jess (in the way evil villains in movies do, explaining their plans before they actually execute them), "if we capture Santa, we can get him to give us UNLIMITED PRESENTS!!!" 

The two girls had stayed up the entire night hatching this plan, as they had decided that they absolutely REQUIRED new cellphones. Nic stared at them.

"You two have fun with that."

[soulmushrooms]

"But now I have to go, bye!" Jess screamed into the phone.

"DON'T YOU DARE HANG UP ON MY J–" Click! Nic looked down at her phone in disbelief. "She couldn't have been serious. Even Jess has SOME sort of boundaries… right?" Nic nervously ran her hand through her hair and stepped out of the phone box.

Not two seconds later there was an explosion that toppled one of the skyscrapers, and Nic watched as a paraglider soared from the topmost tower. She sighed exasperatedly as two girls sailed away, dangling a screaming Jason beneath them, held up only by his left shoe.

"Doctor?" she said, stepping into the phone box again, "can I ask one more favour… "

[soulmushrooms]

"I can't believe… what… how… AAAAHHHHH!!!" screamed Hannah, running down the hall in her slippers and pyjamas.

"What is it? Hannah, it's 3am," said Nic, rubbing sleep out of her eyes.

"THERE'S A GHOST IN OUR ROOM I THREW SALT AT IT NIC GO KILL THE GHOST!" hyperventilated the younger girl. 

Nic just stared, "sweetie, you've been watching WAY too much Supernatural."

[soulmushrooms]

"Why exactly do you drive a pink Princess Peach sports car?" Jason screamed at Nic as she drove him home from his baseball game in said car. She had appeared at the game in her awfully pink automobile, waved to several of his friends, and motioned for him to join her in the car.

She had done this before, obviously, but not with such vigour.

Nic sighed, and replied, "when I was a young girl, I was horrid at Mario Ka–"

Jason interrupted her with his hand, and snuggled towards the side of the car, wondering how badly his reputation had been damaged.

[soulmushrooms]

"Jason, why are you proposing to her?" Hannah asked with a curious smile. Jason was on his knee in front of Nic, holding, of all things, a Ring Pop.

"Akkk!" he shrieked, "I… uh… I… I LOVE HER!" he was blushing profusely now.

Jess appeared behind Hannah, sporting an identical facial expression to the other girl's.

"Yes."

"WHAT?!"

"I said yes," proclaimed Nic, "I'll marry you."

[soulmushrooms]

The squash was sitting inconspicuously on the windowsill. The room was eerily silent. Nic took two steps in before she knew something was disastrously wrong.

"Guys," she called into the room. "Whatever you're doing, stop."

Silence.

SHe walked over to the counter where a not lay in waiting for her.

Nic, it read. You were taking too long, so we're going to Florida for the Quidditch World Cup. See you in a week.

"I was gone for TEN MINUTES!" she shouted.

[soulmushrooms]

"MY LAPTOP," Nic stated in shock, "WHO ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH TOUCHED MY LAPTOP." She picked it up by the corner as the purple paint dripped onto the floor. "My homework. My research. My fan fiction."

Hannah and Jess stared guiltily at the floor. "It was an accident?" Jess offered.

"You have two seconds," Nic whispered, "and then things are going to get very, very messy."

It was then that Jason burst through the front door covered in purple paint, "whatever you do, DO NOT CHECK MY BROWSING HISTORY."

[soulmushrooms]

"Jess, Jess, please. We're holding up the line. Just choose SOMETHING to eat and we can go back to the house. It's been three hours." Nic sighed.

"NOOOOOO!!!" Jess screamed, "I can't decide if I want to get the salad or the veggie burger!!! It's IMPOSSIBLE!!!"

Nic sighed again.

"Hey… wait… excuse me? Miss? Hell? WAKE UP." Jess had obviously been so engrossed in her choosing that she hadn't noticed that the lady at the counter had fallen asleep and was now drooling profusely, "I have decided."

Nic's face lit up at this.

"I… have decided that I want to go to Subway instead."

[soulmushrooms]

"Err… where did you get the money for that trampoline?" Nic asked, bobbing her head up and down while she watched Will jump.

"Won it," he said simply.

"But to have beaten all those people… how many times did you enter?"

"785."

"SEVEN HUNDRED AND EIGHTY FIVE TIMES."

"Yes."

"HOW."

"I borrowed your credit cards. By the way, I maaaaaaaay have maxed them out."

"Will."

"What?"

"I don't have any credit cards."

"Oh… "

Nic rolled her eyes, "I don't care anymore."

Will started jumping again. 

"Just try not to get hung up on the chandelier like you did last time," she called over her shoulder.

[soulmushrooms]

"What exactly is this sauce?" Jason had just stumbled into the kitchen, and now pointed a shaky finger at a bowl labeled SAUCE by a neat post-it note.

Jess grinned evilly and proclaimed that they were making sauce. THis cleared nothing up, however, and Jason told them so. Hannah simply repeated the fact they were making sauce, and went back to shaking random spices into the concoction.

Jason stared at them a few moments longer, grunted, and stomped out of the kitchen.

[soulmushrooms]

"It was DENSITY!" Jess said mysteriously.

"Density?" Nic said, unconvinced, "are you sure it was DENSITY?"

"YES."

"Uh… huh." Nic rolled her eyes and pulled out a dictionary, because a debater never goes anywhere without a dictionary. She whipped it open and rested her glasses on the tip of her nose as she began to read.

"Density; noun; degree of compactness of a substance…" she flipped a few pages, "destiny; noun; the events that will necessarily happen to a particular person or thing in the future." She looked up at Jess, "because it was DENSITY that sank my car in the lake, it is DESTINY that will pull it out… yours, specifically. Here's a phone book. Go call a crane."

[soulmushrooms]

"How do you make tiramisu?" Jess's head suddenly poked out from the kitchen, covered in flour.

Nic stared at her for a second, moved her glasses to the correct position on her face, and continued to stare. Sighing, she got off the sofa and joined Jess in the kitchen. 

There she found Hannah with a blender on her head. "Err, it seemed like it would work?" she provided.

Nic only shook her head with disappointment and pulled out a store-bought tiramisu from the fridge.

[soulmushrooms]

"Jason, I really don't think… Jason. JASON. Jas– AHHHHHHHH!"

Hannah fell to the ground, and Jason proceeded to tickle her shamelessly. Once he decided that he had tickled her enough, he got off her and waited.

For a minute.

For two. Then-

"HICCUP!" Hannah groaned, and rolled over– into a pile of watermelon cubes.

"AHHHHGGG!!"

Jess began laughing hysterically, and fell into the watermelon cube pile beside her. After the laughing was over, there was another hiccup. And another. Soon, the entire BB household was consumed by hiccup madness.