cvnstantinâ:
Testing Patience || Maddie & Constantin (Funus Rex)
[Heâs not actually thought about that in a while, how he learned to control his Infection. Itâs familiar enough to him now that fine tuning his control is⊠instinctive more than anything. He can still go too loud sometimes, project to too many people at once, because in space there was no need for subtlety. He learned the uses of his gift while having to project to Anaya trapped quite far from him, so heâd had to be loud.
So he at least knows the âmusclesâ required, even if it isnât always easy. Like doing sit ups when your muscles are atrophied: you know what you need to do and how it should feel, even if itâs not easy. But at the start, heâd not known which âmusclesâ he needed. He hums in thought. This is another one of those conversations that would probably be hard enough without the language barrier.]Â
Mm⊠practice, mostly. [He knows that isnât a helpful answer, though.] All gifts are different, so vhat help my telepathy maybe is not the same as what can help yours. But for me is like⊠expanding my mind? If I imagine a⊠a blanket around my brain, and then imagine it growing out until it can be around someone elseâs brain, then I bring them into my thinksâ my thoughts. In early days the thing that help the most is watching Anaya, focus on her to understand her energy, so that I can touch more easily with my mind. Is always easier when you know this person well.
But yours is very different. I donât know if my experiences can help. Maybe your energy is too big now? The blanket on the brain is maybe weird metaphor, I donât know, but perhaps your blanket get too big after D-Day, and you let too much in. Maybe there is ways of learning to make small again so that ghosts cannot get under. Or maybe the other way is true. You are trying to ignore and push these ghost away when they want you to see them, so maybe is better to listen.
[He shrugs; he really doesnât know. Being a man of science doesnât help all that much with Infections. Actually Constantin thinks often of his mother; she was a big believer in âenergiesâ, which has been pretty applicable to his experiences with his telepathy. It makes him think also of Koda.]
[Maddie listens intently as Constantin explains how he learned to control his Infection. Practice, she expected. Thatâs what sheâd learned from years of sports, and then years more of training for her job. The Chief had always told her: the more you do something, the more it becomes part of you. There was another side to it, too. Practice only made permanent; it was up to Maddie to make sure it was perfect. Of course, neither permanence nor perfection are of any help to Maddie now, not when she doesnât even know how to practice yet.]
[She can see what he means, though, when he talks about a blanket. It makes sense, given what he can do. Heâs right in that it doesnât apply as much to her own circumstances, but itâs as good a place to start as any. She thinks about a blanket-- a fire blanket. Covering the embers, smothering the flame until nothing is left. She thinks about that blanket covering her mind and starving all her ghosts of oxygen, though they donât really need it. In the corner of her eye, the scowling image of Kaiser flickers.]
Not sure I really want to know what they have to say, [She half-jokes.] Honestly, Iâm not even sure what half of them want. But I suppose itâs better than just carrying on like this. You know, itâs funny, but I donât even know most of my ghosts. Youâd think if it were just my brain dicking around itâd only be my friends and family, people I actually knew, but a lot of âem are strangers. Maybe theyâve got messages from the afterlife for me, eh? God, I hope not. The last thing I need right now is to become a goddamn medium.
âŁ
