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@spencerandphil
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//Okay, I've had a few days to think. I'm in a much better place now, but I'm archiving this blog and starting fresh. Blog will have the same name, and I will let people know when it's up and ready.
I think I can come back and try again, only this time, I'm going to heavily limit who I'm following back, in order to keep a clean dash. Thanks to everyone for being patient, I really appreciate the support. Stay tuned, new blog is underway.
I've been thinking
Honestly, it's not the people individually, it's the fandom as a whole. I haven't been enjoying myself here lately. I've dropped threads, I've had threads dropped on me, and just overall I have been seeing this blog as more of a chore than something I legitimately enjoy coming to anymore.
I thought joining a group would change things and make me happy, but it hasn't, and I still feel stressed out and like I have to do something or remain active, and each day that goes by, I care less and less.
That's not to see I'm going to delete, but I might archive this blog and start anew, with my two boys retired and no longer part of the industries at all. I've been a part of this fandom for over a year, and I have made several friends, and I've lost a few friends, and I've witness a ton of drama and fighting.
I don't know how much longer I can keep up without ragequitting as a result. I don't want to delete, as I love my boys too much to just remove them from existance, but it's honestly been so hard keeping up with people, trying to put myself out there and not get much of anywhere. As much as I love you all, I feel pulling back and limiting contact with the fandom from a new blog is my best solution. That way I can still allow my boys to grow, but hopefully with far less of the ooc drama involved. I'm going through too much in real life to deal with that anymore, and it's causing health problems for me now.
I'm sorry, I know a few of you love my boys, but I just can't anymore. It hurts too much.
"Yeah, I hope so." Kyle shrugged again. "You know, when I originally made plans for how I wanted to spend the rest of my life, I hadn’t counted on sharing it with anyone."
"I know Phil has to have plans too, and I don’t want to keep him from them. That’d be selfish of me to ask him to give up what he wants just so I can attempt to do what I want."
"And I might even be more suited to film, who knows?"
"I don't think he really has any set plans," Spencer said. "I know he talked about wantin' ta' open a restaurant, but he could do that no matter what city you two move to." Spencer lowered his head as his eyes flicked over to the screen. "I honestly think Phil's more concerned with you."
"Hey, I'd say try out both, honestly, before you settle on a place ta' move. YOu shouldn't hafta limit yourself."
Kyle snorted. “You could have a library trailer.”
He sobered a little then, back to the serious discussion. “I’ve been thinking about it.” He gave up on the can of soda and set it aside, still unopened. “There’s so few people on Broadway, after all, and I could still be doing the same sort of thing for film.”
"Might not have to travel as much too, so that would leave things open for whatever Phil wants to do."
"I say go for whatever you think'll work best fer you, whatever you have 'da best chance of gettin' into, an' I'm pretty sure you have a high chance. I've heard you sing, an' you're a damn good actor. I think you have a shot-an' a resume ta' boot."
Spencer shot Kyle an encouraging smile. "But like you said, you've got a few years ta' figure it out. I just hope you finally end up happy."
"New York? He hasn’t said anything to me, really. Not about moving there, anyways." Kyle closed his eyes. "I’ve been thinking about suggesting maybe LA, honestly. We’ve still got a few years before we have to decide, so I’m not going to worry about it."
"What about you and Riley? You have plans to live somewhere already, or is he insisting on living out of his van for the rest of his life?"
"Believe it or not, Riley an' I talked about buyin' a house out in 'da country," Spencer said. "He ain't that attached ta' his van." He smirked. "Between Riley an' I, we got three dogs, an' I was plannin' on takin' in more, so we hafta have a house. Plus, I got books, an' I can't fit 'em all in a van."
"But why L.A.? You thinkin' Hollywood?"
"Yeah, he seems to." Kyle shrugged. He honestly didn’t mind the dress-up games with Phil. If it made his lover happy, it made him happy. And it was sort of fun.
"And we talked about it. It’s a pain to get to his house from base, and he wants something closer. I’m not so sure I want him to get rid of it, though. I like his house. And I might wait to get stuff from my parents house until I retire. Make it easier to move around that way."
Spencer shrugged. "Whatever makes 'da two of you happy, I guess. Ain't my cup of tea, but eh." Spencer and Riley had their own kinks in the bedroom, and he wasn't about to talk to Kyle about it. Not yet, at least.
"I can see why he wants ta' move. But then again, I bet he'll hold onto 'da house until retirement, unless he's got other plans with you. He's been talkin' my ear off about wantin' ta' move with you ta' New York in a few years." He shrugged again. "I ain't entirely sure."
Kyle snickered. “Oh you have no idea.”
He shifted back to focus on the screen, though he wasn’t really watching the movie. “Don’t tell Phil, though. He’ll want to see the outfit and it’s in a box somewhere half-way across the country.”
Spencer snorted. "Man, Phil likes ta' see you in everythin', doesn't he?" He was no longer paying attention to the movie at this point-more interested in learning more about kyle.
"Weren't 'da two of you gonna get an apartment together?" Spencer asked. "Maybe you could have some of your things shipped when you do."
Official Announcement - semi-hiatus
I guess you guys have noticed that I've been here less and less lately, so I figured I should make an official announcement; I'm going on semi-hiatus. Save for a couple select partners, I'm not going to be on this blog much. I love the fandom and I love everyone in it, but I need a break with my scoots. I'm not sure how long the hiatus is supposed to last, but I will eventually come back full force.
Until then, for my own health and sanity, I just need to step away for a bit, only to come on for a couple of people. But don't worry, I have contact information on a page in my blog. But for those who don't want to hunt it down, my skype is Tiherina (or ofarroganceandmayhem), my steam is ofarroganceandmayhem, my kik is wannabeawerewolf, and I can be found here and here.
I'm not completely gone, so please, add me to things, talk to me, ask me how I'm doing. I could probably use it.
Kyle shrugged. “I lost count, honestly.”
"But this one…it’s not what you think, I promise." He shifted, resting his head on one arm again, this time watching Spencer instead of the screen. "You know how in Shakespeare’s time, all the parts were done by men? Well, a group of us got together and made a little company -more like a club than anything else- and did little shows following that tradition."
He shifted back again to watch the screen. “I talked them into doing this one, and helped re-write the music to be in our ranges. Had one of the smaller parts, but I was doing more off-screen stuff too.”
Spencer listened with interest. He knew about that tradition, even if he wasn't big on Shakespeare-but Spencer was glad that Kyle and some people had returned theater to its roots-even if only for a brief time. He tried to imagine Kyle singing in falsetto and being incredibly limber like some of the women, and found it hard to imagine.
"Sounds fun," Spencer said. "I wish I coulda seen it, because tryin' ta' imagine you doin' some of this-" He waved his hand at the television- "Is hard."
Today Skype has failed me. If you absolutely need to get ahold of me, there's steam, and I've downloaded kik onto my phone. >> wannabeawerewolf << my url.
Talk to me.
Pisces Be Like....
Kyle let the movie play for a while, not speaking further. This musical came with a whole different experience for him, and he was glad for the relief from his depressed funk.
Eventually he spoke up again, not really caring that he was talking over the movie. As far as he knew, they’d both seen it already. “I was in this one too, once.”
Spencer looked over at Kyle with interest. "Yeah?" He asked. "How was it?" There was another genuine grin on his face. This was something safe to talk about until Kyle was back to being sarcastic, or whatever his usual mood was. "How many different plays didja perform in?"
"No, it’s not really okay." Kyle shifted and answered honestly. One hand moved to take the soda this time, pulling it close and toying with it without opening it. "Thanks."
"It’s nothing you did, though. Don’t worry about it."
There was a small sigh of relief from Spencer. As concerned for Kyle as he was, Spencer was still glad that it wasn't him to upset Kyle, so there was no more need to press the issue. If Kyle didn't want to tell, Spencer was going to drop it.
"You're welcome," he said. He focused on the movie again, deciding to pay more attention to it for now.
Kyle didn’t take the offered soda, since his head was still down and he didn’t see it. His eyes were closed and he was letting himself calm down, trying to get back to a more normal self.
He did manage a little strangled laugh when the opening credits played for the film Spencer had shoved in without looking. It was Chicago, and he couldn’t for the life of him say why he’d grabbed it. “Why’d you pick that one?”
"I just grabbed a movie at random, I wasn't payin' attention ta' titles." Spencer looked over at Kyle. "Are y'sure everythin's okay?" He asked. "We can stop an' sleep if you wanna." While Spencer wasn't tired, he didn't want to make Kyle uncomfortable either.
He opened his soda and turned his eyes toward the televsion while waiting for a response from Kyle. "Also I grabbed 'da drink fer you."
Moments later, Kyle shifted again, this time burying his face in the pillow. He hadn’t actually watched the entire ending of Brigadoon in a very long time, mostly because it hurt too much.
He sagged a little with relief once he heard the credits start up, but otherwise didn’t move. “The others are in my bag.” he mumbled. “Pick whatever you want.”
Spencer climbed off the bed and pulled Brigadoon out, and popped a new movie in. He wasn't paying attention to titles anymore, since at this point, he'd finally gotten to see the one movie Kyle had promised to watch with him since they first met. Getting back on the bed, Spencer made sure to grab the sodas too, and he handed one to Kyle, just in case.