Spiritshipping Week 2026 @spiritshipping-week - Tumblr Blog

Spiritshipping Week 2026 - Day 5

Prompt: Solace (and a bit of Day 6's Promise come the ending)

Rating: T

Pairing: Spiritshipping (with a hint of Soulshipping in the beginning, but only a very minor hint)

Word Count: 1760

Read on AO3

Author's Note: So sorry this is late! I got distracted by Tomodachi life and then I couldn't figure out how to end this fic. But I figured something out. I hope you enjoy my last fic for this year's event. It's been wonderful participating, I've really missed doing shipping events. Thank you so much to event runner, it's been fun!

So Sad, So Quiet

He was all too quiet.

Johan first noticed it amongst the battle with Darkness. It was only brief glimpses of course. Judai, ever the hero, wouldn’t let any emotion overcome his desire to protect. At least not for long. No matter what stories Shou told him of the time when Johan was…missing. Judai still ran head on into danger, metaphorical and—as of late—literal fists swinging, though now it was a little cooler, a little more collected, like he knew what he was doing. Or if he didn’t, he sure got good at faking it.

In times of peace, he was quiet. Sometimes Johan worried it was out of sadness. But then they’d duel, and Judai would beam and boast, and they could grasp at remnants of a time where they were happier.

Maybe Judai had just grown up.

But as they sat in the small living room of Johan’s cabin, lights still off in the early morning hours, this quiet was definitely different. Even as dread pulled his own stomach taut, Johan could tell. He had only seen that look in his eye once before. The first time he saw him after…everything.

“You know…” Johan began, “I can like…go. It’s like an anniversary in a way, right? I mean it did kind of sound like a wedding when Shou described it. I wouldn’t want to—”

“Stay,” Judai curtly replied.

“Judai.”

Judai’s gaze remained fixed on the outside beyond the window, eyes lazily following the whirl of snowflakes in the dull morning light. He at least had finally leaned back on the couch, yet his limbs remained stiff and his grip tight on his mug of hot chocolate. “It isn’t easy for you either, right?”

Johan shook his head. “That doesn’t matter.”

“It does to me.” The corner of his mouth twitched, almost into a frown. “Unless…You don’t want me…”

“It would be harder alone.”

“But you have your family.”

“I love them, and I get it, but I’d rather not fester in their anger.”

“You have every right to be angry.”

Johan shrugged with a noncommittal hum. “Who said I wasn’t? But not at you.”

“We’re—”

“One now. So you keep saying. But it wasn’t Yubel who saved me now was it?” Bitterness grit between his teeth. He hated it, but he couldn’t help it. He took a breath, letting it push out the tension in his jaw. “You’re still the boy who saved me that day. Nothing can change that.”

“Johan—”

“Anger always made me feel sick anyway.”

Amethyst Cat said it was because he never let himself feel it properly, but Johan never believed it. He tried. Even now. And he did feel that hotness briefly bubble through his blood whenever he thought of Yubel. What they did to him. What they did to the Crystal Beasts, to Judai. But then he’d think some more. About the images that flashed when Yubel first invaded him. The pain that seared into his nerves. Some of it from a memory long ago, some of it within that present. All they knew was suffering, and he couldn’t help the sympathy that would flood him and wash out the heat.

“Let’s just let it go for now,” Johan sighed after a moment.

“We need to talk about it at some point.”

Johan placed his now empty mug to the side. “But not today. It’s too raw today.”

The ghost of a protest that began tumbling out of Judai died on his tongue when Johan yanked him close. He fell easily against his chest.

“Is this okay?” Johan whispered.

Judai remained stiff yet he nodded. Perhaps concerningly quick. Johan could imagine the wide-eyed look on his friend’s face and couldn’t help but huff in amusement.

“Is…Is this okay for you?” Judai asked meekly.

Johan outright laughed then, tugging Judai further until he was seated on his lap. “If I wasn’t, I wouldn’t have put you here in the first place.”

“You’re being rather forward for once,” Judai pouted.

“You're just actually reading it properly for once.”

“I…I don’t want you doing this just for my sake. Because I’m being pathetic and pitiful and—”\

Johan raised his fingers to Judai’s lips. He’d rather have kissed him, but like he said, wounds were left raw today and Yubel hung heavier over them despite how they settled down. Despite how deep they buried themself into Judai to avoid Johan feeling their presence.

“I missed you.”

Johan felt the lips under his fingertips twitch, almost into a smile. “It’s only been a month,” Judai murmured.

“Still too long.”

Judai bit his lip, tearing away from Johan’s gaze. “You know I—”

“I know, I know. We’re both doing our important adult stuff. I’m just teasing.” Johan’s hand slipped from Judai’s lips to his chin, twisting his face back towards him. “Though…It’s true. I still missed you.”

“You’d miss me if I was gone for a day,” Judai snorted, an ember of a familiar glow in his eyes

“There you are.” He took Judai’s face into his hands. “And you’re right. I would.”

Judai fell silent once more. It wasn’t as thick as before, but Johan could see in his lover's eyes how thoughts swirled in his mind. “I…I missed you too. I missed this.” He pressed his forehead against Johan’s.

“Good.” Johan let his eyes flutter shut, taking in Judai’s warmth, his earthy scent from nearly two years as a wanderer. “I…A year ago I worried that maybe…Maybe you…Maybe I brought up bad memories and that’s why you kept your distance for so long.”

“I was scared.”

“Scared?”

“I told you, I’m not who I once was. And that’s without even including Yubel.”

Johan ignored the ice that prickled along his spine. “I know.”

“Even now I still don’t understand how you can still look at me the way you do.”

“What way?” Johan asked, eyes cracking open slightly. Like he didn’t already know. Like they hadn’t had this conversation before.

“Like I’m still something good.”

Okay, that was a little different. More direct than Judai had ever been. “Judai—”

“I’m sorry…I’ve gotten good at letting the guilt come and go but today…” Judai gripped at his hair, squeezing his eyes shut. “It just won’t leave.”

Johan’s heart clenched almost painfully. He swallowed down his own guilt, the swirling thoughts of what if. As much as it was Yubel who orchestrated everything and held most of the blame for what happened over two years ago, Johan willingly offered himself up as the sacrificial lamb. It was ultimately the belief of his death that pushed Judai off the deep end. He knew he shouldn’t blame himself, especially as he constantly begged Judai not to blame himself either. But they always mirrored each other, so it only made sense that their guilt would too, unfoundedness and all.

He squeezed Judai tighter, pressing even closer, like he could curl up in him alongside Yubel. “No more talking then. Just keep your eyes closed and let me keep holding you.” He took a shaky breath, arms loosening in hesitancy. “Unless that will make it worse.”

Judai gripped at his retreating arm. Johan couldn’t help but smile. Just a little. For a while, they just sat like that, until Judai started to relax, his body sinking more into a laying position, head propped up on Johan’s shoulder. He kept hold on Johan’s arm, but it was looser now.

“Better?” Johan whispered, planting a light kiss on Judai’s forehead.

“Better.”

“You may be different in many ways. You may have done some…unforgivable things. And you may be sadder sometimes. Quieter. But under it all, you’re still the person I fell in love with.”

A light blush dusted Judai’s cheeks.

“And the Judai I know always makes a comeback when it matters most.”

“Do…Do you really think I can come back from this?”

“You don’t?”

“How can you come back from something like that?”

Johan pressed his lips together. What could be said? It wasn’t right to forget it and move on. But Judai would lose himself once more if he wallowed in it.

“Well, you let us in more. That’s one major thing. And you’re making a difference as…what would you call it? A spirit counselor?”

“Yes, but…”

“It’s only been two years. You don’t get over something like this in two years.”

Judai laughed lightly. “You know? Yubel says the same thing.”

Johan went rigid until Judai started rubbing small circles into his arm, a wordless apology. “Thank you,” he continued softly. “For everything. I wouldn’t be doing what I’m doing without you. I probably wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for you.”

“Judai.”

Judai’s eyes drifted close again. “What? It’s true.”

“You’re not thinking of…”

“No. I haven’t spiraled that far. Again, thanks to you.”

Johan ignored the heat spreading across his face. Hopefully the lights were low enough that Judai wouldn’t notice. “Well, I can’t take all the credit,” he waved off, “Jim and O’Brien were pretty important too, right?”

“Yeah…I need to get around to checking in with them too.”

“There’s always tomorrow.” Johan pressed a light kiss to his temple. “But for now. I want to keep you all to myself. If a certain someone will let me.”

Judai snorted. “Well, I was kind of counting on you for a bed tonight so…”

“You know it’s always open.”

Judai lulled into a quiet again, less heavy this time. If it wasn’t for his slightly opened eyes, Johan would have assumed he was asleep.

“It’s still rather early,” Johan commented, fingers trailing lightly up Judai’s thigh. “We could go back to sleep for a bit.”

“I don’t think I can really sleep right now.”

“Then how about we just lay down for a little bit. Cuddle or something.”

Judai’s brows creased, as if he was about to make a very important decision. Johan bit back another laugh.

“That does sound nice.”

“Then it’s settled,” Johan declared. He snuck an arm under Judai’s leg and scooped him up, ignoring how little it took to do so. Judai immediately clung to him, eyes a little wide, but he could already see the beginnings of a smile.

There would be plenty of time for words at some point. Many things still left unsaid even two years later. But for now, Johan would hold him in the quiet, a promise he would never have to sit in it alone. Be that in joy or sadness.

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