ⁱ ᶜᵒᵘˡᵈ ᵐᵃⁱˡ ⁱᵗ ᵗᵒ ʸᵒᵘ

𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘭𝘭 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝙞𝙣𝙫𝙞𝙨𝙞𝙗𝙡𝙚

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I'm really sorry I havent been on as of late. My motivation was in the crapper just bc idek. But then I bought the new st.ar wars video game and I'm in love with one (1) redhead.

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If anyone wants to do stuff while in struggling to find the time to get on tumblr, my disco is loser postman . scotch#8779.

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Would someone like to distract me because morning isn't starting off well and my body is trying to prove how much it hates me.

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                i forced myself to finish the book...    149 pages of pure drivel with an offensively sloppy gay relationship shoved in there.    i wonder how many braincells i lost.

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                and don’t i just LOVE that they slapped on that the side character is bi and the main character is gay just to force in a sloppy and shitty sort of romance?!?!    ISN’T THIS FUCKING GREAT?!?!?!?!

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                so instead of being here,  i just wasted an entire evening reading a book i got as a gift.    a book that is so poorly written and constructed and just...    i’ve never wanted to a book such grievous harm.

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                jesper has been seen to be very selfish and self involved in the movie,  something that he changes as he starts focusing on people around him and doing better for them.    but when it comes to how he sees himself,  no matter the timeline,  it’s always a lot less than people seem to think.    he doesn’t think of himself as very important,  nor does he really see himself as someone desirable.    as a child,  jesper thought that if he was important,  his father would spend more time with him.    but his father didn’t so jesper took it as he wasn’t.    and with no family members to tell him otherwise and the maids and servants and tutors only paying attention to him when they needed to,  that feeling just kept growing.

        when he became of age,  jesper used whatever means he could to get whatever physical affection there was.    the male servants had a high turnover rate at the johansen estate because jesper would sleep with them until they were caught.    either the servants quit at that point or they found work elsewhere.    none of them really wanted him.    but because he’s not going to let anyone know that,  he acts arrogant/confident/self important so they don’t know how much it actually hurts for him to think of himself as that.    having someone sit him down and tell him that they love him tends to go the way of  “… why?”  simply because of all of this.    and he never means it in a way meant to hurt them,  but just because it’s a big echo of the feelings that he’s kept bottled up inside of himself.

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I'm going to blame ren for the fact that I've been cleaning stalls to Get This Right on repeat.

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                cleared my cache and cookies and tumblr is back to normal.    what the everloving fuck.

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These two have big tired gay siblings energy I swear

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                me   :        hey,  why don’t you come on here and do some wholesome IC content and reply to stuff??                 also me   :        okay,  okay.    COUNTERPOINT.    what if i made more cookies and lounged around in my fleece onesie??

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                the first time i draw jesper’s hair somewhat decent and it’s a thing i’m hesitant to post on here bc it’s a sexual sense of humor that myself,  ren,  and chan get.

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                there was NOTHING wrong about not liking christmas.    many people around the world didn’t celebrate it,  either for RELIGIOUS reasons or because it had become something so blown up that it was nothing short of RIDICULOUS.    but to steal the holiday and joy it could bring from a WHOLE TOWN in one night??    jesper wasn’t sure how to describe his INITIAL response.

        but he had to INVESTIGATE.    though the town was taking down their decorations,  there was a little bit of TALK over what happened,  overheard not instigated.    the information had led him to the door of the man who had SUPPOSEDLY done the deed,  and determination,  along with a small burning ANGER in his stomach,  led jesper to knocking on the door.    he waited the minute it took for the man to stand there before him,  and with a STRAINED smile tugging to his lips,  the postman spoke.

                “    HI   --   are you mr. grinch??    the one who stole christmas from the whole town down there??    ”        /        @mrgrnch​.

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anna .

          Well, that was certainly a valid point.  Arms move to fold across her chest, thinking real hard on other possibilities that did not involve food.  “  Well, we could always use more help to handle the letters that go in and out of the castle.  Oh, and sometimes people need to send notifications to neighboring stations for steed and ordering shipments.  That would work, wouldn’t it ?  ”   Anna was sure determined to help at least get something moving for his up-and-coming post office.  And hey, if it got others interested in the process – it was a win-win !

                “    i’ve already talked to most of the people at the DOCK and anyone in TRADE already.    they said if they need something from outside of the kingdom,  they’ll use the post.    ”    word was around and they knew he could help,  so all that was left for him to do was walk around and ASK for letters or WAIT.    he’d already done the former the past couple days,  and the latter kept looking like the more FORGIVING option to being told there was nothing to be sent.    if princess anna wanted to help,  then BY ALL MEANS.    but jesper didn’t understand why she had to drag him around to do it.     “    whatever you might think of,  i’ve probably already gone through.    it’s not like i can FORCE someone to write a letter.    ”

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arthur‌ .

    “I’ll, uh, keep that in mind.” Really Arthur didn’t want to think of what might have been hiding for him under the snow. Though his imagination wouldn’t had come up with axes, knives, and the likes. He suspected perhaps a sleeping fox. 

    “Oh yes, I’m new here. Well, I guess I am anyway. It’s my first time being here since… well, since I was a baby.”

                “    so i guess you don’t remember anything about how it was.    ”    it was a GOOD thing,  really,  for this guy to be introduced to the town in its BETTER days.    barely anyone came due to the HOSTILITY before,  causing the trade to suffer and the structures to become decrepit.    if they could keep leaving good impressions,  then it could THRIVE once more.

                “    will you be needing someone to show you around??     ”

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                it’s funny how spending the afternoon baking cookies gets jesper awake and going again.

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PLEASE DO NOT REBLOG OR REPOST

                i know i said i was done but i lied.

                also like this is??    an amazing example of the care that they took in this animation,  especially when it comes to the microexpressions.    because jesper didn’t have to say anything here and you KNOW exactly what’s going on just by looking at his face.

                in the first gif,  he’s turned around to see everyone has heard the exchange.    they know why he really started wanting the kids to get presents and how completely selfish he was in his actions.    he’s terrified,  he’s hurt,  he’s in disbelief like this is some kind of bad dream.    at this point,  he was thinking about staying in smeerensburg,  possibly telling his father that he didn’t want to come home because his life had been far more fulfilling than it had in his lavish lifestyle before.    he was willing to carry the guilt with him over why he had done it all in the first place for the rest of his life and into the grave.    that was a weight worth bearing to have this beautiful life he could have had.    and now the chance of it is gone because they know and they hate him for it.    no matter what it turned into,  they were all used by him without forethought to what they had to deal with.    they’re betrayed and none of them deserve that and he feels that so strongly by now.

                in the second gif,  you can see him trying to think of something to say.    he has a moment where it’s like “wait,  i think i can fix this...    i can say something   --   they’ll understand...    right??”    and he’s thinking and he’s trying to find the words and they’re not coming but he’s trying so hard because it can’t just end like that.    he doesn’t want it to end like that and he knows he needs to SAY SOMETHING ANYTHING COULD MAYBE HELP.

                and then the third gif...    is the realization that nothing he says will fix anything.    he’s done them all a huge wrong and he knows this...    even though things changed,  he started out treating them like they were stepping stones,  under his feet and barely to be acknowledged unless he was bringing his foot down on them.    there is nothing he can say or do,  not just to make things better for himself,  but to show that he does care now,  that things have changed.    but they deserve better.    they deserve more than any words he can try to form or get out...    and he knows this and it sinks in his gut like a rock.