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I can't believe the turnaround time with this order tho omg i thought i might be waiting a bit longer but the pharmacy I'm using is evidently not backed up and they do overnight shipping bc it's a temp-sensitive medication so i think i can generally expect it to arrive pretty fast but i will def need to contact my prescriber 2 weeks before i run out in 3 months bc i don't want to risk not having it if it's working for me obviously lol i want to keep up the momentum if I'm feeling good on it but i have a good feeling that it's going to help a lot and i'll wonder why i was so hesitant to start it

#right now appetite suppression sounds soo good #although i know it's bc my appetite is insane on these steroids lol #i know it'll go back down within a few days but it's made me so uneasy #i just want to lose weight so bad rn i feel like total garbage #i know i need to get a base weight and I'm dreading it bc i know i gained a ton #I'm trying to be kind to myself about it bc it's been out of my control but it still sucks #it's been impossible to get a handle on my appetite and i'm doing what i can

YESSS got my tirzepatide shipment and it looks like i have everything i need to start in the next few days!!! I'm sooo excited to see if this works for me ugh I'm optimistic but i'm also really nervous bc it might make me sick but w/e i decided that there's a certain amount of nausea/gastro upset that I'm willing to just accept as long as it actually works to kill my appetite and i doubt any side effects would be permanent anyways, i think this combined with ramping up my walking routine and protein intake will be great and i'm sooo glad that i get to start this while i'm still on leave so i can just chill and not worry about work

#i really do have 3 more weeks of this which is crazy but likr #i do think the time will go faster after i'm done with steroid hell #hoping that walking gets easier soon #actually i just went down to get the meds without my walker and i did fine #I'm thinking i may try my first treadmill walk early next week #we'll see how my energy levels are but i'm going to be tracking everything in an app #i need to make sure I'm planning to have smaller protein-rich meals the day after my shots #just bc i don't want to upset my stomach but they can call in zofran if needed too #i have a bit of zofran left tho so i should be ok #i may even do my first shot on monday night eeek

Ok i took an experimentally small dose of oxy bc I'm getting ready to nap and i really hate waking up in more pain but i didn't want to take 7.5mg, my pain is not too bad rn but my leg doesn't feel quite right and i suspect it would hurt if i hadn't taken the higher oxy dose this morning bc i've had to crouch more than i'd like this morning ugh whatever tho i can't just never crouch down and i used my bed rail to get up off the ground a few times to make sure i wasn't putting too much pressure on my back to hoist myself up

#i took a big double dose of clonidine and a mini dose of xanax for my nap #i just think until i'm done with the steroids i shouldn't be as shy about using xanax #i've been trying to use it a lot less but i think it will help a lot when i get really agitated #i'm prob gonna try a full xanax later as long as i don't have to take a lot more oxy

Tbh i' e felt pretty good this morning but unfortunately i think it's bc i had that higher dose of oxy plus i had my steroid early lmao i just really want to be done with the steroid for good early tomorrow so I decided to take it after bfast today so i can do the same tomorrow but i guess i didn't realize that when i have really bad anxiety and a huge appetite it's actually when i'm coming off the steroid and not right after i take it, the only thing i feel shortly after taking it is a higher body temperature

#i'll be DONE tomorrow tho and i hope things continue to go better #i may still need this dose of oxy a few times this weekend tho bc i've been comfortable this morning #i'm having weird leg spasms but my pain is minimal today #i mean it was higher before i took the oxy but sometimes i still need it so too bad #like i keep saying as long as i'm taking it less often/only as needed i'm good #i have more than enough for this weekend so i'm not worried about calling for more rn

finally got my shit together on my computer so i could request my extension from mn paid leave ugh what a giant pain in the ass tho bc my initial leave request still wasn't approved!! i'm just making sure to update it to ensure i'll eventually get back pay but this is a huge hassle and it was SO easy to do through the short term disability program so i have no idea why mn paid leave makes it so fucking difficult ugh whatever it's done and i will just upload the document once they can fill it out

I hate how much better i feel after my oxy dose lmao sometimes u really do need meds tho and there's really no shame in taking them as directed, i'm going to try a smaller dose later to see if that does the trick but the 7.5mg dose definitely worked better than 5mg did yesterday and i think unfortunately i just did a bit too much yesterday and I'm having a bit of a flare

#if i can take oxy twice today instead of 4-6 times tho that's still progress #I'm trying to cut back as much as i can obviously but idk #i've had so many ppl tell me over and over again to stop taking oxy #but they aren't living in my body and they don't know what the pain feels like #my pain was probably at a 5/10 and now it's at a 3 and i can relax

Omfg this is not a drill my tirzepatide already shipped and I'm getting it TODAY!!! I am not going to touch the stuff until monday at the earliest but I'm thrilled that it's arriving and i can get started on it sooo soon omg i am so happy about this

#i hope it works and i hope it's always this easy #i love that it's 3 months and they let you pay in installments that's really nice #it's not an affirm situation either they just let u split the payments #tbh it's not too cost prohibitive but who knows what will happen with conpounding #i just see no reason to pay $300 per month rn #i mean i could still afford that but why should i lol #$499 for 12 weeks is great like i'm hsppy with that #the pharmacy i chose is by all accounts good so it's fine #i'm open to trying semaglutide if tirzepatide doesn't work #i will NOT try reta or any other gray market peptides tho bc i value my life lol #it has to be fda approved and produced in the US under fda guidelines

I dropped half of a 15mg oxy pill on my fucking floor omg kms!! I don't think my girls will get ahold of it or anything but i can't find it and it's really stressing me out, i just keep telling myself that if it's too small for me to even find they aren't going to be looking for it to eat it but ugh i hate this

#i also just put myself in a world of pain crouching down to find it #luckily i was getting oxy to take it so i will feel better shortly i guess lol #i'm still having some pain after tylenol so i need a lil extra this morning

Ok i am trying my Tylenol and muscle relaxers first before i resort to oxy this morning bc that's the right thing to do but unfortunately I'm having some medium pain so i need something to work, if these don't work i'm just gonna take 7.5mg oxy bc my pain is always worst in the morning and i likely can just take half that dose later if i still need something

Bro fairlife chocolate shake blended up with a banana and a bit of ice is literally life-affirming omfg i can't believe it took me this long to figure this out but this is very similar to the shakes i used to make for bfast in high school, i even have sugar-free pudding mix i can use to add different flavors if i want but man the base shake is absolutely delicious

#it's better with ice too snd i didn't thibk it would be??#it's got a perfect consistency to it and it was easy to do

I had xanax early this morning bc i couldn't get back to sleep and i feel a little less insane but i hope today isn't difficult like yesterday ugh i was really going through it last night and i know i'm almost done with the steroid taper and things will take a little time to go back to normal but i'm sooo impatient and i'm also so sick of getting sweaty so easily ugh it makes me feel so awful but i'm just going to hang out in my AC with the fan blasting on me and i'll be fine

#i get irritable even being up away from my fan these days #like sitting in my living room with a friend is torture #i appreciate my friends coming but it's been challenging #i'm just constantly in a really bad mood and it's getting me down

Oo u know what i think I'm already seeing some positive effects from going higher protein with my snacks and supplementing with protein shakes bc i haven't found the need to go make breakfast immediately after waking up and i hardly even got hungry overnight?? I actually really enjoyed the fairlife shake i had yesterday so I'm looking forward to experimenting with those and maybe blending up a banana into the chocolate one but it was pretty easy to get down yesterday and the premier peaches and cream i tried yesterday wasn't too bad either (although a little worse than the fairlife one which really did just taste like slightly watery chocolate milk)

#gonna try to just eat a lot better today #not too hard after all the shit i ate yesterday lmao

I think i'm going to continue to struggle with the steroid taper for a few days bc it seems like a lot of ppl do but thank god i'm stocked up on xanax lol i think i could probably stand to use xanax and clonidine a bit more and they will probably help me feel less insane but I'm hoping the mental health effects dissipate pretty fast after i'm done with the steroids

#i think once i'm off them completely it could take a few days or even a week to feel normal again #really hoping that the appetite stuff goes back to normal once i'm off the meds tho #i can deal with some lingering anxiety but i can't tolerate the insane appetite i have and like #i think that's what's making this even worse lol it's so awful

Xanadu is really a movie full of fuckery lmao i really do enjoy watching all these wacky 80s movies, i have a very long list of them to get through and i think this is a good way to pass the time

I think the thing that's been weighing the most heavily on my mind rn is my japan trip and i'm still fully committed to doing an extensive walking routine to get ready for it but i've been feeling anxious about it, i mean ultimately I'm excited and i want to start working on my walking to make sure it can be the trip i want but there's probably a lot i'll have to push through to get there and I'm terrified of fucking up and not being able to go but w/e i need to out that thought out of my mind bc i still feel like it's realistic to expect things to be a lot better 6 months from now if i work on walking and losing weight (which will both be a million times easier without the influence of a heavy steroid)

#even if i'm still having some symptoms and flares here and there i can still go #i would need to make sure i have emergency meds and a plan just in case #but the flights will be a non issue and if i needed to i could do a SUPER light schedule #like even a day off every 2 days or something or just 1 activity per day #i don't want to have to do that but i could if needed #i shouldn't worry too much bc i can do it completely at my own pace #i'm not doing a group tour or anything and nobody will judge me for needing breaks if needed #i really do want to do one more trip there before weight loss surgery tho like that's important #i will still continue going there post-surgery but this will be the last time i'll be able to go and actually indulge in everything i want #which isn't the end of the world bc i need to make major lifestyle changes but idk #i know i'll mourn how much i appreciated the food there lll #it's not like i can never enjoy food again after the surgery but it'll be different

I read more posts from ppl that have been on dexamethasone tapers and it sounds like my experience with how insane and ravenous they've made me is not unique in the slightest so that gives me hope that this will pass and i won't feel this way forever, it's been distressing but i really do only have to bear with it for 2 more days and it's important that i do the taper properly bc apparently it's even worse if you don't and you can basically feel like you're going through a bad drug withdrawal syndrome which is kinda what i've been feeling like in the past few days but i'm not that worried about it bc i have plenty of meds (like xanax and clonidine) to manage the bad feelings and help me sleep

#as long as the pain doesn't just come back i'm sure i'll feel a lot better mentslly in like 3-4 days #it's been a long game but it's almost over and like #i really do feel like the appetite culprit was more the steroid than gabapentin #i'm still trying to taper off gabapentin but i may hold onto it for a few extra days #just so i'm not trying to get off multiple meds at once which may tank my mental health even worse #the most distressing thing has been tge weird weight gain and water retention tho #i know i can start working on fixing that stuff as soon as i'm fone eith the steroids but it's been AWFUL ugh #my abdominal area feels like it's completely changed and like #that's kinda why i wanted to do mag citrate last night but i realized today that's not going go fix this #my body is just gaining weight and holding onto water really unevenly #like i have a bunch of weight accumulated in my upper abdomen lmao it's nasty!!!#i feel like i've experienced this to a lesser degree on prednisone in the past tho and it did go away #it's all temporary but it makes me feel like i want to rip my skin off

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