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Man i thought i went to heaven when i tried chobani cherry yogurt with graham crackers crushed up into it but i just tried the light and fit version and i actually like it better somehow????? It's def more artificial tasting but i don't really mind at all and i kinda prefer the consistency of light and fit to chobani, it feels wrong that it's 80 calories bc it feels kind of Indulgent somehow but it's really good and i added more to my grocery order

#i added 2 packs of the chobani ones initially but then i switched one to light and fit #i still enjoy both but i like the lower calories and sugar #hopefully this is the last day i have to deal with an out of control appetite tho lmao i'm so done #I'm trying to just snack at regular intervals and I'm trying to keep it healthier but it's tough #i feel like I've had to just eat eat eat and it's horrible #def gonna get a baseline weight before i do my tirz shot tomorrow and I'm dreading it #but i need to know how much i weigh bc obviously i plan ln losing weight and i need to get an accurate picture of my starting point #it will likely be the highest it's ever been but i'm ready to face it

I had 7.5mg oxy bc i'm a girlfailure but also i'm having Pain so whatever lmao I'm allowed to take my pain meds point blank period and I don't need to constantly shame myself for it, i'm still taking a lot less than before and i really only need more in the morning but the tiniest dose is really fine at night

#i think i'm feeling more tightness today than anything else #i took my muscle relaxer so we'll see if that helps but idk #7.5mg of oxy is kind of a lot so i will be pretty much pain free shortly lol

Tbh now that I'm starting to come out of my steroid funk i'm not 100% convinced that i'm going to proceed with weight loss surgery, i really think i need to give tirzepatide a fair try and i guess if that doesn't work i will still pursue surgery but I'm starting to feel like surgery might be a little extreme and i guess if the meds work i can just stay on them?? I think making real lifestyle changes on the meds is what gets the weight loss to stick and i'm very committed to doing that but the meds just make it easier to make those changes so idk, i guess i may still end up investigating surgery tho bc if they think i could do the gastric sleeve and not bypass i'd be more comfortable with that

#surgery is like the nuclear option and i guess i want to try something less crazy first #soo many ppl have crazy success on the meds and i believe i can be successful on them

I'm really enjoying this fairlife chocolate banana protein moment soo much omg i have tried so hard to actually enjoy protein shakes for so long but i was actually looking forward to drinking this today bc it tastes soo good! I think i'm gonna order more of these today and i also want to try the ones with 42g of protein but i think the 26g ones are generally fine too

Finally got my ass in the shower lmao i'm so disgusting but i have been too overly aware at the sorry state of my body and i finally feel a tiny bit better this morning so i thought i should get on top of it before i ruin my less bloated state with a large breakfast, i'm not really trying to have a smaller breakfast tho bc i just really like my protein shake scallion egg rice combo and it's not a crime to enjoy a big breakfast!

#i doubt i'll be able to eat like that on my shots #so i'm just going to savor my last day lol #I'm really going to try to listen to my body when i'm on the shots #it'll help a lot to no longer be on these steroids tho lmao #i was so hungry last night and i have no idea why #may have been bc i've really tried to cut sugar but idk #i ate a bunch of cherries and i'm not sure it even helped #last day of the steroids tho and I've already felt less crazy this morning #they fucked up my whole brain like it was so insane #i have one more dose and when it inevitably makes me crazy later i'm just gonna take xanax sgain #that helped soo much last night so i gotta do it #i'll admit my oxy also helped but i shouldn't be using it for moods lol

I think i actually feel minimally less bloated this morning omg i really hope that steroid side effect goes away fast once i'm off the steroids but i can't imagine that won't resolve pretty quickly with the tirzepatide, tomorrow night can't come soon enough omg

#i've never been so excited to administer a shot lmao i'm pumped!!

Today has been the first day in a while where i'm still a mess mentally but i still feel more optimistic about my recovery from the surgery bc i didn't even really need my walker, i did still use oxy 3 times but 2 of those times were an even smaller dose than yesterday and my pain today hasn't been so bad that i feel like i'm stuck or anything like i do feel like what I'm feeling now with random aches/pains/muscle spasms is all totally normal and of course i still had an anxiety meltdown (likely as my initial steroid dose was wearing off) but the xanax did wonders to make me focus on other things and I'm hopeful that things will continue to get better for my mental health after I'm finally done with the steroids tomorrow, i really just want my life back at this point and i think i have good plans in place for diet and exercise with plenty of time to rest up in the next 3 weeks

#tbh i do think I'll appreciate the time off more once i'm off the steroids #the steroids have been fucking with my sense of time and every day lasts forever #i think that's just part of the mental health side effects and i won't feel so down forever #i have therapy tomorrow so I'm hoping it'll help to talk things through #i have a lot of great food options lately tho and I'm excited to get my diet in order #really excited to not feel hungry literally every waking moment lmao #i have never had more intense food noise in my life and like #it's just making me have to plan all meals and snacks in advance #which isn't that bad but i haven't been able to even stick to my plan ugh #i am not trying to do anything close to a deficit until after i'm done with the steroids tho #i literally can't and i have tried to moderate but it's been so horrific

I'm so antsy to start my tirzepatide that i might just start on sunday night?? I think as long as i'm off the steroids i don't really need to wait longer than that and i already decided that i wanted to make sunday my shot day so i could get the effects for the full week but we'll see bc it might make more sense to move it to Wednesday or something so i get more appetite suppression on the weekend, I'm really excited that i decided to do this for myself tho and i have high hopes that it'll work well and maybe i won't even need weight loss surgery for a while longer

#i still want to pursue it but i guess it depends on how well the meds work #if i'm able to lose like 100 lbs on the meds idk if i need wls #i don't like the idea of being on the meds forever but idk #i also don't love the idea of doing something that extreme #i still think i might need to do the surgery eventually but i want to try the meds first #it would be incredible if i could lose like 50 lbs before the end of the year #i'm def committed to making big lifestyle changes to make it happen #and actually it should be VERY easy once I'm working again bc i don't eat much at work to begin with #if this kills my drive to snack after work and on weekends i will be all set #that's the one thing that slows my weight loss bc i do eat kore on weekends #it's not like i can't lose weight without this but i have a LOT to lose and i think it'll help #and it should at least help me lose more in a shorter period so i can break through the 40lb limit i've never been able to pass #i have wayyy more than 40-50 lbs to lose lol i really want to lose like 150 lbs #which is apparently not impossible on these meds and i have hope

Marnie has been acting funny do of course i immediately jumped to the conclusion that she MUST have gotten ahold of the oxy i dropped this morning, it couldn't be that she wanted me to scoop her litter or she wanted attention or anything simply like that bc that would be too obvious and my brain is not really into logic or rationality rn so of course my solution was to crawl around on the floor looking for the crumb of oxy i dropped this morning and sure enough i did actually find it and once i realized how insane this was i proceeded to immediately take some extra xanax lmao i can't be doing all this bullshit!!!!!

#i'm just gonna need xanax to get me thru the next few days tbh #i was trying not to use it alongside oxy but the amount i'm on is negligible and i truly need to calm down #bc the anxiety I'm feeling is caused by medications it's ok to use one more med to help lol #i was feeling fine earlier too so i was hoping i was just not going to have my usual mental breakdown #i think part of it is that my blood sugar is probably crashing #bc i'm sure the steroids are doing horrible things to my blood sugar and i can feel it #hopefully the glp-1 i'm about to go on will help fix that quickly lol #pretty sure i will do my first shot on monday night ahhhh

I've somehow felt a little less insane today and idk why but maybe it's bc i just keep telling myself that if i do feel insane it's just my meds and it'll pass sooo soon, i'm just looking forward to at least attempting to go back to my normal life next week by going to walk on the treadmill and i do think it absolutely has to be the treadmill bc it's too fucking hot outside and I don't want to walk and be uncomfortable if it's like 85 degrees, plus the treadmill is the most reliable way for me to get my walking in consistently so whatever i'm just hoping i feel good to try a very short slow treadmill walk by monday or tuesday

#i want to make it something to look forward to every day bc I'm working towards my goals #i've felt so stagnant just lying here for weeks and i do feel like I'm getting stronger but idk #i need to actively work on getting stronger by walking more

I can't believe the turnaround time with this order tho omg i thought i might be waiting a bit longer but the pharmacy I'm using is evidently not backed up and they do overnight shipping bc it's a temp-sensitive medication so i think i can generally expect it to arrive pretty fast but i will def need to contact my prescriber 2 weeks before i run out in 3 months bc i don't want to risk not having it if it's working for me obviously lol i want to keep up the momentum if I'm feeling good on it but i have a good feeling that it's going to help a lot and i'll wonder why i was so hesitant to start it

#right now appetite suppression sounds soo good #although i know it's bc my appetite is insane on these steroids lol #i know it'll go back down within a few days but it's made me so uneasy #i just want to lose weight so bad rn i feel like total garbage #i know i need to get a base weight and I'm dreading it bc i know i gained a ton #I'm trying to be kind to myself about it bc it's been out of my control but it still sucks #it's been impossible to get a handle on my appetite and i'm doing what i can

YESSS got my tirzepatide shipment and it looks like i have everything i need to start in the next few days!!! I'm sooo excited to see if this works for me ugh I'm optimistic but i'm also really nervous bc it might make me sick but w/e i decided that there's a certain amount of nausea/gastro upset that I'm willing to just accept as long as it actually works to kill my appetite and i doubt any side effects would be permanent anyways, i think this combined with ramping up my walking routine and protein intake will be great and i'm sooo glad that i get to start this while i'm still on leave so i can just chill and not worry about work

#i really do have 3 more weeks of this which is crazy but likr #i do think the time will go faster after i'm done with steroid hell #hoping that walking gets easier soon #actually i just went down to get the meds without my walker and i did fine #I'm thinking i may try my first treadmill walk early next week #we'll see how my energy levels are but i'm going to be tracking everything in an app #i need to make sure I'm planning to have smaller protein-rich meals the day after my shots #just bc i don't want to upset my stomach but they can call in zofran if needed too #i have a bit of zofran left tho so i should be ok #i may even do my first shot on monday night eeek

Ok i took an experimentally small dose of oxy bc I'm getting ready to nap and i really hate waking up in more pain but i didn't want to take 7.5mg, my pain is not too bad rn but my leg doesn't feel quite right and i suspect it would hurt if i hadn't taken the higher oxy dose this morning bc i've had to crouch more than i'd like this morning ugh whatever tho i can't just never crouch down and i used my bed rail to get up off the ground a few times to make sure i wasn't putting too much pressure on my back to hoist myself up

#i took a big double dose of clonidine and a mini dose of xanax for my nap #i just think until i'm done with the steroids i shouldn't be as shy about using xanax #i've been trying to use it a lot less but i think it will help a lot when i get really agitated #i'm prob gonna try a full xanax later as long as i don't have to take a lot more oxy

Tbh i' e felt pretty good this morning but unfortunately i think it's bc i had that higher dose of oxy plus i had my steroid early lmao i just really want to be done with the steroid for good early tomorrow so I decided to take it after bfast today so i can do the same tomorrow but i guess i didn't realize that when i have really bad anxiety and a huge appetite it's actually when i'm coming off the steroid and not right after i take it, the only thing i feel shortly after taking it is a higher body temperature

#i'll be DONE tomorrow tho and i hope things continue to go better #i may still need this dose of oxy a few times this weekend tho bc i've been comfortable this morning #i'm having weird leg spasms but my pain is minimal today #i mean it was higher before i took the oxy but sometimes i still need it so too bad #like i keep saying as long as i'm taking it less often/only as needed i'm good #i have more than enough for this weekend so i'm not worried about calling for more rn

finally got my shit together on my computer so i could request my extension from mn paid leave ugh what a giant pain in the ass tho bc my initial leave request still wasn't approved!! i'm just making sure to update it to ensure i'll eventually get back pay but this is a huge hassle and it was SO easy to do through the short term disability program so i have no idea why mn paid leave makes it so fucking difficult ugh whatever it's done and i will just upload the document once they can fill it out

I hate how much better i feel after my oxy dose lmao sometimes u really do need meds tho and there's really no shame in taking them as directed, i'm going to try a smaller dose later to see if that does the trick but the 7.5mg dose definitely worked better than 5mg did yesterday and i think unfortunately i just did a bit too much yesterday and I'm having a bit of a flare

#if i can take oxy twice today instead of 4-6 times tho that's still progress #I'm trying to cut back as much as i can obviously but idk #i've had so many ppl tell me over and over again to stop taking oxy #but they aren't living in my body and they don't know what the pain feels like #my pain was probably at a 5/10 and now it's at a 3 and i can relax

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