Unwanted House Guest Part 22 - The Best Part Of Waking Up
The sunlight from the window landed on Arnick’s face, stirring him from his sleep. He slowly opened his eyes and looked up at the white ceiling above him. It wasn’t the ceiling of his bedroom and he wasn’t resting on his bed either. He was in his living room on top of his couch with his head resting on one of the pillows up against the arm rest.
“Why am I on the couch?” he groggily thought to himself.
Arnick blinked a few times to clear the fog from his eyes. As he did, he tried to sift through the cobwebs of his mind to try and remember how he ended up in the living room. Did he and Tetrox have a fight? No, because why would he be on the couch if they had a fight? That didn’t make sense. He struggled to try and remember what happened but found it difficult due to the pressing weight he felt on his chest.
“Why does my chest feel so heavy?” he wondered as he struggled to get his senses together.
Whatever was on him felt warm and somewhat soft. Soon, Arnick could hear the sound of someone else breathing gently in and out. This breathing seemed to also fall in line with subtle, gradual movements of the weight that was on top of him. Part of his brain then registered that something wasn’t so much on top of him as it was partially wrapped around him. Finally, Arnick opened his eyes and looked down at himself.
He began to scream internally as loud as he could.
Tetrox was resting peacefully on top of him. Her head was nestled into his chest and had one arm wrapped around his torso. Her other arm had wrapped around one of his and was holding it close to her chest. One of her legs had also draped itself across one of his. She was still dressed in what she was wearing the night before: shorts and a black tank top. One of her tentacles had slid up on Arnick chest as if to wrap around his neck and hold him close.
Arnick froze and became stiff as a board. He was still fully dressed from last night; still with his Legendary Cap on along with his Replica Hero Outfit. This fact did not provide him any comfort at all as a cold sweat began to form on his brow as he tried to find a way to pull his eyeballs back into his eye sockets through sheer willpower alone. It was at this point that Arnick decided that it was time to think very carefully.
“WHAT THE SHELL IS GOING ON?!”
He was off to a great start.
“Okay, okay, don’t panic, stay calm… just breath in… breath out… that’s it… WHY IS SHE LAYING ON TOP OF ME?!”
Arnick shook his head lightly, “No, no, no, I mustn’t be afraid. I mustn’t panic… just take it easy and think carefully!” His ink pressure was skyrocketing and making him slightly light headed. He looked up at the ceiling, took a deep breath, and exhaled. This gave him a chance to focus.
“Okay… alright… Tetrox and I were playing Octos & Allies last night…” he thought as he turned his head slightly. He could make out the game board and pieces still laid out on the coffee table out of the corner of his eye. “Yes… we had just finished our third game and it ended with…” Arnick’s pupils shrank as the memory came back to him, “Oh Cod, it ended in MARRIAGE!”
Arnick felt his breath quicken as a wave of panic coursed through him. Tetrox murmured something in her sleep and shifted her position slightly. This prompted Arnick to shake his head and try not to relax so as not to disturb Tetrox. “IN THE GAME, DUM-DUM! IN THE GAME! I didn’t actually marry anyone last night! I’m not a complete idiot like-“ Arnick stopped himself from finishing that thought.
Arnick looked down at Tetrox, “But… Captain Cuttlefish did trust me enough to look after her… Surely he had to have anticipated that something like this might…” Arnick frowned, “The devilfish am I thinking about!? FOCUS!” Arnick mentally slapped himself and began to think back to the previous night again, “Right… I was quite upset at the way the game turned out last night. I was in a right fit because of that… But then Tetrox began to talk about what she thought of the game, and…” Arnick’s frown became sadder and less agitated, “…I felt like an utter bastard after that. There I was, getting all in a huff over a board game while Tetrox was discussing… peace… and unity between Inklings and Octarians… which is what I’m SUPPOSED to be an ambassador of…”
Arnick sighed and continued thinking back to last night, “Let’s see… and at the end she said… something that seemed very heartfelt… and then we seemed to get… well, we got closer, and then… and then…” Arnick realized that he couldn’t think of anything else after that, “and then I can’t remember anything else. I must have blacked out!”
Arnick made a frustrated face at no one in particular as he mentally kicked himself, “Wonderful. Just wonderful! I pass out in front of an Octoling of all people; completely defenseless and at her mercy! I should be ashamed of myself! What kind of Agent would I make if I fainted in the middle of…”
Once again, Arnick lightly shook his head since most of the feeling below his neck had gone completely numb, “What am I blithering on about?! I already determined that there was no way she could be a spy! She wouldn’t shift to her Octopus form during a lightning storm, leaving herself completely vulnerable, if she was! And even if she was a spy, I doubt she could have pulled off an act like that so convincingly. That was genuine terror I saw that night!”
Arnick then gave a concerned frown up towards the ceiling and sighed, “But… am I still so sure about that?!” Arnick thought back to how Tetrox seemed kinder and nicer yesterday than she did the day before that. Two days ago, she had framed him for pinching a waitress’ posterior which led to the third or fourth most painful confrontation with a girl he had ever had. He still had no idea why she did that or what he did which made her want to do that. To suddenly humor him in not one, but three, games of Octos & Allies didn’t seem to add up. “Hmm… she was acting rather peculiar yesterday. How do I know she wasn’t just trying to get-“
Arnick shut his eyes and winced, “What am I thinking?! This is ridiculous! It’s impossible she’s a spy! Thinking otherwise is just paranoia!” Arnick rolled his eyes as he continued to think, “and if I was TRULY being paranoid, I’d have been petrified of her offing me in my sleep. Yet here I am! With her on top of me no less! Why she’d rest on top of a sod-off like me… why IS she resting on top of a sod-off like me, anyway?!”
Arnick looked back down at Tetrox who was still sleeping peacefully, “I mean she COULD be trying to butter herself up to me in the attempt to blindside me with some sort of deception, but… what if there was another reason… And if so, what?!”
Arnick blinked and laid back while staring idly at the ceiling, “If I was more confident in my appearance and demeanor, it’s possible that she might have actually taken a shining to me!” Arnick dismissed that thought with a small shake of his head, “Don’t be ridiculous! There’s no way that could happen! I’m certainly no Tetranova or Jonquil for that matter… and if I was, I’d probably hate myself for it. I mean, really, I’ve never been a ladies’ man before and don’t see the point in being one now! According to that fat headed piece of sparkly coral, I’m just some miserable, loathsome PRICK who can’t get close to people and have to maintain an enemy list if I hope to have any social interaction!”
Arnick looked to the side, “Okay… I think that’s enough self-depreciation right there… I should probably figure out how to get out of this fix before she wakes up! If only there was some way I could just shrink myself and…”
Arnick got an idea, “I am SUCH an idiot! Of course! I can just change into squid form, slip out of her grasp, change back, and she’d never notice! I should have thought of this in the first place!”
Arnick was just about to change when Tetrox began to stir. Her eyelids slowly began to open as she turned to face Arnick. Arnick thought to himself, “Well there goes THAT idea…”
Tetrox turned and looked into his eyes and gave him a sleepy smile. “Good morning, sugar,” was all she said as she once more closed her eyes and rested her head on his chest. She snuggled a little closer to Arnick and exhaled a content sigh.
Arnick blinked, “Umm… excuse me… just what do you think you’re doing?”
Tetrox looked up at him with half-open eyes and smiled, “What’s it look like, Nicky? Making myself all cozy an’ everything.”
Arnick blinked again, “I can see that, but why on top of me?!”
Tetrox shrugged her shoulders, “Can’t help it if’n you make a good pillow, sugar.”
“Again with the pillow talk…” said Arnick which got a chuckle out of Tetrox, “If you really wanted a pillow, you could always use a REAL one. I have plenty!”
Tetrox tightened her hold around Arnick’s waist, pulling him in even closer, “Uh-Uh!” she said defiantly, “Ain’t no other pillow in the whole wide world that’s as warm an’ soft as you!”
Arnick frowned and sighed. “Well… maybe this isn’t so bad,” he thought to himself, “There are worse predicaments to be in, after all. She can’t stay on top of me forever… I didn’t have any plans arranged for today anyway… perhaps I might as well just…” then he felt it, “Oh… Oh no…”
Now if it was anyone else, they would likely have asked if the person resting on top of them could move so they could use the facilities to answer nature’s call. For most couples, this is the most likely thing for one or the other to do upon waking up in the morning. But Arnick was not anyone else. And after the disastrous turn of events in last night’s game, he was not about to let Tetrox just have her way. Not this time.
Squinting at Tetrox, Arnick decided that perhaps he could get away with his original plan to slip out of her grasp. He shifted to his squid form quickly and just as he planned, he slipped right through Tetrox’s arms. He was a free squid…
Less than a second after he shifted, Tetrox shifted as well to her octopus form. Her tentacles were soon wrapped around Arnick’s squid form and held him close. The look of contempt on Arnick’s squid eyes could have burnt a hole through a wall. Grumbling to himself, Arnick realized that if Tetrox was in her octopus form, he could break free and simply walk away if he changed back to his Inkling form. Just like that, Arnick shifted back…
…and so did Tetrox who promptly wrapped her arms back around him Any attempt of his to wriggle his way free and stand up were thoroughly thwarted..
“Rrrrrggghhhhh” Arnick growled under his breath. He’d have to try and act faster.
Arnick shifted to a squid.
Tetrox shifted to an octopus.
Squid, Octopus, Kid, Kid, Squid, Octopus, Kid, Kid, Octopus, Squid, Kid, Kid, Kid, Squid, Octopus, Kid, Squid, Kid, Octopus, Kid, Squid, Octopus, Kid, Kid, Squid, Octopus, Kid, Squid, Squid, Octopus, Kid, Kid…
“WOULD YOU STOP DOING THAT, ALREADY!?” Arnick hollered. Tetrox responded by simply snickering.
“What’s the rush, sugar?” she said with a smile, “Not trying to get away, are you?”
Realizing he was going to need to talk his way out of this, Arnick decided to play along and do what any level headed Inkling in his position would do:
“It’s not that I’m trying to get away from you, Tetrox… it’s just that I have things to do and I can’t very well do them with you here on top of me,” he replied as a matter of fact.
Tetrox just shrugged, “Eh. Not my problem.”
Arnick growled and slightly winced under his breath again as Nature called back to leave a message on the machine. “So I guess you don’t care that there are still things that need to be put away, food that needs to be cooked, showers that need to be taken…”
“Nope!” Tetrox said with an enthusiastic smile.
“Tetrox,” Arnick said between gritted teeth, “I passed out on the sofa, still fully clothed, and reek of sweat and body odor. I can’t possibly be pleasant to lay on.”
Once again, Tetrox shrugged, “Meh. I smelled worse in the Octo Domes,” she said as she began rubbing her head against his chest which made Arnick’s tentacles shoot straight up again. “’Sides… Almost kinda pleasant. A little musky, sure, but it kinda grows on a girl after a while.”
“Oh please, I am as far removed from smelling like a rose as one could possibly be…” Arnick then thought back to yesterday and being stuck in the lobby. The scent of Jonquil’s cologne lingered in his memory much to Arnick’s displeasure. “…and quite frankly,” he added, “I wouldn’t want to either.”
“Oh yeah? Why’s that?” Tetrox carelessly asked.
Arnick squinted and pursed his lips as tight as he possibly could to spit out a name so putrid to him that it deserved as much disgust as Arnick could show, “Jonquil!”
Tetrox raised her head slightly and looked at Arnick, “Who?”
The night before, Tetrox had sworn to never ask Arnick any questions. She broke that promise to herself before the night was even over. She would later make a mental note to be more careful about asking Arnick questions, because with one simple word and punctuation mark, she had set Arnick on a long tirade. Her natural nosiness had gotten the better of her once again.
“This self-absorbed, narcissistic moron whose only interest in turf war is to show off and promote his own bloated self-image. The man thinks he is Cod’s gift to women and I am convinced he would go so far as to purposely throw an entire match if he believes it would score more points with some girl he fancies. His beak is obnoxiously polished to a sparkling white gleam so bright that he could blind traffic with that stupid, smug grin of his!”
Then Tetrox made a mistake in asking, “So this a friend of yours, Nicky?”
Ink vessels practically popped out of his forehead at the suggestion. His muscles clenched so tightly that despite Nature trying to call again, she was now placed on hold and listening to elevator muzak. Arnick’s face almost turned purplish red as his eyes nearly popped out of his head.
“FRIEND?! FRIEND?! NEVER IN A THOUSAND YEARS WOULD I EVER CONSIDER THAT LOATHSOME TWAT A FRIEND!!! HE IS A DISGRACE TO EVERYTHING TURF WAR STANDS FOR AND IF I HAD MY WAY I WOULD HAVE SEEN THAT TRILOBYTE TRAMP THROWN OUT OF THE LEAGUE AND BANNED FOR LIFE!!! THE FACT THAT HE HAS HIS OWN TEAM IS AN ABSOLUTE SLAP IN THE FACE OF ALL THAT IS DECENT!!! THAT WOMANIZING, ARSE-OBSESSED, SMUG-FACED, SEX-ADDICTED MANIAC SHOULD BE EJECTED SO FAST THAT ONCE HIS BODY HITS THE PAVEMENT AND STARTS TO LIQUIFY, HE LEAVES SKID MARKS!”
Tetrox blinked. “Dang…” was all she could say at the moment, “…so I take it that’s a ‘no’ then?”
“YOU’RE DAMN BLOODY RIGHT IT IS! BEING STUCK INSIDE THE LOBBY OF INKOPOLIS TOWER WITH HIM AND HIS FLAKEY FRIEND COSMO YESTERDAY REMINDED ME THAT THEY ARE BOTH ABSOLUTE INSUFFERABLE PRATS!”
“Wait… you was stuck in a lobby?”
“DURING A THUNDERSTORM OF ALL THINGS! IT’S AS THOUGH MOTHER NATURE WAS CONSPIRING AGAINST ME TO ENSURE I WAS NOTHING SHORT OF COMPLETELY MISERABLE!” As Arnick ranted, Mother Nature was conspiring against him for other reasons as she placed the phone down and put it on speaker so she knew when the hold was over.
Tetrox nodded absentmindedly, “Ahhh…” then she made mistake #2, “Wait, who’s Cosmo?”
Without even hesitating, “A COMPLETE AND TOTAL GIT IF THERE EVER WAS ONE! AN INCOMPETENT HOODLUM WHO SPENDS MORE TIME GALLIVANTING AROUND ALL WILLY NILLY DURING A MATCH THAN ACTUALLY DOING ANY WORK! AND THEN HIS BOYFRIEND JUST SHOWS UP AND THEY JUST UP AND SNOG RIGHT IN FRONT OF EVERYONE!”
“They did what?!” asked Tetrox who was now becoming thoroughly lost with Arnick’s use of words she’d never heard used outside of a TV show.
“OKAY… It wasn’t really a snog, it was more of a kiss, BUT IT’S THE PRINCIPAL OF THE MATTER!” Arnick said defiantly, “THERE IS A TIME AND PLACE FOR PERSONAL LIVES AND TURF WAR IS NOT ONE OF THEM! HIM AND THAT… THAT… What Was His Name… Honeydew… something…” Arnick shook his head and refocused, “WHATEVER HIS NAME IS CAN SOD RIGHT OFF IF THEY AREN’T GOING TO TAKE THINGS SERIOUSLY!”
Tetrox had never heard Arnick talk about anyone else before, and hearing about these other Inklings was making Tetrox curious.
“OHHHHHH,” Arnick said before pausing dramatically, “…AND IF THREE STOOGES WASN’T ENOUGH, IN WALKS THE ELUSIVE FOURTH STOOGE: ANGELO! A MAN SO QUIET AND ROBOTIC, YOU’D GET MORE CONVERSATION OUT OF A MALFUNCTIONING TOASTER!”
“Wait… this the same guy with the OctoGoggles?” Tetrox asked as she now began hanging onto to Arnick’s every angry word.
“I SWEAR THE NEXT TIME I MEET UP WITH HIM ON THE SPLATTLEFIELD, HE’LL BE NOTHING MORE THAN A STAIN ON THE SIDEWALK!”
Seeing Arnick so riled up and angry, for some reason, amused Tetrox to no end. “I take it you’ve played against him before, huh?”
“HA! ‘Played’? Hardly! ‘DUELED’ is more like it!” he said with a huff, “He is Number One on my Enemy List for good reason with Jonquil and Cosmo trailing right behind!” Arnick huffed as memories of the battles against Angelo briefly returned to him. His speed and Ninja Squid ability made him very difficult to target, often putting Arnick on the defensive to try and get a good shot.
“Enemy List?” Tetrox asked with a tilt of her head, “You mean a Friend List, sugar?”
“NO!” Arnick spat back without a moment’s hesitation as he reached into his pocket, “I SAID Enemy List and I MEANT IT!” barked Arnick as he flashed his SplatNet friends list that was on his iSquid to Tetrox.
It was at this point that Mother Nature returned to the line after switching over to receive a call from Grandmother Nature. This meant that Arnick was no longer on “Hold” and boy did he feel it. His eyes began to involuntarily twitch from a mix of rage and bladder pain as he silently clenched his beak inside his closed mouth while showing Tetrox the faces of his arch nemeses.
Tetrox looked in awe at the profiles listed before her. Despite Arnick clearly stating that this was his Enemy List, it clearly said “Friend List” right at the top. Pictures of Angelo, Jonquil, and Cosmo stood right next to their basic profile data. Tetrox raised a finger to the screen and began to scrool through Arnick’s list. It wasn’t long, but it wasn’t short either, and Tetrox began to read names off of it one by one to herself,
“Angelo: Note - Enemy #1…
Jonquil: Note - Try Aiming for His Face Next Time…
Cosmo: Note - Same Goes for Him Too…
Daisy: Note – Avoid at All Costs…
Marian: Note - A Deadly Tactician…
Tanrine: Note – Also Avoid at All Costs…
Clementine: Note - Has Gotten Surprisingly Better Lately…
Terry: Note – Do Not Let His Size Fool You…
Jalea: Note – Squid Bagger to Be Brought to Justice…
Prawnica: Note – Quick to Anger…
Herdwick: Note - Thankfully Keeps His Music to Himself…
Silvia: Note - Her Innocent Demeanor Hides An Excellent Shot…
‘Bubblegum’: Note – Extremely Dangerous with LemonTea…
‘LemonTea’: Note – Extremely Dangerous with Bubblegum…
Mint: Note – Difficult to Get a Read On in Battle…
Gabe: Note - Son of Captain Neon…
Steele: Note - Persistent Pest, But Friend of Gabe…
Orchid: Note - Skilled “Jill of All Trades”…
Jill: Note – Always Keep at A Distance…”
Tetrox mentally whistled to herself as she saw that there were still more names on the list. She also noticed there seemed to be a healthy split between boys and girls on there, which led to her next question, “I thought you said you weren’t good with girls?”
Arnick was beginning to sweat a bit from trying to stall Mother Nature, “I’m not! What are you talking about?!” he said through his clenched beak.
“Well how come you got all these girls on here?”
Arnick’s eye was still involuntarily twitching, “That HARDLY counts! Those are…” Arnick winced a bit as he tried to control his bladder, “…those are people I consider ENEMIES, remember?! I’m trying to SPLAT them, not DATE them!” Arnick’s voice was becoming a bit shaky from the strain.
“Must be something there if these girls keep a grumpy gus like you on their friend lists,” It was at that point Tetrox made a decision. “And y’know what… you got all these friends a yours-“
“They Are NOT My Friends!”
“-And you ain’t even think about introducing me to ‘em?! Now that just ain’t right, sugar.” Tetrox shifted her weight which pushed an elbow into a VERY sensitive spot on Arnick’s mid-section. He was visibly clenching his beak now as Tetrox just stared at the phone after taking it out of Arnick’s hand. Finally she said, “That settles it then! We’re going out an’ you’re gonna introduce me to all them pals a yours!”
“WHAT?!” Arnick grimaced. Tetrox then finally stood up, relieving pressure off of Arnick’s overloaded organ to which Arnick made the mistake of involuntarily saying, “Oh Thank COD!” as a sign of relief.
But Tetrox didn’t know that.
“Nice to see you agree with me on something, sugar! Now come on! Day’s a wastin’!”
Tetrox walked away and made her way down the hall. As soon as she was no longer looking at Arnick, he jumped right up off the couch, made a mad dash to the hall and…
Saw the bathroom door close and lock.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” he mentally screamed to himself.
Arnick made a note for future reference to never be too proud to admit that he needs to use the facilities. It is never a good idea to screen mother nature’s calls.
Some Squid Named Steve [Patreon]
Terry belongs to @axl-fox / @the-rainbow-roulette
Jalea belongs to @squidbaggin
Prawnica belongs to @splatoonlagoon
Herdwick belongs to @wasabi-beats / @splatdash
Silvia belongs to @honey-squid
Bubblegum & LemonTea belong to @mixiv-14
Mint belongs to @missdiancie
Gabe belongs to @gabplayssplatoon
Steele belongs to @skyplayssplatoon
Orchid belongs to @the-whipple-effect
Jill belongs to @ink-da-squimp
PHEW! Finally got this finished! I’m sorry this took so long, but June was probably one of the most hectic months I have EVER had! The good news is now that it’s behind me, things are starting to lighten up and I can work more on the writing (like I want to).
If any of the above mentioned OC Creators would like to see their character make an appearance in the story outside of this passing mention, feel free to let me know! The next few parts are going to have a lot of Arnick and Tetrox traveling around Inkopolis and interacting with others. We’ll likely have a call out for background Squids too, so keep your eyes peeled!
Now then, back to the old grindstone! I don’t want you all to wait another month for the next part!
Tammy’s comments: AAAAAAAHH YEEAH! Time to meet some squid “friends” then. HOHOHO! Can’t wait. AND Oh gosh the art and animation is so cute here! YOU ALL SPOIL ME! I KEEP SAYING THAT! YOU DO! I love you all *sobs*
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