Evolution is Vulnerable and the Importance of Gene Wilder.
Itās hard to update about a project when you are deep in the middle of it. But I wanted to get this story down before I forget.
Here we are smack dab in the middle of everything - construction, fundraising AND festival preparations. All at once. Itās crazy.
Because it took us six weeks to find a contractor, everything ended up stacked on top of each other. As a result, the past few weeks have been intense. However, everything is in full swing now. Despite a few minor delays here and there, everything seems to be on track and looking really, really good . Honestly, things are looking even better than I hoped or imagined. Best of all, weāre working hard and definitely weāreĀ tired, but weāre having fun. We have the best team I could ever ask for.
The biggest surprise in the whole theater transformation process has been the melancholy and nostalgia Iāve been feeling this weekend. On Saturday, after we demolished the old stage, I was working on the mezzanine floor when my friend Michelle Kopper sent a message. She said, āevolution is vulnerable.ā As soon as I read it, I started to cry. And once I started, it seemed I couldnāt stop. I just continued laying floor while tears streamed down my face. Now I truly have literally put my blood, sweat AND tears in that theater.
There are the concrete fears - will we raise the money we need? I am probably most anxious about the fundraiser. Iāve never done a large Kickstarter. Itās so nerve-wracking. Especially because Iāve never been comfortable asking for money. Good thing I went into non-profit leadership. Ha. Ha.
But there are others as well.Ā Are the decisions Iām making going to make life easier for us? Or will I wish we had made the stage a different shape or the walls a different color or will we want outlets or cameras in different places?Ā
But what makes me feel so vulnerable is different. Curious was not falling apart. We didnāt get kicked out of our space or have a financial emergency. On the contrary, we were just getting our legs solidly underneath us. The depth, quality, and morale of our talent pool were better than ever. We have been finally making ends meet consistently. Our audiences and student numbers have been growing by leaps and bounds. Our management team is solid and happy. These are the reasons we were finally awarded this grant.
But, when I read Michelleās message, I finally knew what has been terrifying me most. When there is a crisis, making a big change is necessary and immediate and obvious. But when things are going well, deciding to make big changes IS TERRIFYING. When you have fought so hard to get to a place of ānot panicā andĀ ānot struggleā and you are just starting to feel safe and comfortable, itāsĀ very easy and very tempting to set a status quo - to lock everything in place and, like a normal person, to want to relax - to stay safe and comfortable.
But this grant gave us the opportunity to grow from something great into something awesome, something unlike anything else that we have seen anywhere, something I have been dreaming about from the beginning. We have to risk what we already have, what we already know, what we already love to evolve into something else - even if itās something better. And THAT is truly terrifying.
But weāre doing it. And itās thrilling, too.
I hope that these changes will enable us to thrive even more as a happy, healthy community growing as artists and people, creating work we are proud of and making each other feel loved and supported and valued. I hope these changes will allow us to pay our performers, staff and teachers more sustainable wages, maybe even provide health insurance someday. I hope these changes will bring more students and audience members into this world of improv that I love and believe in so much. I hope these changes will empower our outreach programs to improve more peopleās lives.Ā I hope we will create great work that is funny and meaningful and makes the world at least a little bit better of a place than it was before. These arenāt crazy, outrageous things to hope for. So why is it so scary?
We took a lunch break while I was still crying a bit. We ordered our sandwiches and sat down to wait. Chase, knowing that Gene Wilder has meant a lot to me, tapped me on the shoulder and pointed at the TV screen where Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory was playing without volume. I looked up and said,Ā āHoly shit, ItāsĀ even exactly at THAT point in the movie.ā Chase asked,Ā āWhat point?ā It has been my guiding principle my entire adult life. ItāsĀ been on every office wall Iāve ever had, itĀ was my motto on my MySpace page,Ā IĀ even quoted it in the current Kickstarter campaign. Chase and everyone at the table watched as I said the words Gene Wilder was mouthing on the muted TV,Ā āWe are the music-makers. We are the dreamers of the dreams.ā
I feels like it was a sign. Right when I needed it most.











