InterdictedKaiās Guide To Writing Trans Men Having Sex
I wrote this up in response to another post but it really should have its own post here on my blog. The topic? Sex scenes involving trans guys, how to write them, and how not to write them.
Thereās been a lot of trans male headcanons popping up in fandoms lately. And thatās awesome! As a trans guy myself, I love seeing trans headcanons by both cis and trans people! And thereās been a lot of fics & art involving trans dudes having sex popping up lately. And thatās awesome too! Hell yeah we can get down and do the do! Unfortunatelyā¦ many of these headcanons, art pieces, & fics donāt portray trans guys, their bodies, and their sex lives accurately. And thatāsā¦ not so awesome. Thereās some pretty icky stereotypes and commonalities going around. So Iām here to shed a little light on trans men and how we get down.
First, Iād like to start by saying this content is of a mature nature, please exercise reader discretion before deciding to read it and follow your local laws & restrictions regarding such content.
Second, Iād like to note that my ask box is always open to questions if anybody wants to fact-check their trans fic with an actual trans dude. Iām more than willing to help educate.
Now, on to the lesson!
InterdictedKaiās Guide To Writing Trans Men Having Sex:
SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Trans guys come in all sexual orientations.
If a trans man is having sex with a man, whether that man is cis or trans, that is gay sex. Theyāre both men. Having gay sex.
If a trans man is having sex with a woman, whether that woman is cis or trans, that is straight sex. Itās a man and a woman. Thatās straight sex.
Trans guys can most often be found fucking: gay men, bi/pan men, straight women, & bi/pan women. In other words: People who are attracted to men.
TERMINOLOGY: My number one issue with people who arenāt trans guys (eg: cis, nb, etc) writing about trans guys having sex is the words they use. Topping the chart: CALL IT A DICK, NOT A CLIT. Seriously.
Up top: The most standard term for talking about a trans guyās chest is āchestā. A lot of pre-op & no-op trans guys are really not okay with having the lumps on their chest called ābreastsā. So if youāre writing about trans men getting some action on their torso, youāre better off talking about his chest and nipples than his breasts and nipples.Ā
The pole: Itās a dick. It might be a small dick but almost universally every trans guy Iāve met calls it a dick or cock and either dislikes or is actively squicked by it being called a clit. Iāve had so many conversations with other trans guys where we salt about seeing cis people writing trans guys in fic & calling it a clit. Sure, there are exceptions, trans guys who use the word clit, but thereās also gay men who use the f-slur to describe themselves. Thatās a personal use. Itās not the standard. Itās not the common term. Itās not okay if youāre someone who isnāt a trans dude writing about a trans dude having sex. It doesnāt matter if youāre cis, nb, or any other identity, call it a dick. Itās a dick. Call it a dick. It doesnāt matter if theyāre pre-T, on T, or if theyāve had some sort of genital surgery. Itās a dick any which way. He is a man. He has a penis.
The hole: There is no standard term for what a trans guy is probably gonna call the hole heās got in front. I know guys using: Cunt, vagina, pussy, front hole, front door, boy hole, bonus hole, and so on. Personally, I like cunt, itās gritty and abrasive and feels the most āmasculineā to me personally. That said, whatever term you use, try to be respectful in using it and understand that not all trans guys want sex to involve that body part.
TO REPEAT: DO NOT CALL A TRANS DUDEāS DICK A CLIT.
COMING OUT: Coming out as trans is usually scary. Coming out as trans can be dangerous.
Trans guys who pass, meaning they are perceived as men by people they meet, will at some point have to come out to romantic and/or sexual partner(s).
Usually these conversations will take place well before anything gets hot and heavy but sometimes things get a little carried out of hand and things need to pause so they can talk.
The last place most trans guys want to be when disclosing theyāre trans is in the bedroom with someoneās hand down their pants as an āoh, by the wayā. There have been many of cases of trans guys getting attacked in these situations if their partner freaks out over it. General rule? Donāt write your coming out scene as happening in the bedroom.
BODY BOUNDARIES: Trans people in general have a different relationship to their body from cis people by virtue of being trans. So since weāre focused on trans guys, letās get into that.
Not all trans guys have sex the same way. Not all trans guys are okay with using some or all of the body parts they have during sex. We each have different body boundaries.
I know guys who wonāt get shirtless, guys who wonāt take off their binder, and guys who strip shirtless without worry. I know guys who donāt want their chest touched and guys who are really into receiving nipple play.
I know guys who love getting blowjobs and guys who donāt want a mouth down there.
I know guys who donāt want their cunt touched, guys who are okay with only fingers in there, and guys who are all about taking things in the front door.
I know guys who donāt want any penetrative sex, guys who donāt care where you put it, guys who only want it in the front, guys who donāt want anything in their ass, and guys who are fine as long as itās only going in their ass.
I know guys who exclusively top, never bottom, and have gorgeous collections of strap-ons to fuck their partner(s). Yes, thatās right, trans men can top!
These are just some examples and thereās no standard. Every trans man will have different body boundaries that they need to discuss with their partner(s).
BODY CHANGES: The body changes a lot on testosterone. So letās get into some of those changes.
CHEST: Chest fat does lessen on testosterone, but not usually by much. That said, they do become a lot more limp due to binding over the years. Binding makes breast tissue basically wilt, break down, and go floppy. If a trans guy binds, his chest fat will become more limp over time. Easier to compress flatter, but also deteriorates skin quality for future surgery.
BODY HAIR: Holy hairy nipples, batman! Trans guys often get chest hair, just like cis guys. Iāve never once seen a fic talk about a trans guyās chest hair. Trans guys also get happy trails, facial hair, thicker hair on our legs and arms, etc, and generally develop average male body & facial hair patterns.Ā
DICK: This is one of the most noticeable changes on T, and also the fastest. Most guys begin to notice their dick starting to grow within a few weeks of starting T. Most grow to around 1ā³-2ā³ when erect. There are many cases of guys getting as much as 3ā³ but these should be considered outliers and not average. Itās the trans dude equivalent of a cis dude with a 10ā³ dick: possible but uncommon. Wait, erect? Yep! It gets erect. You can definitely see when a trans guy has a boner if youāre looking at his dick! You can also notice that it has a foreskin just like an uncut penis! The labia may also become more coarse and similar in texture to a cis guyās balls.
FLUIDS: Not all trans guys get dry downstairs on T. Some do. But I know a lot of guys whoāve gotten a lot more wet since starting T. It happens a lot. Itās a 50/50 shot, really. Bodies are weird. There are some sloppy, messy, slick trans guys and some trans guys who have to use lube daily so they donāt chafe or even use an estrogen cream down there.
SMELL: On Testosterone, the smell of a trans guyās junk changes. You get Man Muskā¢ within the first 6 months. Anyone whoās been near a cis guyās dick knows what I mean by that: that really sharp, earthy dick smell.
TASTE: After about 6-8 months on testosterone, a trans guyās fluids down there stop tasting like going down on a cis girl and they start tasting a hell of a lot more like a cis dudeās precum. Itās a hormone thing. So giving a trans dude whoās been on T for a while a blowjob is gonna smell & taste a lot more like blowing a guy with a really leaky dick than going down on a girl. Cause thatās exactly whatās going on.Ā
ORGASMS: Orgasms also change on testosterone. Guys who could previously get multiple orgasms pre-T often canāt once they start testosterone. But they do usually report them being stronger and more intense.Ā
HAVING SEX: Trans men definitely donāt have sex like cis women. Because theyāre not cis women. Theyāre men. Theyāre just men with a slightly different tool set in their tool belt.
Like I said under Body Boundaries, we use our bodies to have sex in many varied ways. Blowjobs, handjobs, rimming, vaginal fingering, anal fingering, vaginal sex, anal sex, I could go on for ages.
If a trans guy is taking a cis dudeās dick in his cunt, itās still gay sex, not straight sex, and needs to be treated as such.
SAFER SEX & PREGNANCY:
Trans guys can get STDs like any other guy and should use condoms accordingly. Trans guys having risky or unprotected sex with cis men may be prescribed PrEP, an HIV-prevention medication designed to lower the risk of contracting HIV.Ā
Speaking of STDs, people can get gonorrhoea & chlamydia in their ass or throat via anal & oral sex. This will not show on a standard pee test. There are special swabs for the ass and throat. Most doctors do not routinely perform these tests. They really should. But, back to the point.
Some people think trans men canāt get pregnant. This is a myth. Some men think trans men canāt be on birth control. This is a myth. These myths are dangerous.
Trans men who are having sex with cis men can get pregnant unless theyāve had a hysterectomy. The risk of pregnancy is decreased but not eliminated by T.
Trans men on T cannot get estrogen-based birth control but they can be on progesterone-only birth control. Most large trans-affirming health clinics will recommend this for trans men who have sex with cis men. Generally, this comes in two forms: a daily pill known as the āminipillā or a 12-week injection known as the ādepo shotā.
MEDICAL PROCEDURES: There are many routes trans guys can take in terms of medically transitioning.
For most trans people, the first step is hormone replacement therapy (HRT). For trans guys, this involves Testosterone therapy. Testosterone is usually administered via injection every 1, 2, or 12 weeks, depending on which kind, or via a daily cream/gel. 1 & 2 week shots are self-administered while 12-week shots are done by a professional. Trans guys who come out as kids or young teens may be prescribed hormone blockers to prevent or halt puberty until they can start T when theyāre 15-18 (age varies with local laws & doctorās discretion).
Another step for trans guys is usually top surgery. Guys with tiny chests (small B or less) can get periareolar (āperiā) or keyhole surgery. This leaves only a tiny scar around the nipple. Guys with larger chests usually get a double incision (āDIā) surgery which involves larger scars along the bottom of the pecs and nipple grafts or, less commonly, an Inverted-T or T-anchor surgery which involves the same scars under the pecs but an additional vertical scar from there to the nipple while eliminating the need for nipple grafts.
Trans guys usually get a total hysterectomy, removing the uterus, ovaries, cervix, and all the bits in between. A trans guy who has his ovaries removed must be on some form of hormone therapy (eg: testosterone) or else risks bone loss & osteoporosis.
Some trans guys may opt for genital surgery. These procedures and the reasons why some trans guys might or might not want one surgery or another is a whole complicated topic in itself. But if youāre curious, look into metoidioplasty (āmeta/metoā) or phalloplasty (āphalloā). Tread carefully.
So, Iāll wrap this up with my most important point, again: If you are anything other than a trans guy (eg: if you are cis, nb, etc), DO NOT CALL A TRANS DUDEāS DICK A CLIT. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS SMUTTY, CALL IT A DICK.
And, as I said, anyone can feel free to message me if they have questions about writing trans guys having sex.
Tl;dr: Just be respectful and know your subject matter.
