Sarah's Dream

Sarah / 18 / F

[starry-sarah]

The Blue Dress

There is a blue dress in my closet A hi-lo dress, with thin straps and a deep neckline, And a tight band for my waist, In just the right spot to make me feel skinny. The blue dress is covered in copious amounts of glitter- So much so that if you run your hand along it, It comes up sparkling in navy. That blue dress- I bought it for homecoming But I didn't go Because I was never asked- And since I had no date, there was No Way In Hell That I would go stand there in the loud music And the flashing lights And wait for the night to end, alone, Shivering in the blue dress. The blue dress sat and waited, And finally on Christmas Eve I wore it, And while I did get quite a few compliments, They were all from the elderly at the church Who thought I looked like a "fine young lady." And so, the blue dress is still waiting there, I didn't bring it to college with me, It's been sitting in my closet for over a year. One time in the summer I put it on, And for a brief moment there I felt beautiful, Before realizing that it didn't fit the same way as it had The week before homecoming, And a year before my adult life had begun.

[starry-sarah]

Sarah Always

I can't say I'm proud of the woman I've become, If you could even call me a woman at all, I'm loud and people tend to think that I'm dumb, And I'm just a couple inches too tall, I can't say I'm proud of the things that I've done, If I've even done anything at all, There was never a moment when my life had begun, It's just been one continuous fall, But you, you, are pure and full of hope, Like a star, like a bird, like I was, So promise me now that wherever you go, You'll carry me with you because, I am Sarah always, and Sarah I will be, There's no hope for me, no hope for me, Not a change, not a crack, not the tiniest spark, Is lying out here in the dark, oh, I am Sarah always, and Sarah I will stay, Until my final day, my final day, I will rise like the sun to the heavens of blue, And then I'll be starting anew But when I am reborn, I'm afraid I'll begin, A life as just Sarah once again So here's to all the girls out there, who are like me, Who don't really do anything wrong, Not because we're scared of parents or police, But because we're online all day long, So here's to all the losers, the angry, the weak, Who seem to do everything wrong, I'm sorry that I'm tired and I don't like to clean, But damn it, I can write a song But you, you, don't really see me that way, I'm an angel, a perfect true love, So promise me now that with every day, You'll carry me with you because, I am Sarah always, and Sarah I will be, There's no hope for me, no hope for me, Not a change, not a crack, not the tiniest spark, Is lying out here in the dark, oh, I am Sarah always, and Sarah I will stay, Until my final day, my final day, I will rise like the sun to the heavens of blue, And then I'll be starting anew But when I become the dust from which I came, I fear I'll end up staying the same I had a dream once, a dream about us, And it made me feel much less alone, We were sitting by the lake, by the waters, because, We had nowhere else we needed to go And you said, "what do you think about us?" And I told you, "I don't really know," Then I jumped in the water, to forget who I was, But you were already waiting down below, I am Sarah always, and Sarah I will be, There's no hope for me, no hope for me, Not a change, not a crack, not the tiniest spark, Is lying out here in the dark, oh, I am Sarah always, and Sarah I will stay, Until my final day, my final day, I will rise like the sun to the heavens of blue, And then I'll be starting anew I am Sarah always, and I hope that's alright, Since you're by my side, you're by my side, When the moon lights my heart with a soft and white glow, I'll know that it's time to go home, And when I'm reborn, and my next life begins, I hope that I'll meet you again

[starry-sarah]

Sonnet #2

I have but one more wish to ask the stars, But one more happy prayer to give the sky. So first, a thank you for that joyous night, Our paths were intertwining from the start- So what more could I ever ask for now? When he has made me whole, my final piece, A puzzle of existence is complete, I mustn't get worked up with "why?" and "how?" So let us walk to Phoenix, starting here- A long four years of journey lie ahead, And though the waiting fills us up with dread, I walk beside him, what now shall I fear? My final wish, to God, now I will pray- That he is with me 'til my dying day

[starry-sarah]

Who watches over you?

If not God, I praytell, Who watches over you? Don't you want protection from the dark? And if not heaven, I praytell, Where will your spirit go, When you finally fall down to the earth? I could show you the water, At least, I could try But you know I struggle with directions- I think we made it last night, All that radical forgiveness and love, A sparkling ocean of it I don't think you drank it, But you swam.

[starry-sarah]

Sonnet

A thousand cranes, one summer, flew away, A dawn was broken, with an autumn breeze, And I, being a flower, was afraid, That winter, being cold, would bring a freeze, Yet as the warmth is dying, they will grow, The love, and springtime, deep within my heart, As seasons fade, the colors start to show, A thousand colored romance, here it starts. And may the warmth inside you never die, For flowers need the summer to survive

[starry-sarah]

For wintertime-

Thank you God, for wintertime- For the pain of the cold Makes the sweet touch of the sun Feel that much better- Summer would just be annoying and bland Without an icy breath between the seasons To refresh our senses And make us humble once again.

[starry-sarah]

James-

So what am I supposed to say, When your bold confessions of love Bubble out of your peaceful demeanor? They are so beautiful, like roses, And when I reach out to take them I get stung a little by the doubt in my mind- Could it be true, could it be true? Ah, but who am I to not believe you? You who has wrapped your arms around me, You who has told me that I am, indeed, beautiful, You who has shown me love- More love than I am worth- How could I ever doubt your words? How could I ever doubt you? So what can I say, other than "likewise," Or "the same goes for you?" I am no poet- At least, not like you are- The words don't flow naturally through me, They instead must be coaxed out Like holding your hand to a cat That is normally too shy to greet you. So what can I say, other than "I love you," Or "you mean the world to me?" What else is there to say, anyway, That could possibly convey how I feel? What else is there to say, anyway, When you make me feel like music sounds, When you make me feel like chocolate tastes, When you make me feel like the sun on my skin After opening the window on a cold winter's morning? Words and warmth are not the same, But you, You are overflowing with both.

[starry-sarah]

God, grant me...

God, grant me moral courage- In the form of a colorful coat It would be nice to be remembered As someone who thought and acted, In that order, preferably-

Or grant me enough speed to run From pillars of salt and sand, To a future beyond the hills of dust- Where I can hide from my demons And rest beneath the sky.

[starry-sarah]

Honor Student’s Hymn

This poetry. I never know what I'm going to say. I don't plan it. When I'm outside the saying of it, I get very quiet and rarely speak at all. They say there’s no future for us. They're right. Which is fine with us. -Rumi

Oh please, don't you say them, those terrible words, Of love, of hate, of things that bind us together, Something vague, or something blank, Like "you're not so bad" would suit me best It's like I'm walking through a maze with walls of glass, Each day I am pulled in a different direction, Say, which path do you think I should take? Maybe "North Northeast" would suit me best If you're going to say something, something worth saying, Say it with your own voice, not with words on a page, Let it vibrate through you like a thousand violins, And mean it when you say it, look me in the eyes. If you're going to say nothing, nothing at all, Then that's alright, sometimes that's best. But don't just mumble until the words come out, Wait patiently and practice, look me in the eyes. Where shall I go then? Don't answer that- I just want to speak to myself for a while, I want to run swiftly into the future But the stars will say, “run quickly and stumble" Maybe I will meet Socrates there, or Plato, And perhaps they will give me some advice: Look into the sextant and see your destination, And the sailors will cry, "run quickly and fly" No man is an island, so I am a mangrove tree. For years I have asked them how much math, And how much money I would need. And now I am a quiet girl, I wonder why that is. I think we all want to escape, you know- Anywhere but here would be good, I suppose. But when the bell chimes, we are seated again, Everything is a pipe dream, I wonder why that is. My pencil has broken from the pressure, And my eraser is worse for wear, can they hear me, When I scribble down everything I think should be said, Everything and anything, just to make them happy? I would go anywhere, really, it doesn’t matter, My life will end the same either way. But they say that the end justifies the means. Would I give my joy away, just to make them happy?   I thought it’d be fine, to live with it And to some extent it is, but it’s always there This frustration, this desire for something further, But fragile hands can’t remove the thorn in my side That’s why we have friends- you told me, You said you’d be there to help, But I think that it’d be awfully hard To make a bouquet from the thorn in my side, You looked across the classroom, then looked right at me. You ought to start writing those down, you know. Those eyes of yours tell a thousand stories, To read to children at night, when all is still I speak and write of change, but never myself change, And I think I’ll end up being that way forever. While I study, occasionally I will stare out my window Over cold, black oceans, when all is still. And I think that someday I will see you there- Sisyphus. 

March 2019

[starry-sarah]

Gustavo

You are not a simple man, despite what you say- I love the way you laugh, but more the way you play You are too clever for me, Gustavo, so I never get to win, But when we reset chess board, I will want to try again

[starry-sarah]

Sorry I look such a mess

“Sorry I look such a mess,” I said, After reapplying all my makeup, And combing out my hair again, I still did not look as pretty As I would have liked. If it’s for you, I don’t mind going the extra mile, Even if you never notice.

[starry-sarah]

I, being weak

I, being weak, cannot look myself in the eyes- So I look at myself through rose tinted glasses And pretend that I know my flaws I haven’t seen the sun in hours, And I haven’t seen you in minutes, It feels like it’s been forever, doesn’t it?

I have never seen it, but you said you could, The glimmer in my eyes. Sometimes I feel like I’m lifeless, So it’s good to hear I haven’t died.

In order to repair my cracked ego, And in order to patch the blemishes in my spirit, I will need water, and glue, and a breath of fresh air.

[starry-sarah]

Rain in the Desert

[starry-sarah]

Rain in the Desert

God- why have You turned Your back on us? The sun in my memory has faded to gray The air is cold and wet like mud, I trudge through each hour. Yes, tears are needed to make the oranges grow, So maybe we could cry of joy instead, And my ankles won't get soaked By the small rivers that form Between the streets and the sidewalks. It is not as if the world has completely gone dark- All the golden light that shines upon Your kingdom Has been hidden by the storm, But the lights on the streets and from my phone Should be more than enough for now. Is it too much to say that I want to feel warm again? The sensation of opening my window in the morning And facing the sun with a smile, Makes every day worth living.

[starry-sarah]

Maiden

My words have been crumpled, And tossed into the sea. Don't make me say them again. Pay no mind to me, Athena- I will stand by the mirror, And make myself pretty.

[starry-sarah]

Frailty, thy name is...

Frailty- thy name is not woman! I have worked countless days And countless nights- My hands in the mustard, lettuce, and grease, My feet in the soap, the mud, the street, I have given up my dignity, Time and time again, and for what? 11 bucks an hour, and the pride of a job well done. I have smiled through the pain, and cried of joy, I have stood for 11 hours, and fasted 11 more, I have learned and recited the orders of each, I have taken the burden of cooking and chores, Each of the positions, I have worked- The 11 trials of the burger joint. No man is an island, we are all here together- Each of us knows, each of us suffers, Each woman and man does the same work, Colors and age matter not here, But rather the skill of your hands, And the counting of your years. Frailty- thy name is not woman nor man, Nor black nor white, nor any color, Nor young, nor old, nor in-between, We are a resilient bunch, And we are a happy bunch, Each of us knows, each of us suffers, Yet each of us will smile at the end of the day, As we take off our aprons and walk away.

[starry-sarah]

A New Day

Praise the Lord and all His creation, For He has washed the darkness away, Sing a new song, lift up your voices,  Sing for a new day! When I falter, the Lord will guide me, I will fear not the evils of night, Though I stray, the Shepard returns me, To the realm of golden light! Praise Him above, praise Him forever, Praise His work in all things, Sing a new song, lift up your voices,  Sing for a new day! Through our trials, He always loves us, He is the Truth, the Way, and the Light, We are flawed, our errors are countless, But our home is in the sky! Praise Him on high, praise Him with passion, He has shown us the right way, Sing a new song, lift up your voices, Sing for a new day!