Fallon

i don’t wanna be alone anymore - any pronouns

[starryeyedloather]

how i feel whenever i finally wear eyeliner:

[ninaiscrying]

nina’s guide: how to enjoy summer as a lonely girl

baseline

ㅤꨄ︎ create a moodboard for the aesthetic you want to achieve this summer (can be pinterest board, video,a page in your journal, collage, drawings)

ㅤꨄ︎ what to include in it - picture your dream summerself for this year and imagine:

what weather would it be

what plant would it be

what fictional character would it be

what song would it be

what flavor would it be

what scent/perfume would it be

what quote would it be

what artist it would be

what movie it would be

what drink it would be

what time of day would it be

what animal would it be

by which director / singer would it be written by

what place would it be, etc…

ㅤꨄ︎ you can also include just random aesthetic pictures which speak to you and you imagine will fit for this summer

ㅤꨄ︎ try to not limit yourself to just one specific theme/aesthetic, just choose what speaks the most to you, what makes your soul joyful

appereance

ㅤꨄ︎ try a new hairstyle. it can be as simple as a signature braid, curls, colorful highlights, a new haircut (layers or bangs maybe) or maybe just a whole new fun haircolor if you’re brave enough

ㅤꨄ︎ experiment with makeup. don’t be afraid to use colors, glitter, rhinestones, fun eyeliner, a new lipstick color, colorful false lashes/mascara

ㅤꨄ︎ try a new nail shape/length/design

ㅤꨄ︎ wear what is comfortable but at the same time gives you joy and confidence

ㅤꨄ︎ have a signature peace of jewerly for this summer, a ring, a necklace, an ankle bracelet, fun earrings, a single braid in your hair with a charm, a flower crown, a cool hairclip, maybe even get a new piercing

ㅤꨄ︎ if you’re afraid to experiment with your clothing style/makeup/jewerly cause of what others might think, do it at home first, where they can’t see.

ㅤꨄ︎ then gradually, go outside with one new piece of jewerly, with a single rhinestone on your face, subtly a single piece of clothing in your desired style

ㅤꨄ︎ eventually you will notice that others don’t truly care and won’t treat you any differently/negatively. and even if someone will, you will find yourself not caring, because you will feel too good with urself to care about insecure people’s opinions c:

rituals

ㅤꨄ︎ have one drink to start your day with and end your day with. for example, black tea with lemon in the morning, herbal tea before bed to soothe you and make you sleepy.

ㅤꨄ︎ / coffee in the morning, and warm milk before bed. you can add bananas, strawberries or diffrent fruit to the milk, maybe vanilla extract

ㅤꨄ︎ try to have breakfast within the first hour/1,5 hours of waking up everyday. research new easy and yummy recipes you can make quickly. it helps a lot with brain fog and feeling good mentally & physically in general

ㅤꨄ︎ open your window right after waking up to listen to the birds chirping and the cool morning breeze. close your eyes for a few moments and just feel and listen, take a few deep breaths too, just be present

ㅤꨄ︎ try light yoga or stretching in the morning to wake your body up gently. it can be also a short walk alone, or with your pet

ㅤꨄ︎ get a nicely scented body lotion which you will apply after your nightly shower every day

ㅤꨄ︎ try to go outside at least once a day. wether it’s tanning in your garden for 20 minutes or a peaceful evening walk at sunset

ㅤꨄ︎ start a letterboxd and watch one new movie per day and rate them the whole summer

ㅤꨄ︎ if you’re willing, look up how to analyze your skin type and research for new skin cosmetics to start a skincare routine

ㅤꨄ︎ start a new journal specifically for this summer. every night before bed, you can write down one thing you learned today, one beautiful thing you saw today, or 3 things that happened today that youre grateful for. you can summarize your day briefly too and rate it from 0-10

ㅤactivities

ㅤꨄ︎ try to step out of your comfort zone. visit a cafè alone and simply just order some tea or a desert. (you can always leave if you get too anxious)

ㅤꨄ︎ visit the cinema alone

ㅤꨄ︎ go on walks in your town and take routes you haven’t taken before

ㅤꨄ︎ pick up and learn a new fun outside sport, like bikecying, skateboarding, rollerskating, inline skating

ㅤꨄ︎ create a herbarium and collect plants on your walks, later you can find out what they are and write about them

ㅤꨄ︎ create a memory box for this summer. you can collect rocks, leaves, flower petals, bottle caps, candy papers, seashells etc

ㅤꨄ︎ get a digi cam and take pictures of anything you find pretty

ㅤꨄ︎ set a reading goal for this summer. if you usually read one book per year, try reading 3 this summer. if you read 10 books per year, try reading 10 this summer

ㅤꨄ︎ try a new flavor you never had before at least once a week. a new ice cream flavor, drink flavor, candy flavor, a new fruit

ㅤꨄ︎ find a new topic to fixate on and research. for example: witchcraft, matrix destiny charts, tarot, astrology, planets, quantum physics, psychological trauma, appalachia, entities, history, folklore, crystals, religion, conspiracy theories, fashion history... (something u always wanted to know more about but never got to)

ㅤꨄ︎ listen to one new unreleased lana song a day and make a playlist with the ones you liked the most

ㅤꨄ︎ start turning your negative feelings into art. drawing, painting, poetry, music, dance

ㅤꨄ︎ research about mindfulness to calm your nervous system to get less affected mentally by unfortunate events out of your control

ㅤꨄ︎ when you’re on roadtrips or walks, try to spot animals and write down which ones you saw this summer

ㅤꨄ︎ watch/rewarch euphoria season 1. i mean it.

ㅤꨄ︎ rewatch a show that reminds you of summer/one that you started watching during summer in past years for the feeling of sweet nostalgia

ㅤꨄ︎ go alone to thrift stores, malls, cosmetic stores and buy (mentioned earlier) at least one item for your new style. one dress/one piece of jewerly/one make up pallete/one top

ㅤꨄ︎ journal to get to know yourself (some questions insterted below)

lastly, and most importantly: make peace with being alone currently. it won’t last forever. see this as a lesson to get to know yourself. you are the only one single person in your whole life who you have for granted that will never leave. so might aswell start to get to know them and like being around them ♡

[ninaiscrying]

thanking god everyday for lana del rey

how beautiful it is that one single woman can unite millions of us, how blessed i am to live in the same timeline as her ♡

[cherriesofall]

[blondewithissues]

[starryeyedloather]

where to go, where to keep woe

i take myself back to clean old tears

i see the world through milked roses

pearly rivers, shining stones in cold waters

running my hands through beaded sunshine

i give up busy, bustling voices

those of skin i love or hair i had breathed

i dont rush to braid long, untouched weeds

sat under my thighs, my lap empty

my stung skin soothed by breathing sapience

winged whispering angels in soft wind

not raw, nor rotting flowered swans and letting go

blooming shivers like pearls on ever-healing skin

must i bleed, let it be worth abandon

of places softer than shining satin curves

behind flesh eyelids, soft, dark lashes

you stay, you call to shelter me in something purer than i had found home

[ninaiscrying]

nina’s guide: shadow work easily explained for beginners & how to start

𝓌𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝒾𝓈 𝓉𝒽𝑒 “𝓈𝒽𝒶𝒹𝑜𝓌”?

♡ the shadow is hidden parts of you that you don’t want / fear to face in everyday life

♡ very often, we aren’t and don’t want to be aware of our shadows because they seem unsafe, unacceptable or embarassing

♡ it can manifest as jealousy, neediness, insecurity, anger issues, fear of abandonment, or the feeling of superiority

𝒽𝑜𝓌 𝒹𝑜𝑒𝓈 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓈𝒽𝒶𝒹𝑜𝓌 𝒻𝑜𝓇𝓂?

♡ it can form through hurtful (for some traumatic) events in our childhood like:

•being forced to be „perfect” (wether that’s looks, grades, cleanliness or skill learning)

•s/a

•addict parents

•verbal/physical abxse

•parental inconsistency (love sometimes given, sometimes withheld)

•being shamed for expressing emotions - like crying, anger, excitement

•often witnessing conflict, fighting, or toxic relationships at home

•constant comparison to siblings / other children your age

•feeling unwanted or unloved

•overprotection that limits freedom or exploration

♡ the shadow can also form / intensify later in life through other events like:

•betrayal in romantic or platonic relationship

•loss of a job

•death of a loved one

•bullying or social rejection

•moving to a new place not by choice

•being publicly humiliated or embarrassed

•ongoing stress or pressure (school, work, family)

•being punished for trying out new things and individuality during puberty

•toxic relationships (gaslighting, manipulation, verbal or physical abxse)

•s/a

•sudden financial instability

•accidents

𝒾𝓈 𝒾𝓉 𝒷𝒶𝒹 𝓉𝑜 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝒶 𝓈𝒽𝒶𝒹𝑜𝓌? 𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝒾 𝒷𝑒 𝒶𝓈𝒽𝒶𝓂𝑒𝒹 𝑜𝒻 𝒾𝓉?

♡ everyone has a shadow, it is a natural part of being human

♡ having a shadow does NOT mean you’re “bad” or “broken”

♡ it’s a collection of traits, feelings, and memories that were hidden or suppressed for survival

♡ shame comes from society or internalized judgment, not the shadow itself

♡ accepting your shadow is a form of self-compassion and self-awareness

♡ integrating your shadow helps you feel more whole, authentic, and balanced

♡ the shadow is not your enemy, it’s a part of yourself waiting to be understood

𝓌𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝒾𝓈 𝓈𝒽𝒶𝒹𝑜𝓌 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝓀?

♡ shadow work is acknowledging those hidden or suppressed parts of yourself

♡ noticing how these parts influence your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors

♡ learning to understand them without judgment

♡ it’s not about “fixing” yourself or being “bad”

♡ it’s about seeing the parts of yourself you usually ignore

𝓌𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝒷𝑒𝓃𝑒𝒻𝒾𝓉𝓈 𝒹𝑜𝑒𝓈 𝓈𝒽𝒶𝒹𝑜𝓌 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝓀 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒?

♡ increases self-awareness and helps you understand why you react the way you do

♡ reduces projection - you see your triggers instead of blaming others

♡ improves emotional regulation and patience

♡ strengthens empathy and compassion for yourself and others

♡ helps you break repetitive negative patterns in relationships and life

♡ allows you to consciously integrate hidden traits instead of suppressing them

♡ improves decision-making by seeing beyond unconscious habits

♡ helps you feel more whole, balanced, and authentic

𝒹𝑜𝑒𝓈 𝓈𝒽𝒶𝒹𝑜𝓌 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝓀 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝒶𝓃𝓎𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝑜 𝒹𝑜 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝓇𝑒𝓁𝒾𝑔𝒾𝑜𝓃/𝓈𝓅𝒾𝓇𝒾𝓉𝓊𝒶𝓁𝒾𝓉𝓎?

♡ shadow work is psychological, not religious or spiritual by definition

♡ it does not require belief in any deity, spirit, or higher power

♡ anyone of any religion (or none) can do shadow work

♡ it’s about understanding yourself, not following spiritual rules

♡ it does not contradict with the rules of any religious beliefs/religions there are

𝒸𝑜𝓂𝓂𝑜𝓃 𝓂𝓎𝓉𝒽𝓈 𝒶𝒷𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝓈𝒽𝒶𝒹𝑜𝓌 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝓀 / 𝓌𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓈𝒽𝒶𝒹𝑜𝓌 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝓀 𝒾𝓈 𝒩𝒪𝒯

♡ shadow work is NOT summoning demons or evil spirits

♡ shadow work is NOT proof that you’re “broken” or “bad”

♡ shadow work is NOT a quick fix. it takes time and reflection

♡ shadow work is NOT therapy replacement (though it can complement it)

♡ shadow work is NOT about blaming yourself for everything that happens

♡ shadow work is NOT dangerous if done thoughtfully — it’s psychological self-awareness

♡ shadow work is NOT about forcing feelings you aren’t ready to face

♡ shadow work is NOT only for “dark” or “traumatized” people. everyone has a shadow

♡ shadow work is NOT about obsessing over your past mistakes forever

♡ shadow work is NOT punishment or self-flagellation

♡ shadow work is NOT about trying to “be perfect” or “fix” your personality

♡ shadow work is NOT exposing yourself to harm or unsafe situations

𝒽𝑜𝓌 𝓉𝑜 𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓎 𝑒𝓂𝑜𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃𝒶𝓁𝓁𝓎 𝓈𝒶𝒻𝑒 𝓌𝒽𝒾𝓁𝑒 𝒹𝑜𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓈𝒽𝒶𝒹𝑜𝓌 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝓀 / 𝓌𝒽𝑒𝓃 𝓉𝑜 𝓅𝒶𝓊𝓈𝑒 𝓈𝒽𝒶𝒹𝑜𝓌 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝓀

♡ check in with your emotions regularly: pause if you feel overwhelmed, panicked, or dissociated

♡ avoid shadow work when extremely stressed, sleep deprived, or emotionally raw

♡ don’t force yourself to confront everything at once. take it slow and gentle

♡ set a time limit (i recommend 30 minutes for beginners)

♡ you can pause or stop shadow work at ANY moment

𝒾𝓈 𝓈𝒽𝒶𝒹𝑜𝓌 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝓀 𝒶 𝓈𝓊𝒷𝓈𝓉𝒾𝓉𝓊𝓉𝑒 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓉𝓇𝒶𝓅𝑒𝓊𝓉𝒾𝒸 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝓀?

♡ shadow work is NOT a replacement for therapy or professional help

♡ it can complement therapy but does not diagnose, treat, or resolve mental health disorders

♡ if you struggle with trauma, depression, anxiety, or other serious conditions, a licensed professional is essential

♡ shadow work is a self-reflection tool, but therapy provides guidance, safety, and expertise

♡ never use shadow work as the only method to cope with severe emotional or psychological distress

♡ it’s best to combine shadow work with professional help if needed

𝓈𝒾𝑔𝓃𝓈 𝒾 𝓂𝒶𝓎 𝓃𝑒𝑒𝒹 𝓈𝒽𝒶𝒹𝑜𝓌 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝓀

♡ you react very strongly to someone else’s behavior: feeling extreme jealousy, anger, or disgust over small things

♡ you notice recurring conflicts in relationships with friends, family, or romantic partners

♡ you find yourself sabotaging opportunities, even when you want success

♡ you feel shame, guilt, or embarrassment over things from your past that others barely remember

♡ you often feel triggered by criticism or rejection, even if it’s mild or unintended

♡ you notice patterns of people pleasing, overgiving, or hiding your true feelings

♡ you keep repeating unhealthy habits or choices despite wanting to change

♡ you feel disconnected from your emotions or struggle to understand why you feel a certain way

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

𝓌𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝒹𝑜 𝒾 𝓃𝑒𝑒𝒹 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓈𝒽𝒶𝒹𝑜𝓌 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝓀?

♡ a notebook or journal

♡ pens or markers. you can use colored pens, glitter pens, or just a simple black pen

♡ a quiet and safe space where you won’t be interrupted

♡ soft music, candles, or incense for a calming atmosphere

♡ willingness to be honest with yourself and explore uncomfortable emotions

♡ keeping grounding tools nearby: tea, snacks, deep breathing, or stretching in case things feel intense

♡ a folder or envelope to keep your journal entries private, for extra emotional safety

♡ patience. shadow work is a process, not something to finish in one session

𝓌𝒽𝑒𝓃 𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝒾 𝒹𝑜 𝓈𝒽𝒶𝒹𝑜𝓌 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝓀?

♡ after a situation that triggered strong emotions (anger, jealousy, sadness, shame, or guilt)

♡ after arguments or conflicts with friends, family, or romantic partners

♡ when you notice repetitive patterns in your behavior that upset or frustrate you

♡ after feeling disconnected from your emotions or overthinking things for hours/days

♡ when a memory from the past resurfaces that makes you uncomfortable

♡ after noticing judgmental thoughts toward yourself or others

♡ when you feel regret or self-blame for something that happened

♡ after a stressful or intense day when you want to process your feelings

♡ when you feel drawn to reflect and explore your inner world, even if nothing dramatic happened

♡ after noticing a recurring trigger that keeps showing up in your life

♡ as a beginner, i recommend doing it once a week, on a soft day where you’re not as full of hurting emotions

𝒸𝓇𝓊𝒸𝒾𝒶𝓁 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈 𝓉𝑜 𝓇𝑒𝓂𝑒𝓂𝒷𝑒𝓇 𝒶𝓈 𝒶 𝒷𝑒𝑔𝒾𝓃𝓃𝑒𝓇

♡ shadow work is a process, not a one-time fix

♡ it’s okay to pause or stop whenever you feel overwhelmed

♡ be honest with yourself!!!

♡ do NOT demonize yourself during

♡ consistency matters more than intensity

♡ emotions will come up. allow them without judgment

♡ shadow work is private; you don’t have to share anything unless you want to

♡ small sessions are better than forcing long, intense sessions

♡ grounding yourself before, during, and after is essential

♡ combining shadow work with therapy or professional guidance is safe and recommended if needed

♡ celebrate progress, even tiny insights, instead of focusing on “fixing everything”

𝒮𝐻𝒜𝒟𝒪𝒲 𝒲𝒪𝑅𝒦 𝒫𝑅𝒪𝑀𝒫𝒯𝒮 𝐹𝒪𝑅 𝐵𝐸𝒢𝐼𝒩𝒩𝐸𝑅𝒮:

♡ what is one thing about yourself that you hide from others, and why?

♡ when was the last time you felt jealous or envious, and what triggered it?

♡ write about a memory that still makes you feel shame or guilt

♡ what situations make you overreact emotionally, and why do you think that is?

♡ what recurring patterns in relationships or friendships frustrate you?

♡ when have you sabotaged yourself, and what do you think caused it?

♡ write a letter to a past version of yourself that you felt ashamed of

♡ what are your “forbidden” feelings — the ones you try to avoid?

♡ think of someone who irritates you — what part of yourself do they reflect?

♡ what is a fear you’ve never admitted to anyone, even yourself?

♡ how do you react when someone criticizes you, and what does that reveal about your shadow?

♡ write down traits in others that you strongly dislike. do you recognize any in yourself?

♡ when have you judged yourself too harshly, and why?

♡ describe a time when you wanted something badly but felt undeserving

♡ what emotions do you find hardest to express, and how do you cope with them?

[chelseamotelno2]

i’ll never be able to form a solid opinion on my mother

[ninaiscrying]

yesssss

[wildnickk]

[kosmogrl]

[starryeyedloather]

[ninaiscrying]

psychiatrist appointment on friday. acting extra psychotic in hopes for a valium prescription

(i need to figure out how to do it but NOT get admitted again tho.)

[ninaiscrying]

[ninaiscrying]

i need to start manifesting a reality for myself where i only girlblog for a living and smoke cigarettes cause i’m tired

[ninaiscrying]

when i was supposed to be awake, i was asleep, when i was supposed to speak, i was silent; when a pleasure offered itself to me, i avoided it. my hunger, my thirst, my loneliness and boredom and fear were all weapons aimed at my enemy, the world. they didn’t matter a whit to the world, of course, but they tormented me.

—Susanna Kaysen, Girl, Interrupted (1993)

[starryeyedloather]

Hyena

Ravage me, Hyena

With rusted teeth and matted fur

Your cruel laugh is thick and heated

With hunger that’s been no less than burned

Dig through my skin, left cold

Your spine bends over mine in pain

But laughter once more, alone

In a desert that has long missed rain

Will my blood fill you tastefully?

Will it run cold within your mouth?

May you no longer keep hungry

With flesh so full of endless fears and doubt

Take it all from me, Hyena

With no choice your body begs to live

You’ll take none of what i had been feeling

I’ll differ none from other animals you’d bit

So ravage my body, hunger

I am no special in your stomach’s den

Flesh, blood, meat, yet once a lover

I know, none of my care matters in death