South Carolina, USA
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sheepfilms

titsay

shark vs the universe

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@theartofmadeline
styofa doing anything
Xuebing Du
trying on a metaphor
dirt enthusiast
YOU ARE THE REASON

roma★

blake kathryn
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
we're not kids anymore.
Stranger Things
h
Three Goblin Art

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@starrysurrealism
South Carolina, USA
Some Context for My Absence
I haven't said too much on here, but I wanted to say I'm not gone. I just had to take a break from... everything. This past February my father passed away unexpectedly which caused me to completely withdraw from emotional expression for a bit. I have thoughts that I want to express, I've been taking pictures, and I'm still writing. I will try to step my way back into posting, but if anyone was ever wondering, this is why I was silent.
Thank you for those that take the time to read this. It is still so raw that I struggle to say anything about my dad without sobbing because it makes me acknowledge that this is my reality now.
I have no space in my head it is too full of dread the moments that I thought I could escape circle back and continue the chase I wander through thoughts like I'm seeking truth but in reality it is all to avoid thoughts of you
my world has not ended and the inexorable march of time continues and continues regardless of whether I want it to unknowingly, almost seemingly and I recognize this infinitesimal existence clings on
I thought I knew what it was but I cannot find words to match my thoughts I speak only indirectly as though with caution to avoid answering it concretely, a pure form of comprehension
interlaced with my identity this anxiety weaves its web through me I am lost in the tangles
I start and stop thinking I have what I want to say but then losing it I find myself circling words that just won't find themselves written
where do I go when I'm all grown and how do I hold on when I'm alone what can I do when I've run out options for I pushed too much, too hard and now I only know how to fight
I want to hold on but its not worth the energy I need to let go yet my hands are fused so I'm stuck without hope
I don't need you but I am desperate for what we had when I was ok
I'm desperate to find my place but I'm living in a lie its too complicated and as I age I can no longer believe
warped by the lie that I'm alive that it's ok how can I believe in this as if is painless
I don't want your truth it doesn't resonate I can't wait to sink further in an abyss is waiting
falling face down into a swamp of purposelessness it eats me whole before I've realized that I'm drowning and can do anything
dreamlike I wander mesmerized by the nothingness of an empty sky
From winter travel in the Southern US.
if I seem collected like I live in some tranquil kind of state then my facade is working and you can't see the chaos beneath calm waters