a collection of observations

Photos of everything I find beautiful or interesting. Photos all by Alisa Sadilek (amss). If you have any questions, or would like to purchase a print, feel free to ask.

[starrysurrealism]

South Carolina, USA

[starrysurrealism]

Some Context for My Absence

I haven't said too much on here, but I wanted to say I'm not gone. I just had to take a break from... everything. This past February my father passed away unexpectedly which caused me to completely withdraw from emotional expression for a bit. I have thoughts that I want to express, I've been taking pictures, and I'm still writing. I will try to step my way back into posting, but if anyone was ever wondering, this is why I was silent.

Thank you for those that take the time to read this. It is still so raw that I struggle to say anything about my dad without sobbing because it makes me acknowledge that this is my reality now.

[starrysurrealism]

I have no space in my head it is too full of dread the moments that I thought I could escape circle back and continue the chase I wander through thoughts like I'm seeking truth but in reality it is all to avoid thoughts of you

[starrysurrealism]

my world has not ended and the inexorable march of time continues and continues regardless of whether I want it to unknowingly, almost seemingly and I recognize this infinitesimal existence clings on

[starrysurrealism]

I thought I knew what it was but I cannot find words to match my thoughts I speak only indirectly as though with caution to avoid answering it concretely, a pure form of comprehension

[starrysurrealism]

interlaced with my identity this anxiety weaves its web through me I am lost in the tangles

[starrysurrealism]

I start and stop thinking I have what I want to say but then losing it I find myself circling words that just won't find themselves written

[starrysurrealism]

where do I go when I'm all grown and how do I hold on when I'm alone what can I do when I've run out options for I pushed too much, too hard and now I only know how to fight

[starrysurrealism]

I want to hold on but its not worth the energy I need to let go yet my hands are fused so I'm stuck without hope

[starrysurrealism]

I don't need you but I am desperate for what we had when I was ok

[starrysurrealism]

I'm desperate to find my place but I'm living in a lie its too complicated and as I age I can no longer believe

[starrysurrealism]

warped by the lie that I'm alive that it's ok how can I believe in this as if is painless

[starrysurrealism]

I don't want your truth it doesn't resonate I can't wait to sink further in an abyss is waiting

[starrysurrealism]

falling face down into a swamp of purposelessness it eats me whole before I've realized that I'm drowning and can do anything

[starrysurrealism]

dreamlike I wander mesmerized by the nothingness of an empty sky

[starrysurrealism]

From winter travel in the Southern US.

[starrysurrealism]

if I seem collected like I live in some tranquil kind of state then my facade is working and you can't see the chaos beneath calm waters