Unformed Thoughts trying to be figured out. @stillthinkingalot - Tumblr Blog

Gonna lose my mind about glp 1 recent headlines about it only working while you’re on it like that’s some surprise. THATS LITERALLY BEEN THE CASE THE WHOLE TIME

Girls are so pretty it physically hurts

Really annoyed with how flakiness has become so normalized. I just want to hang out with a group of people regularly why is that so hard.

Think at 34 I’m finally experiencing for the first time what people mean when they say exercise is good for the mental health and feel better afterward.

Does Jack shit for the sadness - but it’s pretty clear it does a lot for calming the nervous system when that is really activated - except had to get to a point where the physical act of exercise wasn’t in itself massively triggering and/or dreadfully uncomfortable or even painful.

And yeah it turns out if I’m feeling very activated in my nervous system - that’s all I can really think to call it - it’s not exactly anxiety and it’s definitely not sadness, most similar to overwhelm - yeah moderate activity does seems to do a pretty good job at calming me.

I think moderate activity in itself has been a hard thing for me to find in general too - most of my experience I think was with activity that didn’t do much to boost my heart rate or otherwise was complete full 110% exertion and it’s taken quite a bit of work, discovery, strength building, etc to find an actual moderate place.

Idk it baffles me how anyone figures this out on their own at like age 7 but I guess that must be what’s it’s like to grow up without my specific traumas.

Really annoying when you don’t have anything else you want to do for the day and would prefer to go to bed, except it’s not anywhere close to bedtime and you’re not tired. But I’m just like “but I’m done, there’s nothing more I want to do”

Really caught up in my head contemplating whether a surgery I want is likely to be disappointing and ultimately a bad choice or would actually confirm I’ve been experiencing additional gender dysphoria this whole time and would actually be a boon to my mental health.

I think the answer like most hard things is both. Then there’s also the financial thing and whether it’s be worth whatever the surely high cost will be

I swear if I can ever figure out how to get out of my own damn way I will be unstoppable

Ok but the way that narratives about yourself stick with the you for decades even when they aren’t true like at all.

I’m grateful to have the experiences I do and think it’s a cool thing to be but fuck it’s also hard sometimes. And I kinda wish I could have the perspective without always having to live the accompanying life.

TERF logic on trans women in bathrooms and locker rooms as being bad because it’s inherently voyeristic and predatory really only makes sense in a world where they also think the same of any WLW - and we see them slowly moving that way.

I really dislike living inside my head sometimes.

Fucking weird emotion where I’m super proud and interested by what I’ve been doing at work but also like it’s not really what I want to be doing with my life overall

I know life is inherently unfair and overall I did get some amazing luck but goddamn it the fact that some people get to live every day in the body I’ve wanted all my life just sometimes really gets to me and hurts and I hate there’s nothing I can do about it.

Really bummed that my closest local friend is going to be moving away soon. It’s taken so long to find someone here and now I’m going to be back to square one. Adult friendships are so fucking hard. This keeps happening over and over and I hate. Why can’t my favorite people all be in the same place.

I just…sometimes I just so want my body to be “normal”. Stop always being such a problem. Be pretty in the ways it’s supposed to be. Function like it’s supposed to. Have the genitals and proportions it’s supposed to. Have it stop being my fault all the time it’s none of those things.

I feel like it would be a lot easier to regularly do exercise if I had any experience with it actually making my life perceivably different.

Like I did personal training for a year and half. And I saw some small visual differences but nothing drastic and I didn’t feel really much different either. It’s not like life tasks felt any easier, groceries were still heavy, still had back pain, still couldn’t really fully touch my toes.

I know I have this problem, if the positives effects of doing something aren’t perceivable for me, it’s like impossible to get myself to do it, cause it just feels like giant waste of time.

Always gonna be bummed magical shape shifting powers aren’t real and I don’t have them.

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Unformed Thoughts trying to be figured out.