The urge to fulfill all your new year resolutions every year !

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@stoicallyshi
The urge to fulfill all your new year resolutions every year !
December 9th
I often think more, than I write
Think about the things that passes my eyes
Like the two lone december star in a beige night sky
Or the invisible dropping temperature
Often about what features one would like of me to call it falling in love at first sight
Or more recently why do I stop writing and cause myself to suffer
There are plenty of things that I think of often than I write
Like growing back my hairs long again, starving to go skinny, or choose to speak above all
I think more than a day has to offer
Futile hours, fret thoughts, for a frantic head.
December 4th
There is a thing that I want to do most earnestly but I rather sit with only its thoughts, I push my desires from it close in a box, inside my body, I can not do it right now, or the very next day, or in coming weeks and hence I wait, I wait tragically for things that can be done only when the time is right, when the sun and stars align perhaps?
November 14th
I don't write much. Do not write enough.
September 5th
People have left me, knowing I was very fragile to love, to be messed with
People have left me, knowing I can't heal easily from any human emotions once pushed into
People have left themselves in me, I'm still carrying them inside me, in forms of agony, abhor and atrocities.
September 3rd
I sit silently in my room, my head is overflowing with muses, I nitpick on them and frame them in so called poetries. I wrote a lot today, I have been writing a lot quite lately.
It's always an 'I love you' and never "I know that you're hysteric but I'm ready to be wild with you howsoever drowning it might be".
September 2nd
All I have is a single brain and thousands of poetries to write.
August 30th
Anger can't be healed, or soothed. It only backs down for sometimes, and when it returns it destructs every flake of built patience, every mote of resistance, every tiny bit of goodness.
August 30th
Stressed, frustrated and disappointed, my anger is getting a tole on me.
August 25th
My life doesn't take twists and turns these days, It remains stagnant like a rain water filled pond.
August 25th
August was hopeful, August was remorseful !
August 17th
Things are still hard, messy and complicated. My migraine troubles me a little more these days.
August 8th
A week into the August and there is a tint of coldness in the air, the weather is calm unlike my heart which is weary, it rains in the nights somedays, somedays it only come in dews, a misty moist month, leaves me in wonder a little more.
Nothing touches me the way poetry do,
Nothing comes near to me in a way poetry do,
It's all I ever want to choose,
It's all that can ever cost my life,
It's all I ever want to love,
It's all that can ever make me mad,
It's all that could ever ruin me,
It's all that I ever want to be burnt for,
It's all that gives voice to my agonies,
It's all that runs into my blood,
It's all I can think off,
It's all I can run to,
Nothing heals my heart the way poetry do,
Nothing I say, proves my existence, it's all that poetry do.
I lay on my bed, trying to fall asleep, my overthinking ruins every yawn I take, I'm laying on my bed everyday trying to fall asleep naturally, one day, someday without having to think anything at all. I wait, I wait, I wait.
It could have been easier if falling asleep was involuntarily engraved in my brain.