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@stressedsenior
okay, so that was my dream last night. i'll post my dreams here - assuming i remember them - and i'll also try to interpret them, if i can. they'll be in a new tag, /dream. check it :)
dream: field trip
i was on what seemed like a field trip with my classmates. we went to this farm place, and my classmates kept stepping on cow excrement, which i was able to avoid with ease.
there was a wide lake beside the farm where people could swim in. i ran by it, feeling the cool breeze brush against my humid face. i almost tripped on the gravel and rocks that covered the shore, but i was agile enough to keep running.
stopping in the middle of the beach, i turned to the waters and saw its clarity and stillness. it was so beautiful. i looked back to warn my classmates not to urinate in the lake when they swim in it (which was kind of weird idk), but one dude joked that he would, and started running towards the shore. i stopped him with a punch, and he fell back, astounded.
people started jumping into the pool, ruining its still vibe. i told them to stop and stay away from the water, but they kept jumping in. i couldn't do anything but watch; i can't really punch forty kids one by one, can i?
until the lake was nothing but a bunch of kids wallowing in what used to be a beautiful, comforting view.
interpretation: i'm different from others, and i have my own joy. i want to be peaceful and quiet. on my own. i may be even ahead of them most of the time. but someone always steps right in and ruins my moment.
how the fuck do i have 10 followers how the fuck do i even have followers
joined the illhueminati la di da - @warpedbliss
rant: why our school sucks
i hate our school. you may or may not have heard of it, but it's in belair and hey, it's science oriented! science is one of my weakest subjects, but that's not why i hate it. hell, i could be the worst dissector in the world but still enjoy it.
the school sucks because a) they make students do too much activities. i mean, last week we just celebrated nutrition week and we had to do this jingle thing (we came second) and we just started preparing on monday. the week before that was anti-bullying, and instead of orientations and workshops on how to avoid or defend oneself against bullies, we had to make a comic on an illustration board. what drawing could do against bullying is beyond me.
b) making the students do the chores is one thing, making the students do the chores without providing the tools is another. last year, we had to paint floor blocks and decorate it with math related shit. yup, you guessed it, math awareness week. we even had to buy the brushes and paint.
since few of us had brushes, some of us were lucky to paint the blocks using our bare hands. little did i know, i was allergic to paint, and before i knew it, spots began to form on my hands and arms and my parents had to take me to the hospital, since this already happened last year with noodles, which incidentally, i also happened to be allergic to.
so yeah, i swelled up like a balloon. it might sound funny, but mind you, we spent about $40 on the check up and meds. another thing why my school can suck my imaginary dick is because c) they don't give two shits if you're tired, or sick, or blah. you're getting shit done, and that's all they really care about.
one more reason is that, d) as i mentioned, we're a science oriented school?? so why are there chorales, plays, dramafests, art contests, jingles, and tons of performances? i'm usually an art person, but i don't like it when someone doesn't stick to their word. they keep bragging, "oh yes, we're a science school, nothing can beat us," but they don't have the right events for it. not even good equipment in the lab. nuh uh.
e) they accept nonprofessionals. meaning, not only do we have to deal with the three sciences, three maths, and all the other subjects, but also with the sucky teachers. they take teachers who do not know how to teach, how to handle a class, and do not know what they fuck they are talking about. and that's coming from a private school--here, private schools are better than public ones. but that's another story.
f) did i mention the uniform is lame?
and last but not the least, g) you're nothing if you're not smart. i'm just lucky that i'm an awesome crammer, and i get everything done last minute--meaning i get a lot of time for tumblr, twitter, facebook, and still accomplish what i have to accomplish. but for some who are not-so-lucky, well, i feel sorry for them. it's not like the school's gonna do anything about that.
i actually get it all now. i get why the previous seniors, now alumni, were so happy when they stepped out of the campus. they were free. i want to be free. soon i will be.
tired
i was scolding my sister earlier for not waking me up at dinner (which is also why i'm a starving mess right now) but it all turned into a big vent about life, school, etc. basically, i was hella fucking tired. literally, because we went to go see a movie today--despicable me 2; a good movie if you're a shallow little fuck like me. and figuratively, because i was so tired of school and teachers and, well, being alive.
it just sucks when people expect something from you and you just can't do it. i may be a great crammer but i can't do everything, you know? i just hope people would realize that just because you're in the top ten of the class doesn't mean you're superman. for all i know, we may be even weaker than most. we carry greater weight compared to others.
meh. things just really suck right now. and it's only july.
how is it possible to feel happy yet completely empty at the same time
i think i've gotten over john. yay.
i really did want to fuck him, though. the scene was oozing with sexual tension.
getting the d
earlier i was chatting with friends and browsing on tumblr, when john came up to my area--topless--and said that he was gonna fix the sofa up because he was gonna sleep there, so i helped him, and it was kinda fun, since neither of us had any idea which side was up with the pillow cases, etc.
when we did finish, i took my laptop away and sadly, decided to move to the bedroom to do my business there when the wires got tangled and WE LITERALLY UNTANGLED THEM TOGETHER AND IT WAS PROBABLY THE BEST MOMENT IN MY LIFE and after the whole thing, he tried to turn off some lights but ended up turning the big one so it got all dark.
and i said, "whoa there, junior, slow down, i'm not ready."
think about it, and it kinda means something else if you're looking for certain implications. i don't know if he got it, but yeah. he laughed and turned the lights back on and went back to the room and giggled like an idiot. i sure hope he didn't hear.
you know, for a moment there i actually thought i was gonna fuck my cousin. i genuinely, honestly thought i was gonna get the d. but yeah. i guess not. john leaves tomorrow, so maybe tonight i'll just bury my face in a pillow and drown from my tears.
had my final test in reading today. nailed it.