Strictly Stand Up

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Let's say it's true -- let's say you know 1000%, beyond a shadow of a doubt -- you know that you would take a bullet for your child. Let me ask you this: why are so many people trying to assassinate your baby?

Paul F. Tompkins

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Michael Loftus Part II

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Michael Loftus Part I

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Have you ever seen someone so heinous you want to walk up to them and go, 'Excuse me, where are your friends? Who do I blame for this being in public right now? Who said to you, "You're ready, let's go"? 'Cause I'd like to have a word with them. Apparently, they've run out of shame.'

Josh Sneed

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London here we come!

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They sell book lights now, a little spotlight you attach to your book. You know, I actually thought about buying one of these, and then I remembered, I own a lamp.

Todd Barry

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Ryan goes through a string of his uncomfortable jokes

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Throwing acid is wrong in some people's eyes.

Jimmy Carr

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But you can’t let something that’s “weird” get in the way of what’s right and wrong, you know. I think with prop 8, you know, I think it was prop 8, gay people want to get married. I grew up in a world where I’m not used to seeing two gay men that are married, but that doesn’t let me say that that’s wrong, it’s just weird when I see it and eventually I’ll fucking get used to it, right? And sometimes people go, “Ahh…” You know these people who are like, “Ahh…what’s next?” It’s all they say when stuff - “What’s next?” When women got to vote, you know they didn’t say, “It’s about fucking time!” they went, “What’s next?” You know when black people were allowed to marry white people they went, “What’s next?” I don’t know, something else overdue and righteous you pile of dumb-fuck!

Todd Glass

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Adam Ferrara

                 Born: February 2, 1966

Genre: Storytelling, Observational

Topics: Personal life, relationships

Adam Ferrara is real. He connects. IIIIIIII like him.

His main special Funny as Hell is such an honest look at his relationship with his family and former girlfriend. He manages to juxtapose incredibly funny material with heartbreaking and heart warming tales. That is talent. Especially considering he also acts and hosts a TV show (American TopGear).

His humor is sometimes like Brian Regan where it is... grandiose, for lack of a better word. It's expressive and is better seen and heard, than heard alone.

This intro sucks. Just watch him.

One More Thing Before I Go [CD]

Have Some [CD]

Both CDs available for purchase on his website

Funny as Hell(2009) [DVD/Digital]

DVD available for purchase on Amazon and his website

Video download available for purchase on Amazon and iTunes

Audio available for purchase on Amazon and iTunes

Video available for streaming on Netflix

Audio available for streaming on Spotify

[strictlystandup-blog]

Have you ever noticed nobody has ever ordered a grapefruit the size of a tumor? Ever. There's no reciprocity.

Janeane Garofalo

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Doug discusses the Pledge of Allegiance

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Nobody needs a cookie. You will never get your lab results back, 'Well, apparently, Miss Bexim what you need -- and I am a doctor, I've never seen this before -- some sort of a cookie. You're actually too healthy. You need a cookie.'

Dom Irrera

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"I'd ask about the middle kid, but no one cares about you anyway"

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Mom-and-Pop shops close for no reason. You go in there, you're like, 'Why are you closed today?' They're like, 'We're sad.' That's not even a legit thing. Walmart -- you could shoot the entire staff it would be an hour of confusion and they'd be up and running again. That's how great Walmart is.

Nate Bargatze

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You know... just your standard comedian/farmer/mayor.

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Emo Philips

Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump.

I said: "Don't do it!"

He said: "Nobody loves me."

I said: "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"

He said: "Yes."

I said: "Are you a Christian or a Jew?"

He said: "A Christian."

I said: "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?"

He said: "Protestant."

I said: "Me, too! What franchise?"

He said: "Baptist."

I said: "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?"

He said: "Northern Baptist."

I said: "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"

He said: "Northern Conservative Baptist."

I said: "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?"

He said: "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region."

I said: "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?"

He said: "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912."

I said: "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over.