StupidYellowstoneShitposts

Welcome to the horrifying result of my Yellowstone hyperfixation. Jamie is an idiot but I want him inside me so I love him anyway lmao🥲

[birdsallthewaydown]

One of my favorite shows of all time is Yellowstone. I absolutely love it. But what is UP with the marketing and merch? I don't want to eat baked beans just because it has the Dutton's logo on it. I drink Coors because I live in Colorado, not because I want to drink like my favorite characters. It just seems really weird. It's such a gritty and dark show but the marketing feels like it's for a children's cartoon.

[stupidyellowstoneshitposts]

YES THOSE COMMERCIALS ALWAYS CRACK ME UP

"Wanna live like a Dutton?😎"

The Duttons:

[alastorsonlydoe]

This guy is literally human Vox.

[stupidyellowstoneshitposts]

Oh my gosh you're so right

[hypodermicfroggy]

Refreshing IMDB and Wikipedia waiting for news of a new Wes Bentley project like:

[stupidyellowstoneshitposts]

I thought I was the only one😭

[stupidyellowstoneshitposts]

We don't talk about Jamie Dutton's secretary enough.

Imagine, you're the Attorney General's secretary, and, every day, various people barge into the office to fuck and/or beat the shit out of your boss, and you have no clue why.

[stupidyellowstoneshitposts]

Why are there only 4 whump fics in this fandom😭😭😭😭😭😭

This is a travestyyyyyyy

[stupidyellowstoneshitposts]

The Yellowstone Squad Playing Five nights at Freddy's

Would they ever be playing fnaf for any reason? No.

Am I making this anyway because the Among Us one was fun? YEAHHHH🔥🔥🔥🔥😎😎😎😎😎

Beth:

*Gets jumpscared.*

*Shoots the computer*

"That's what you get for messing with me, you fuckin' bear."

Rip:

.He just wouldn't play.

.You couldn't make him.

.He's like nope. That's a fuckin' waste of time.

John:

"What do you mean, I'm 'runnin out of power?"

Tate: "Open the doors. If you run out of power, Freddy will kill you."

John: "I'll keep the damn doors closed if I WANNA keep the damn doors closed."

Also John: *Dies immediately*

Monica:

.Scared at first, but absurdly good at this game

.She could beat Ultimate Custom Night on 20/20

Kayce:

.He sucks at it

.Much to Monica's amusement

Jamie:

-Also sucks at it

-He'll come up with a game plan, and say: "YES! I'M A GENIUS!"

-Dies immediately

-Falls off his chair

[embermc]

TV’s most functional family

[stupidyellowstoneshitposts]

LOL

Plane crashes and everyone's like: "If we get rescued, I'm getting the inheritance money NOM NOM NOM NOM."

[moonlight-joy]

The Great Pot Brownie Debacle

Fandom: Yellowstone

Request: @queenofthesquirtles - John wants to learn about Summer's culture so he allows her to make pot brownies. Jamie accidentally eats one. High Jamie ensues.

Pairing: None

The Yellowstone Ranch kitchen was bustling with an unusual kind of energy. John Dutton leaned against the counter, watching with a mix of skepticism and reluctant curiosity as Summer Higgins bustled around, mixing ingredients in a bowl. The air smelled faintly of cocoa and something... earthier.

“I still can’t believe I’m letting you do this,” John muttered, sipping his coffee.

Summer flashed him a smug smile, her hands expertly folding melted chocolate into the batter. “It’s about cultural exchange, John. You’re always telling me I don’t understand your way of life—this is me giving you a little glimpse into mine.”

“Your way of life involves sneaking illegal substances into dessert?” John raised an eyebrow, clearly unimpressed.

“It’s not illegal everywhere,” Summer replied breezily. “Besides, they’re not just for fun—they help with stress, pain, anxiety. You ranchers could use a little relaxation.”

John snorted but said nothing. He wasn’t entirely convinced, but he was curious enough to let her have her way. That curiosity extended only to watching her make the brownies, not eating them himself. He wasn’t about to lose control of his faculties—there was a ranch to run, after all.

Once the brownies were baked and cooled, Summer cut them into neat squares, setting them on the counter to cool further. John gave her a warning look. “These stay here. No one touches them unless they know what they’re getting into.”

Summer rolled her eyes. “Got it, Sheriff.”

---

Hours later, the ranch house was quiet. John had gone out to check on the herd, and Summer had disappeared to take a call. That’s when Jamie wandered into the kitchen, looking for a quick snack. He eyed the brownies on the counter with suspicion, but after a quick sniff and a taste of the edge, he was sold.

“Finally, something decent around here,” Jamie muttered, grabbing a large piece and taking a big bite. The rich chocolate flavor was overwhelming, masking any telltale taste of the “special” ingredient. He finished the brownie in a few bites, licking his fingers as he headed back to his office.

---

About thirty minutes later, the ranch was treated to a sight no one was prepared for: Jamie Dutton, tie askew, wandering into the barn with a faraway look in his eyes. He paused, staring up at the rafters like they held the secrets of the universe.

“Do you ever think,” Jamie began, his voice unusually soft and dreamy, “that horses... know more than they let on?”

Rip Wheeler, who had been in the middle of fixing a saddle, looked up sharply. “What the hell are you talking about?”

Jamie turned to him, his eyes wide and glassy. “I mean, think about it, Rip. They’re always watching us. Judging. What if they’re just biding their time? Waiting for their moment?”

Rip frowned, setting down the saddle. “Jamie, are you drunk?”

“No,” Jamie said, his voice high-pitched and defensive. “I’m enlightened.”

Rip stared at him for a moment, his brows furrowing as he sniffed the air. “Did you... eat something weird?”

Jamie blinked slowly, then burst into laughter. “Weird? Rip, we’re all weird if you think about it. You’re weird. I’m weird. Life is weird.”

Rip’s scowl deepened, and he grabbed Jamie by the shoulders. “Alright, what did you eat?”

“The brownies!” Jamie exclaimed, his hands flying into the air. “They were... divine.”

Rip’s stomach dropped. “Son of a—Jamie, those were—” He cut himself off, his eyes narrowing. “Stay here.”

---

By the time Rip dragged John back to the barn, Jamie had climbed onto one of the fences and was trying to have a heartfelt conversation with a confused-looking horse.

“You’re beautiful,” Jamie said earnestly, his hands gesturing wildly. “Majestic. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

“What the hell is this?” John barked, taking in the scene with a mix of disbelief and irritation.

“Your son ate one of Summer’s brownies,” Rip said flatly.

John’s eyes narrowed. “Jamie, get down from there.”

Jamie turned slowly, his face lit up with a huge grin. “Dad! Did you know that horses—”

“Jamie, shut up and get down,” John growled, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“I can’t,” Jamie said, spreading his arms. “I’m connected to the earth right now. To the animals. To the cosmos.”

John glanced at Rip, his expression dark. “Where’s Summer?”

“Nowhere to be found,” Rip replied with a smirk. “Probably didn’t expect her brownies to take out Jamie.”

With a sigh, John turned back to his son. “Jamie, if you don’t get down right now, I swear I’ll—”

“Dad,” Jamie interrupted, his tone suddenly serious. “Have you ever really looked at your hands? Like... really looked?”

John turned to Rip. “We’re cutting him off. No more snacks.”

Rip chuckled, shaking his head. “Might want to keep him inside, too. Last thing we need is him wandering off into the woods looking for the ‘cosmos.’”

As Jamie continued to ramble about the interconnectedness of all life, John sighed heavily, muttering under his breath, “Never again.”

And somewhere in the distance, Summer was probably laughing her ass off.

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[stupidyellowstoneshitposts]

I know it's kinda blurry. The third and fourth categories say:

"Watches in silence- nobody knows whether they're terrified or enjoying it"

And

"Constantly loses the plot and asks questions, ruining it for everyone."

[thetempleofthemasaigoddess]

I like to think Teeter kept the bear forever, and no matter how small her bed, and whatever the other cowboys might think, she hugged it when she felt alone, sniffing into it, the bear's soft fur wet from her tears.

Poor, poor Teeter. She lost her partner, her friends, her job and her forever home, to go work for a man who clearly disrespects her. All the guys at the Yellowstone Ranch, and even John, joked about the way she speaks, but you can see from her crestfallen expression when he tells her to learn to speak better Travis' words didn't sound like good-naturedly, friendly jabs.

I'd love to be proved wrong, since apparently there'll be a spin-off, but I doubt she'll enjoy working at the 6666.

[stupidyellowstoneshitposts]

YES!

*sobs*

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The end of Yellowstone cannot stop the ultimate power of my Jamie Dutton brainrot✨

[stupidyellowstoneshitposts]

John Dutton riding a unicorn.

That's it. That's the post.

[stupidyellowstoneshitposts]

Me watching the new episode I-

[somethingbrightly]

asoiaf people i have to ask at what point did everyone become so obsessed with jaime because im about 400 pages in and. is it because of his povs in the later books or did you all see him push a kid off the roof and think yeah this is the guy

[stupidyellowstoneshitposts]

I thought this was talking about Jamie from Yellowstone for a second and got really confused

[stupidyellowstoneshitposts]

I'm obsessed with the scene in Yellowstone where Jamie goes to the coffee shop, and they offer him all the fancy lattes, and he's all confused, like IDK I just want coffee flavor

[travellermp3]

it's Jamie Dutton night everyone say happy Jamie Dutton night <3

[stupidyellowstoneshitposts]

Me every night

[stupidyellowstoneshitposts]

I love him, your honor.

Oh wait, he's an attorney general.

I love you, your honor

I know your honor means a judge but I'm proud of my joke so shhhhh