How to write better descriptions
Remember my post on the word ‘take?’ ‘Take’ is a weak word, but it isn’t the only one.
She walked towards the lake.
She strolled towards the lake.
The book smelled magical.
Which sentences are more engaging? The latter ones. Why? Because devoured and strolled are stronger words than ate and walked. They’re more specific. They give you more information. To get across the same information with ate and walked, you’d have to add more words: she walked slowly, he ate quickly.
Replacing good with magical doesn’t work quite as well as the verbs, but magical does tell us slightly more than good: it gives us a better sense of how the smell makes the character feel.
How do you spot a weak word? Weak words are vague. They’re umbrella terms. They need support from other words to really get their meaning across. If you find yourself adding adverbs and adjectives to a term, question whether or not there’s a more concise way to get your point across.
Strong word choice, however, isn’t all that’s needed for a good description:
2. Be as specific as required.
This isn’t to say you should describe everything in every scene in perfect detail, but being specific matters.
The book smelled magical.
He devoured the sandwich, stopping only to lick up the melted cheese that seeped through his fingers and ran down his palm.
The book smelled magical, like a sunlit afternoon.
Again, the latter ones. They take you into the scene. They evoke the senses. It’s the difference between telling and showing. Devoured is a strong verb, but it doesn’t give us a clear image of what is happening. Showing the character licking away the cheese gives the reader a sense of the desperation and hunger of the action. Evoking a sunlit afternoon is evoking your reader’s memories of their own sunny afternoons.These examples are statements with evidence. They provide details.
You want to invite your reader into the scene, not give them a summary of the events.
Additionally, specifics make the world feel real. They convince readers that the world actually exists. They keep the story in your readers’ minds once they’ve finished reading.
This being said, don’t pull a GRRM and describe every meal your characters eat. Some things just aren’t that important. There are occasions when it’s okay to tell instead of show.
3. Remember the point of view.
Who is giving the description?
If you’re writing in 1st person or 3rd person limited, remember how your character feels about what you’re describing. If you’re describing a strawberry field, a person who was raised on a strawberry farm is going to see it differently than someone who is deathly allergic to strawberries, who is going to see it differently from a Beatles fanatic.
Maybe the Beatles fanatic is deathly allergic to strawberries and this field brings up a whole bucketful of conflicting emotions.
Good descriptions reveal character as well as scene.
If this description is coming from a character’s point of view: what is that point of view? What is this scene making your character feel? Don’t let your narrator slip away from the page.
This connects to my last point.
4. Remember why you’re including it.
Novel writing is persuasive writing. It’s an exercise in persuading your reader that your story is true, that your characters are real people. It’s an exercise in persuading your readers to feel what you want them to feel.
(There’s a well-known quote about this somewhere, but I can’t remember it exactly.)
Every description must add to the story. It should be doing something: working for some larger goal, advancing the plot, revealing character.
Maybe you’re describing a house because you want your reader to see why your character doesn’t want to move.
Maybe you’re describing this lovely-smelling book because you want the reader to know that it’s important to the character. That her favorite memories are of reading it in the attic of her grandmother’s house.
When you’re writing out a description, identify its purpose and make sure it fulfils it.
It’s okay if at first you don’t know how the house makes the character feel, or if she’s running or strolling towards the lake, or why the book is so important. Sometimes you just know it’s there. That something happened. Usually things become clearer as you write further and get to know the story and characters yourself.
Once you do know what you’re trying to say with your story, make sure you say it with every chapter, every description, and every word.
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