when I was young I was a lot more insecure about a lot of things. insecure about everything ok, I admit it. always too scared to speak up or make a move and always regretting it when I did because I felt too embarrassed and cringe to be alive.
I paid attention in school and tried hard to do well but I still only got C's and D's and possibly the occasional B but who the fuck remembers. I just tried to forget the hell about anything happening in the school classroom or on the schoolyard the second I got home.
I'm kinder to myself now. having stayed alive for long enough I've gained more perspective just through the passage of time. putting one foot in front of the other and somehow for some reason knowing deep down to just keep putting one foot in front of the other. to keep marching on. now a 40 year old female adult woman person. my family are poor. my family was poor. my parents are poor. I'm poor. of course I weren't pulling no damn A's in school. straight A students have fucking tutors. "A" students are rich kids.
who the fuck cares anyway.
I certainly don't anymore.
