#Sublyfe

Documenting the luxurious life of a mid-twenties substitute teacher.

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Cooperation

Student 1: "If you were a plant, what kind of plant would you be?"

Student 2: "A Donut."

Student 1: "Man..... Can't you just take like ONE thing seriously please?"

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"Fighting"

Three students just grabbing on to each other's hoods:

Me: "What are you doing?"

Student: "We're fighting"

Me: "..... Who is winning?"

Student: "....... I have no idea"

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I have so many better things to do, such as literally anything else.

10th Grade Boy

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Called Out

Boy: "I can do that"

Girl: "Really? Do it right now."

Boy: "...I would, but I don't want to show off"

Girl: "Yeah, that's what I thought, chump."

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I'M BREAKING ANKLES SIR, THEY DONT WANT IT. I'M THE KYRIE OF THESE HALLWAYS

9th Grade Boy

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America

*Kid playing the national anthem on cello.*

Gets to "and the rockets red glare" and stops.

Student: "...And then I don't know the rest. But anyways, America."

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I'm so bored I'm considering pooping my pants.

9th Grade Boy

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Farting

Student 1: "Did you just fart?"

Student 2: "No, I exhaled out of my butthole."

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Girls Talking About Boys

"I don't know about him, he's kind of weird. He touches his hair a LOT."

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Good Distinction

Student 1: "There is this website with a map of the world, and all these red dots pop up, and each dot is someone who has died."

Student 2: "That's cool. I mean that's not COOL... just like.... that's lit."

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Everyone knows that Chicken Little brings the heat.

11th Grade Boy

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Poison

Student 1: "Hey drink this"

Student 2: *Takes long sip*

Student 1: "Is it poisonous?"

Student 2: *Takes another long sip*

Student 2: "...Probably"

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Two Notes From Today:

1. Some kid called another kid a "fart hole"

2. I have a new favorite insult

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Take Your Backpack Off

Me: "You know, you could probably take your backpack off at this point."

Student 1: "But I like it, it makes me look cool"

Student 2: "Dude. I was literally JUST talking about how dumb you look."

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I Have a Joke

Student 1: "Oh my god, I have a joke. It's called the 'Cheerios Joke.' I think I have time to tell it."

Student 2: "Wait wait wait... How long is this joke?"

Student 1: "Roughly 25 minutes."

Student 2: "God I hate you."

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Wack.

Student 1: The sugar you don't digest goes into your pee. So a diabetic's pee will taste sweet. That's actually how they used to test for diabetes, they would taste your pee and see if it was sweet."

Student 2: "Dude..... that is the wackest thing I have ever heard."

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So Close...

Student 1: "Did you just say you want to date me?"

Student 2: "No. I said I HATE you. And I think you know that."