[sugarlove1605]

dahmersbathtub

[sugarlove1605]

hi hi

[sugarlove1605]

i just don’t understand what i did to deserve it

like what did i fucking do?

[sugarlove1605]

also caught him staring at me today, it was a weird stare he looked away instantly when i caught him

made my tummy drop, maybe he is remorseful but too ashamed to apologise????? not sure but i wanna know

[sugarlove1605]

it’s coming up to 3 years since the bad thing happened. i don’t think i’ll ever fully recover from it. it hurts and makes me question everything. makes me feel so nauseous. i never thought it would still effect me so far after. i thought he loved me lol. i want to know what i did wrong but i can’t bear talk to him. i’ve no reason to anyway. he blocked me on insta, idk why. heard some months ago he was thinking about apologising to me. his friend who told me this, i said back to him i am not talking to him. i don’t regret it, but i wish i heard what he had to say. it would have all been bullshit but it would be interesting to hear. i don’t think he knows the damage he’s caused. i wonder if he still thinks about it? he’s ruined me mentally. i was okay, better than what he caused anyway. it’s tricky situation. we both go same sixth form and share some friends. 90% sure they know what he’s done or have some recollection of it happening when it did happen, but i got called a liar back then. think they believe it now and know it happened but r still friends with him. makes me question myself and how people take me. this guy fucked me up but it’s whatever he’s a nice guy!!! i’m more numb to it now, i don’t often cry about it; maybe a few tears. it just makes me feel not real, dissociate? not sure how to use that term but i think that’s what it is. i shake thinking about it rn, why did he do this to me and hurt me like this

[sugarlove1605]

jst let out all my feelings and now i have to let them linger in me for hours until thingy gets back

the emotions frustrate me so much

[sugarlove1605]

2009

[sugarlove1605]

AAAAA THE VOICES AAAA A AAAAA A THEYRE COMING

[sugarlove1605]

You’re being groomed by the internet, and it will be a while before you fully realize the damage it has done. Stop following porn blogs and block them instead.

ty i know now

[sugarlove1605]

do you fart

yes

[sugarlove1605]

i wish my account wasn’t counted as explicit i’m past all that shit now i jst want somewhere to vent

[sugarlove1605]

it just saddens me and i wish i cherished those moments more

i never knew it would end so sudden

[sugarlove1605]

i miss my dad, but i don’t miss him

i miss how he used to be, before i hit puberty and when everything was all nice and innocent, whilst my parents were still happy together

i hate the term “daddy issues” because of the sexual connotations it can have but i have it so bad

i miss my dad so much and the fun we used to have together. it’s not like i don’t see him or anything my parents have even custody but it’s not my dad of 2009

i get jealous of people who have stable healthy fun relationships with their dads for obvious reasons

closet father figure i have is my boyfriend closest male role model too

i just miss my dad man

[sugarlove1605]

looking back and thinking about me when i was a child feels like a completely different person. like that’s me, that is me. i feel so different to how i was when i was a child. maybe it’s because i know more about the world, or certain events that happened to me have changed my outlook.

i miss being a child being so pure, i miss my biggest anxiety being a little maths quiz or something. i wish i didn’t know about all the bad things in the world. the world is horrible, evil place. i want to be pure again. i want my dad to feel like my dad again. he doesn’t feel like my dad anymore. i want a dad

i miss going to my grandparents every day after school it was so fun it feels like my whole community where i grew up has also grown up or drifted away. i miss the small events that would happen and there would be so many people there so many friends from the same area. it really felt like a community it was some of the best times of my life.

i guess we all grew up though, i’d really do anything to go back and relive it all. primary was the best times of my life things just seemed to go downhill after that.

i was so happy literally no worries in the world. now i have severe anxiety, struggle to leave the house and have strong symptoms of bpd or a disorder similar. i wish things didn’t go wrong, wish i never got bullied, wish my dad didn’t hurt me and i wish i was more careful when trusting people.

i’d do anything to be a kid again. im scared to grow up

[sugarlove1605]

hi!

[mzks1]

[ywukki]

i don't want "responsibilities" i just want to sit here and look cute