Padparadscha - Trying not to have regrets
Their bio from the volume 11 introduction page got me thinking. What is it that’s weighing on their mind so badly that the author makes note of it? Padpa has very little screen time in that volume, almost entirely dedicated to one scene within the first few chapters.
When you couple this sequence of events together with their bio, a picture starts to form. Padpa seems to regret leaving Rutile behind. Even though it’s not their fault that they left, Phos being the one who took them to the moon, they’ve always been aware of how Rutile views them and how Rutile tied their self worth to their ability to fix Padpa. Phos states that the reason they took Padpa was so Rutile wouldn’t have to work so hard, but I’d say this is only a half truth. During Padpa’s first reawakening, they briefly confided that they wish Rutile would stop, presumably for their own good. This is where the regret stems from. They feel they’re to blame for Rutile’s breakdown, having been the one to plant the idea in Phos’s head. Take a look at their night raid reunion.
Padpa’s expression says it all. Their fears came true, and their former partner is beyond recognition. There’s plenty to be said about how Rutile viewed Padpa as a goal rather than a person, but Padpa’s feelings remain the same. They care for their old partner. Possibly even more than they care about themselves. It’s hinted more than once that they see their situation as a lost cause. I don’t believe this means that they’re depressed or suicidal, but that they’ve accepted an inevitable fate. So they go along with Rutile’s obsession. Hey, it’s not like they had much room to argue with how infrequently they’re awake.
Look at the night raid to the 200 year time skip from Padpa’s perspective. They’re taken away by lunarians after being doused in poison, and the next time we see them is when Goshenite wanders into the building that’s housing them. Their corundum chunks have been removed, rendering them unconscious.
When they’re revived, the very first thing they do is request help to return to Earth. Keep in mind that gems are almost always in a state of suspended animation when shattered or missing parts, so for Padpa, meeting Rutile during the raid and making this decision hasn’t been a very long time.
It’s easy to mistake this scene as Padpa sacrificing themself to save Phos the first time you read through. In truth, Phos being there is pure coincidence. Padpa had no way of knowing what happened on Earth given how long they’ve been unconscious, and you see this when they ask Goshenite if Phos has succeeded or not.
Their true goal, as their bio states, is to try and not have regrets. They willingly give themselves back over to Rutile. Their dialogue suggesting to use the chunk as a reference isn’t made in condescension; they’re being honest. Padpa can’t help but care for Rutile despite their unhealthy connection. They didn’t even know what to do with the second chance at life that Phos gave them, especially after the mercury rendered them too fragile to move without assistance. All these factors together culminate in Padpa’s most selfless act of the series.
Of course, this doesn’t fix Rutile’s madness. I wouldn’t be surprised if Padpa expected that outcome either. Like much of the arcs in this manga, it doesn’t end happily.
Sleep well, Padpa. You were one of the few unambiguously good characters.
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