I’ve Watched Glee Too Many Times

Call me Bear!🫧 She/her🫧 I hyper fixate on a new thing every few months and sometimes I’m funny <3

[limpwristedrose]

Someone asking Luca after Shane's first season as AC on the Centaurs: "So, is it difficult with basically three captains, especially if two of them are married that must be hard to get used to.

And Luca and the other rookies being like, oh you mean the Dad-Trifecta? it's the best thing that has ever happened to us.

You loose your skates or you need help with paperwork or you're just feeling kinda sad and need a dad hug - you go Bood. he will grill you some chicken and go speak to Coach for you. You call him or Cassie if you're sick and they will pick you up and deposit you on the floor with Milo and you are their baby now. I'm 23 years old but that's my dad tho

If you're having trouble with other players, or if you're in like, a crisis? Mama Bear Ilya, will 100% get arrested for any of us and/or pick you up from the middle of nowhere any time of night. You wanna ragebait other players? He has the perception of a God and can tell from one look when a players second wife will leave him. He can also tell when you're feeling like shit mentally and he will pick you up take you to Harris farm and make you dog walk with him while throwing sweets at you. Holmberg got high sticked the other week Ilya spent like, 2 hours going through the guys Instagram with us while wine drunk and ripping his entire life to pieces with us.

and Shane? He will come early to practice for you, he will tell me things wrong with my playing I didn't know EXISTED. Boyle was in a slump Hollander turned up at our house with a fucking smoothie get your ass out of bed we're going to the rink and he will completely pull apart your playing style with such precision that's it's beautiful to watch and I'm not even mad about it. Roz will be giving a fucking captains speech about how we can do better next week and he'll fucking pipe up in the corner going, well we will if Lapointe improves his footwork Coach, we're gonna be staying late on Saturday and Wiebe is like, sounds good Hollander like COACH you can't Agree For Me and he'll just go, Shane Hollander is giving you a private lesson I don't care what you're doing cancel it

[fleabagsversion]

MyBood is a retired party boy himself, this is why he loves throwing those barbecues as an excuse to get his team together. When Ilya joins the team, they bond over the 2010s party playlists. Fast forward to their cup win, Ilya, Bood, Troy and Wyatt stay with the rookies at the club till four in the morning, because the dj plays the 2010s hits in honour of the OG party boys Ilya and Bood.

[dogpuppy]

[brokentoasterrr]

ilya posts a video on instagram with the caption “my husband and the dog he didn’t want” and it’s shane cradling anya like a baby outside the vet’s office whispering “you were so brave, honey. we’ll get you a pup cup on the drive home and you can sit in my lap while papa drives. you did such a good job when the scary lady poked you. such a good girl” and people everywhere lose their fucking minds

[shanebug]

lowkey my david and yuna hollander parenting thesis

[bambicoded]

ilyapie :)

[kaijuerotica]

ilya gets home from taking anya to the groomer and is clearly in a bad mood and shane is like "what's wrong baby?" and ilya is like "nothing i'm fine" and shane is like "was the mcflurry machine broken again" and ilya is like "yes the fucking mcflurry machine was broken again"

[tonsimonsi]

Need some fables AESOP

[letsfindouttomorrow]

My low stakes heated rivalry headcanon is that Shane 100% had a brief cameo in Crazy Rich Asians. Like maybe he was on a poster or a billboard in the background, or they briefly show one of his commercials or post-game interviews where he’s all sweaty and handsome

[sweetangelfart]

Anytime shane has to show up to airport for their roadies, he's fully dripping out in all his endorsements,(cause you better believe that Yuna went and found him brands that suit well for his texture preferences while still being high end products so they pay big bucks), one reason being his sponsorships demanding the same and two he doesn't need to spend time worrying about clothes cause he can just use whatever he gets from those brands, he knows that he's the human billboard hence he needs to be in performance mode. Voila, shane hollander pulling up to the airport in his Rolex, reebok shoes, sleek fancy looking long overcoat with a 'high threadcount' turtleneck and his Raybans looking very bit of the celebrity he is.

Ilya on the other hand, sticks to extremely well made custom tailored suits that hugs every crevice of his toned body in a way that has everyone within a 2 mile radius turn their heads and stare. He pairs them with silk shirts that are barely buttoned and oh so nonchalantly tucked into his formal pants. And my god the pants....they elongate his already long ass legs and his thighs look absolutely downright delectable. The cross hangs down his neck, the light catching it at times and it sits so beautifully against the warm tone of his skin. All the little moles that litter his abs have multiple twitter accounts dedicated to counting them.

When they start to show up together for Ottawa roadies, it's pure mayhem. Them stepping out of the Porche looking blindingly ethereal and face mogging everyone else makes headlines. The press are waiting at the airport to snap pictures of them, crowds are forming to get a glimpse of them. They trend on twitter for almost 2 days straight.

[lavenderprose]

Shane at a presser: Yeah our guys are really working hard, tonight's game was--

Arthur Pike, sitting in Hayden's lap at the next microphone, shouting: HELLO SHANE HOLLANDER

Shane: Ha, um--tonight's game was tough but we're hungry for it--

Arthur Pike, struggling out of his father's grasp: SHANE! SHANE! SHANE!

Shane, whispering: Okay, okay.

Hayden Pike, leaning into the microphone once Arthur is happily slung between both their laps: He, uh, really likes Shane.

[penandinkprincess]

given how much ilya enjoys being shirtless at home, i have a very dear image in my mind of hollanov babby copying papa and also having their lil tummy out as often as possible. literally gets home and shirt comes off IMMEDIATELY. tiny backpack off round lil tummy OUT. ilya did briefly try keeping his shirt on at all times because they were trying to teach babby "hey. we gotta wear clothes." but shane finally just let him return to his natural state because he did have the energy of a cat trapped in a t-shirt and at a certain point it was just sad to watch. babby knows pants stay on, and they're calling it good enough.

[scriptiodaemon]

"Why did you need my computer?" Shane asked, stepping into the kitchen and seeing Ilya already closing the fridge.

He hugged him from behind and put his chin on his shoulder.

"What, you hiding your lovers, Hollander?" Ilya smirked, leaning against his boyfriend's chest and tilting head back to kiss his cheek.

"Indeed. I met this nineteen-year-old European swimmer. Mmm, his shoulders," Shane said, closing his eyes in mock admiration.

"I know you are joking," Shane felt Ilya’s body tense in his grip.

“And another one. Underwear model,” he continued casually, pretending not to notice what Ilya was saying.

"Tell me you're joking," a flicker of panic appeared in Ilya's voice.

"And the third... he is a musician. Piano player. Y'know, his fingers..."

Shane couldn’t finish, because Ilya slipped out of his embrace only to turn around quickly and cup Shane’s face in his hands.

"Блядь. Is it real? Am not enough for you. Блядь. I knew, we are so far..."

And Shane laughed.

"Shane Hollander."

He laughed so hard his stomach started hurting.

“Ah, you asshole,” Ilya groaned, sounding almost devastated, and shut him up by crashing their mouths together in a deep kiss.

Shane kept giggling into the kiss, but when Ilya’s tongue slid deeper, he shivered with sudden arousal and gasped. A few minutes into the kiss, Shane felt Ilya’s hands gripping his ass and moaned.

"Fuck. I will show you, that you don't need anyone else," Ilya murmured against his mouth before lifting Shane easily, as if he didn’t weigh 200 Ibs. Shane wrapped his legs around Ilya’s waist while he stumbled toward the bedroom, never breaking the kiss.

ff: 5 times when Shane realized how smart Ilya is + 1 time when the world did too

[snowsmoked]

The longest ongoing argument between Shane and Ilya is who made the first move. Their friends and teammates have learned to never ask that question or they'll argue about it for hours.

"So, how did you two meet?" That was fine, safe territory.

They both answered the same way, "a parking lot in Saskatchewan when we were 17."

But, the question, "so who made the first move?" Unsafe territory, turn back now.

"You introduced yourself to me!"

"That wasn't making a move! You organized a whole photoshoot."

"You shook my hand, twice! You looked me up and down!"

"I did not!"

"You had a crush on me."

"You had a crush on me!"

"You called me a hot player to watch."

"I did not and you know that, Rozanov."

"My English wasn't good."

"You - okay, draft night?"

"What about it? Oh, when you kept staring at my cock?"

"No! When you kept touching my hand and had your legs all spread in front of me!"

"You were staring at me."

"You winked at me."

"You took water bottle."

"Because you told me to!"

"Well, you were blushing on photoshoot."

"You called me pretty, twice!"

"You were laughing!"

"So were you!"

"Because you kept looking at me like - like that!"

"You told me you organized the shoot!"

"You agreed to it! You wanted to see me again."

"You starting jerking off at me in the shower!"

"Only because you were checking out my ass!"

"I was not!"

"Yes, you were! I would not do that if you were not checking me out!"

"You asked for my room number!"

"You waited for me to come out of the shower - I gave you time to leave!"

"I was drying my hair."

"You were waiting for me."

"I was not, I just wanted to talk!"

"Talk! You wanted to talk to hot Russian you invited to your room at night?"

"Yes!"

"You were on your knees in five seconds!"

"You kissed me!"

[iwrotemrtambourineman]

things ilya is always thinking about at least a little bit

Getting shane to do drugs in the bathroom with him

How to use the current situation to commit metaphorical suicide

His mom

How much he fucking hates losing at hockey like genuinely hates it and it makes him feel sick every time he sees everyone treat him like the laughing stock he knows he is because even though he was the second best in the league and the best captain (key word was) he can’t lead the centaurs to victory it kills him a little more and theres a part of him that wishes his dad was still alive so he could get a phone call after every loss to validate how terrible he is

Shane bouncing on it

[iwrotemrtambourineman]

things shane is always thinking about at least a little bit

Getting ilya to quit smoking

Which drills the metros third line needs to do to at least not embarrass him

His diet

They know oh my god they can tell everyone can tell it was a fools errand to even pretend that they couldn’t tell they can all tell and everyone is laughing behind his back because they thing he doesn’t know that they all know because he cant let them know he knows but oh my god they all know

Bouncing on it

[madebymothman]

Another sweatsuit Ilya because thinking about this while high last night made me laugh

[twocloudsinthesky]

The whole Fat Baby Shane thing made me convinced Shane and Ilya have the biggest fattest babies ever. I don't care if they adopt or have a surrogate or Shane gets pregnant I just know their kids end up being monster babies and it would be insane except theyre both big beefy hockey players so the babies look almost normal when theyre held by them. The internet has a field day comparing pictures of Ilya holding them(in which they look like slightly bigger than normal babies) and Yuna holding them(in which the babies look like an area 51 project). Shane and Ilya still think theyre so little and honestly not heavy at all(see: big beefy hockey players) so theyre completely confused when anyone mentions that theyre gigantic. When Ilya does recognize that theyre like 95th percentile babies he is very proud